Chapter 3
Chapter 3
The first few drops of rain began to fall as Rarity gathered up the summer dresses with her magic and placed each of them into plastic covers to protect from what looked as if it may turn into a heavy downpour. She was due to meet the girls at Twilight's house for lunch soon, where she would finally give her friends the gifts she had worked on all week. She could make dresses quickly, but she had taken her time with these. They were special, and were to be given to very special ponies.
She checked the mirror one last time before heading out. Every hair was in place, her make-up was flawless, and her coat was spotless. All was well as she bade her cat Opalescence farewell and left the boutique.
Outside, the storm began to pick up.
The young unicorn mare stood back to examine the shop. She had just purchased the building a month ago, and it had been in shambles then. Now, through hard work and determination, she had a beautiful boutique in which she could sell her dresses. The carousel design had been her idea.
"We're so proud of you, Sweetie," her father said as he put a hoof around her shoulders.
"My name's not Sweetie," Rarity said and made a show of rolling her eyes.
Her father grinned at her. "Well maybe we'll just have to save that name for the little one, if it's a filly," he said as he nuzzled her pregnant mother. The three of them shared strained smiles.
Rarity's decision to move out at a young age had surprised both of her parents. Though she could tell it pained them, they had supported her decision. She had become adept at dressmaking, particularly after her talent for finding gems had manifested itself. She had saved every bit earned from selling fashions over the years, dealing with more nicknames in the process.
Bit-Pincher. The Pretty Poverty Pony.
Now the first small step to fulfilling her dreams had finally become a reality. Years of hard work and dedication might finally trump years of insults and ridicule. She kissed her parents goodbye. They needed to go for a doctor's visit to check up on the little unborn foal. She magicked her luggage into the shop with her as she took her first steps into her new life outside the farm. She would make her name here in Ponyville.
She opened up one of the pieces of luggage and levitated the first dress out of the bag. It was the wedding dress she had stitched together as a filly, the one she was to wear in her royal wedding to a prince. The prince had never come, and there had never been a wedding.
Sighing, she walked into her new bedroom with the dress floating idly beside her. She opened up a door and was greeted by an empty walk-in wardrobe. She magically held the dress aloft for a few moments, admiring the stunning job she had done on it. With another sigh, she moved the dress to the very back of the wardrobe and hung it up.
Some day.
Rarity closed her eyes against the strong wind and heavy rain. The pegasus ponies had decided to go all-out this time to make up for a few missed showers from earlier in the month. Her mane and tail were soaked. She had been so busy worrying about keeping the dresses for her friends dry, that she had forgotten to bring an umbrella. She moved ahead blindly a few paces, but stopped in her tracks when she heard a sudden noise heading her way.
"Make way, ma'am!" a voice called out through the rain.
Rarity opened her eyes and was terrified to see a carriage careening through the mud towards her. She had just unknowingly wandered directly into its path. Not possessing Twilight Sparkle's ability to magically teleport, she had no choice but to leap out of the way. She turned and leapt back to the side of the road with moments to spare, but her hooves slipped and she fell onto her side in a muddy puddle.
After the carriage had passed, the unicorn stared miserably at her filthy coat and mane as she weakly stood up on shaky legs. Her eyes then fell upon the torn, dirty mound of clothes lying in the middle of the road. She must have lost her concentration and dropped the dresses for her friends when she had to leap to safety.
It looked as if the carriage had run them over.
Hanging her head in defeat, Rarity levitated the dresses out of the mud and slowly made her way towards Twilight's house. Mud and rain mixed with her tears as she anguished over what she would have to tell her friends.
Rarity was putting the finishing touches on the Town Hall decorations for this year's Summer Sun Celebration. She used her horn to cause a piece of yellow ribbon to float before her face.
"No," she began as she magicked it away and replaced it with a blue, then a green ribbon. "No, no, oh goodness no." She magicked the yellow ribbon back up as she reconsidered her options.
"Good afternoon," came a voice from behind her.
She held up a hoof to stall whoever was interrupting her. "Just a moment please. I'm in the zone, as it were," she told the stranger as she brought the red ribbon back up and added sparkles to it. "Oh yes! Sparkle always does the trick, does it not?" she said, hoping to impress her guest. "Why Rarity, you are a talent." She turned to face the stranger. "Now, how can I help you... waaahahaaa!"
The stranger's mane was styled in the worst possible way. Surely this tragic purple unicorn was mocked and derided on a daily basis with that kind of fashion sense. The poor dear.
"Oh my stars! Darling, whatever happened to your coiffure?" Rarity said, shocked.
The purple unicorn looked taken aback for a moment. "Oh, you mean my mane? It's a long story. I'm just here to check on the decorations and then I'll be out of your hair."
"Out of my hair, what about your hair?" Rarity asked with true concern. The poor mare's life must be miserable. She couldn't allow this fashion-senseless pony to live through one more day of what she'd had to go through as a filly. She moved and began to push the unicorn out the door of the town hall and towards the Carousel Boutique for an emergency makeover.
She didn't know it at the time, but a simple makeover was soon going to lead to one of the strongest friendships of her life.
There came a knock at the door.
"I'll get it, that must be Rarity," Twilight Sparkle said as her horn briefly glowed red and telekinetically opened the door. It swung open to reveal a soaked and muddy unicorn.
"Oh my. What happened to you, Rarity?" Fluttershy called with genuine concern in her quiet voice.
Rarity walked in with her head hung low. She couldn't bear to look her friends in the eye. She caused the ruined dresses to float in from the outside, and set them onto a table.
"They're ruined," she said, barely above a whisper. "I made you all the most wonderful dresses yet, and they're ruined."
"Aww, that's okay Rarity. We just want to know what happened to you. Are you alright?" Pinkie Pie said in a much more sombre tone than usual.
Rarity's friends gathered around her to learn what had befallen her. She finally lifted her head to look at them. Their eyes widened as they noticed her red, puffy eyes.
Rainbow Dash gasped. "Are you crying? Is she crying? What happened, are you hurt? Did somepony do something to you? Did they do that?" she said, pointing at the mud on Rarity's mane. "Those jerks! Who did it, Rarity? I'll show them! Mess with my friends, will they? I'll give 'em the old one-two and a..."
"Oh my goodness, come on over here and tell us what's wrong," Twilight said, pushing her friend toward the fireplace.
Rarity looked around at the concerned faces surrounding her. "I wanted to give you these dresses as a little thank you for being such wonderful friends. But I accidentally walked in front of a speeding carriage and had to jump out of the way. I... I lost my concentration, and they dropped, and they were run over and now... " she began to sob quietly once more.
"Hey, it's okay, sugarcube," Applejack said to Rarity. "We appreciate the thought with those dresses, but letting us see ya smile is the best gift I think you could give us," she said with a wink. The other ponies nodded in agreement.
Rarity looked into Applejack's eyes and knew she was being sincere. She was the Element of Honesty, after all. Her friends were all here, ready to help her with anything she needed. It didn't matter that her mane was a mess, or that she had tracked mud throughout the room. Her gifts didn't matter either. It was her well-being that her friends cared about.
She smiled a wide, heart-felt smile as she gathered her friends up in a big group hug. None of them complained about being smeared with dirt and mud. They were too busy being her best friends for that.
"How about we all go down to the spa once the rain settles down? It looks like we could all use a little more than a bath," Rarity suggested as she observed her friends who were now as dishevelled as she was. They all laughed together and agreed.
"Sold for three thousand, seven hundred, fifty bits!" the auctioneer called as he slammed the gavel down.
"Wow, that has to be some kind of record, Rarity!" Twilight Sparkle said with a smile.
Rarity nodded, but her eyes were on the dress that had just been sold. They took in every detail for what could have been the thousandth time in her life. Some lucky mare would be wearing that dress, the first that Rarity had ever made, to her wedding. A single tear escaped and rolled down her face.
"What's wrong, Rarity?" Twilight asked with concern.
Rarity's smile was genuine. "Nothing, darling. Just saying goodbye to an old friend. I used to think that it would be me wearing that dress someday, on the happiest day of my life."
"Oh Rarity, why did you sell it then?" her friend asked.
"Because someday came a long time ago when I met you and the others. The dress has served its purpose."
The two friends smiled at one another and shared a warm hug.
"Twilight?" Rarity asked.
"Yes?"
"Let's go have a picnic with the others."
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I came to terms with an important lesson about friendship, and about life in general. Life can be difficult sometimes, and a rough childhood can be a real challenge to overcome.
On the one hoof, you can allow your past to take control of your actions in the present. This way of living can be destructive not only to yourself, but to those around you. You can fail to see the good that is all around you, and to appreciate those who have been there for you.
On the other hoof, you can choose to ignore the past and live only in the present. This choice might lead to less pain, but it can cause you to ignore the lessons of the past. These lessons, while painful, are critical in understanding who you are and who you wish to become. They play an important role in defining you as an individual.
I learned today that neither of the above paths are correct. A careful, balanced approach down both paths is required to truly appreciate my life, and the friends that take part in it. My past has hurt me, but no longer. It shall remain in the past where it belongs. I can't ignore it, it helped to mold me into the mare I am today. But I will no longer allow it to control where I go from here. That decision is best shared with those I love.
Yours faithfully,
Rarity
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> "I made it nice a warm, and... oh my gosh, are you crying? Who did this to you? I'll show them not to mess with my friends!"
could be rewritten more like
> "I made it nice and warm, and - are you crying? Is she crying? What happened? Is she hurt? Did somepony do something to her? Did they do that?" She pointed at the mud on Rarity's mane. "Those jerks! Who did it, Rarity? I'll show them! Mess with my friends, will they? I'll give 'em the old one-two and a -"
I admit this might be personal interpretation, but I was thinking of Sonic Rainboom when Rainbow goes into a rant about how she's going to fail. Also, "They were too busy being her best friends for that" seems a little telly, not to mention over-sweet. I'd replace it with "They were too busy helping her for that" or "They were too busy cleaning her up for that", or however you prefer.
While I'm at it, I think there were a few spelling errors and tense problems in the last chapter, as well. For instance, They were a culmination of years of studying the fashion industry, thousands of hours of practice and experience, and an early desire to become the very best at what she does should end with a past tense "did" rather than a present tense "does" because you're using the past tense when describing the list ("They were"). A second example is this:
"It's just a little dirt, it never hurt anyone."
Replace that comma with either a semi-colon or a full stop. Commas shouldn't be used to separate two sentences that can stand alone.
Nicely done, and good to see both a happy ending and a thoughtful moral.
Well done!
334821 Constructive feedback is good feedback. I've corrected the grammatical errors, and stole a slightly-altered version of your Rainbow Dash dialogue. I admit I need to be in the right kind of mood to properly write Rainbow Dash, and I was not in that mood when I wrote it.
I've left the "best friends" line as-is. I personally like it. If the pre-readers disagree, I may consider altering it. I don't feel that changing it would be any kind of improvement for the tone I wanted to set there. Just like the ending to an actual episode of My Little Pony, it's supposed to be a bit "over-sweet".
You're correct with all of the canon nods, including the auction. It's not necessarily the same auction from the show, but it's the same venue and the same auctioneer-pony.
The pre-readers haven't gotten back to me yet, so hopefully the corrections have been done in time to save a little bit of a headache later on. I'm not a fan of relying on Ponychan or anything else, though. I'm of the mindset that I succeed or fail based on my own decisions. If EQD likes the story and gives it a chance, then it's my own fault if I can't get it right within 3 tries.
Thanks for reading, and for the advice. I'm glad this little story was worth reading.
A couple of edits and a few rewritten passages and BAM. Equestria Daily-approved. Let's hope people like this somewhat altered version.
361881 well by the looks of it let the view spree come :D
I will try to arrange time to read this, and for the comments i read it look a really solid and good read. Good job.
367088 I literally burst out laughing when I saw FiMFiction go down for maintenance the moment this hit EQD. The story of my life!
Anyway, now that we're back up, I'll be eager to hear everypony's thoughts. Again, this is my first really serious attempt at anything outside of comedy other than an HiE fic I'm writing. Hopefully everyone enjoys.
Dawww. In the end, Rarity is okay.
Really though, I HATE bullies, even though I was never a real victim. Perhaps it's the fact that the concept of looking good by making someone look bad makes me sick. Glad Rarity dealt with it.
This story is head canon now. It explains alot.
If the show was aimed at a slightly older audience, this could easily be an episode. Great, great story.
Awesome story! Second story to make me go "aww.." in a few parts. Rarity is such an under appreciated character and this has made me like her a lot more. Great job and keep up the good work. I'll be sure to feature this in my article! That is....if it's okay with you..
368058 Thank you. Unless you write an article titled "Worst Fan-Fics of All-Time," I won't have any problems with that.
I like having as many people as possible get the chance to read my stuff, because hopefully I can make those people smile (or laugh, cry, etc)!
368292 Nope, it's an article actually describing in good reasoning why you should watch MLPFIM, and you'll be featured in the The Fandom>>Fanfiction section.
(Why the hell does it say 368292 instead of TheSlorg? Eh, oh well.)
Not bad, not at all. 3.5/5 stars.
368501 It's a placeholder until you reload the page.
I loved this story; in fact, the only disappointing thing is that it wasn't longer! I could happily read a more in-depth accounting of Rarity's time as a filly in this setting - but I appreciate that it was likely the feelings and legacy that you were aiming to impart here, which you did very well.
Very well written. I enjoyed every second of this fanfic.
Magnificent. I'm always amazed at how some of you, writers, can add depth where there wasn't supposed to be one. Congratulations on not only the idea alone, but also on the amazing way you written it. And thanks for sharing.
Have a thumb.
This story fits amazingly well considering how imo Rarity is the most complex of the Mane 6, and everything just seemed right. Good Job bud
I'm sorry to disrupt this magnificent story
but it just feels like it's missing a scene or a single sentence. There is no given explanation as to why Rarity chose to go to Twilight's place after the rain started. There are reasonable explanations that quickly come to mind (like she forgot the time and everyone was waiting for her), but still...
(I kinda get compulsive over such little things
)
552806 It was established in chapter 1 that she would be delivering the dresses 'in a week'. It's also established in that chapter that it would be raining 'next week'.
There really didn't need to be anything explaining that they would meet indoors somewhere. Rain + Finished dresses = Meet the girls inside somewhere.
That was definitely a stirring read. I can't quite say much other than that; it's just great.
There are only certain fics out there that have moved me to shed tears, either happy or sad: 'My Little Dashie,' 'Background Pony', 'Piano Man Act 1 & 2' and 'Simply Rarity' Just to name a few.
You can now add this one to that list.
Powerfully written and well deserving of its place on EQD. One of the many reasons that I am coming to like Rarity more and more.
This story makes me sad that I cannot properly enjoy it, as I just don't see Rarity that way and so it does not resonate as it ought to when I read it.
2460045 See, this is the kind of feedback/criticism I wish more people would bother to leave.
What I like about this comment is that you didn't just read something, disagree with it, then leave a thumbs-down. Far too many people do this.
You explained what you disagreed with, realized that it doesn't necessarily make it a bad story, and held off on giving any thumbs at all. Kudos for being one of the very few who are capable of giving feedback the right way, and thank you!
Absolutely love this story, top notch writing mate.
Rarity is easily my favourite character in the show, and I love your version of her background.
Too many authors leave out the depth that this character deserves and I love how much you put into her character.
My favourite aspect was how you drew connections between Rarity's current character and the origin of certain traits from her youth.
Love this, love the character, love the writing and love the plot.
Great Job
This is really sweet, you made me smile! Rainbow Dash's line upon seeing Rarity's tears reminded me of one of my own best friends, and so that was what touched me the most. The letter seems especially well thought out, and is a morale I can agree with
As someone who knows how little Rarity felt, I find this story touching, amazing, and sweet. I always wanted to see a good story about Rarity... didn't know it would relate to me too.
4172386 Howdy again!
The third story I wrote, over two years ago. How things change! I remember one of my own criticisms of this story being that Rarity cried a bit too often. I think I changed it up and removed or altered some of those scenes since it felt forced.
I really should go over my older stories and give them a good editing sweep, but I'm glad you liked this one. I felt for the longest time that this was my most underrated story.
To be fair, the lesson Rarity learned is a good one. Even so, I can't relate. I love Rarity, for she's an awesome character for her weaknesses just as much as her flaws, but to call her childhood harsh just because of a few teasing bullies is going a bit overboard to me. It feels less to me like 'the past haunts her' than 'she refused to grow up.' At best, she's being blatantly melodramatic... even for her.
Not to say that this was a bad story, mind you. Not at all. It's simply a situation I can't relate to.
I think this is a really lovely story; bittersweet and thoughtful. Nicely done.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!