Fanfiction Review: On a Cross and Arrow · 2:31am Mar 11th, 2013
Blogger: http://blogofpony.blogspot.com/2013/03/fanfiction-review-on-cross-and-arrow.html
Well, the other review went over all right, so I guess it's safe to reveal what the backup was going to be. Once again, I am making an ass of myself and reviewing what is commonly considered one of the most popular stories in the fandom. And this was going to go over better than a Chatoyance story because...?
Let's look at Conner Cogwork's On a Cross and Arrow.
SYNOPSIS:
Twilight has found a mass teleportation spell, and plots to transport herself and her friends to Manehatten. Something goes wrong with the ritual, however, and the group find themselves transported not between towns, but between worlds. In particular, they are now stranded in a (mostly) gender-swapped realm where all six are stallions. Now they must find a way to escape without being found out, but that may be too late...
REVIEW:
I haven't read much of Conner Cogwork's stuff, although I do like Ah Ain't Got No Ack-Cent! quite a bit. Still, this is by far his most popular story, and has basically solidified the names and identities all of the Rule 63 versions of the Mane 6. It was even popular enough to receive countless pages of fanart and spinoffs, plus an official sequel that hasn't been updated in an eternity. But what of this story? Surely I absolute love it, right?
Well...eh....
The story actually starts quite solidly. The characters are presented fairly basically, but their core characterization is pretty good. The alternate Ponyville also seems to hold a lot of promise, and the way the two groups work off each other is a lot of fun. The high point for me was Rainbow Dash's investigation into Rainbow Blitz's house, although I could have done without the gay joke. Outside of some grammar issues and the occasional flat bit of writing, it kept me interested in checking each update.
But then I start noticing all the more troubling things about the story.
First, almost nothing is done with the parallel universe idea. History is exactly the same, only with the names and genders changed. While it's interesting for a short story, when extended as long as this one it starts to wear thin fast. I know it's not an AU, but even then, there could have been something done a little differently, especially since the story starts playing itself more and more seriously as things continue. Still, that's a nitpick compared to my next issue.
A little under halfway through, Rarity decides to seek out her male counterpart and romance him. I...have no words for this. I'm sorry, but I find selfcest to be the height of narcissism, which is something Rarity does not need more of. Granted, the story was written between the first two seasons, so the last impression Rarity made was trying to seduce a stallion she wanted only because of his title, but it still left a rotten taste in my mouth. Didn't help that she did this purely out of self-interest, not to help the rest of the group or out of sheer accident.
And then there's the matter of Twilight. Her entire role in the story is to screw up, get mad at everypony else, refuse to get help because having a male version of her running around makes her scared, and finally caves in only after everypony else chews her out. She's an utter load for the entire story, and the sheer discomfort the Rarity incident brings to the table is magnified between her and Dusk Shine. And the story ends with everypony in love with their alter-egos because...quantum.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
On a Cross and Arrow is not a terrible story, but it's also not all that good. It ultimately falls rather flat, and the only reason I stuck through as long as I ultimately did was because I was hooked on the early chapters and had to see how it ended. Still, it has some very good moments, and I can see why it has as many fans as it does.
Well, now that you all hate me...
Around the Bend will be up...
But Twilight and Applejack weren't in love with their males selves... at least not in that way.
I"ve never even heard of this story...
It was actually lampshaded in Rarity's case, that it was the ultimate in narcissism. But I think, this is another one of those stories that I loved so much when it first came out, but in the time since it finished, there has been a great deal of stories that are simply, better. Still, it's got a special place in my heart as one of those early (for me) stories that got me really INTO the fandom, and not just the show.
I for one really wanted Twilight's fears to come to something. For her especially it seemed that she wasn't scared of there being a male her, but just of another one of her period, and she was terrified of what that encounter might produce. The fact that she's unable to look herself in the eye says some interesting and dark things about her psychology, and I would have liked to see more expansion on what it was about herself that she was so afraid of. But no; her final encounter is just an admission that she had nothing to be afraid of all along, which I might have been okay with if it didn't cheapen the entire rest of the story as well. Oh, it was a fun series, and I would probably read it again, but the ending was a bit of a letdown.
I have to agree that the self-cest was a little creepy, but as a whole I liked that they were more mirror universes than alternate universes. And as for paranoia!Twilight... I can so see her doing that.
I remember when I first read this. It was hilarious... even when Rarity delved into selfcest. I called out the cruiser-load of narcissism, but took it with a grain of salt. Twilight's fear was just irrational to me, though.
I certainly don't hate you. Everyone has their own tastes and interests, and you do make a fair few points. That said...
This is actually one of my favorite parts of the story. First of all because the only thing better than one Rarity is two Raritys.
More importantly though, while yes self-cest is pretty much the height of narcissism that is a fact that Rarity is VERY self-aware of in the scene, yet she goes through with it anyway. Still, I think you're judging her harshly to say that her motivations were purely selfish. By that point in the story Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash (maybe Pinkie Pie; been a long time since I read the fic) had all met there doubles and each had profoundly different responses. Rarity isn't just looking for cheap romance, but is honestly curious what her own reaction to meeting her doppelganger will be.
As for Twilight being the load throughout, yeah that's kind of true, but half the tension wouldn't exist without her doing so. Still, I do sort of agree; I spent most of the story becoming increasing frustrated with Twilights actions, all the more so as one by one the other M6 met their doubles without creating any kind of disaster (and it certainly didn't help that at the time I had read another dimension hoping fic where Twilight kept harping on about not interfering and/or how meet one's counterpart could cause the multiverse to collapse), yet by the end of the story I felt the resolution -- that she was scared and unsure of how to relate to Dusk Shine is what drove motives -- tied everything up nicely.
Also I think it's a bit unfair to say thet EVERYONE falling in love. Twilight and Dusk specifically relate to each other as siblings, AJ and AJ choose to be cousins (though each with eyes for the opposite gendered Rainbow). Pinkie Pie and Bubble Berry as party buddies. That leaves Flutershy/Butterscotch and Rarity/Elusive as the only true shipping pairs... well, and Dash/Blitz, but that was just kind of tacked on unnecessarily at the end.
I don't hate you. I pretty much feel the same way about the story. It started interestingly enough and I held on until the ending but it just... didn't live up to the begining.
I thought the ending was okay... but it was regretful that the "end of the world" caused by Berry Bubble and Pinkie Pie didn't happen though.
I haven't read this one, just because I was never really interested in the whole rule 63 thing, but this line in your review jumped out at me,
"almost nothing is done with the parallel universe idea. History is exactly the same, only with the names and genders changed. "
I hate when stories do that, Rainbooms and Royalty was for me the absolute worst offender, (you should review it sometime, I'd be curious to hear), in it RD is taken as a student under Celestia instead of Twilight.... but LITERALLY everything about that universe and the canon universe is the same, Rainbow's and Twilight's personalities didn't change a whit, and nothing else about them changed. Anyway, long story short, I hate when they do that, it ruins stories for me.
This story(for all of its flaws) holds a special place in my heart because it was one of the very first fan fics I ever read(It is either the 2nd or 3rd). The very first ship fic I read too.
I don't feel as creeped out by the selfcest, as you put it. Probably because I don't really look at it that way. For example, I don't consider Rarity and Elusive to be the same pony. You could say they are different versions of each other, but I don't think you can go any further than that. I understand you considering it narcissistic, but honestly I can't fault her. I'd also like to know where you are getting that they all fell in love with their alter-ego. It's been a while since I read it, but I'm sure that Rarity/Elusive and Fluttershy/Butterscotch were the only properly shipped pairs. Dash/Blitz was kind of there, but not much happened. Everyone else just kind of cam to a platonic friendship of some sort with their double.
I can agree with you though on Twilight though. She did really drain me with how strongly she insisted that they don't ask for help from ponies they know would help them. It would have worked better if there was some type of reveal at the end that she has a very negative view of herself and that is why she was so afraid of Dusk. Without that though it just makes it an unexplained irrational fear.
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If you want to read a great story that really delves into exactly what you are talking about I recommend reading I Forgot I Was There. Really good story so far. I have to warn you though that if you decide to read it you will be waiting a while for the next chapter.
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Actually, I am reviewing Rainbooms and Royalty at the end of this month. And...I have a decidedly different take on how it presents the two than you do, but that's another discussion altogether.
I know what you mean about the selfcest stuff, but I think it would be okay to have one (and only one) pair dancing around that. More to the point, I'd have preferred to see them each relate to their "other self" in a different way. They sort of start out that way -- Twilight treats him like a best-friend-slash-study-buddy, Dash gets competitive, Pinkie just goes along with it... but then fully half of them gravitate toward romance by the end.
That said, Flutterscotch was adorable. That's the one romantic connection I'd keep, if I were writing it. Though all bets are off when it comes to alternate-gender-other-friends -- I thought AJ's reaction to Blitz was hilarious. Somehow, I kind of want to see AJ, AJ, Dash, and Blitz go on a double-double-double date, as Pinkie might put it. Probably in stereo with Berry.
I tried reading it. got bored after chapter two
Regaradless of what anyone thinks about OaCaA, I think it has done a great deal of shaping for the fandom. As you mentioned, they're basically the cannon names/personalities for R63 M6 and Celestia. In my opinion, that lifts the story above even things like Cupcakes and My Little Dashie (again, regardless of anyone's opinions of the writing quality), which get frequently referenced... but that's all they get: referenced.
Honestly, I've never read a story using R63 that didn't pull heavily from the ideas presented in OaCaA. I've even seen shout-outs to the story when R63 isn't being used.
Why OaC&A was boring : The R63 Mane 6 were identical to the normal. There wasn't any significant difference. If they'd gone to another Equestria exactly like their home Equestria, the only part of the story you'd have to change is to make Rarity clearly bisexual; the rest could basically proceed with almost no change.
So basically, the central premise - the Mane 6 as boys - doesn't get utilized for, well, anything at all. About the only characters remotely different in any way are the Crusaders, and even then...eh.
Basically, like many of the biggest fandom stories, it's got a lot of praise that's more for being the first to see success on a particular topic than for doing a good job of it.
This was a pretty negative review, and it was still more positive than your review of Past Sins.
Well, i only read like 3 chapters, so take this as an ingnorant Person's prespective about the whole romance thing.
Rarity and male rarity having sex is... weird. But at the same time, having at the same time, having the two romance each other is perfectly fine for me. Rarity is, to her core, a narc. SO if 2 people who know exactly what they like and are the whole romantic type, then yes. I see this happening.
twilight and twilight is unacceptable, But at the same time, imagine the opportunity if Female Twilight had to seduce male Trixie. THAT would be funny shit.
Fluttershy and Butterscotch(?) well, im not one to ship, and i don't think they would be romantic, but the reason why shy people are lonely is because they don't want to open up themselves to the outside world. Now, just think, Fluttershy meets someone who knows everything about her without having to risk embarassment, Do you see how easy it would be to begin a strong friendship with them? Its like how a shy person is often very open to a cousin or a sibbling.
Rainbow Dash and Rainbow Blitz. yeah, that's just like locking 2 assholes in a room and seeing which one leaves alive.
pinkie and Pinkie is like a hyper kid at a Mcdonalds with a playland.
And with applejack... I don't know.
With the alt reality once again, We should assume that they would be some changes to our personalities because of being of a different gender.
Let's use me as an example, I have a man crush on Frank Sinatra and think that J Lo is the hottest thing on 2 legs. That should mean that R63 DancewithKnives should have a woman crush on JLO and think that Frank Sinatra was the hottest thing on two legs.
But at the same time, certian things about our personality would not have changed. Like that i was on the Swim Team, or that If we met, we would swear like two sailors at a bar as we Played RE6.