"Right this way sir," The nurse lead me through the halls, "Here we are." She opened the door for me.
Carmine was watching TV, his leg slung up, "Oi." He waved at me, "Hold up."
I walked over and watched the TV. He was watching some weird show with a girl in a bikini, "Carmine can you-"
"Don't start with me. Bloody asshole broke my leg, gonna be in here for the rest of the week." He crossed his arms, "Anyways...everything's ready. Hooves figured it out yesterday."
"Who's Hooves?"
Carmine looked away, "Look, I keep a key taped to the back of the planter by my front door. Head over and send em home."
I scratched my head, "That it? Dude you got hit by a car! You don't even want to say bye?"
He looked at me angrily, "Trust me, the way things worked out...we're not gonna stop seeing em." Carmine looked back at the TV, "Well...get going!" He looked around and found the TV remote and chucked it at me, "Get on with it!" He chucked the remote at me, "Schnell! Los los los! Come back when you've seen em home."
I walked out into the hall. I waited for a nurse to escort me out.
I scooped up Berry, napping on the couch as per her usual Monday plan. I walked around and found a duffel bag. I set the KO'd mare inside and went to find the others. Vinyl was enjoying the bass pumping through my desk as she played her music. I grabbed her and turned off the music, "Enough of that then."
"Aw dude, why?"
"Time to go home. Apparently Carmine found a way back." I set her down and shoved her towards the bag, "Chill here,"
"Fine." She sat and waited, bobbing her head as she listened to her own internal music.
"Strange mare." I wandered around my house and found Rainbow waiting outside my door.
"Good, let him out now..." Rainbow pressed her hooves against the door.
"Don't do it!" A voice squeaked from the other side of the door.
I shook my head and snatched Rainbow up, "Time to go."
"No! Not yet! Oh you jerk!" She started swearing and yelling as I sat her with the others.
"Right just sit here and be good...I will lock you in the bathroom if I have to." She took my bluff to heart and sat with her forelegs crossed, "Right, Rose!" I started yelling as I made my way to the back yard, "Oi Rose, time to go."
She peeked out and looked around, "What the heck do you want!?"
I threw my arms up, "Time to go."
"Go where!?"
"Home!"
"Oh!" She looked around after she said it, "Okay then." She simmered down and walked to the back door and went inside. I followed her and saw her to the others, Berry was still knocked out in the bad, Vinyl was talking the the sour faced Rainbow, and Rose took her place on the edge of the bag, "So...is Carmine alright?" Rose asked as she slid into the bag.
"He broke his leg. Aside from that I think he had a busted hip." I started corralling the mares into the bag.
Rose resurfaced from the pile of hair, "Is he gonna be alright?"
"Yeah, he's fine. He'll winge at me about all this later but yeah, he'll be fine." I stood up and knocked on my door, "Noteworthy time to go." I pushed my door open. Noteworthy was waiting quietly on the side of the bed.
I walked back and opened the bag. The three concious mares watched eagerly as I slowly dropped Noteworthy in, "Wait, wait! Stop! Sean! Sean wait!"
"Oh shut up you." I dropped him in the bag and watched as Vinyl and Dash tackled him. Rose just watched in amusement as Noteworthy was dragged deeper into the bag.
"They're killing me! They are killing me!" He screamed from the bag.
I looked down at Rose, "You mind making sure they don't ruin the bag?"
She gave a quick grunt, "Fine...got nothing else to do." She faded into the darker sections of the bag.
Wasting no time I picked up the bag and started off to my car. I reopened the bag and set the five sit in the back. The trip was short, Carmine only lived a few blocks away.
I pulled into his driveway. It was a bit creepy seeing the tire tracks where Carmine had been hit. From what I heard we had run to his car and got hit by some guy that was hauling ass down the street.
I found the bag, recollected the ponies, and hurried to his front steps. I felt around the back of a large planter and felt the key. I pulled it free and stuck it into the door.
The inside of his house smelled like fruit as I stepped inside, "Hello!?" A voice called from down the hall. I hurried towards it and found a pair of ponies waiting on a desk, "Ah, hello." A brown coated one stepped forward, "I believe you're here to see us home."
I set the bag down and released the ponies inside. I had to pry a sweat covered Noteworthy out and set him on the desktop, "The horror...the-"
"Quiet you." I poked his belly, he spread his limbs in response, "I take it you're Hooves?"
He nodded, "Doctor Hooves." He looked around, "This is Fluttershy, and this-" He gave an exasperated sigh, "Fluttershy...make him stop."
The pink maned one bopped a cup that was sitting on the desk. The cup jiggled before popping into a weird snake thing, "Oh you're no fun. He would have never found me!"
"Discord..." Fluttershy stared him down.
"Fine..." He walked on the keyboard and did a quick dance. The computer started up and Discord .exe started up. He looked at the screen and snapped his fingers. A large icon with the word: Return, popped up on the lower left of the program.
I stared angrily at the screen, "Are you kidding me? Who the hell is this!?" I closed the program and looked at the icon. The icon was the spitting image of the creature standing on the keyboard, "Okay...so...what's keeping me from burying you in the back garden!?" I grabbed the creature and shook him until he started rattling.
"Easy, I fixed it...eventually." He started laughing, "Oh don't look at me like that. You enjoyed it, look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't enjoy petting your little Dashie."
I grimaced at him, "Shut up." I turned to the computer and started the program in. I clicked the return button and the screen glowed bright white, "This it?"
Hooves stepped forward and leaned his head in. He popped back out, "Yes, Equestria. Good sir, it's been a pleasure." Hooves walked through the screen.
"Brilliant. Who's next?" Noteworthy hazily raised his hooves, "Right, in ya go." I picked him up and put my hand through the doorway and felt around. I found solid ground and set him down.
As I pulled my hand back I could feel something holding onto my hand. I pulled it back and found a rope attached to my finger. I yanked my hand back and pulled an orange mare out like a yoyo, "What in tarnation!"
"Nope." I pulled the rope off my finger and shoved the mare back through, "Not dealing with that."
Fluttershy walked to the screen, "Oh...I guess I should..." She slowly started towards the screen. Her hoof shaking like a leaf as she drew closer. I frowned and shoved her in with a soft eep.
"Sure she's fine." I looked around and picked up Berry, "Who want to go with her? I don't feel right sending her through alone."
Vinyl hopped up the makeshift ramp Carmine had built, "Got your back dude." She levitated the tired mare next to her and started towards the door. I pinched along her spine and gave her tail a quick yank, "Dude, feels weird." She kicked her leg and hurried through the doorway.
Rose climbed the ramp and stood there watching me, "Discord...make me big."
Discord cocked an eyebrows and snapped his fingers. I was quickly blinded then suddenly standing next to a chest height mare, "What the heck!?"
"I feel bad...I've been all moody lately, and I was mad at you before and....you know." She swung a hoof around my waist and pulled against me. I hesitantly returned it.
"Man you're soft." I ran my fingers through her mane, "Wait...so- yo weirdo. Does this thing work both ways now?"
Discord looked at the screen, "I am nothing if not thorough. Are we done here, because I have birds to chat with." He threw his head back and started walking through the screen.
His hand quickly shot back through and snapped his fingers. Rose suddenly started falling. I managed to grab her before she hit the ground, "Jerk!" Rose screamed at the screen, "Eugh...anyways...I'm sure we'll keep in touch." She waved bye as she walked through.
I started smiling, even after Dash landed on my head, "So this is it?"
"I guess so." I said, pulling her off my head, "Been fun though,"
She scrunched up her muzzle and looked away. She snapped her head at me and pecked my nose, "Tell no one." I smiled and set her down. I scratched her back and ran my fingers along her underside, "Okay..." I continued my soft onslaught, "Okay...okay! That's enough..." I pinched her rump, causing her back leg to kick involuntarily, "Okay!"
"Fine!" I threw my hands up, "Go on. Get." I nudged her towards the door. She waited and watched me, "Go!"
"I will!"
"Then do it!"
"Fine!" She sat on the keyboard.
"You're still here~" I said with a bit of a song in my voice.
"Shut up!" She snapped upright and started backing into the screen, "I'm going."
I started laughing until finally she disappeared into the screen. I gave a loud sigh as I turned off the monitor. Back home safe, can't really ask for more.
I felt a small sadness at their absence. But I can always bring one over to hang out some time, "Man...I wonder if Carmine has any beer." I started off to his kitchen. Best way to celebrate I suppose.
And every pony lived happily ever after!
3706578 Except for the beer, who was devoured whole.
This makes for a good conclusion to an otherwise good story despite your feelings towards it
When it comes to listening to the audience, I know it's tough, but in the end you realize that while you usually lend an ear to them, you're still making a story of your own personal construction and idealism (I dunno if I worded that correctly; if not, I'm saying that your other stories are just as good as this one to different eyes and even though it's a tough road, your work shall pay off in the end .)
I'm sorry if you were chronically bothered by the fact that this story happened to be the more popular one, but understand that you made some readers happy with your content; hopefully, they'll come to understand and appreciate your other literary works as well
In closing, thanks for another story, and I'll be sure to continue on 'Of Ice and Empires' soon enough.
Suggestion.
Whatever you originally plan to do with a story, stick with it. I liked the cuteness. Also, regarding the dark aspect of kidnapping, it would probably have worked better if one of the ponies had pointed it out rather than a human. And the cuteness worked well.
All in all, I like the idea that this was all a crazy prank by Discord and now works both ways. Does that mean a sequel without the dark overtones - since anypony who wants to can leave whenever they want - is in the works? I could so see, once everyone hears about what happened, ponies could get little alerts when they're being 'requested' for the human world and can choose to go or stay. That would be fun to read, the cutesy without the dark overtones.
3706586
Eh, more than in being featured I started off knowing it would be cute, then people got on my case about some plotholes, first I thought: "Wtf? It's a story about tiny ponies, you really want me talking about the ethics of it?" Then I tried, and shit snowballed down hill from there.
It was...alright. Still not a fan of pandering but whatever, it was okay.
3706595
Perhaps, but shall be a bit different. Spiritual sucessor, I don't think it's been done so it should be...(summoning my inner German) Wunderbar!
3706602 Overall, you saw it through to the end with a respectable conclusion, and that's good enough for anyone that tries their hand at writing fanfiction.
3706614
*Shrugs*
never listen to your audience about what direction the story should take. just write what you want. I realize what a logical fallacy it would be to listen to me, but there your are.
I enjoyed your story. it was fun, and that's all it needed to be.
3706602
Then don't pander. If people want to poke ethics holes in it, just put more emphasis on 'he can't really control it' and "it's accidental". Maybe when he decides not to do it for ethical reasons, the program popping up whether he likes it or not and keeping him from turning off the screen to get past it...and maybe on a timer so it triggers automatically if he doesn't push it himself. Make it clear this is more 'human is as much victim of Discord prank as ponies'.
I sense a sequel in your future, but it's a bit iffy. Can't tell if you are or aren't going to do it.
-The Character
P.S: They need to install a sub-program for the "Discord.exe" program, and that is the "Character_Fourthwall.Sub_ro.exe", which can help with the pesky interdimensional program.
You're welcome.
Ignore what people say. You're here to do what you want. There's a reason you don't do what the audience wants, no matter the medium. That is the Unpleasable Fanbase. The moment you start doing what other people want, they will complain. There is no right way to do things here, only wrong ways. And one of the wrongest is to start doing what other people say because they whinge about it.
Yay its done!
3706794 this, and...
most readers don't expect their comments to have much effect on the story. usually, they are hoping for the author to give them a little hint, or to say something like "I would tell you, but, spoilers!"
so, for example:
either ignore a comment like this, or, reply thusly:
but don't even think about freaking out and going "ahh! they think things are gonna go dark! I must modify the narrative to reassure them!"
Well I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said before. Just go fishing with whatever custom stories, you want, and the fishy fans will come a-biting eventually.
Eh. A shame that there was a whole drama around this. I, for one, liked it all the way through. I'd appreciate seeing something similar to this in the future if there intentions on recreating it in more worthy glory.
I quite liked this ending really
I'm hoping for a sequel of some sort.
since they say it ain't the last we are seeing of them-
Well that was nice. I especially liked that gag with Applejack. Also Noteworthy, that poor, poor bastard. That's what happens when you're the only suitable guy in a 500 meter radius.
And now for some sarcasm, because it's what I do.
It was Discord the entire time? NO WAI!
3707732
Spiritual sucessor.
I might do a bonus chapter if I feel like it.
This was good. Thanks for writing.
The only time you should listen to your readers is when even you're sure what they're complaining about is garbage. Then you go trolling through the comments and cherry-pick ideas you like, and fuck anyone who disagrees.
Otherwise, don't pay them any mind. If you like it, it's all good.
*One week later*
Carmine: "Where the frick is all my beer?!"
3708806
*angry glare* Don't judge me....
..aaand It's done. Pretty good job, all told. I'm no expert on fanfiction, mind you, but I had a laugh or two reading this. I understand you'd rather this fic shouldn't be getting all of the hype, but let's face it. I only read things with catchy titles and interesting-sounding concepts. Very little ponies hopping out of a computer screen and breaking things is all I had to hear before I got curious. I doubt I was the only one. Plus the cover art confused me enough as to disarm my peanut-sized brain's logic centers. Then I woke up just now typing this comment and being satisfied having read this fic.
...I don't have a condition, I swear!
3706602
Dude, never fully rely on the public to come up with new idea's for a story, nor take their ramblings fully to the heart.
It's a shame you're done (unless you change your mind) I really enjoyed the story and it would be cool to see more, don't listen to every word the audience says, it's impossible to please everyone. What I did is I just wrote a story I wanted to write and just listen to those that would correct grammar and point out glaring plot holes. Good luck in your future writing endeavors.
3708853
Sean: ZZZzzzz....
3708875
I don't think he's judging you...
I think he agreeing with you
3711601
I know, that was the joke.
3712276
ah i see!
happi nu year BTW. Not sure if yet by you, its already 1 1/2 hours past on my end
3708875
I WASN'T, genius. I was sympathizing.
3713554
.....again....sarcasm....I get it. You realized why I don't like this fic blah blah....it was a joke.
well that wrapped it up neatly.
3714822
Could have help my other stuff more, but yeah, good to finish it up.
Now that's a clean ending.
You're silly for listening to the readers that much. Little bit is fine, but most of the time you just have to smile and nod. Or you could pull out the line I used all the time while debt collecting: "I completely understand."
I just got finished reading this, and I have to say, I enjoyed it. Not because it was cute or cuddly, but because you took it to where you wanted to take it. I was sad to learn it had to end, and that there wasn't much else to give to it, but...hey...I liked it. I did. Great job.
Refereeeence!
3738623 I'll admit it. I just liked it for the cute and cuddly bits.
Awww, this was sweet, shit! I wanna go through this.
Good show!
LOL