Pony Bill
Joined 4th Feb, 2012 ·
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I... don't think I like were this is going...
188583
You and me both
Exuse me while I drown myself in brain bleach
188610 save some for me
I think this is the least creepy, Creepy Twilight Sparkle, I have read about.
This story has potential and in more than just the sex with anybody kind of way, lets see if this will be a simple clopfic or if it can be something more? The Story is well written and laid out after all. So I hope it isn't beyond hope, to hope for a story with some drama, moral dilemmas, Twilights different character development etc.
This is interesting.
Honestly, I wrote this while I was drunk. It all started when I realized watching Return of Harmony, that Twilight randomly pulls out a memory spell from her ass. Not sure if I want to continue this, probably will at some point though.
There are just so many possibilities. 
188720
That explains the grammar
I noticed several problems, here's three of them:
"Chief among them she was a baby dragon she was given as an assistant and unlimited access to the royal libraries." - Where did the first "she" come from? I also "assistant and" should be "assistant, along with"
"After going through the same conversation again. She decided to see just how much she could get away with." - Replace the first period with a comma
"It didn’t smell to bad." - too
Great story!
This certainly has the potential to be interesting.
The sex was a bit rushed though.
er....
short sex story and i mean SHORT
also i can sense where this is going either
A.spike is going to get a lot more "errands" days. or
B. she is going to try the "erands" on the rest of her friends...
Oh my Luna. I need to get drunk. People write the most interesting stories when they're drunk.
I like where the story concept is going and the possiblities.
PLease write more! This is a masterpeice!
wait what happen i blinked
i like your story... but a bit rushed.
4 stars
aaaand
>..>
<..<
"tracking"
188836
I fixed all of your suggestions. THX!
This is the most response I've gotten from one of my stories. I'll try to add some more to it soon.
198699
ooh please do put more this is hilarious
run she's gone mad
>.>
<.<
tracked
I encourage more. The was a little rushed and a a few times you used words over and over together, but that's easily overlooked by the story's potential and what it has already made of itself.
Good job and I hope to see more sometime.
198699
No! Dont! That would be horrid! Evil!
*slips a peice of paper onto your hoof*
"Send me the link by sundown."
Hm. That was entertaining.
i think ill go die now
Before reading
after reading
last online 11 weeks ago.....dd he died?
188616>>188610 can i borrow that when your done
Hmmmm...damn, I'm a 100% Spilight fan through and through, always, but this is really hard to read when it seems like a wall of text, be sure to seprate the paragraphs, remember only five lines per paragraph and I really enjoyed it....not sure why she would rape him and wipe his memeory when she could just fall in love with him and have passionate, honest and caring love with him?
Love this pairing, bottom line but the sex seemed really rushed, so please edit this if you can my friend.
interesting
i hope we see more TwiSpike action
198699
So this is the only chapter ?
Friendship is magic, and magic is rape....
hope to see more
and with five beutiful maresI feel dirty for reading this.
Im torn i feel weird for reading this yet i really want more will fav if there is any chace of a continuation or a sequel.
You RAPIST Twilight Sparkle, I will never forgive you!
And the other mares
Hmmm, Pony Bill hasn't been online in 134 weeks.
I believe it is safe to assume this story is dead.
No1 objective:Keep away from all unicorn mares. Done and done.
are you going to finish this story
It's a real shame you never continued. This story had a lot of potential, especially once you got to Ponyville.
3922535
I don't feel dirty enough.
Please sir can I have some more?