Open for Art Commissions. I write horror. I write gay. I write gay horror. GAAAAAAAAAAYYYY
Always follow mandated Equestrian Family Values
CWs: Homophobia, Implied Violence, Blood
Written for the Thousand Words Contest III in the Horror Category
Edited by EileenSaysHi
Preread by The Sleepless Beholder, Dewdrops on the Grass, and Aklinstar
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Well-written, a sort of fridge horror that implies far more than it states, during Pride Month, no less. Well done, as usual, Otter!
THAT WAS FREAKING INSANE!!!! If you're going for Bradbury, you've nailed Bradbury, my friend! Awesome read!
This kind of reminds me of a web comic I think it was called Everything is fine. But yeah, this is a pretty great story.
Honestly, you always seem to give LGBTQ+ related concepts the golden touch with your stories, and it fascinates me. Wonderful way of introducing such a horrific and realistic concept into Equestria using equally horrific and incredibly fantastical means of consequence.
It's amazing how many people liked this kind of nonsense.
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Thank you, sir. Truly I never would have found out that I wrote nonsense without someone so cool and awesome to tell me. I will keep that in mind going forward. Have a lovely evening.
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no problem. I am always ready to open other people's eyes to the fact that they are doing nonsense.
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Oh my goodness! You actually took that at face value. That’s hilarious. Never change.
This story genuinely made me go, "holy shit!" when I read it. It's powerful stuff, and shows what kind of awful dystopia this would be. Utterly heartbreaking.
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especially for you, next time I will attach the following picture to such messages:
i.postimg.cc/3xLLRjSS/a29c7cad9455c0d8eb97917f6214a3e5.jpg
Sucks that the weirdos found it, but I gotta give my praise anyway. It's amazing to me that you were able to imply such a deeply horrifying world in just 1000 words, and also have it be so sadly realistic. Great work, love your writing ^v^
I'm of kinda mixed mind about this one. On the plus it is well written and compelling. But it doesn't really have much to do with MLP, to the point that I wonder if the pony might be holding it back somewhat. Having characters we know does usually save some characterization time, but they aren't really the characters we know.
Basically it is good fiction, I just wonder if being fanfiction does anything for it.
Chilling and unsettling, what a nice story
This reminds me of the 2002 movie, Equilibrium. It's hard to create a meaningful story in 1,000 words but this is something.
The cameras in the homes really sells how little control they have of their own lives.
Boy, ain’t this topical with recent events.
Anyways this is utterly horrifying, good job. I don’t really know if I have anything else to say, that cold, chilling, clinical style works very well for this story.
Well, that was a ghastly read.
Excellent, and unfortunately kind of timely, work.
Great job! You did well building out this horrible world in a thousand words. Regarding what making this a pony fic brings to this, I think using the characters you did implied a lot about the world and allowed you to leave things unsaid, and it also allows you to show the story to a particular audience (some of whom clearly need to see more stories like it).
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I have opposite thoughts that spring from a similar place. While it's probably unnecessary to have a blow-by-blow prequel explaining how Equestria ended up in this state, I would love to read an expansion that leaves clues as to how Equestria fell into 1984 with extra homophobia. Did all Equestria fall or just the bubble of Canterlot? Etc…
However, such snippets would've taken up words that aren't available in a 1000-word contest—ideas for another story, not to shove into this one. IMO, the best stories make one start imagining sequels.
Well, that was pretty mess up. Great little read, got uncomfortable chills just reading it, in a good way I mean.
Spotted this one in the Featured list. It's stark and unapologetic in what it is in its condemnation of bigotry and authoritarianism. People will say that this sort of thing is alarmist and unrealistic... those people probably need to take a closer look at what's happening around them.
Also see it's getting downvoted to hell and back. I'd just take it to mean that you're pissing off the right people.
Good work, man.
The constant smiling reminds me of We Happy Few--probably just about as dystopian a world, too. Excellent story, Otter.
This was well written, especially since you managed to cram all of that into just a thousand words, but personally I thought that the setting was depicted as being so extreme that it fell into absurdity and couldn't really take it seriously. Especially the bit right at the start with the surveillance camera in the kitchen ensuring compliance with the state-mandated fried breakfast which was just deeply silly.
'Wow! This story has 20+ dislikes on it! It must be really bad! I think I'll read it and find its terrible, horrible flaws!'
(Mockingbirb reads the story.)
Well, I guess some people who want to try to ru(i)n other people's lives don't like when someone parodies them and makes fun of them, and they use their little dislike buttons.
Have you considered that you might have gotten fewer dislikes if your story was actually bad, instead of good?
I'm putting all of this in a spoiler, because I went pretty deep into themes that might be spoilery.
In a way, this isn't really a pony story. The characters could have been humans (or insert species of your choice), and for the most part would have worked the same. The real difference is that pretty much every reader on this site knows Twilight quite well, and Shining Armor to some degree. While the little snippets we get of him seem about right, Twilight... she's despondent, passive, and reclusive, a combination we really only see in her worst moments in the show. And this story implies that she's like that most days in this 'verse.
This is what happens when you live in a system that would want nothing more than to crush you out of existence (or make an example of you or keep you around as justification for less popular decisions). If you can't flee or bribe your way into an exception, you have to hide that part of yourself from the world. Don't forget about anything eye-catching, either, as getting attention is just another step closer to getting caught.
In the end, what happens is true of any authoritarian system: you either conform to the cookie cutter those in power place upon you, either stretching out beyond comfort to fill the mold or excising parts of yourself just to fit in. Those that rebel, even if just by living their true selves, are either remolded by force, like that unnamed mare, or exterminated, like Shining.
To finish, there is the matter of Flash Sentry. He doesn't get much characterization in canon (and I haven't seen anything EQG), so I'll just talk about the position he's in. He's in a job where he enforces the rules that persecute those like him, and he has a real hatred of the system for this. Why he has the job, to hide, to try and change things from within, maybe present a softer hoof to those caught, we don't know. I do fear that he might fall into self hatred for not being to do much, which would be catastrophically bad in combination with Twilight's depression.
Very long comment, but breaking down the deeper themes of a story like this takes a bit. I'll just end with this sentiment: is 'family values' what you're really working for when you tear apart healthy families and force the pieces into your own view of the perfect family?
This was a good and thought-provoking read. Reminds me a lot of “The Order” but with more themes of homophobia than racism and classism. Only thing I’d like to know is what happened to make system like this occur in the first place?
I'm mostly just confused as to why the tentacle monster has hands
The dislike button is easily the worst feature on this site. Click the like button if you enjoyed the story. Click the dislike button if you hate queer people. Even bad and poorly written stories hardly get dislikes, 'cause people just jump shop without bothering to click either. Dislikes could be removed from the site entirely and it'd be no worse for it.
Loved the story by the way!
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Excuse me?
It's written well, but this is not a pony story. It's a Statement. It uses a thin coat of pony paint to tell some really basic moral of the author and bait likes from the people who agree. It's very disappointing that you chose to write this over a real story.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s well written, very well written actually! But I just don’t see this happening in a society like Equestria.
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You do realize the story has a 1000 word limit, yeah? Meaning that some of the greater context might've been taken out in the process of smoothing it down to the 1000 word limit? Which might, say, include context that makes it clearer how it's a pony story?
What makes this a horror story, beyond just the fact that a world like this genuinely is dystopic and terrible, and would be awful for everyone save a select few at the top, is the fact that it's especially heinous for it to happen to a world as rich, colorful, accepting, and kind as Equestria. If this story was divorced of its pony context, it would still depict a terrible world, but IMO it would not hit nearly as hard. At least not for me.
A story that uses our knowledge of MLP's setting and character to grimly subvert expectations and add weight to a dark narrative? Absurd, too different from the show. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to read a story where Anon conquers RGRE-Equestria and makes a harem of mentally enslaved alicorns.
It's amazing to me that this story is what makes people say it can't be a pony story, and not a million other AUs out there.
A great, short, but brilliant read that uses us knowing the characters as an advantage in telling the narrative.