Applejack couldn't be happier with her life. She owns a great farm and has been married for three years to the love of her life, Rainbow Dash. It's everything she's ever wanted in life, but now she wants something more. A family. A foal. Can she convince Rainbow Dash that they are ready to take a new step in their lives or will a haunting secret from Dash's past prevent them from having one?
(I know a story called "Foal" already exists, but I had this idea for months and I couldn't come up with a different title)
Chapters (6)
dash had an abortion or something, i'm going to guess...
Ohhh.. I smell a dark past. Are we taking bets on who Spectrum is or not? I have an idea but I'll keep it to myself to avoid spoilers.
2398752
Go ahead and put your ideas down. I actually want to see if people will get it right.
2398761
Let the betting begin then:
1. Abortion: Not likely.
2. Miscarriage/bad pregnancy: Maybe
3. Unintended/teenage pregnancy. Foal put up for adoption/abandoned which is causing Dash's guilt trip.
4. Kinda like three but Dash tried to keep the foal and had some sort of accident, the child died..Something tragic on those lines and she blames herself.
Any of these scenarios could lead to Dash being estranged from her parents.
I'm willing to bet that spectrum is dash's kid sister that dash was supposed to watch and something horrible happened, maybe spectrum wanted to be a flier/wonderbolt as well and when spectrum died rainbow decided to live her dream too?
2398801
I'd like to think the author is more of a risk-taker than that. The "something bad happened to someone I care about because of me and imma blame myself and feel guilty even though i had no control and it wasn't really my fault so i didn't do anything wrong and am innocent so you should feel bad for me and sit in the audience and wait for me to let go of my guilt and move on like we all know I will" thing is one of the laziest cliches in writing now, and it's really hard to actually do a good job writing anything like that.
If she actually did give her foal away or have it aborted when she was a filly because she felt it would get in the way of her being a wonderbolt, I think that would be a lot more dramatic because it wouldn't just be the standard "'lol it's not your fault' 'lol yes it is' 'lol no it's not' 'lol yes it is'" exchange with Dash screaming WHYYYYYY into the rain or something and hating life and being emo. Applejack would have to decide if she can even love Dash after she did something like that (particularly the second one) and if she still loved her anyway i think it would actually be a lot more meaningful. Abandoning/rejecting her daughter/son could even be the reason Dash is so attached to her friends; she feels so guilty after the fact and doesn't want to betray anyone else like that
But that's just what I'd like to see.
I am intrigued
Nice job so far; can't wait for more!
2398999
Ohh.. that's a good one too. Wish I had considered that one. Kinda puts the Scoot's mentoring into perspective too. Kinda of trying to make up for past mistakes.
2399001
That kinda rolls into option 3.
2399082 Not saying anything here, but i used to write a lot when i was littler, so i have a great imagination for these things. Now after i've seen MLP and some of these amazing fan fic I'm considering getting back into writing, anyway.. That would make sense with scoot's mentoring i agree :D and kinda sad that isn't what happens, which makes me all the more intrigued >:D anyway can't wait to see what happens
Well that's an attention grabber. Let's see where this goes.
2398761
Was going to skip, but...
My mind kept flicking back to a show or a movie I had seen. Took some Googling, but was thinking of the Miniature Killer from CSI and how she jealous-killed her age 3 sister. Was sure it was going to be from Law & Order Classic, not dumb CSI... Anyway, off that I suspected that Rainbow had killed or caused the death of a sister she had, especially with the hint of the flinch at 'sister'. As to other theories (*cough* 2398801 *cough*) I think they're a bit off the mark. Besides my suspicion of it being sister-based, none really explain or connect to her parents now avoiding her, that she did something to them. Maybe they had high values, could explain and support a bit, but not feeling it as the path of this story.
Unless she killed her mother too. Or coma'd her. Or similar bad stuff with attached sister death. Unlikely, but just saying.
I must admit I was constantly comparing this to a similar fic I found not long ago, No Foals, that has a very similar premise in ways to this one. That one only brought up foals a few times (though it is an essential theme), was more emotion and unsaid words driven, and definitely hit me more than most fics I've read. I'm not sure if I like the light-hearted-er story or the makes-you-think & noponys-perfect story better.
You have pumped out yet another great fic my friend. I can't wait to see how this is all going to play out
2398734
Scootaloo is tagged. I have a feeling she's Dashie's secret daughter.
tragedy....don't think i want to read, not my thing....is it a light tragedy tag or really heavy?
what i am trying to say is i am ok with say a troubled past, but if RD or AJ life is altered negatively permanently, well.....then this will not be my type of story. (kinda asking for how it ends, but i feel that most of the time it is transparent to the reader part way through anyway.....so might as well know what i am getting into before investing any time at all)
Great as always
can't wait to get a better picture of what dash are strugeling with^^
Awesome! Make more!
I think you meant "sexiest"
2398999
This to me seems like the likeliest thing to have happened. Considering the naming scheme (Rainbow, Spectrum), and the lack of interaction with her parents... I can't imagine Dash would have been with someone else beforehand/when young. A young sibling lost because of her seems right on the money.
A younger Sister/brother that Dash taught how to fly, against the wishes of their parents. Spectrum died in an accident while flying without supervision, and Dash blames herself, and cut off contact with her parents thinking they blamed her as well.
Here's hoping that the next three chapters will be posted soon. This may give me some ideas for my own fanfic that somewhat centers around Dash.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaG5SAw1n0c
My bet is Spectrum was one of Rainbow Dash's siblings. She got sick and died and Rainbow Dash blamed herself for it even though it wasn't her fault and fearing her family would hate her she cut herself off from them.
I like, but a couple of little things stood out to me.
Sounds really weird.
"I'm not worthy of having", isn't something anyone would actually shout let alone in a heated argument where wordyness goes down. Something like "Because I don't deserve one" is much more realistic.
Signed autographs is redundant.
Okay... The Great and Powerful Trixie has been given the power of Sight Beyond Sight! I say that Spectrum was Rainbow Dash's younger sibling who died in an accident for which everyone (including Rainbow Dash) blamed Rainbow.
Seriously, that wasn't an angry reaction from Rainbow: it was terror.
2398734 2398999 2399082 2399438 Why every comment i see is trying to spoil the story
2400442
Only a person with knowledge of future chapters can spoil anything. People like us, that are only readers, only guess
We're not spoiling anything, we're guessing as to what this is about.
2400442 see 2398761
Author sponsored. Should always expect speculation anyway.
2400520 2400473 Ok I finished Chapter 1, and.... yeah, i have to say, it wants you to play this "guess what" game, im gonna bet on:
Scoots is a given-to-adoption foal of RD, and now the blame is consuming her.
2400308 Yeah, I picked up on Terror as well...
Foal? hmm. Maybe I can come up with a different name for my fic
2400755
You can keep it
Insta-ki... I mean insta-fav hehe this was just so great can't wait for more
She got down on one knee,
oh Luna BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(insert Lyra pic with the caption Legs how do they work.sadly I could not find one.)
Quadrupeds not Bipeds remember that and you will go far.
“That was amazing! A double Sonic Rainboom!”
Rainbow the equestrian Miltary wants to have a talk to you about atomic rainbows and why your setting off warheads neer cheering fans.
(non canon radiation joke pic goes here)
serious opinions on the story TBA though I must say the "Argument" part felt really really rushed. and AJ and Rainbow feel OOC for that part.
Edit: gratz on being one of the few appledash that start with them married/in a serious relationship rather then just dating.
Edit: Ah, bugger, I should refresh the comments before posting one, someone else hit this before me.
Oh, could be a sibling, too, doesn't have to be her kid, per se. Maybe 'watch your younger sister while we're at the store' turned out badly or something.
Part of me wants to say that Dash got pregnant as a kid, her parents flipped shit at her for doing so she left home on bad terms/got kicked out for keeping the kid. She had the child and it either 1) was put up for adoption because she knew she couldn't take care of her or 2) was taken away by Foal Services because they found out she couldn't properly raise a foal. A dollar also says that the kid may have grown up to be Scootaloo.
2401455 She said she was sorry to "Spectrum." I'm calling little brother died while Dash was supposed to be watching him.
Spectrum could be an older sibling who commited suicide after Dash was born because he felt like his parents abandoned him. Baby Dash may have witnessed it and her parents subconciously blamed her for it.
Good work.
RD ADOPTED SCOOTALOO AND THE SCOOTS DIED!
2402141
that's the kind of thing you keep to yourself. Now I have to go and be depressed for a while. After that, no more spoilers/theories from you...or else
Ssssh, Dash. No need to cry, I forgive you. *Fitting username is fitting*
I'm sure this is a good story, but I can't read it;say what you like, but I do not support or approve of homosexuality in any way. That doesn't mean I dislike homosexual people, I'm close friends with a girl who happens to be "bi", I simply don't approve of the lifestyle they've chosen. And besides, I simply can't see Dash and A.J. (or any of the Mane Six, actually) as being romantically involved with each other.
So tootsie flute is adopted?
I'm also guessing that Rainbow let something happen to someone. Probably a younger sibling.
I suppose A.J. could have approached the subject with a bit more care, but she also had no idea Rainbow would react so badly.
2402141 Possible, Spectrum could also be her little sister who died in an accident that Dash felt she could have prevented.
The name could refer to her father, or even her mother, and several stories that would have the impact on her psyche that would deem her, in her own eyes, as unworthy.
Er, I'm confused on a point.
This line implies her parents (and grandparents) are dead-
But then later you have this line, which contradicts it and implies they were alive-
So are the dead or alive?
2404055
AJ's parents and grandparents are dead. RD's parent's aren't
2404065
Oh, *derp* I thought it was referring to RD's.
A pretty good first chapter. It sets the stage, gives us Applejack's thoughts, and uses Rainbow's meltdown to hint at where the story might be headed and construct the hook for the next chapter. The character voices are pretty accurate, and the timeframe difference from the show provides enough space for any minor differences to be the result of experiences in the interim.
One thing struck me - the paragraph starting "Rainbow Dash sighed and sat up against the headboard of her bed" was kind of a humungous exposition dump. If details about the setting aren't relevant to the story, they don't need to appear in the text - and even if they are, they can often be spread out more, or just hinted at. Otherwise you get "As you know, your father, the king" syndrome, where characters speak to each other in a stilted manner about things they should both already know.
The sentence in that paragraph starting with "Twilight", for instance, might flow better as something like "Twilight in Canterlot, Rarity in Manehattan, Spike who knows where..." - it gives narrative hooks you can come back to later. The details are good things to have to hand for later chapters, where you can use them to flesh out the background without distracting from the primary narrative.
Overall, though, it flows well. Introduction of characters, situational setup, and the unfolding of the drives leading inexorably to the fight are logical and very strong. There's a definite feel that, given the situation, events couldn't really have gone any other way, which is a good sign. Looking forward to chapter two!