Special Illumination

by ponichaeism

CHAPTER XXIX: The Art of Rhetor-tured Logic

"Roaming Runner, why don't you take us through what happened last night, hmm?" Pasture Allfields said.

Although both Rum Runner and Starswirl stood in the open space between the benches and the judges, Rum Runner gave the unicorn and his appraising eye a wide berth.

"I was overcome," Rum Runner said to the judges, his voice distant.

Orrin Tin started to look palpably nervous as he realized his star witness was giving his testimony with as little vigor as usual. He asked, "Heh, overcome how, exactly?"

"I was outside....then my legs carried me places."

"And, uh, what is it you were doing outside, Roaming?" Lockhorn asked.

"I can't rightly say," Rum Runner said so low he almost whispered. "Felt like a good night to take a walk."

Pasture cocked his head. "A walk?"

Rum Runner's eyes flicked to Orrin momentarily. Then the wide-eyed pony continued, "I was drawn to the window for reasons I can't rightly explain. I saw a bright glow....and I saw him." Rum Runner slowly aimed a hoof at the wizard while keeping his eyes firmly on the judges. "He was firing off magic spells."

Starswirl heard the folkmeet shift uncomfortably in their seats, almost like the hall would collapse at any moment and they were readying themselves to hightail it.

Orrin Tin said, "You see?! That weren't no science experiment he swindled y'all with, just unicorn magic."

Ah, Orrin is trying to patch up the holes that Rum Runner left in his testimony, Starswirl thought. I'll wager he coaxed Rum Runner through his entire testimony.

"It was no trick," Jack Apple announced. "I saw it--"

"Order!" Pasture shouted. "That's enough feuding and fighting, Jack and Orrin. Now, Rum Runner, you go on now."

"He was hexing and conjuring the ceiling, he was," the wide-eyed pony said. "I knew then and there that that magic experiment he been up to must've been a sham. But I must've made a noise, because he looked right at me. So's I ran as fast as I could before he could hex me too. I didn't stop till I was safe at home. First thing tomorrow, I went and talked to Orrin, because he was the pony saying about the unicorns trying to hex us that night his house went up in flames."

Starswirl stared at Pasture Allfields, at the stern, contemplative look on the elderly pony's face; reserved and harder to predict than the naked hate on Orrin's and Lockhorn's.

"May I?" Starswirl asked pleasantly.

Pasture Allfields and Lockhorn Plenty nodded, and the wizard turned to Rum Runner, who flinched and shied away.

"Now, Mister Runner....do you mind if I call you Roaming? Ah, but that's not your only name. You have a nickname, correct?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Orrin asked in a huff.

"Don't make me rethink allowing you to do this," Pasture said sternly.

Starswirl said, "Forgive me, but sometimes do our minds not play tricks on us? We see a shadow in the dark and think it's something coming for us? I ask what I ask to determine the witness's reliability."

"Are you saying he's lying?" Pasture asked.

"Not at all. Lying implies he is doing it deliberately. I only wish to ensure that his state of mind is sound, as after all, my future depends on it."

"I ain't crazy!" Rum Runner shouted. As everypony in the town hall turned to look at him, he shook his head, became aware of himself again, and cringed at his outburst.

"I never said you were," Starswirl replied.

The wizard cast an eye out over the townfolk and spotted the looks on their faces. Interesting. They, obviously, think he is crazy, at least somewhat. Rum Runner does not strike me as the type of pony who is taken seriously-- Starswirl looked at the flustered Rum Runner in a new light. Aha! When he came to Orrin, either Orrin or his own deeper mind convinced him this would be his chance for ponies in town to take him seriously. Just him, up there, saving everypony in town.

The archetypical hero, or so he believes.

What are a few harmless mistruths about a unicorn when compared to that?

"That's enough," Pasture said, "or this is over with. Are you finished with the witness?"

"My apologies," the wizard said. "I'm considering my next question. Now, Roaming, let's look at this logically: you say I used a spell to summon you out here last night. Is that correct?"

Rum Runner shifted uncomfortably on his hooves. "That's what I said."

"Yet you also said you saw a bright light, which would be the light from my spark--err, the light from my horn, that is."

"That's right."

"Yet you don't think perhaps you decided to come over here because of the light?"

"Well, I-I didn't see the light until after."

"You didn't say that the first time. Tell me honestly now, which happened first: you walked over, or you saw the light?"

"I walked over. Definitely."

"Alright, so tell me this: when is the last time you were hexed by a unicorn?"

Rum Runner looked shocked, moreso than usual. Breathlessly, he whispered, "Never."

"Hmm, curious. You say I hexed you with such certainty, yet now you admit you've never actually been on the receiving end of a unicorn's spell."

"Well, it must've been a hex. Otherwise, why would I have come over here to see--" He stopped talking, his eyes widening even further.

Starswirl seized on his mistake and asked, "See what? You just said you hadn't seen anything before you approached the window."

"Obviously it was a slip of the tongue," Orrin said. "Move on, unicorn."

The wizard asked, "Roaming, you said it was Orrin Tin you went to first, correct?"

"Orrin Tin is not on trial here," Pasture Allfields called. "You are. So it'd be mighty smart of you not to cast accusations at him."

"My apologies, sir. Roaming, you said you didn't know why you were drawn over here. Tell me, have you ever felt the urge to burst out into song?"

Rum Runner blinked. "N-no, never."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Starswirl said sympathetically. "But you've witnessed it happening, I take it?"

"Of course."

"When it happens, ponies oftentimes feel as if they're singing and moving not of their own will, as if something beyond is guiding them. Yet you now claim that is precisely what I did to you. Do you think a unicorn is responsible every time a pony sings?"

"Well, I don't think--"

Starswirl pressed him: "It's a very simple question. Do you, or do you not?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"I....don't know."

"Aha, so you admit your expertise in these matters is lacking."

"Roaming," Pasture Allfields asked, "was there any singing?"

Rum Runner shook his head at Starswirl defiantly. "There was not."

Starswirl asked, "Yet you don't deny that sometimes, similar circumstances may occur naturally?"

Sulking, Rum Runner admitted, "I suppose."

"Now remind me how it is you're so sure I cast a spell on you if you've never been under a unicorn's spell and the circumstances are similar to something which occurs naturally?"

"I saw you performing magic, though."

Starswirl nodded in agreement. "That's true, I was casting a spell. But as you can see...." He reared back and raised his forelegs to the ceiling. "....if, say, a pendulum was tied to the rafters, it'd be very hard for me to reach it, would it not?"

"....I suppose," Rum Runner said defiantly. "But that don't explain how, uh, how--"

"He's right," Orrin snapped, without bothering to let Rum Runner finish. "How else could you have made that pendulum swing round like that? It's got to be magic."

"Yes, yes," Pasture interrupted with a disbelieving eye. "You say this experiment of yours proves the world is rotating? Right now?"

Even Lockhorn Plenty's face was overcome with disbelief.

"Not merely right now," Starswirl said, "but every moment of every day."

"Aha!" Orrin shouted triumphantly. "That's a lie, because if the world is going round, how come when I jump it don't move under me?"

"Ah, I shall answer that when I am done with Roaming, if it pleases the court."

Lockhorn and Pasture shared a look, then faced Starswirl and reluctantly nodded.

Starswirl turned back to his witness. "Now, Roaming, logic dictates a pony who has something to hide will attempt to hide it. Do you think that's correct?"

Rum Runner nodded.

"If I were trying to hide my magic, why would I summon you out here then? And if I am anywhere near as powerful as you seem to think I am, why would I then be unable to stop you from escaping? Now, I've made some foolish decisions in my time, but most of those involved bad gambling wagers."

Starswirl's comment elicited a nervous chuckle from the folkmeet.

"And not one of them happened within two hundred miles of here," he continued. "So tell me, why would I have summoned you out here?"

Rum Runner drew himself upright and said down his snout, "I reckon you needed me for something. Sacrifice, maybe."

"Sacrifice you for what?"

"I don't know. I don't pry into unicorn business."

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," Starswirl said, "but sacrifice isn't very profitable. Logic dictates that only rarely do you get the repeat customers necessary to stay in business."

That quip elicited another chuckle from the crowd, louder this time.

"You fools," Orrin spat. "Can't you see he's--!"

"That's enough, Orrin," Pasture said. "And you too, Starswirl. Stop it with the jokes."

Starswirl turned to Rum Runner. "Ah, thank you, Roaming. I have no more questions, and I thank you. You've been very...." He let the pause linger for a length he calculated would appropriately communicate his double meaning to the townfolk. "....helpful."

Rum Runner shuffled back to his seat and ducked his head down low, shamed by the comment and the looks of his fellow townsponies.

"Now," Starswirl said, turning back to the judges, "I believe you wanted to know how it is the world rotates if we're not aware of it?"

Pasture Allfields and Lockhorn Plenty nodded, while Orrin Tin just seethed to himself.

Starswirl said, "Then I'll need a wagon, volunteers from the audience, and everypony to follow me outside."