– 00:01:30
The sheets on the bed rustled as Twilight shifted in her sleep. One hoof twitched idly, and the murmur of her voice broke the stillness of the library. “...didn’t know you could... Mrmm... No, Luna, don’t... Ohh... yes, better...”
The morning sun crested the hills outside Twilight’s window, bathing the side of her face in a warm glow. As with a cool mist that overstays its welcome, the sun banished the last remnants of Twilight’s dream. She yawned, blinking back sleep and stretching her limbs beneath the covers.
It had been such a nice dream. Twilight’s mind didn’t want to focus on the litany of today’s tasks just yet, so she let it wander for a moment, remembering. She and Luna, having tea at the palace. Jasmine tea. Luna was a wonderful friend. Then they’d brushed each others’ manes, and spent an evening watching the stars from the Canterlot Observatory.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful, Twilight thought, if we could be more than just friends?
Twilight blinked again. Her mind was still fuzzy. That thought made no sense. More than friends? What was that supposed to mean? Well, Twilight knew what it meant. Everypony had needs – she’d found ways of dealing with her own, so they wouldn’t interfere with her studies. But... with Luna? What would that even look like?
Twilight’s mind lurched to life like a sputtering engine kicking into gear. Images exploded in her head. Luna, kissing her under a star-filled sky. Luna, giggling at her embarrassed protests. Luna, laying her down on a warm feather mattress. Luna, stroking her hoof gently across Twilight’s–
As she lay on the bed, Twilight’s eyes grew wider and wider. A familiar warmth gripped her, fuzzing her mind once again. Twilight’s horn glowed for a moment as she levitated a pillow. She mashed it down over her mouth to keep herself from waking Spike.
+ 10:30:00
“Are you sure you’re feelin’ all right, Sugarcube? I mean, I appreciate your help with the apple fritters an’ all, but ever since we started, you’ve been acting as skittish as a sheep in a shearin’ shed.”
“Wha... Oh, it’s nothing Applejack. I just... It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
Applejack gave her a lingering, suspicious stare. Twilight tried to smile back convincingly – then again, how does somepony smile ‘convincingly’ – and after a few seconds, Applejack gave a curt nod and resumed kneading her pastry dough.
Twilight wasn’t fine, of course. She was anything but fine. How could anypony be fine when all she could think about was Luna’s tongue tickling her–
No. I am not going to put up with this anymore. I am done thinking about this. It was just a stupid dream, and a stupid idea after that stupid dream. It didn’t mean anything. I certainly don’t want Luna to... Want Luna to kiss... I mean, I don’t care how pretty her eyes are. Oh, ponyfeathers, but she has such a cute little–
“Umm, Twilight? I think you can stop choppin’ them apples now.”
She looked down. The apples were a mess, more mush than anything else. The knife quivered anxiously in a magenta aura. A thin stream of juice leaked off the edge of the cutting board and across the countertop, falling to the floor and pooling near one of Twilight’s hooves. She couldn’t suppress a nervous giggle.
“You know, maybe you’re right Applejack. I’m... I’m not feeling so great. Do you think, um, maybe you can finish these on your own?”
Applejack’s voice was quiet. “Sure thing, Sugarcube. An’ you know, if there’s ever anything that’s botherin’ you, anything at all, you can talk to me. Right?”
“Of course I know that!” Twilight did her best to sound cheerful. “There’s nothing wrong. I promise. I just... I think maybe I should go lie down.” Lie down. That familiar, unwelcome sensation of warmth surged as she heard her own words. Unwelcome, and yet so enticing. Twilight sucked in an unsteady breath. “I’ll... um... I’ll see you later, okay?”
Twilight turned for the door, moving at a quick trot. For a few moments, Applejack stared after her – and then she, too, left the kitchen, heading in an entirely different direction. Unnoticed, the knife continued its manic attempts at apple-cutting and the pool of juice slowly spread across the floor. After another twenty minutes, the glow around the knife winked out and it clattered onto the cutting board, finally sated.
+ 14:55:00
The flame of the candle danced in hypnotic patterns. Sometimes it crouched low, trembling with excitement. Other times it stretched and soared, teasing the cool air with its warmth and incandescence. There was something fascinating about fire. It was raw, unpredictable. It wasn’t even a thing, as such – just a perceptual accident. A concept given form.
How fitting, then, that she used candles now to hold back the night. For what was night, really? An arbitrary demarcation, no more real than flame, and yet filled with all the wonder and passion of–
No. Don’t think about that. Don’t think about the night. Don’t think about... Luna... Dammit.
Twilight groaned, slumping against the table that bore the candle. She felt like she’d been so close this time. So close to banishing that cursed Idea, the one that had invaded her thoughts off and on for the last fifteen hours. Her whole day had gone to waste because of that Idea. Her useless attempt to help Applejack might have been the worst of it, but she hadn’t been able to focus on anything for more than a quarter hour before the Idea intruded, turning her brain to mush and her...
The feeling of warmth returned. It was becoming as familiar as any lover.
Lover? Where had that word come from? Twilight had never had a...
The warmth intensified.
Damn it, Twilight! Just stop thinking about it!
She took a deep breath. Calm thoughts. Happy thoughts. Books. Books and writing.
Maybe she should just go to sleep. Surely that would drive out the Idea. She could write off today as a loss. A sick day. She’d have to reorganize her schedule to make up for the lost time, but if there was one thing Twilight Sparkle was good at, it was organizing a schedule.
Yes, sleep. Sleep was for the best. She could let the Idea play itself out in her dreams, where it wouldn’t torment her any longer, and then when she woke tomorrow...
Wait. Something in that thought. Dreams. Dreams and... Luna.
A torrent of realization rushed through Twilight. Sleep? That was the worst thing she could do. The absolute worst. Under no circumstances could she let herself sleep. If she fell asleep, even for a few minutes... Twilight shuddered. She couldn’t take the chance. Not until the Idea was out of her system, out of her mind.
She couldn’t risk dreaming about it.
She couldn’t take the chance that Luna might see it.
+ 21:04:57
Twilight gave a very unfilly-like snort, blinking her eyes rapidly. From the loft, she heard the sound of Spike rustling in his blankets.
Was I... did I fall asleep? She looked around the room. The candles all burned at roughly the same height she remembered. No, thank Celestia. She must have nodded off for a moment, but not long enough to start dreaming. She was still safe.
One of her hooves bumped against something on the table.
The table? Yes. I was sitting at the table, and I was... Twilight looked down and saw an inkpot, along with two pages scrawled in still-wet ink. Of course. She had been writing. What better way to clear out an idea than to let yourself explore it fully, in the safety of the written word? No Luna peeking into her dreams. No more moping about Ponyville too addle-brained to think straight. And no more... well... um...
There was that warmth again, starting in the lower half of her body and slowly spreading. Twilight cursed her undisciplined thought process.
No more of that. Clearly that hadn’t helped expunge the Idea the first six times, and Twilight saw no reason to think it would start helping now.
But stories! She loved stories. If Twilight could just channel the Idea into a story and fully explore it that way, it would finally leave her alone. It had to. She blinked again, fighting back a yawn. Her thoughts were starting to dance in circles.
Writing. She needed to write. “Okay then,” she muttered to the silent library. “How far have I gotten?”
My Night with Luna,
by Twilight SparkleIt was well after sunset, by the time I arrived at Luna’s suite in the castle. I didn’t know why she’d summoned me, but I could hardly turn down an invitation from a princess. The hallway leading to her quarters was strangely devoid of guards. I couldn’t remember seeing this section of the palace so empty before. The sound of my hooves clopping against the marble of the corridor echoed eerily.
When I reached the door to Luna’s apartments, I found that it had been left ajar. Warily, I poked my head inside. “Princess? Are you here? I came like you asked.”
A voice echoed from further into the apartment. “Is that thou, Twilight Sparkle? Please, come in and shut the door behind thee.”
I did as she asked, but Luna didn’t appear to greet me. Nor did she say anything further. This all seemed so very strange. Eventually, after five or six minutes standing in the princess’s foyer, my nerves got the better of me.
“Umm... Princess Luna? Why did you want to see me?”
I thought I heard a faint creaking sound. “Well... Umm. I wondered if perhaps thou couldst assist me with a problem I’ve been having. If thou wouldst come and join me?”
“O-okay.” I felt a bit of foreboding as I moved toward Luna’s voice. But Luna was my friend. Surely there was no reason to be scared of her. Still, when I found the room beyond the foyer dark as midnight, I couldn’t keep myself from shuddering a little.
Luna must have been able to see me silhouetted in the doorway. “Close the door, Twilight Sparkle. I have something I’d like to show thee.”
With no little trepidation, I pulled this door shut as well, leaving me alone with Luna’s voice in the inky blackness. And then, I began to notice them. Scattered about the room were myriad soft points of light, like little stars hanging suspended from the walls and ceiling. My eyes adjusted slowly, drinking in the faint illumination. I must have made some sort of sound, because I heard Luna giggle in response. “Dost thou like them, Twilight Sparkle? I have been working on this spell for the last week.”
“They're beautiful,” I sighed. “Amazing. Is this what you wanted my help with, Princess? I don’t know that I can offer much, though. As far as I can tell, this spell looks... perfect.” My voice seemed to tremble a little, saying that. I didn’t really understand why.
“Umm. No. I wanted thy help with something... rather different, actually.”
My eyes were finally beginning to adjust to the low light. Enough to pick out Luna’s form, anyway. She was lying on a wide bed with sheets that seemed to reflect the starlight. And she was staring at me with deep, unblinking eyes. My heart began to thump a little louder.
Luna’s voice was quiet and tremulous, “Twilight Sparkle... No, Twilight. Wouldst thou be willing to... kiss me?”
“Oh, for pony’s sake,” Twilight muttered. The warmth was back, and particularly insistent this time. “That wasn’t even erotic! What the hoof is wrong with me?”
She needed to finish writing out this damned Idea. She needed to get it out of her head. And that wasn’t going to happen if she kept churning out stale, romantic prose instead of getting to the feathered point.
One of her hooves moved, not entirely of her own volition, and her mind fuzzed into static for a moment. She let out a quiet gasp, and turned frightened eyes on the loft above.
Twilight bit her lip nervously. Spike was asleep. As long as she was quiet. Writing could wait for six or seven more minutes, right?
+ 28:45:00
Quills and Sofas. Quills and Sofas. Twilight needed more quills. Don’t think about the sofas.
Saddlebags empty at her side, she trotted toward the store. A yawn rushed by and overtook her, and she had to stop for a moment to cover her mouth. She had been awake for well over a day, now, and she could feel the need to sleep creeping up on her like some hungry dragon.
The store. All she needed were a few new quills, and then she could go back to the library and continue writing. And then the Idea would leave, and she’d be able to rest in peace.
A rustling in the bushes near the roadway tugged at her attention, but she didn’t look around. She had a mission. This was no time for curiosity.
“I see what you mean, darling. She looks absolutely dreadful.”
The voice was quiet, surely not meant for her ears, but Twilight knew it so well that the voice was easy to separate from the clamor of Ponyville. It tugged at her attention. She knew it had to be talking about her. But this was one time she did not want to learn more about the magic of friendship.
“I dunno, you guys. She doesn’t look any different from how I look in the morning.”
“Um. I think Rarity’s right. I mean... probably.”
“‘course she is, Sugarcube. Rainbow’s just got no notion of how a proper filly ought to behave. Hey, has anypony seen where...”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed with every word, and it was a relief to finally slip out of earshot. She tried to remind herself that they meant well, but–
“Hi there, Twilight!”
Pinkie Pie sprang from the bushes alongside the road and bounced over to join her.
Well, at least it’s only Pinkie. She’s usually pretty easy to deal with.
“So-ooo... What’s wrong with you!?”
Twilight pulled up short, taking the time to shoot the other pony an annoyed glare before continuing along the road. “Nothing is wrong with me, Pinkie. I’m fine. I just want to do some shopping and go home.”
“I dunno... Everypony else thinks there’s something wrong with you.” Pinkie bounced in front of her, forcing Twilight to halt. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She leaned in, squinting at Twilight like a bird examining a worm.
“Yes, Pinkie, I’m sure.” Twilight couldn’t keep the exasperation out of her voice as she tried to push past.
Pinkie let her do so, and resumed walking along beside Twilight. “No, I think they got you. Applejack told us you were acting funny yesterday, and Rarity’s right – you do look pretty beat up. But what I wanna know is, why are your legs all wobbly?”
Why are my... Come to think of it, Twilight did feel a little unsteady on her hooves this morning. She’d gone without sleep this long before, and the fatigue was definitely starting to cloud her senses a little, but going weak in the knees? Twilight had no recollection of that particular effect. “I just... it’s nothing, Pinkie. I just have a lot of work I need to do today. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
“More work for the princess?” Pinkie sounded disappointed. “If she didn’t give you so much to do, you’d be able to to sleep with her.”
Twilight’s legs suddenly felt a lot wobblier. “P-P-PINKIE! What the hoof are you saying?”
Pinkie stared at Twilight in confusion, then repeated herself. “If she didn’t give you so much to do, you’d be able to sleep better. I know, I know, you’re her student and all. But sometimes it seems like the princess is just taking advantage of you.”
Taking advantage of me. Princess. And right on cue, there was that tantalizing warmth. Oh no. No no no no no. Not again.
Legs unsteady or not, Twilight launched herself toward the store at a gallop.
+ 41:19:00
Forty-one hours and nineteen minutes. That was how long had passed since the Idea wormed its way into her head, now. Forty-one hours and nineteen minutes since the last time she’d trusted herself to sleep.
Twilight fought back a yawn while her quill scritched across the half-full page in front of her. Twenty-two more lay nearby, covered in her thin, quick scrawl. Twenty-two and a half pages, of words that nopony could ever be allowed to see.
Forty-one hours and nineteen minutes. Twenty-two and a half pages. About two ponies. And one desperately humiliating Idea.
Counting helped her stay awake.
“C’mon, Twilight. Turn out the lights and come to bed already.” Spike’s restless voice echoed down from the library’s second floor. “Whatever’s got you so upset, it’s nothing a little sleep can’t fix.”
Twilight gave a bitter laugh. If only that were true. “Just a little longer, Spike. I promise.” Just a little longer. She was at the juicy bit, now. A couple more pages and all her problems would be solved.
Luna bent forward, touching her horn to mine and kissing me with all the passion of a warm summer night. Her scent, like blooming lilacs, filled me and surrounded me.
“Oh Princess,” I moaned, my eyes rolling back in ecstasy. “Ohhh, Luna...”
There was a rustling sound as the sheets moved and she maneuvered atop me. The light of the moon cascaded through her starry mane as she began to knock on the door.
What? Twilight stared down at the page. She felt like somepony was stuffing her brain full of cotton balls.
Again, a knock sounded against the library’s door. Overhead, Spike grumbled something unintelligible.
Who in Equestria wants to talk to me at this time of night? She stood and made her way to the entrance, bumping against her work table as she went. It took a few seconds of bleary-eyed fumbling before she could open the door to the library.
“Twilight! Oh, I’d hoped my intuition was wrong, but when I saw the lights on in the library... Darling, you positively must tell me what’s the matter.” Rarity marched inside, a scarf around her neck and a pot of delicious-smelling coffee floating in the air behind her.
Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Did Applejack put you up to this? Or Pinkie? I thought I told her not to... wait, izzat coffee?”
“Of course it is, darling. You could hardly expect your dear friend Rarity to leave you in such an obvious state of distress without offering her assistance, now could you?” The white unicorn levitated a pair of mugs out of one of the cabinets and trotted to the table where Twilight had been writing.
The sound of footfalls on the library steps announced Spike’s arrival. “What’re you doing here, Rarity? It’s the middle of the night.” The baby dragon’s jaw creaked as his mouth opened in a monstrous yawn.
“I can’t truly say that I know,” Rarity replied as she poured out two cups of steaming coffee. “But when I saw Twilight shopping for new quills this morning, it was obvious from the state of her hair that she didn’t sleep last night. And then she never appeared for our appointment at the spa this afternoon! How could anypony miss a chance at a hooficure, unless something truly dire was happening?”
Twilight rubbed a hoof against her temple. Had she really forgotten to meet Rarity? Well, maybe. “I... Um... I’m sorry, Rarity? But, uh... I'm fine. I am. Thank you for the coffee, and why don’t you head home and get some sleep.”
“Oh, nonsense, darling. I’m here to help!” A mug of the aromatic brew floated toward Twilight. She snagged it from the air and took a grateful sip, feeling some much-needed energy and a very different type of warmth flowing into her. Rarity patted a seat at the table and motioned for Twilight to join her. “Now, why don’t you tell me what’s troubling you?”
Instinctively, Twilight’s eyes went to the pages of text sitting on the table a few feet from Rarity. She regretted the reaction immediately.
Rarity, always with a keen observer’s eye, noticed the look Twilight gave the sheets of parchment. “Mmm. Something to do with these, then?” She reached out with one hoof to pull the pages closer.
“No! I mean...” Panic-stricken, Twilight’s horn flared to life and the pages levitated away from Rarity. To somewhere safe. Like the high shelf above the fireplace that Spike couldn’t reach. “I mean, those don’t have anything to do with it. Actually, there’s no problem at all!” Twilight laughed nervously.
“That’s not true, Twilight. You haven’t slept in two days now.” Spike plopped himself down beside Rarity, stuffing one claw over his mouth to cover another yawn. “And I haven’t seen you write this much since that time you tried to convince Princess Celestia to make the life of Star Swirl the Bearded a required part of the third-grade curriculum for all colts and fillies.”
Rarity sipped at her coffee. “Star Swirl the who, dear?”
Twilight had to finish the story. She had to finish. She took a long swallow from her own mug, burning her mouth – but by Celestia, the pain would help keep her awake! “It’s nothing. I promise. I'll be fine. Now why don’t you go back to bed, Spike, and I’ll see Rarity out.”
“Nah, I wanna hear what’s got you in such a tizzy. Not like I’m gonna get much sleep with you scratching away down here all night, anyway.”
“Spike...” Twilight growled. “How would you like it if I told Rarity about the picture you keep under your pillow?”
Rarity blinked. “Twilight? Are you sure you're well? Why ever would Spike care if I knew about—”
But Spike was already on his feet, as solicitous a host as ever, thanking Rarity for her kindness and consideration and ushering her toward the library door.
“Wait, but what about Twilight? She’s distressed! She needs me! Spikey, why are you—”
“—was so nice that you came to visit us, Rarity. You’re such a wonderful friend. But you really should be getting home, don’t you think? It’s late, and you need your beauty sleep. I mean, what would other ponies say if they saw the bags under your eyes? We’re your friends, so we don’t care, but...”
“Bags!? Under my eyes!?” Rarity gave a plaintive shriek and hurried out the door. “Why... Of course. Thank you, Spike. Twilight, we can talk about this tomorrow, can’t we?”
Spike closed the door on Rarity without waiting for Twilight to respond. “That wasn’t fair, Twilight. You know how I... I mean, it's just not right, threatening a dragon like that.” He glared at her, looking distinctly hurt.
Twilight sighed. “I’m sorry, Spike. I really am. But you don’t understand – I need to finish this.” She levitated the pages back down from the shelf where she’d hidden them and re-inked her quill.
“Are you almost done, at least? You really do need to get some sleep, Twilight.”
“I’m close, I think. But... Please, Spike. Can you please just go back to bed and let me try to get this stupid story out of my head?”
“I guess... but if your writing keeps waking me up again, you’re gonna be on your own for Reshelving Day tomorrow.” Grumbling, Spike climbed back up the stairs.
Her writing had kept him up last night? That didn’t make any sense. Did it? Her brain felt like a mass of fog. “I promise, Spike. I’ll try to finish as quick as I can.” A magenta glow enfolded Twilight’s horn, and her quill returned to the half-full page before her. She fought back a yawn and took up where she’d left off.
The light of the moon cascaded through her starry mane as she began to
knock on the door.caress my hide, her hooves playing gracefully over my sensitive skin.I reached up and tried to pull her mouth down to mine once more – I was greedy for the sweet taste of her lips, for the warmth of her tongue teasing against my own – but Luna only laughed, nipping playfully at the skin above my hoof. “Hast thou not yet had enough of kissing, Twilight? The night was made for finer things than this. I, of all ponies, should know.”
“But I’ve never... I mean, sometimes with myself maybe... but...” A shudder exploded through my body as Luna did something creative. “I mean... Ooohhhh... Wh-what if Princess Celestia found out, or–”
“My sister knows well of my feelings for thee, Twilight Sparkle.” Luna giggled, leaning forward to kiss me again. Something else moved as well, and I found myself mewling into her teasing lips.
Oh Celestia, the coffee wasn’t helping. Not enough anyway. Twilight looked up from the page to find her mug empty. She felt warmth suffusing her, like a rising tide, and her face was red and flushed. Had the coffee really been hot enough to cause that sort of a physiological reaction? Or was it that other source of warmth – the one she'd come to dread just as much as she enjoyed? Somehow, she couldn't tell anymore.
She blinked heavy eyelids and sucked in a rattling breath, turning back to the page.
Something else moved as well, and I found myself mewling into her teasing lips.
“Truly, thy beauty shines best when thou art so... flustered.” Luna caressed my mane even as she tortured my body with her slow gyrations.
“Please, Luna,” I moaned. “Just get this over with. I need to sleep, and I can’t sleep until you’re out of my head. Or you’ll... umm... be in my head.”
“You’re losing the thread of the story, aren’t you?” Luna frowned down at me. “You know what that means.”
Twilight moaned softly, her eyelids fluttering. Why was it so hard to stay awake? She just needed to make Luna... make Luna...
“Oh, damn it, just take me already! I can’t deal with this!”
“Twilight? Why are we in my bed? And what art thou—”
Desperate, Twilight pulled Luna close and forced their lips together once more. The princess seemed to resist for a moment, but her reticence wavered and soon she was returning the passion in Twilight’s kiss.
“Luna, please! Whatever it is you’re going to do, just do it!” Tears of shame and lust watered Twilight’s eyes. “You have to help me get to sleep!”
Luna grinned, and the bright glow of the moon put a mischievous light in her eyes. “Thou art already asleep, Twilight. But if that is thy desire...”
“No,” she whispered. And again, "No." Mounting horror crept over her, and Twilight’s eyes grew more and more panicked. “No! I tried so hard! You weren’t supposed to find out, not ever!” A sob shook her body, and the tears began rolling down her face.
Luna's eyes twinkled. “But I like finding out!”
The sleeping form of Twilight gasped as if an unexpected wave of pleasure had just flooded through her. The table rattled, knocked about by her unconscious twitching. Her plaintive whimpers rose another octave, shattering the stillness of the library. "H-hh-h-haa... Mmmmm! Ohhhh, Luna..."
Groaning, Spike grabbed an extra pillow and shoved it down over his head.
Author's Notes
I'm really not a fan of the author's notes box that shows up at the end of the story, so I'm going to steal an already-stolen idea (cf. GhostOfHeraclitus and Bad Horse) and use the first comment to provide some thanks and acknowlegements.
First of all, credit where credit is due. This idea was sparked by a combination of three things: a blog post by bookplayer, Vimbert the Unimpressive's story "Get Thyselves a Room", and Sunchaser's seriously under-read "The View from the Window". If you don't like this, blame me. If you do, go check out Vimbert and Sunchaser's stories.
GhostOfHeraclitus and PoweredByTea were both kind enough to pre-read the old version of this story for me, wonderful people that they are. Any problems with the new version (including over-cloppiness) should be laid at my feet, because I decided I'd rather not tar them with that sort of reputation.
Lastly, the cover image is my own compositing, but it involves resources from the DeviantArt MLP-VectorClub group: specifically the moon and the backdrop (Twilight and Luna are episode screencaps). The horizontal rule line used in the text is a compositing of VectorClub resources for Twilight's and Luna's cutie marks. For any of you who are having difficulty finding cover images for your stories, MLP-VectorClub is a great resource. It's possible to create some pretty great stuff with nothing but their resources and some minimal skill in Photoshop or a similar program.
And if you're wondering where those 20 comments went, they're on my hard drive. But the original version of this story has been deleted in favor of the (I feel) better, revised version, and now they're... well... Ghost comments!
Y'know, when i said something about expanding it, this wasn't what i had in mind, but i don't care now; That was great! I still wouldn't mind an expansion on the next morning though, just to see how that plays out.
Yes. This is exactly what I wanted to see out of the original piece. Moving to favorites!
Im...confused
So....how did Twilight end up in Luna's bed while she was asleep? Isn't Luna's bed in the real world? And wouldn't Luna be awake at night? o.0
So Twilight went straight to the dream world and suddenly locked lips with the real princess. Smooth.
I laughed.
Mission accomplished, I dare say.
It was short, sweet and elegant with a rewarding conclusion.
Loved it! Great job!
I'm unabashedly taking bookplayer's advice and trying to respond to comments people have left on my stuff this morning.
2295463 2299592 Very happy to hear you guys liked it! I'm much, much happier with this version myself, and I'm glad you prodded me to try to make it better. I like my other two published pieces (and they're both on EqD, so that must say something), but after the revision, part of me feels like this is the best thing I've put together in a while, cloppy or not. It's compact and it does what it's supposed to, but the climax really feels like a climax now, instead of a headlong crash into a brick wall.
2328159 I... probably read too much Robert Jordan. My universal headcanon now includes the notion that people (or ponies) can go around manipulating dreams and sharing dreamstates, and that there's a fundamental substrate of dreams based on the waking world. It probably wouldn't come up here, except that we've already seen Luna prowling around in Scootaloo's dreams. So for me, the idea that as a highly magical [unicorn/alicorn] Twilight could fall asleep and suck Luna into her own dream seems very, very natural.
I don't think I had any idea how much I'm taking Wheel of Time headcanon and applying it to other things until right now.
2328374 That's pretty much exactly what I was shooting for. Very happy that you enjoyed it!
2335807 Thanks!
2339177
....Are you talking about ponies OTHER than Luna being capable of entering dreams?!
2339597
... I assume every pony enters their own dreams, so yes.
ETA: Let me clear that up a bit. I'm saying I don't think it's unreasonable (though certainly nothing like canonical and nothing I'd want to put in a more serious story) that Twilight, as a very magical [unicorn/alicorn], could bring Luna into her own dreams when Luna's wandering around in ponies' dreams. Or it could just be that Luna waits around to see what Twilight is going to dream about, because she's weird that way.
2339741
I personally believe that Twilight's status as an alicorn doesn't mean crap toward the subject, and dream manipulation is entirely Luna's domain. Princess of the night, after all.
For instance I wouldn't expect to see Celestia dream-hopping.
2340156
I'm not saying anyone can dream-hop except Luna. I don't think that makes much sense. But I'm saying if Luna's already wandering around in dreams, I don't consider it completely unreasonable that Celestia or Twilight could draw Luna into their own dreams.
But again, I'm aware this may constitute funky headcanon with outside influences, and I don't think it's necessary for the story. I'm equally happy with the explanation that Luna just likes snooping on Twilight's dreams and was lying in wait for her to fall asleep. Especially if Luna was aware that no Twilight dreams had hit her radar in over 40 hours.
Hahahahahah. So Luna figured it out and set a sexy trap! lol.
Twiluna makes a lot more sense to me than Twilestia.
(certainly wouldn't hold a Twiluna fic higher in regard than a Twilestia fic purely on that basis, but just saying, it makes more sense to me )
That was good. Saw the ending coming (giggity), but it was still fun. You're a lot better with details than I am, I find I do a lot of dialogue and not all that much else. I particularly liked the apple juice pooling on the floor. Such a seemingly insignificant detail, but describing it really brought the scene to life.
2368068 Thanks! Though, to be honest, the original version of this story was kind of mediocre I think. A few readers (notably ultra1437 and Skywriter, downcomment) got on my case to expand the thing, so all but the last scene is new. I'm very happy with the revised product.
And to anyone else reading these comments, if you enjoy this story there's a good chance you'll also enjoy Late_To_The_Party's Princess Luna Visits a Wet Dream. Which, despite the title, is even less cloppy than this (and I keep telling myself, anyway, that this isn't very cloppy).
Oh man, this one hits close to home for reasons that are extremely difficult to explain.
Unrelatedly, I have not been following you. This was a mistake, which I am now fixing.
2295420
Oh, izzat so?
Well, you didn't do half-bad. I prefer my comedy more outrageously over-the-top, myself, but you did the idea justice.
On EqD and EQAD? Why... here I thought I was the only one with a story like that.
A very good story. I thought she was going to finish it for a minute, but I'm glad she didn't. A very comedic ending and I loved it.
2393032 I'd been wondering if it had ever happened before (and I noticed that yes, it had, when I threw Distorted Perspective in my reading list after your last blog).
I'll admit, somewhat sheepishly, that I waited until after I'd heard back on EqD to put in the tag that it made it on EqAD, just in case that might prejudice the decision. I suspect there's very little overlap between those two, aside from the two stories mentioned.
SPOILER WARNING
It's an okay concept. It just has one major problem: the entire story starts with her dreaming of a close relationship with Luna. Why wasn't she worried about Luna seeing *that*?! And if Luna didn't see or care about that, what makes her think Luna will see the other dream? It's very inconsistent, and if you don't lampshade hang the initial dream, it kind of makes all of Twilight's other actions and thought processes not make any sense. It's a shame, because I could easily have looked past all the other little problems.
The other question is, why did she end up with Luna in the end? Why then, and not when she was dreaming of Luna before? Again, nice concept, but with no explanation or lampshade hanging, it comes out of nowhere, and just leaves us hanging with a expression on our face.
That's really all this story needs. Lampshade Hanging. I just don't want Twilight coming across as completely oblivious to her initial dream. It doesn't even need a long or involved explanation. Just something.
2393218 I understand the point you're making, but I tried to be very specific in how I described the first dream as unromantic. The romantic side of it is supposed to be introduced entirely in Twilight's thought after that dream concludes, and thus the later chorus in the story about "the Idea".
Obviously this is just authorial vision (inb4 "death of the author", etc). The fact that the idea apparently didn't get communicated well enough is down to my storytelling, and I'll need to try to keep an eye on that moving forward (so thank you very much for the input). But this was an issue I tried to address inside the story, even if I may not have communicated it as clearly as I should have.
You like princesses, don't you Twilight?
Thoroughly enjoyed your story here. It's always funny to watch an awkward Twilight try to tackle these most embarrassing of issues.
Well done, Bradel. You deserve a cookie.
"Bags!? Under my eyes!?"
It's more likely than you think.
2393081
A few members of the staff overlap (not me), but I think those two are the only stories that do.
2393081
Wow! I was going to say, that's a hell of a two-fer, and I see now you're in good company (2393032).
Now to get this story in the Pony Fiction Vault. For a single author to be in all three is already formidable, but for a single story to do that? They'd have to create a new god tier (up above My Harshwhinnial) just for you.
Oh my gosh, if I was more of a cynic I'd say this was the writing of a shipfic from an author who doesn't want to write a shipfic. But I know that if you wanted to write a shipfic, you would have just done that...
Anyway.
I swear, had that Comedy tag not been there, I almost would have thought this was serious. Almost. Seriously, take that out (and change that rather misleading intro) and the ENTIRE feel for the story changes based on your preconceptions from the tags. The power of words, as it were.
In any case, this was a pretty funny read, I have to admit.
I'd say I want to see more stuff like this, which you've pointed out where you drew inspiration from in case I want to, but, heh, this was a wild enough ride.
2393040 Yeah... I couldn't bring myself to tease the shame of Luna's discovery and then not have her discover anything. That would just be too mean to the reader. And much, much to nice to Twilight in a story that's all about her being... frustrated.
2393466 Awkward Twilight is Best Twilight.
Hrm. Well, actually, I like take-charge heroic Twilight too. But there's a special place in my heart for romantic bumbling and ineptitude. And for cookies.
2394226 Part of me is kind of wary about the Pony Fiction Vault. It seems like authors only tend to get one story in there, and as much as I like this story, I feel like if I had to pick something of my own to put there, I'd probably wait for some of the stuff I'm thinking about and/or working on. That said, though, tagging all three with one story would be kind of impressive. And I suspect I'm never going to have another story to make the first double. I didn't expect to have even one.
2394234 Yeah, I suppose there's not really a whole lot of comedy here outside of the joy of seeing Twilight be perpetually frustrated – but that was enough for me. The story really got its impetus from (a) the stuff mentioned in the author's note and (b) an experience I had back a couple years ago when a story idea basically infected my brain and refused to leave me alone until I could get it written into a story. Took about eight hours of dedicated writing, if I remember right, and I felt exhausted at the end of it, but at least I expunged the idea.
You're right that, clearly, this wasn't intended as a serious shipping story so much as a momentary descent into crack pairing, but the idea could certainly be worked around in the other direction. That'd probably make for quite an interesting story, I think. I'm not going to do it, but it would be fun to read if I stumbled across someone else doing it. I do like shipping stories, but that's not presently my writing focus. I tend to have a bit more of a laissez faire shipping attitude anyway – I don't really subscribe to ships, I just like to see how characters might develop given the right set of circumstances. (If and when I get around to writing more serious shipping, I'm probably going to have to spend some time figuring out if that attitude will work for writing, or if it will just drain all the life out of romantic stories...)
Is it wrong I got so much pleasure and giggling out of reading this? It's so good. I'm glad it was mentioned on EQD. I can rest knowing that I have read this story. (Or go about my day as it's 10AM.)
2394468
I didn't know that Equestria Daily and Equestria After Dark ever had overlap in their recommendations. I can't say I disagree with either. This isn't porn, but it's thematically fitting for EqAD. At the same time, it's not like the concept of having a libido should be verboten.
2393280
It's true, it was unromantic, so I'll forgive the initial problem I had.
I guess that just leaves one issue: the direct contradiction of the opening with the ending.
In the opening, it is never stated, indicated, or inferred that she is having tea with the real Princess Luna. In the end, she clearly *was* in the presence of the real Princess Luna. What changed? Is there a rule that says "If it's a romantic dream, then summon the real princess?"
2394915 Not really sure where to go with this. Personal interpretation of canon?
What I take away from "Sleepless in Ponyville" (S3E06) is that Luna is capable of inserting herself in other ponies' dreams, and so I'm thinking of this as her getting caught up in Twilight's dream. I don't see her as omnipresent in every pony's dreams, though – just visiting ponies as she chooses. At this point, though, I think the conversation is likely to move nearly verbatim toward what I discussed with 2328159 a little further down in the comments, on how precisely Luna winds up in Twilight's dream at the end. (I'm content leaving it open-ended with what I consider two possible explanations: Twilight being powerfully magical, and Luna lying in wait for Twilight because she likes snooping on her friend's dreams)
I'm unabashedly a fan of Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time, however, so I suspect that colors some of how I deal with the magical mechanics of dreams without me even consciously thinking about it.
2394963 2394915
The line in Twilight's writing where she writes the following implied to me that the whole thing was Luna frolicking in Twilight's imagination even before she fell asleep:
It doesn't read like a plausible line of writing. It reads more like Luna teasing Twilight as she's falling asleep. Hence, Luna is instantly pulled into Twilight's dream because she's already there before Twilight falls asleep.
2394988 I... like this interpretation a lot, and kind of wish maybe I'd written with it in mind. And yes, death of the author and all, but there's something else going on in that line which was intended to suggest otherwise.
This is the one and only time in the story 'Luna' refers to Twilight as 'you' and not 'thou'. To me, the implication of that aligns more closely with Twilight, in her exhaustion, losing the ability to conceive of Luna as a separate being and unconsciously coming to directly inhabit the role of 'Luna' in her imagination. This is somewhat drawn from personal experience – when I get very tired while writing, I start to churn out some real stream-of-consciousness prose that can make very, very little sense.
Not to ruin your wonderful headcanon on this story, but... well... I thought maybe I should weigh in as well.
Previous comment deleted because it was a response to the wrong comment...
Wonder Author, style of Sleep Deprived Stream of Consciousness Writing, go!
2395023
Curse you for having a reasonable explanation to dispel my speculations!
This is all kiboshed by your explanation, but I kind of like to imagine that Spike sent a letter to the Princess off-screen. In that letter, he complained that Twilight is losing sleep obsessing over something, leading directly to Luna checking up on Twilight. Finding her sleepy, Luna pulls her the rest of the way into dreams to find out what's going on, and is surprised (but not displeased) when Twilight's dream jumps immediately to her own bed.
2395049 Ooh, now that I like very much. That's a fantastic explanation. Part of me wishes I could go put that in the story explicitly, but it really wouldn't fit to add anywhere.
...2295463 keeps asking for an epilogue to all this, though...
2395067
Epilogues are fun, I like epilogues!
2395080 Hey! Wait a second! You're not a new visitor to my stories!
You renamed yourself! I totally didn't see that coming.
Also, hello and welcome to any of my new Czech visitors!
2395049 THIS.
Wow, I don't usually go for Twi-Luna but this was a really cute story! Twilight was so beautifully in character too.
*salutes*
LOL. This was TwiLuna fic was a fun read. Though I am more of a TwiDash fan I still enjoyed this alot. Great story.
Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said, but I can't very well NOT comment! Time for the ol' standby.
Cool story bro! (No really. )
Twenty-two pages and they are STILL just kissing? And this is the juicy part?
Oh Twilight, why do you have to be so adorkable?
the moment I saw the start of the story she was writing...
ic.pics.livejournal.com/aimmyarrowshigh/10737891/22649/22649_900.png
"...if you know what I mean"
Just keep going, Twi, you'll be surprised how quickly kissing can escalate to rough lesbian horse sex.