It has been eight years since the Alicorn Civil War, and Equestria can still feel the scars of the war for the heavens. Eight-year-old Glacial Zero has just earned his cutie mark and a whole new set of memories to go with them. Now, he must make sense of a future that may not be certain and a special talent that most would deem unnatural.
This story is inspired by "Life Finds a Way" and "Dawn's New Day."
This story, like those that inspired it, is RGRE.
This story is as far out of my comfort zone as structurally possible; feedback and thoughts are welcomed.
Chapters (4)
Before I go further, two things. You need to proof read these better. Strangely misspelled or missing words are all over your story. Broken quotation marks happen too often.
Tuft. Tuft of what? Where? Not sure that word is what you mean.
Secondly, it would really help if you described things visually more. I don't think you went into any detail about the colors, tribes or cutie marks of Glacial's friends. It also doesn't hurt to mention parts of a character's appearance to reinforce what they look like to the reader. We need you to visualize the scenes and characters for us.
You have something really cool here, can't wait to see more ! ~~
Fun story I do like the concept of a elementmancer for a pegasus, reminds me of FoE the Last Sentinel being a Ice Mage. Through I suspect the HiE element, see that you could remove anything about his past life and the story still being functional as a story, it suggest to me that is just a tacked in to get more readership, A bit sneaky, but it got me to reading. I am curious to see where this goes. I wonder why the weather pony was so hostel about Glacial's power a simple colt, what makes them so suspicious compared to Ponyville ponies?
TFTC. It's nice, Looking forward to more.
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Well, when you live through the rise of Nightmare Moon, suspicion will be second nature. lol.
I also promise that the human thing will play into the story the deeper it goes.
Wait... is Freya going to become a wendigo?
Why do i have a feeling that some time in the future glacial wil accidentally freeze himself solid for a thousand years?
Well, I'm intrigued.
Did you mean cryomancy instead of necromancy?
Mmm hamburger 🍔🤤
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I think that's because of the title, and I also think that.
Well damn. Solid world building, good dialog written in an older time period style, a unique take on talents. This is a really strong start.
Though you might want to consider adding the human tag.
Love the story can’t wait to see more!!!
I thought ice control was Cryomancy? Necromancy is death-related magic.
Some odd punctuation, but your verbiage delights me, and the content fascinated me. You have my interest.
Good story, fun to read, mysteries to solve and a pretty unique time period to start off in. I look forward to more of this as it comes out. Not much else to say tho as it's still early.
It is in need of an editor, however, and I would have offered to to do it in post, but I have too much on my hooves already.
Keep up the good work!
Great story thus far, but you should consider seeking editors, maybe from the FimFiction discord or one of its associated groups. You’ve been swapping tense and the verbage is a little off sometimes. It’s readable, but editing goes a long way in making your story shine and re-reading an edited work before publishing can help you see things you may have missed. Still, I need to read every word of this. Thanks for publishing!