Sunset Shimmer was able to escape from a fire in the throne room. But during her first day in the new world she gets hit by a car trying to save Screwball and lost her memory. After the incident Screwball offers to let Sunset stay with her and her dad. Can Sunset handle having a lost memory and survive living in a now world.
Grammar seems to be the biggest problem here, but over all it seems like a good story.
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I remember I was trying to spell gray. But I guess in some cases gray and grey are kind of the sameness thing to me. I just didn't realized the r wasnt there
What's a "now world?"
Even if your story at itself is quite nice, have I to that the way how you write it is reather unrefined. Mostly two things bother me while reading it.
First is your frequent repeat of the same word, even if there is a plethora of words or phrases with the same meaning. It makes a story sound dull and unimaginative, and should be avoided like the plague.
For exemple:
Smothered, crushed, in a vise grip, just to name few here.
Second you unnecessarily repead things that already known.
After Sun's agreement to Screwball's question, we know she is tired, you haven't to say it in the following lines, it only looks silly and makes reading it slightly annoying.
I announce that things not to complain, but to criticise helpfully. You should take them to heart in the future, to make your stories more pleasent to read and to imrove as a writer for yourself.
SCOOBY DO. this entire chapter was just a scooby doo episode
A. How did disord die the first time?
B. How did he die the second time so as to remorn him?
C. Who is disord?
D. Who were they helping remorn him?
E. And how are they going on with their normal lives after seeing somepony die?
F. I think you need an editor dear sir or madem
Should be:
Your friend,
Sun
Reread let'sgo
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or maybe she changed her name?
Reminded me of this
How did he become a Superinterdant he was a flipping Gang member, I mean a teacher maybe but Superinterdant!
Um is that supposed to be Sun instead of Aun
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Yep and it was good
Oh they are all going to freak as they have all faced Discord
Yeah Discord and Pinkie Got it
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LOL
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thank you
why did you have to do an episode that was just scooby-doo?
the van of discord would become the new mystery machine?
for a moment I thought you would try to play Scooby-doo again
I want to see and the reaction of the ponies, for the last menssaem of sun
very good, please continue it
If this story continues, give me the link, please?
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My point still stands