Rarity learns Math by Gavier (Recommendation-style short-review - for fics I would recommend, but for flaws with the format that can be sorted with editing) · 3:38pm May 6th
Overall. Twilight thinks in 0s and 1s.
Rarity will show her the importance of I.Ref
Best lines:
Twilight's voice, angelical as always, danced on each sentence with practiced grace, turning the dull textbook into a show.[...]
"I could do that," voiced Rarity, not completely sure why.
That mare, so intelligent, so mysterious, so beautiful, looked every bit of regal someone placing a door between two book shelves can look.
Twilight teleported again, now at her side again. With that smug half smile of hers, she almost stopped being the most precious thing in the world[.]
[A]lmost.
Why read? strong character voice; builds on characters; witty asides; interesting concepts.
Flaws. The writing. To the extent that this cannot quite be part of the recommend series, despite having some great aspects to it. It's close, though.
Writing Tips No repeat words unless for emphasis; proper forms aren't emphasis; emphasis can be a new line; dialogue's good, but don't interrupt its flow; if text conveys a character thought that must be clear; use periods more; simpler sentence structures for complex thoughts.
Special This broke my brain. Probably just a grammar issue, but the idea that gayness = incorporealness is 
The tension was straight-up tangible (unlike Twilight, who was gay, next to Rarity, and a ghost).
Final thought. It's great. I want moar! But either an editor or a read through would make it even better.
For a fic I spat out in about 3 hours of frantic writing, I could not be happier with the veredict
the idea here is having contrast for each part (straight-gay) (up-next to) (tangible/-a ghost). Reading it again, maybe I could've written it as
"gay-next to Rarity, and a ghost" to be a bit more similar, but it feels kinda akward
EDIT: Gave it a reread. You weren't kidding about it needing an editing pass, holy hell
5779608
daamn gurl, you wrote that in 3 hours!? I think I was right to ask you to write moar! D: there's some great lines in there!
gotcha. That makes sense, actually, as there was a lot of subtle wordplay going on :P
Ok, I wanna have a go too
So, you are trying to contrast straight as an affirmative with gay as a state, as wordplay, while simultaneously drawing a much simpler contrast between another state (corporeality). The problem with doing that in one sentence, is that it is impossible to do that without confusion :P The sentence kicking it all off can stay. The challenge is the next clauses.
How's this:
The tension was straight-up tangible. In this respect, its tangibility both contrasted with Twilight's sexuality and complemented Rarity's (a situation directly inverse to their relative corporeality).
Something like "Tangibility(Tension) = Rarity (corporeality) when Twilight(Gay)
Now, what would be really cool is if I understood maths, and could make that into a maths problem
except, y'know more mathsy. I do not math.