• Member Since 4th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 14th, 2012

Pony Bill


Comments ( 42 )

I... don't think I like were this is going... :unsuresweetie:

188583

You and me both:fluttercry:

Exuse me while I drown myself in brain bleach:moustache:

I think this is the least creepy, Creepy Twilight Sparkle, I have read about.

This story has potential and in more than just the sex with anybody kind of way, lets see if this will be a simple clopfic or if it can be something more? The Story is well written and laid out after all. So I hope it isn't beyond hope, to hope for a story with some drama, moral dilemmas, Twilights different character development etc.:heart:

This is interesting.

Honestly, I wrote this while I was drunk. It all started when I realized watching Return of Harmony, that Twilight randomly pulls out a memory spell from her ass. Not sure if I want to continue this, probably will at some point though. :trollestia: There are just so many possibilities. :twilightblush:

188720
That explains the grammar

I noticed several problems, here's three of them:
"Chief among them she was a baby dragon she was given as an assistant and unlimited access to the royal libraries." - Where did the first "she" come from? I also "assistant and" should be "assistant, along with"
"After going through the same conversation again. She decided to see just how much she could get away with." - Replace the first period with a comma
"It didn’t smell to bad." - too

Great story!
This certainly has the potential to be interesting.:moustache:

The sex was a bit rushed though.

BBB

er....

short sex story and i mean SHORT

also i can sense where this is going either

A.spike is going to get a lot more "errands" days. or

B. she is going to try the "erands" on the rest of her friends...

Oh my Luna. I need to get drunk. People write the most interesting stories when they're drunk.

I like where the story concept is going and the possiblities. :raritywink:

PLease write more! This is a masterpeice! :raritystarry:

wait what happen i blinked:rainbowhuh:
i like your story... but a bit rushed.
4 stars :pinkiecrazy:
aaaand

>..>

<..<

"tracking" :scootangel:

188836

I fixed all of your suggestions. THX!

This is the most response I've gotten from one of my stories. I'll try to add some more to it soon.

ooh please do put more this is hilarious

run she's gone mad
>.>
<.<
tracked

I encourage more. The was a little rushed and a a few times you used words over and over together, but that's easily overlooked by the story's potential and what it has already made of itself. :twilightsmile:

Good job and I hope to see more sometime. :moustache:

198699

No! Dont! That would be horrid! Evil!
*slips a peice of paper onto your hoof*

"Send me the link by sundown."

Hm. That was entertaining.

i think ill go die now:facehoof:

Before reading:pinkiesmile: after reading:pinkiecrazy:

last online 11 weeks ago.....dd he died?

188616>>188610 can i borrow that when your done

Hmmmm...damn, I'm a 100% Spilight fan through and through, always, but this is really hard to read when it seems like a wall of text, be sure to seprate the paragraphs, remember only five lines per paragraph and I really enjoyed it....not sure why she would rape him and wipe his memeory when she could just fall in love with him and have passionate, honest and caring love with him?

Love this pairing, bottom line but the sex seemed really rushed, so please edit this if you can my friend.

interesting
i hope we see more TwiSpike action

Riz

198699
So this is the only chapter ?

Friendship is magic, and magic is rape....

hope to see more and with five beutiful mares

I feel dirty for reading this.

Im torn i feel weird for reading this yet i really want more will fav if there is any chace of a continuation or a sequel.

:moustache:

You RAPIST Twilight Sparkle, I will never forgive you!

And the other mares

Hmmm, Pony Bill hasn't been online in 134 weeks.

I believe it is safe to assume this story is dead. :derpytongue2:

No1 objective:Keep away from all unicorn mares. Done and done.

are you going to finish this story

It's a real shame you never continued. This story had a lot of potential, especially once you got to Ponyville.

3922535
I don't feel dirty enough.
Please sir can I have some more?

Login or register to comment