"There was a snake among th' hired hooves. I shoulda known it, Apple Bloom. I'm so sorry. I shoulda seen it in his Lunadamned eyes--but I didn't! When I left you, I followed him. I was gonna make him pay. I was gonna fix it. I was gonna make it better. I had a gun and I was faster than 'em... How do I explain it? I'm so sorry, Apple Bloom. But it's a hard thing to make a choice, it's such a final kinna thing, y'know? I didn't know what to do. The pistol was hot and heavy in my grip an' I..."
Chapters (1)
Interesting... will read later.
I RECOGNIZE THAT PICTURE!
placed on top of the read later list.
Might want to clear that up...
Well then, that was quite the story. For what it's worth I think AJ made the right choice. But that back story, it's so terrible. Poor, poor Apple Bloom.
1626080 Literally 15-30% of Razed's editing involves making me change words to be more pony.
1626261
It's ok. It's better than having to stop yourself from saying "hoof me that wrench" and instead say hand... I'm not really that bad, but that's only because I think both at the same time and can pick out the right one to say.
Mark my words, one of these days I'll say the wrong one, and I'll be like
Seriously. No joke. I'm really worried that will happen.
1626261
I'm about to read it. I swear, if I see spaces after em dashes and unspaced ellipsis, you're cupcakes
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/212/234/a1075db07530f2a8de4e953193d4c3d3.?1323030054
Finally got around to reading this one, and it was... interesting. Not as violent as I was expecting, or I'm just a desensitized lost soul. Who knows? Anyways, the writing itself was great, as per usual, and I caught only two minor spelling errors. The way you portrayed the final scene was fantastic. I'm glad Applejack made the choice that she did, as I know it wasn't the one I would've chosen. Well done, my good man.
I gotta little sister. Really makes you think. I'm not sure I could remain unsoiled in the end. But you never know. Love the tension, even though the premise makes me
.
1677723 Thanks. Yeah, it's unpolished. I didn't wanna bother anyone at the time, though some of it was me looking over and just being blind. I like this one more than I let on.
1787991 It did have an interesting premise. I think you pulled it off well enough. I still can't figure out how exactly AJ would be able to load and fire a gun.
I just assumed it was one made for equines by equines.
1788725 I used the FOE idea that they carry guns in their mouths and fire with the tongue. Which is silly, but that is why being an earth pony in FOE is the worst idea ever. :3
1789053 Yeah, I can see that, I suppose. It would depend on the caliber on whether or not you'd lose teeth when the gun is fired. Unicorns could presumably just levitate the gun in front of them. I am probably just over-thinking this, however.
1789089 Unicorns are the heroes and heroines of most FOE fics for exactly that reason--levitation. I assume it would be the same in both worlds--Earth ponies and Pegasi would be better with melee weapons or have to use what is called (I kid you not) a battle saddle. It's a gun mounted on a sturdy saddle like thing with a rigged up system thingie to reload it and a bit kind of in front of them and right below their chins with a button to fire that they have to bit down on.
Guns are weird with hooooves
1789135 That's really interesting. And weird. But mostly interesting.
Awww, I thought I came up with the 'fifth leg' colloquialism. *pout*
Lovely work overall. It occurs to me that my own story about AJ's parents would have done better with flashbacks about her dad, reading the scene you did with that.
2699412 I muchly enjoyed writing that flashback.
TRAGEDY!
THIS IS A
TRAGEDY!
(DRINK PEPSI)
TRAGEDY!
P.S.--liked it, though!
5903412 I stole shamelessly from Cain and Abel
5910677
Cain and Abel were brothers born.
(Koop-la! Come along, cows!)
One raised cattle and one raised corn.
(Koop-la! Come along! Co-hoe!)
And Cain he farmed by the river-side,
So he did not care how much it dried.
For he banked, and he sluiced, and he ditched and he led
(And the Corn don't care for the Horn) --
A-half Euphrates out of her bed
To water his dam' Corn!
But Abel herded out on the plains
Where you have to go by the dams and rains.
It happened, after a three-year drought,
The wells, and the springs, and the dams gave out.
The Herd-bulls came to Cain's new house
(They wanted water so! -- )
With the hot red Sun between their brows,
Sayin' "Give us water for our pore cows!"
But Cain he told 'em -- "No!"
The Cows they came to Cain's big house
With the cold white Moon between their brows,
Sayin' "Give some water to us pore cows!"
But Cain he told 'em -- "No?"
The li'l Calves came to Cain's fine house
With the Evenin' Star between their brows,
Sayin' "'Give us water an' we'll be cows!"
But Cain he told 'em -- "No!"
The Herd-bulls led 'em back again,
An' Abel went an' said to Cain: --
"Oh, sell me water, my brother dear,
Or there will be no beef this year."
And Cain he answered -- "No!"
"Then draw your hatches, my brother true,
An' let a little water through."
But Cain he answered: -- "No!
"My dams are tight an' my ditches are sound,
An' not a drop goes through or round
Till she's done her duty by the Corn.
"I will not sell, an' I will not draw,
An' if you breach, I'll have the Law,
As sure as you are born!"
Then Abel took his best bull-goad,
An' holed a dyke on the Eden road.
He opened her up with foot an' hand,
An' let Euphrates loose on the land.
He spilled Euphrates out on the plain,
So's all his cattle could drink again.
Then Cain he saw what Abel done --
But, in those days, there was no Gun!
So he made him a club of a hickory-limb,
An' halted Abel an' said to him: --
"I did not sell an' I did not draw,
An' now you've breached I'll have the Law.
"You ride abroad in your hat and spurs,
Hell-hoofin' over my cucumbers!
"You pray to the Lord to send you luck
An' you loose your steers in my garden-truck:
"An' now you're bust, as you ought to be,
You can keep on prayin' but not to me!"
Then Abel saw it meant the life;
But, in those days, there was no Knife:
So he up with his big bull-goad instead,
But -- Cain hit first and dropped him dead!
The Herd-bulls ran when they smelt the blood,
An' horned an' pawed in that Red Mud.
The Calves they bawled, and the Steers they milled,
Because it was the First Man Killed; -
An' the whole Herd broke for the Land of Nod,
An' Cain was left to be judged by God!
But, seein' all he had had to bear,
I never could call the Judgment fair!
--Rudyard Kipling
Huh. If this was an American court, we'd hear something about how society was to blame and that he deserves the full leniency of the court, and then have to put up with his countersuit against AJ for "defamation of character and pain and suffering". I can imagine it now..."I would have turned myself in, Your Honor, really I would have; she had no reason to come after me in the first place, let alone with a gun! She's a barbarian who stole my ability to work from me, sniff sniff sob sob."
Hopefully Celestia's Justice is more unforgiving.
Me? I woulda kneecapped him and left him for the Timberwolves.
7131448 I actually am in Law School now! Criminal law twice a week.
Leniency is a part of American Criminal Law, but not in the way you are thinking. He's dead to rights. He's done for--no evidence or witnesses on his side, nothing to shield himself from his swift and sure Justice. It would be that way in America too. Rape? Statutory rape, even?
He's screwed.
7131891 Oh, I have no doubt that the LAW is blatantly clear. It's the people who we trust to administer due and proper judgement I gots the beef with.
For example...
This guy...
Cyne I'm reading pretty much everything, what are you gonna do about it?
This was a good Applejack story, a great revenge tale, and one of the few stories that I've seen that made gunpones work.
Listening to 'Black Mirror' when I read this certainly made things interesting too.
1625734
I finally read it.
She should’ve just shot that bastard in the head and leave his corpse for the timber wolves.
9801035
And that's a valid reading of the story.