Fanfic Reviews – Shipping Edition · 12:45am Aug 12th, 2014
Shipping! My old nemesis indeed. It is not that I hate a shipping story on principle, it is just that nothing about it gives me the instant gratification some readers seem to get, and most of what is left seems pretty shallow. Below are a handful I have encountered recently(ish), namely:
The Shadow of a Doubt
A Faded Touch of Blue
Wet Feathers
Thou Goddess
Temporary Hiatus
The Terrifying Prospect of Swans in Love
Royals
The Traveling Tutor and the Diplomats Daughter
As a reminder, scores are on a 0~10 scale, with 3 representing a truly mediocre work.
Ardensfax – The Shadow of a Doubt – Shipping
In the future, Rarity and Twilight come to terms with their feelings for each other.
This is everything I hate about shipping in a neat package. It is utterly predictable, to the point that, as soon as Rarity was introduced, I could see the precise path the story would take – and I read it without knowing that it was even shipping. The characters seem mature in the surface, and are stated as so, but their actions and feelings are incredibly adolescent and immature, in a very oblivious manner. There is wildly rampant repetition, the pacing was strange and dragged a lot, suddenly rushing through powerful emotional discoveries without much reason or logic, only to take its time in trivial matters. It is confusing and predictable at the same time, and most of the times the question “why is this happening” can only be answered by “melodramatical convenience”.
The sad part is that the author's idea for their future is great and plausible, and there is a core of genuine development in their friendship in the future. However, the fic seems uncertain if it just wants to use this “future Mane 6” as an important plot point, or mere backdrop to the romance. What is there is nice, I will give it that, but seems more fitting for a different story.
While I would be pretty indifferent towards this story considering all that, it also manages to commit the cardinal sin of shipping, enough to push it clear into dislike territory: it uses the “Finally we are more than friends” scene. I tend to hate it into romantic stories in general, since friendship and romance aren’t points on a spectrum, but it is especially infuriating when applied to Friendship is Magic, you know, that show where friendship defeats gods. It explicitly says that friendship isn’t important, only romantic love, and is one of those things that really needs to stop in society at large, and ponyfic in particular. Call it a pet-peeve, but it drives me up the walls, and completely ruined the experience.
Why it should be read: For the interesting view of the Mane 6 future.
Stand out moment: The parts in the beginning before Rarity is introduced.
1/10
Tofazz – A Faded Touch of Blue – Romance
A Saddle Arabian noblewoman in her arranged marriage.
To be completely honest, I went in expecting this fic to be extremely preachy, full of a “True Love must prevail!” message and the like. It broke through my barrier of cynicism with great care and precision, with a perfectly used unreliable narrator, and a great, cautious touch when dealing with different social norms.
I love how the fic frames the great act of liberation Moxie takes, that of sleeping with Trixie during the Grand Galloping Gala. She constantly refers to it, in a way, as some kind of grand love-at-first sight situation, hiding from the reader the fact that it was just an one-night-stand for Trixie. In fact, she was essentially raped, and I am very sure that reactions would be immensely different is it was, say, Blueblood instead of Trixie whom she slept with. Also, how selective she is in her memories of her mother, or of her options. After all, she is essentially an adolescent (and her husband too), and all of her reactions are very fitting when seen through those lenses. Just look at how she decides to use the hair of the person she went to sleep around with during the ceremony, probably as abhorrent an action as she could ever take. Her lack of communication through most of the story is also very significant, with her more rebellious actions being conveyed non-verbally, despite her overt cooperation.
One interesting thing was that, for a great part of the story, if feels very unaware of the protagonist actions, no doubt an effect of the unreliable narrator, until the reality comes crashing down. It works, and is very cathartic, but it is unmistakable how uncomfortable the first half made me. It also helped the fic to keep a very melancholic tone all throughout.
Probably my favourite thing was the treatment of her husband, Athaal. The first time you see him, he is this cold, angry, distant figure. While that certainly made my fears about the direction this fic would take become that stronger, it helps keep tensions high, and sets up the ending. After all, he isn't some stranger, but somepony she knew when she was young, and that he wasn’t acting like himself during the whole time due to multiple factors and insecurities she also shares. That helps set-up that final scene so perfectly well it just blew my mind, a very transformative twist that simply made the fic for me.
With all these little touches, the fic manages to work in a believable moral conflict, with little whitewashing of any one side. Someone else said that this is an important story, and I’m inclined to agree, and would be interesting to see adapted as original fiction. An impressive fic no doubt.
Why it should be read: Great use of an unreliable narrator, and for being careful when dealing with cultural shocks.
Stand-out moments: The scene with them breaking down and their heart-to-heart during their nuptial night was perfect.
9.5/10
bookplayer – Wet Feathers – Relationship Drama
Relationship issues arise between AJ and RD, when the later appears in a swimsuit magazine.
I feel conflicted about this one. On one hand, it presents a some great conflict, but much of it is dependent on how stubborn AJ is. That isn’t really OOC, but the way that makes her approaches their relationship was straight up disgusting, and pretty unhealthy overall. Different from RD, she never makes any effort to understand her significant other position, and seems more interested in the ideal RD she felt in love with, than the real one with her own desires, insecurities, and circumstances.
However, that only bothers me because the fic actually made me buy them as a real couple, instead of kissing friends, or any of those common shipfic pitfalls. In fact, the conflict itself is perfectly reasonable, and actually true to life, but at the same time the fic seems very unaware of just how unhealthy such a relationship is. And in the end, despite how honest the whole thing feels, I really wish it would be more self-aware, because otherwise, it is a very good story.
Why it should be read: For the complex relationship angle it portrays.
Stand out moment: The way Applejack’s fears were portrayed.
6.5/10
Horizon – Thou Goddess – Ultra-Romantic Poetry
A writer connects with the Night through his dreams.
Let me get one thing straight: I dislike poetry. I think it is essentially an incomplete art-form, that is fully dependent on the reader for meaning, containing little on its own. Have this in mind when I say that this is ultra-romantic writing at its finest, wickedly clever, perfectly written, with a beautiful measure of desperation. The story works as the perfect medium for Horizon to showboat, in a way that is not sensible but also not overtly self serving, and he writes poetry well enough to earn himself the right to do such things.
In that, it manages to present an unique and great love story, while also balancing simultaneous romantic and creepy overtones. I loved how it manages to mix well regular prose with an almost-epistolary format, and also the idea of the two lovers communicating through poetry. As far as I know, the angle that the poetry is written by one of them while the other sleeps is absolutely original, and please prove me wrong because I’d love to read more of this. The only reason I am avoiding a perfect grade here is that, in the end, this style (and poetry in general) simply isn’t my cup of tea – but I can certainly recognize when it is in top form, like here.
Why it should be read: For the expert wordsmithing – I really can't get across how good it is.
Stand out moment: The reveal of Luna not being the Night was excellently handled.
9,5/10
The Messenger – Temporary Hiatus – Tragic Ship
Ahuizotl wins, and gloats.
Lets get this out of the way: Daring Do is dead, and Ahuitotl rethinks their relationship. Maybe categorizing this as shipping is giving too much away. This isn’t exactly new, and I have seen it executed better elsewhere, but adding death to the mix really spruced things up. In their individual chapters, each character has great voicing, and a well written monologue, full of personality and a good measure of denial and acceptance. Sadly, the writing was a tad bit repetitive, specially during chapter 1, and would work better being punchier. The alternative path was a great idea, and well executed too, giving a nice counterpoint to the first one. This falls in the “nice” category, a fun read while still being a little too unsubstantial for my tastes.
Why it should be read: It is a good spin on a tired idea
Stand out moment: The actions of Daring Do at the very end.
6.5/10
Fedora Mask – The Terrifying Prospect of Swans in Love – Shipping
Twilight confess to Celestia.
Twilestia is my anti-OTP. I despise it, and I have yet to see a single fic that could prove to me otherwise. This means that, right out of the bat, this fic isn’t for me. Interestingly enough, it directly references my issues, such as the fact that she Twilight was her student from her childhood through part of her adult life, or how one sees the other, as well as their life circumstances. These are all things that make the romance aspect completely lost on me, and despite the lampshading, this fic does nothing to placate those issues, so for every positive I could present, a huge “but it is twilestia” should be added.
Besides the whole romance thing, it is an impressive story about growing up and accepting your faults. I loved how their roles get progressively reversed during the story, Celestia's lack of experience in matters of love putting Twilight in a stronger position, who feels more comfortable with the whole thing. Of course, as interesting it was, it also broke believability, with Twilight being simply too adult given how her initial confession went. This ties in with how the characterizations seem forced in order to better fit the story that the author wants to tell – one of those things that bother me in many shipfics.
Otherwise, writing was exceedingly clever, full of beautiful imagery in how they saw each other, or in the swan analogies. I would have liked it a lot more if not for the specific ship, but I have certainly seem worst, and overall, I did enjoy it quite a bit, putting it squarely amongst the better shipping stories.
Why it should be read: It is a beautiful fic, and would certainly appeal to Twilestia fans.
Stand out moment: The subtle and steady changes in Celestia.
8/10
Einhander – Royals – Romance
Rarity and Filthy Rich go on a date, and discuss their aspirations when they were younger
This is one of those fics that, despite the sloppy execution, is very good overall. It suffers a lot from an annoying tendency to do info dumps of tangentially related topics, suddenly stopping the story to say exactly what some character has been doing for the past few months, but then turns around and works in these absolutely adorable and wonderful little scenes. It is very well characterized, full of genuine moments that fit all the involved perfectly, and has a real sense of how to proper pace things, in a way that makes the budding relationship interesting and believable. There is a real sense of growth and weariness in both characters, making themselves and their relationship feel appropriately complex, while still feeling very show accurate.
I am not sure how I feel about the royalty aspect, or the ties to the song itself. Quite frankly, the whole thing felt more like an intrusion on the overall story, and despite it fitting the characters and allowing for some nice points and references, I am not sure it meshes well enough with the romance. I get why the characters feel like this, but the focus on this specific issue didn’t contribute enough to the more romantic aspects to justify the time spent on it.
However, in the end it left me wanting to see more in this continuity, such as the impending conflict between her new Boyfriend and Sweetie Belle, or how it would affect her more professional aspirations. In the end, for the non-shipper that I am, it made Raryrich (or whatever this ship’s name is) absolutely adorable, a mark of success in my book.
Why it should be read: For some believable, well written and characterized romance.
Stand out moment: I loved how the fic treated Diamond Tiara, and Rarity fears about that aspect of their future relationship.
8/10
Georg – The Traveling Tutor and the Diplomats Daughter – Romantic Comedy
In this sequel to The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian, Green Grass must entertain a young Gryphon noble.
This isn't as fantastic as the original, but is still very good. Interestingly enough, it is focused solely on Green Grass, with Twilight barely appearing in the story. This was a very smart decision, allowing him the space to grow as a character independently from Twi (something somewhat missing from the original), as well as highlighting some aspects of their relationship, and allowing it to feel very distinguishable from the original. Their growing relationship is also portrayed very well, with small rituals and an entanglement of their personal lives, families, and friends. It feels very natural, and again shows that Georg has a knack for this kind of thing.
The Gryphoness was also interesting, both as an character in her own right, and as a nice reminder of familial duty. The echoes of a larger Georgverse was a good idea, but was a bit too present at times, not content to stay in the background and intruding on the rest of the story. I also think that it could have used some more humor overall, and that the pacing was uneven. For a story that deals with multiple themes related to politics and the like, it is remarkably uneventful, falling into the kinda boring side of slice-of-life, and while there is some nice character growth for all involved, I don’t see much a point for all that happened. Also, it commits the ultimate blasphemy of saying that coffee is a mere caffeine delivery system. Really, how can you take something like that seriously?
Overall, it is very well written, with characterizations consistent with the last installment, while managing to build a bunch of world building and new characters. It is a very good story, and I will be checking out others in this continuity, it just didn’t floor me like the previous did.
Why it should be read: For another great example of Slice-of-Life done right.
Stand out moment: How you never see Green Grass pop the question to Twilight, leaving it implied. Having it happen at the end would have been way too cheesy.
8.5/10
And that is it – actually, a great haul this time around, lots of great stories. Anyway, expect some increased output from me these next few days. I have many written reviews in need of some cleaning up (a bunch of these were written around January, for instance), that I wanna clean up and post sooner rather than later.
I enjoyed several of these myself. If you want to check out more of Georg's continuity, I'd suggest moving on to the story Genealogy - (or the Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi). It's another slice of life romance sort of deal, and connects with several other stories in that continuity much more directly than the Traveling Tutor stories do.
2363322 Will do!
Dang, I liked Shadow of a Doubt. :B I have the same feelings as you on Twilestia, though, so I'll take that recommendation highly. You got me to drop at least one fic, but it's amazing how many of these I've already read this time around.
2364278 Wow! The Shadow of a Doubt gets a highly coveted Highly Recommended from PresentPerfect and a 1/10 here. That's a really interesting range. I'd love for you two to have a breakdown discussion Siskel and Ebert style about why things did or didn't work. That's amount of divergence is fascinating to me.
Oh, and some of the spoiler tags seem to be broken. I'll blame PresentPerfect for that. He loves broken spoiler tags.
2364958
That is blame I will not accept, sir. >:|
Actually, it doesn't surprise me too much, Soge isn't the first who wasn't as taken with that story as I was.
2365092 Oh, you did it alright. You leave a trail of broken spoiler tags wherever you tread!
2364958 Thanks for the heads-up. Looks like I mixed up my closing and opening tags.
I went to look at PP's review, and I pretty much agree with most of what he says, but the negative aspects affected me a lot more.
I too am freaked out by Twilestia. The only story I've read with that pair is Pearple Prose's Gods in Law--on the author's suggestion--and that focuses more on Celestia's weird relationship with her weird parents.
Just stumbled across this — oh, man, thanks for the glowing words. I think my ears are burning.
Didn't realize you were doing fanfic reviews! I'm gonna have to add you to the follow list.
Okay, why the hell is the cover art for Royals a takeoff on Silver Linings Playbook? What does that movie have to do with the song, or this fic for that matter? Does the story tell the tale of a couple that has to deal with mental illness, shaking off painstaking realism for cinematic cliche in the last act? No?
Also, I find it curious that you slam poetry (hee) for leaving the work too dependent on reader interpretation, and yet you seem to be comfortable reviewing music without words to it, which I would imagine depends even more on what the listener projects onto it. I also like instrumental music more than poetry (Pale Fire notwithstanding), but I don't understand this reasoning.
2626160 Is 15 weeks might be my new record for replying to a comment...
I read this comment right after you posted it, and had no idea how to actually respond, since that question has bugged me for quite a long time.
I think that, at the end of the day, my issues with poetry is the lack of context in a short poem. I consider a single poem is an incomplete text, and is only complete through reading the rest of the author's works, the historical context in which it was written, etc. Otherwise, whatever you are seeing in the poem stems chiefly from your preconceptions. This is why I dislike seeing "loose poetry", since what people read on it is fundamentally meaningless and, in a way, narcissistic. The same goes for random excerpts from books (Poor Dickens!), and, by association, people that would play a significant passage from a song without bothering to re contextualize it.
But, I am fine with poetry in context, like where poetry is used as part of a larger narrative (Like in Thou Goddess), or where poetry is just the medium for something larger (like Pale Fire, which I thank you for introducing me since it is fantastic, or epic poetry). Also, good beat poetry (which is inherently performatic), and even a properly annotated anthology.
When you move to instrumental music, I think that the same can apply. For instance, I tend to dislike Chamber Music, since it was purposefully designed to be contextually dependent, and yet is often played as a stand-alone. It is the opposite of a soundtrack or a symphonic movement, which are designed to elicit specific feelings, have a specific purpose behind them.