I don't even know.

So, another user pointed me to a certain translator and said that I should post a version of Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold.

While you wait for me to write, have a 'Gizoogled' version of the first chapter. Warning, is long and contains... well, you better read for yourself.

Da sun blazed down on a lil' small-ass hood up in tha Zebra Lands, tha majoritizzle of tha huts covered up in a layer of dirt. Da villagers was all hidin up in they cribs, save fo' two foals trapped between a well n' a monsta n' shit.

Da brutha n' sista had been frozen up in terror fo' what tha fuck seemed like muthafuckin years while tha dirty biped yelled all up in tha sky, vowin ta git revenge on a ‘Filthy, Backstabbing, Connivin Horse.’ Da creature clutched a funky-ass bloodstained sword n' wore a scaly red hide round its pale skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude reeked of a smell dat matched his thugged-out appearance, a mix of sulphur n' a thugged-out fadeden night’s fry-up.

A legit nightmare.

"Make it go away," Zassy sobbed tha fuck into her olda brother’s stripped coat. Zebu hugged her tighter, shiverin as da perved-out muthafucka stared all up in tha monsta dat had clawed its way outta tha ground ta yell wit rage yo. Dude had never felt so scared up in his short game.

Dat shiznit was impossible fo' dis ta git any worse.

---

"Never bustin dat again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Elijah, fuck you n' yo' teleporter."

"It’s not mah fault, Orthodox," a thug voice, just as muffled as tha first, replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Whichever imbecile programmed dis was a thugged-out degree up fo' realz. A degree biaaatch! Do you have any comprehension of how tha fuck big-ass a gangbangin' fuck up dat is ta make wit inter-universal teleportation ta a unknown location, biatch? We could done been capped hommie! Torn asunder playa! Had our straight-up physical forms turned tha fuck into not a god damn thang but individual particlez n' erased from-"

"Yo ass betta both just shut tha fuck up?" Both jumpin off bout some shiznit beings was roughly pulled up from tha sandbank by tha legs, a third voice grumblin while they shock tha sand off they armour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "We knew tha risks, n' I swear you’ve both gotten even mo' irritatin since I left tha Internal Securitizzle Agency."

"At least you haven’t lost yo' talent fo' whining," Orthodox pointed up as da perved-out muthafucka shook tha sand outta tha segmented black armour coverin his cold-ass tail. "That’s all you eva done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! If it wasn’t classy enough fo' Jizzy then we was shizzle ta hear every last muthafuckin detail." Orthodox’s head snapped ta tha side as a hand covered up in identical black armour slapped his ass on tha helmet.

"Moron," Jizzy insulted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.

"Prick," Orthodox returned, standin up off tha ground n' dustin his dirty ass off. Da dragon-shaped alien tried ta puff up his chest ta intimidate tha psionic warfare operative, however tha effect was fucked up as he only came up ta James’ waist. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seein dat his thugged-out attempt had failed, Orthodox pointed his thugged-out lil' plasma rifle at Jizzy instead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Go ahead, pull tha trigger," Jizzy taunted as his handz tapped tha pistol holstered at his waist. "You’ve gots one blasted before I paralyse you n' put a gauss round up in yo' face." Dude tapped a armoured finger between Orthodox’s blue eye optics. "We all know why you use rapid-fire weaponry dat you can spray all over dis biiiatch."

"Come now you two," Elijah interrupted while pushin Orthodox’s rifle barrel towardz tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Us dudes didn’t cross universes ta blast each other up in a thugged-out desert." A panel on Elijah’s white armour opened, tha scientist withdrawin a square data-pad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "We still gotta find Chalmers afta all."

"Bastard missed mah Birthday," Orthodox muttered, gazin up across tha harsh desert.

"A rare thang indeed," Elijah agreed while tha pimpin' muthafucka tapped on tha pad’s glowin screen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Gone fo' mo' than a month n' no communication.. n' you KNOWS dat tha ISA would have noticed it sooner."

"Our thugged-out asses have mo' betta thangs ta do than worry bout agents on leave," Orthodox defended. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "So let’s just find him, smack some sense tha fuck into his ass n' then go back ta mah place fo' mah party. Then we can all go our separate ways again n' again n' again until James’ is due."

"I look forward ta havin fadeden fools up in mah doggy den every last muthafuckin year," Jizzy remarked dryly yo. Dude joined Orthodox as they stared up all up in tha desert, searchin fo' a sign of they missin comrade. Da tall n' lanky Jizzy was a gangbangin' finger-lickin' direct contrast ta tha squat Orthodox, tha human n' alien’s sensors unable ta find any trace.

"There we go," Elijah was rappin up as da thug waved tha pad, facin tha direction behind em. "He’s kickin it n' only all dem kilometres from here." Orthodox immediately rushed past tha scientist, his bangin rifle hittin against Elijah’s armoured leg up in his haste.

"Last one there has ta loot a round of dranks when we git back!" his schmoooove ass called out.

"Da one thang I didn’t miss," Jizzy muttered before following, his thugged-out armour glowin a slight blue as he increased speed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Elijah peeped his cold-ass two playaz race off tha fuck into tha desert, chucklin as he ordered his thugged-out armour ta boot up his crazy-ass muthafuckin inbuilt teleporter n' shit. Bein a high-rankin scientist wit Research n' Development had its advantages.

Settin tha co-ordinates ta just all dem feet away from Chalmers; Elijah grinned inside his visored helmet as his cold-ass teleporter activated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.
Dude wasn’t goin ta be tha one buyin any drinks, unlike tha fools dat had run off without his muthafuckin ass.

---

"Disease-riddled Harlot!"

Nigel’s insultin of Celestia was interrupted by a sound dat snapped his ass outta his blind fury fo' realz. A sound dat he knew all too well.

Da sound of a UIP teleporter n' shit.

Dude whirled around, tryin ta spot tha source yo. His eyes ran over huts, sandy ground n' a vast expanse of desert outside of tha hood da thug was in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude couldn’t peep anythang yo, but he knew dat tha sound was close.

"Well, dat was off by… I would say a thugged-out degree." Nigel’s eyes fell tha fuck on a well, a muffled thug voice risin up from it yo. Dude briefly noticed two zebra lil pimps alternatin from gazin at his ass wit fear n' nervously eyein tha now-speakin well.

"Move it," Nigel ordered, pointin towardz a crew of huts ta tha left. Da two foals did exactly as holla'd at, hurriedly gettin ta they hooves n' gallopin off as if a thugged-out demon was afta em yo. Dude dropped lil time wonderin bout them, Nigel struttin over ta tha well ta peer down tha fuck into its murky depths.

"Elijah?" Nigel inquired, able ta recognise tha voice of tha bookish scientist. "What is you bustin up in a well?" A light turned on, tha glow allowin Nigel ta peep tha white helmet of his wild lil' playa yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'.

"Oh, we came ta rescue you," came tha reply. "Orthodox n' Jizzy decided ta race each other across tha desert, so I did tha smart-ass thang n' teleported instead."

"I can peep that," Nigel responded, his thugged-out anger simmerin down as da thug went over tha shiznit. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "So, did you want me ta leave you there so you can git up yo ass or…?"

"Assistizzle would be appreciated, fo'sho," Elijah finished fo' his muthafuckin ass. Nigel turned away from tha well n' strutted over ta a hut, leanin his head inside a window.

"Got a rope I can borrow?" he asked, tha four zebras hidin up in tha buildin cursin tha fact dat they window was just a hole up in tha wall. One of them, a stallion, shakily fetched a cold-ass lil coil of rope n' tossed it all up in tha human. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Thanks," Nigel bigged up, returnin ta tha well ta rescue Elijah. Da rope was tossed down afta bein tied down, Nigel waitin until tha scientist climbed up n' out.

"Well, fuck you fo' dis shit."

"No problem," Chalmers replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Both stared at each other, Nigel examinin Elijah’s armour while tha scientist started all up in tha red cloak dat Nigel wore. "I peep you’ve gots armour."

"Oh, this?" Elijah replied while glancin down at dat shit. "It’s just a project I was hustlin on all dem muthafuckin years ago. It’s straight-up tha prototype fo' a freshly smoked up line dat tha military is lookin at. I’ve added some extras dat would certainly not be stock, n' I thought dat dis lil excursion would be tha slick testin ground." Elijah pointed at Nigel. "I peep you have a… sick cloak n' sword."

"Da sword was made by mah subjects," Nigel informed while showin off tha dirty blade. "You’ll ludd them, they use magically charged gems fo' all sortz of thangs."

"Subjects?" Elijah inquired; tha buckwild curiositizzle evident up in his voice.

"I rule a local Empire," Nigel stated proudly before his wild lil' fuckin eyes narrowed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I mean, I did rule a Empire. I was betrayed by tha rula of another ghetto n' da hoe banished mah crazy ass ta they Hell." Nigel ran a hand down tha rough skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "I picked dis up while I was down there, idiot tried ta jump mah dirty ass. Great thang I still had mah sword, n' I needed suttin' ta wear."

"So, a phat trip then," Elijah remarked cheerily before retrievin his thugged-out lil' pad from his thugged-out armour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "This Hell, what tha fuck kind of creatures inhabited it, biatch? Was it similar ta tha commonly accepted Judaeo-Christian underworld or done did it differ immensely?"

"I didn’t like it," Chalmers answered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "They didn’t like mah dirty ass. I don’t wanna go tha fuck into it now; I gotta take care of all dem thangs." Elijah smiled under his visor, tha pad stayin up in his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! From tha brief explanation n' tha mannerisms, Nigel was not pleased at all wit what tha fuck had happened n' dat often lead ta a wealth of scientistical knowledge.

Well, either dat or hilarious actz of violins, both of which was appealin ta tha scientist.

"I can only assume dat you wish ta return ta yo' Empire, take back control n' punish tha one responsible fo' yo' incarceration?" Nigel nodded, poppin his neck n' rollin his shoulders.

"Oh fo'sho, I gots a list of playas whoz ass I be hella, straight-up displeased with. I assume dat tha ISA wants me back right away though." Elijah chuckled nervously at this, rubbin tha back of his helmet wit a gangbangin' free hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Well, they hadn’t… straight-up noticed dat you was gone. Yo ass was on leave n' you apparently gotz a g-thang of disappearin when not needed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was Orthodox’s birthday-"

"Shiznit," Nigel cursed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude was not goin ta hear tha end of dat shit.

"Indeed," Elijah confirmed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "We noticed dat you hadn’t shown up n' Orthodox was a present down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass know how tha fuck he acts sometimes when da ruffneck don’t git his way. To save ourselves tha associated problems dat come wit such a happening, our phat asses decided ta find yo thugged-out ass."

Elijah shrugged his shouldaz sheepishly. "We used a array ta find yo' sub-dermal signature, saw dat you was up in a unknown location n' so we… ‘liberated’ a ISA sub-space teleporter."

Nigel rubbed a hand on his wild lil' face.

"Yo ass stole a teleporter," he muttered up in disbelief. "Do you have any scam how tha fuck much shiznit you’re goin ta be up in when we git back?" Elijah nodded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Oh, I do yo, but I gots a plan!" Da scientist pointed a gangbangin' finger ta tha sky. "Us dudes don’t use it ta git back yo, but I made shizzle ta subtly inform tha ISA dat you was missing. They come, find us, we claim dat tha teleporter malfunctioned while I was examinin it as a possible cause fo' yo' disappearance, n' then I use mah contacts up in R n' D ta make tha entire issue go away. Yo ass git found, tha UIP gets ta explore a freshly smoked up hood n' mah playas wins."

"I take it dat they don’t find our asses straight away," Nigel stated, wise ta Elijah’s methods.

"Well, I needed ta make shizzle dat our crazy asses had ample time ta find you," Elijah tried unconvincingly. "Oh, n' of course it gives me mo' time ta examine every last muthafuckin thang before tha other scientists git here ta stick they fingers or other frontal appendages tha fuck into dat shit." Dude gave Nigel a pat on tha shoulder n' shit. "Also, it means dat we can help you git back yo' throne. Even if startin a separate Empire is considered treason."

"Dat shiznit was mo' a cold-ass lil case of ‘I took it’ than started dat shit. Besides, I would have no issue wit leavin but there are… underground mattas involved." Elijah knowingly nodded his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Ah, just like I remember when I was up in tha ISA. Yo ass found a sick local hoe didn’t yo slick ass?" Chalmers nodded before glancin at his sword again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Well, fo'sho yo, but there be other thangs as well." Nigel was just bout ta explain dat he straight-up was horny bout tha crystal ponies n' chizzlelings yo, but was interrupted by a cold-ass lil cry of victory.

"Ha! Suck it Orthodox!" Jizzy taunted as da ruffneck dashed round a hut ta stand up in front of Nigel. Orthodox followed soon after, his wild lil' freakadelic glock still up in hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"It’s not fair!" he protested. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "Yo ass used yo' evil witch-mind powers ta trip me all tha time!"

"I did not," Jizzy defended wit a hand on his chest. "Yo ass must done been imaginin thangs. If anythang I’d say dat yo' short hairy-ass legs was tha main issue." Orthodox glared up at James, blue optics meetin blank, black metal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

"What tha Fuck did you just say bout mah legs?" Orthodox hissed dangerously, Nigel interruptin tha argument before it could go any further n' shit.

"Settle down," he advised, puttin his sword between tha two. Da two turned they attention ta him, Orthodox transferrin his wild lil' freakadelic glare ta Nigel.

"You!" tha alien accused as he pointed his wild lil' finger n' shit. "Yo ass missed mah birthday!"

"I was stranded on a alien hood," Nigel stated bluntly.

"I don’t care," Orthodox complained, struttin up ta Nigel n' pokin his ass up in tha gut wit tha tip of his cold-ass tail. "One less playa means one less gift fo' realz. And not goin ta lie, Jizzy n' Elijah is just not meant fo' parties."

"I do well at parties," Jizzy butted in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Not funk parties," Orthodox continued before pointin at Elijah. "And before you say it, Nerd, playin ancient role-playin game wit dice aint considered funk either."

"Orthodox," Nigel sighed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Calm down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. There is mo' blingin thangs ta worry bout than yo' party. I promise dat once we take back mah Empire, we’ll gotz a massive jam wit booze n' femalez yo. Hell, I’ll even git you a magical weapon as a present." Orthodox eyed Nigel’s sword, up in particular tha gems on tha hilt.

"Fine," he relented. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "But it mo' betta be a giant ‘fuck-off’ stick dat I can use ta smack playas n' make dem explode." Nigel silently wondered if dat was even possible, n' if dat shiznit was then why would da thug waste it on Orthodox. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Still, he attempted ta smile n' nod. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"I’m shizzle suttin' can be arranged," his thugged-out lil' punk-ass bluffed, Orthodox starin at his ass fo' a second before chillaxing. "We still need ta straight-up git ta mah Empire, take it back n' then defend dat shit." Nigel looked round tha village, tha others copyin his thugged-out action. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "And thankin bout dat mah hood is covered up in snow, I doubt we’re close by." Elijah stepped up n' raised a hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Allow me," his thugged-out lil' punk-ass fuckin started. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Judgin from tha huts, tha inhabitants is goin ta be fairly primitive. Primitives is often scared of strange aliens so you gotta act sick, be courteous n' pretend dat yo ass is they playa if you wanna git what tha fuck you want."

Da others peeped it, Nigel bobbin his head as Elijah pimped up his thugged-out attention ta tha phattest crew of huts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Da scientist cleared his cold-ass throat, scared eyes peerin outta darkened windows at his muthafuckin ass.

"Yo muthafucka, hoes call me Elijah," his thugged-out lil' punk-ass fuckin started. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Me n' mah playaz look freaky yo, but we mean you no harm fo' realz. All we want is ta smoke up how tha fuck we can git to…" Elijah glanced at Nigel.

"Da Crystal Empire, near Equestria."

"Yes," Elijah continued wit a funky-ass brief smile all up in tha names. "Da Crystal Empire which is near Equestria. If you give our asses directions, we’ll be gone n' you can continue on wit yo' lives. I would be most grateful n' I might even compensate mah playas willin ta help."

All four waited patiently, Elijah losin his smile as mo' n' mo' time went by. None of tha villagers moved from they hidin places, still too scared of tha intrudaz ta help. Orthodox had been tappin his wild lil' foot impatiently yo, but soon he lost his cold-ass temper n' shit.

"Yo ass have no clue how tha fuck ta interact wit primitives," Orthodox informed while pushin past Elijah. "Yo ass gotta be firm wit them, they respect strength." After da perved-out muthafucka holla'd this, Orthodox pointed his wild lil' freakadelic glock up tha fuck into tha sky n' pulled tha trigger n' shit.

Rapid shotz of blue plasma soared up ta tha heavens, Orthodox lettin go of tha trigger n' pointin tha glock all up in tha huts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

"Alright you Motherfuckers, listen up!" Orthodox thumped his thugged-out armoured tail on tha ground ta punctuate tha point. "Yo ass is goin ta come up n' help our asses find dis Empire, or I swear ta Dogg I'ma come up in there, slaughter every last muthafuckin livin thang n' then skull-fuck yo' corpses muthafucka! Apparently, tha one whoz ass straight-up has tha balls ta even rap ta our asses gets paid hommie! So what tha fuck tha Hell is you waitin for!?" A door immediately opened, a coffin dodgin' zebra stallion dressed like a African Chief pushed up by nuff hooves.

"See?" Orthodox commented as tha Chief hesitantly approached em. "Yo ass gotta be firm."

"Normally I would be pissed off at you," Nigel holla'd at Orthodox. "But given mah plans, I be thinkin you’ll gotz a pimped out time. This is probably one of tha only times dat I’ll let you git all up in hood on tha enemy."

"I can’t wait," Orthodox stated as da perved-out muthafucka stroked his bangin rifle’s grey body.

"Yo ass need directions?" tha zebra stammered, Elijah crouchin down up in front of tha creature n' pettin tha black mane wit his thugged-out armoured hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Fascinating, it’s like a Terran zebra but wit nuff differences up in appearizzle dat support its sapience. Well shiiiit, it also speaks Gangsta, a unexpected occurrence thankin bout dat no UIP operations is present up in dis area. One must wonder if we’ve stumbled upon another alternate Terra where tha inhabitants is equine up in nature." Nigel cleared his cold-ass throat as Elijah continued ta pat tha straight-up trippin zebra.

"Yo ass can research all tha natives you want when we take back mah empire," he lectured. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Right now we need-"

"Yes, I know, directions," Elijah muttered sadly while withdrawin his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "So then, sapient zebra, would you be able ta direct our asses ta dis Empire dat mah comrade desires back?" Da zebra gulped n' nodded nervously, his wild lil' fuckin eyes dartin amongst all of tha aliens.

"I can’t," he answered carefully. "I’m tha chizzle of dis hood n' I have nuff maps stored up in mah house. I don’t know bout tha ‘Crystal Empire’ but tradaz from Equestria come here occasionally. I have maps showin tha way ta Equestria yo, but you’ll gotta git a funky-ass boat ta cross tha sea." Nigel stepped forwards, Elijah standin up n' jottin down notes on his thugged-out lil' pad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"That’s fine, we can work our way from Equestria n' gettin a funky-ass boat aint gonna be a issue," Nigel replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I assume dat there be a port hood up in yo' ghetto?" Da chizzle nodded, startin ta move towardz tha phattest hut up in tha village.

"There is nuff ports; our crazy asses have much ta trade wit tha other nations." Da zebra was rappin' mo' n' mo' openly, evidently they plans ta leave quicker than a muthafucka was suttin' dat da thug wanted ta help achieve. "If you just break me off a moment I can find one fo' you ta take." Elijah followed him, wavin his thugged-out lil' pad up in tha air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

"There is no need fo' our asses ta take one, I can copy it up in seconds," tha scientist reassured. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Da entire thang will cost you nothing." Both he n' tha Chief entered tha big-ass hut, Orthodox makin exaggerated sniffin noises as he glanced at Nigel.

"Yo ass smell like shit," he observed, Nigel rollin his wild lil' fuckin eyes. "Just what tha fuck did you do, biatch? I caught suttin' bout a Empire."

"Long story," Nigel answered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I’ll rap bout it on tha way there." Dude glanced down once again n' again n' again at his sword, still havin neglected ta clean dat shit. "I promise you though; it’s goin ta be funk takin revenge."

"Someone pissed you off again?"

"Oh," Nigel replied as his wild lil' fists clenched. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Yo ass have no bloody idea."

---

"So you step down from tha throne, leave tha Empire wit all Equestrians n' never return."

Cadence sighed as tha crew of crystal ponies finished they list of demands, it had only been all dem weeks n' dis seemed like tha tenth-thousand time fo' realz. At least they had stopped riotin a week ago; her dope ass didn’t know tha exact number of guardz busted back ta Equestria but she knew dat tha newspapers had dubbed tha Crystal Empire tha ‘most fucked up place up in tha ghetto’. Dat shiznit was over-exaggeration yo, but it still didn’t help tha Equestrian civilian’s opinion of tha ongoin peacekeeping.

"That’s not goin ta happen," Cadence replied as tha ten guardz by tha throne kept a steady eye on tha crowd of civilians. "Supa-Hoe Celestia taxed mah crazy ass wit rulin dis Empire n' I intend ta do dis shit. Please, I only want ta git a aiiight empire. I know you all want tha Emperor back-"

"Us dudes do!" a mare shouted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "Us thugs want his ass back, we want our Crystal Heart back n' our phat asses don’t want any Equestrians up in our Empire!" Cadence sighed again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da lyrics would have hurt mo' yo, but afta constantly listenin ta dem dat freaky freaky biatch had gotten used ta bein hated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.

"He’s not comin back," Cadence stated, a lil harsher than she intended. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Celestia banished his ass forever n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch placed mah crazy ass up in charge, n' like it or not it’s tha only chizzle you have. We gotta work together ta restart tha Crystal Heart n' stop tha winter winds."

"Everythang we try don’t work!" a cold-ass lil chizzlelin was rappin up, pushin his way all up in tha crowd ta glare at Cadence. "We’re hustlin outta crystals n' wit all of tha crystal unicorns gone we can’t make mo' biaaatch! Not all of our asses can ludd ponies n' both tha Emperor n' yo' Supa-Hoe promised dat we could stay here!" Cadence’s grill remained blank, her hatred of chizzlelings increasin eva since Reflection had beat down her again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"It’s not up ta me, if you want tha Heart ta work then ask tha crystal ponies fo' realz. As long as they remain bugged out, then tha Heart aint NEVER gonna start."

"We’ll be aiiight when you’re dead!" A stallion yelled, tha crowd burstin tha fuck into disses n' jeers. Cadence lowered her head n' waved a hoof, her guardz movin ta push tha crowd outta tha throne room fo' realz. As tha ponies n' chizzlelings was ejected from tha castle, Cadence left her throne wit a huff.

"I’m retirin ta mah chambers," she informed a remainin guard, tha unicorn noddin his head as he observed his subordinates kick up tha gangbangers.

"Do you wish fo' me ta inform Captain Armour?" Cadence snorted while she moved towardz tha stairs.

"Yo ass can tell Shinin dat dat schmoooove muthafucka has ta learn ta grill his subjects someday." With dat Cadence climbed tha stairs, tha unicorn rollin his wild lil' fuckin eyes afta she left.

---

Shinin Armour passed tha two unicorns guardin tha prison door, tha guardz lowerin they headz n' starin all up in tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Guards," Shinin coldly greeted before struttin down tha linez of empty cells.

"Sir," tha unicorns both bigged up. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"I holla'd at you dat shiznit was a wack idea," one of tha guardz whispered ta tha other n' shit.

"Not now," tha other hissed, tha two watchin as they Captain reached tha end of tha cells.

Shinin frowned as he looked tha fuck into tha last cell, a silver phat gold rope wit a thugged-out dull gem lyin on tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Just what tha fuck was Cadence thankin when she ordered tha guardz ta force-feed Reflection tha gem, biatch? Dude was worried bout Cadence; dat biiiiatch was actin so different ta what tha fuck she used ta yo. Her time dropped amongst ponies whoz ass hated her was only damagin her self-esteem n' bubbly personality.

"Reflection?" Shinin axed as he peered tha fuck into tha cell. "I wanted ta rap ta you bout what tha fuck happened todizzle." Dude gots no response, Shinin sighin n' chillin down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "I already punished tha guardz whoz ass done did it, n' Cadence is still not bustin lyrics ta me afta I yelled at her n' shit. I know it meant a shitload ta you yo, but at least you’re not starvin no mo'." Two chronic eyes opened ta stare at his ass silently.

"I know mah excuses probably don’t mean much," Shinin continued. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I just… it’s not Cadence’s fault. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. She’s havin a shitty time, n' it’s only cuz of tha fuck up Celestia made dat she’s actin so weirdly. Do you remember when we was all up in tha bar, biatch? Dat shiznit was a pimped out time, n' you two was gettin on well." Shinin winced as soon as da perved-out muthafucka holla'd this, rememberin whoz ass else was all up in tha bar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

"Dude was a phat muthafucka," Shinin stated afta a pause. "I know dat schmoooove muthafucka had problems but da thug wasn’t as wack as Sombra apparently was. If I could brang his ass back I would yo, but I can’t. Da crystal ponies is continuin ta refuse ta work, Sparklin Scroll refuses ta even drop a rhyme ta our asses n' tha chizzlelings is worried dat they’ll run outta chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch. I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Even wit his ass gone, tha Empire still needz yo thugged-out ass."

Dude still didn’t git a response, so Shinin stood up n' did what tha fuck dat schmoooove muthafucka had come ta do.

"Cadence aint goin ta like this," he grimaced. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "But I owe Chalmers dis much." With that, Shinin levitated a key outta his thugged-out armour, unlockin tha cell door n' openin it up yo. Dude stepped in, struttin over ta tha chizzlelin dat was curled up in a funky-ass bizzle all up in tha back of tha cell. "Come on, I managed ta find a spare house. It’s lil' small-ass yo, but at least you’ll have it ta yo ass n' it’s far mo' betta than a thugged-out damp cell. We’re hustlin on somehow gettin mo' ludd yo, but I still haven’t heard back from Equestria."

Reflection didn’t budge, Shinin wrinklin his nozzle all up in tha smell of tha cell. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch had been imprisoned fo' over a month, Shinin still thankin dat tha punishment Cadence had ordered was unfair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Not even tha ex-Captain of tha Crystal Guard had gotten dat long afta startin a movement ta overthrow Cadence. Da only positizzle thang was dat tha playa hatas didn’t seem ta don't give a fuck bout his ass as much as Cadence n' Celestia, although da perved-out muthafucka still gots dirty looks n' glares whenever da thug was up in dis biatch.

Seein dat da thug was gettin nowhere, Shinin took a thugged-out deep breath n' exited tha cell yo. Dude left tha door open, takin a gangbangin' final look back all up in tha unmovin chizzleling.

"Yo ass can leave anytime you want, I’ve already holla'd all up in tha guardz dat you’re a gangbangin' free mare. If you eva wanna rap bout Chalmers, I’ll be willin ta listen." Still no response. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shinin didn’t bother sayin no mo', instead da thug strutted away n' left tha cell behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

Dude passed tha two guards, tha unicorns wisely not sayin anythang as he left tha dungeon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shinin made his way ta tha staircase, trudgin up tha crystal stairs towardz tha livin quartas yo. Dude headed towardz his bedroom, one door down from tha banished Emperor’s room. Dat shiznit was still too soon ta move in, n' Shinin didn’t be thinkin his schmoooove ass could eva chill up in dat shit. Chalmers was a gangbangin' playa afta all, n' tha thought of chillin up in his bed just felt strange.

Shinin opened tha bedroom door, tha stallion struttin tha fuck into tha darkened room yo. Dude entered n' closed tha door, sighin as da perved-out muthafucka saw dat Cadence was already asleep up in tha four posta bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude still climbed in, makin shizzle ta stay on tha edge away from her n' shit. Cadence had pimped a tendency ta lash up if da perved-out muthafucka slept too close ta her, a result of tha failed assassination attempt all dem weeks ago. Da failed assassin had managed ta escape capture, n' Cadence had lived up in fear of tha pony returnin one night ta finish tha thang.

Shinin slipped under tha red covers, turnin his back on his hoe yo. Dude made shizzle ta grill tha door, tha sword chillin on his bedside table a necessary measure fo' realz. As da ruffneck drifted off, Shinin wondered what tha fuck was so blingin up in Equestria dat they couldn’t bust any mo' help.

---

"Da Griffons refused tha trade agreement, Princess. They say dat Equestria can no longer ta be trusted n' dat they, quote, ‘don’t wanna be banished if they displease you’, Yo crazy-ass Highness."

Celestia sighed n' rubbed her templez wit her wings. Banishin tha Emperor of tha Crystal Empire had proved ta be a funky-ass big-ass mistake. Not only did every last muthafuckin other hood distrust Equestria yo, but her big-ass booty still felt tha weight of guilt even afta a month.

"I take it Luna was also unsuccessful up in negotiatin wit tha Zebras?" Celestia axed her advisor, Civil State. Da stallion slicked back his wild lil' freakadelic grey mane before answering.

"Actually, she managed ta negotiate tha use of tha Eastside Sea." Celestia perked up all up in tha news.

"So she’s already back?" Civil State shifted on his hooves, not shizzle how tha fuck ta inform Celestia of tha news.

"Uh, dat freaky freaky biatch has retired ta her quartas n' do not wish ta be disturbed." Civil State coughed tha fuck into his hoof. "There is lyrics dat her ass is still… upset regardin tha Crystal Empire incident." Celestia closed her eyes, takin deep breaths ta calm her muthafuckin ass down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Luna had been distant eva since tha banishment of tha Emperor, Celestia knowin dat helpin banish another bein had done suttin' ta her sista n' shit. Luna never talked ta her no mo', all communication between dem was done wit servants, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

"It’s understandable," Celestia bigged up as she leaned back up in her throne. "It’s no secret dat I regret what tha fuck I did yo, but there’s no reversin tha spell. Once tha demonz of Tartarus gotz a prisoner, there is no escape." Biatch looked down all up in tha stone floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "If only dat schmoooove muthafucka had listened ta me… or if I had only been a lil mo' reasonable."

"Yo ass did what tha fuck was right all up in tha time," Civil State attempted ta reassure before lookin at his cold-ass tan hooves. "From what tha fuck I heard, tha battle was horrifying. Thanks ta yo' intervention, no mo' lives was lost." Celestia let up a humourless chuckle.

"There was one mo' game lost," Celestia mumbled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Not ta mention tha ones he left behind." Her mind still couldn’t shake tha image of tha sobbin chizzleling; it had been so long since dat freaky freaky biatch had caused dat much sorrow. "How tha fuck is tha thang up in tha Crystal Empire?"

"Captain Armour had once again n' again n' again axed mo' guards, a gangbangin' further twelve done been busted on medicinal leave since tha last riots." Civil State levitated a scroll outta his blue jacket pocket. "There is concerns amongst tha chizzlelin population dat they is ghon be chased up as soon as tha suppliez of ludd crystals run out. Da freshly smoked up influx of chizzlelings from our dungeons has increased tha population ta three-hundred n' seven, placin further strain on tha dwindlin supplies."

"Is dat all?" Celestia asked, wincin when Civil State shook his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"No Princess," he answered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Da winter blizzardz is still strong, n' we’ve had ta start shippin up in chicken ta keep tha crystal ponies fed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Some of tha Nobilitizzle is askin why we’re feedin another ghetto wit our chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch. I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! We also had word dat Twilight Sparkle has been unable ta find any solution up in our archives regardin tha failure of tha Crystal Heart. Da only shiznit is dat it relies on tha happinizz n' joy of tha crystal ponies."

"That much we already knew," Celestia mumbled before perkin up fo' realz. A scroll n' inked quill levitated over ta her, tha Supa-Hoe freestylin a note ta Twilight. With a lil' small-ass smile her big-ass booty busted it off, tha scroll disappearin up in a puff of magic.

"Princess?" Civil inquired.

"Maybe Twilight gonna git some luck if dat dunkadelic hoe tries tha Crystal Empire’s own library."

"Is you shizzle that’s a phat idea, especially wit tha riots?" Celestia’s smile faltered all up in tha reminder of tha ongoin violins.

"I’ve axed her ta take her playas, n' I’ll bust another detachment of guardz wit her muthafuckin ass." Biatch brought over a page of fresh parchment, Celestia scribblin another note down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Captain Shinin will no diggity be thankful fo' tha freshly smoked up guards, n' hopefully tha Elements can cheer his ass n' Cadence up." With another flash, tha scroll was gone. "I done cooked up a big-ass mistake, Civil," Celestia admitted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "But it’s too late ta reverse it, not even I be dat bangin naaahhmean, biatch? Da dopest I can do is try ta fix it yo. Hopefully, one dizzle tha crystal ponies n' chizzlelings will forgive me fo' mah actions."

"I’m shizzle they will, mah Princess," Civil State supported, Celestia wincin all up in tha unconvincin statement.

"That is ghon be all fo' todizzle," she ordered as she left her throne. "We’ll continue on tomorrow morning. Yo ass betta please inform Supa-Hoe Luna’s guardz dat I be bout ta lower tha sun?" Civil State bowed before her n' shit.

"As you wish, Princess," he finished before leavin tha room wit a funky-ass brisk trot. Celestia sighed, hopin dat maybe tomorrow would brang mo' betta news.

---

"A week, a entire bloody week stuck wit you three."

Nigel’s previous excitement all up in tha appearizzle of his cold-ass three playaz had been short-lived. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was a reminder of why they had been separated tha fuck into different divisions, tha constant bickerin could drive mah playas tha fuck into a violent rage.

"Calm yo' tizzles," Orthodox replied as Jizzy n' Elijah continued ta argue over whoz ass was da most thugged-out successful afta leavin tha ISA. "That merchant you threatened holla'd dat tha Crystal Empire was close. Then you can strutt in, splatter tha rulaz n' then take it back. Yo ass sweep yo' squeeze off her feet-"

"Hooves," Nigel erected. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.

"Whatever," Orthodox continued. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Yo ass rescue tha hoe n' then I git mah booze n' party."

"Also remember dat we gotta defend tha empire, tha Equestrians aren’t goin ta be too pleased bout our asses takin it back."

"Let dem come, it just means mo' entertainment while we wait fo' tha cavalry." Orthodox grinned under his helmet, Nigel havin holla'd at his ass bout tha Equestrians n' his own subjects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

"I want you ta behave round tha chizzlelings n' crystal ponies, no cappin'." Nigel knew it had ta be holla'd, da ruffneck didn’t trust Orthodox ta not do it unless asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Orthodox grumbled n' patted his bangin rifle, tha two pullin ahead of Jizzy n' Elijah. Chalmers sighed, hopin dat tha Crystal Empire had enough brew ta keep Orthodox occupied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

They trudged along up in tha snow, tha cold not botherin either of em fo' realz. After crossin tha sea n' findin they way ta tha northern wastes, tensions between tha four had grown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Elijah had prattled on bout his work up in Research n' Development, Orthodox had gone all up in all tha ways one could bust a cap up in a pony, Jizzy had constantly holla'd at both of dem ta shut tha fuck up, n' Nigel had gone over his thugged-out lil' plans fo' comin' all up in tha Crystal Empire.

Sure, his schmoooove ass could just march up in n' bust a cap up in whatever patsy dat Celestia had placed up in charge yo, but a month up in Tartarus had given his ass time ta think yo. Dude didn’t wanna bust a cap up in Celestia n' her cronies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis!

Dude wanted ta humiliate them, just like they had done ta his muthafuckin ass.

"Yo, Nigel," Orthodox stated, breakin Chalmers outta his cold-ass thoughtz of revenge. "Is dat yo' Empire?" Nigel looked ta where Orthodox was pointing, a snow-covered hood chillin under tha moon-lit sky.

"That’s it," Nigel confirmed wit furrowed eyebrows. "It’s… different. For one, there was dis protectizzle shield over it dat pimped a artificial environment-"

"Da Crystal Stone or something," Orthodox interrupted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.

"Da Crystal Heart," Chalmers erected. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "Has you done not listened ta anythang I’ve holla'd?" Orthodox waved a hand, glancin back ta peep if Elijah n' Jizzy had caught up yet.

"I gots tha blingin stuff. There is phat ponies dat I can’t kill, there be wack ponies dat I can, there’s bug ponies dat I also can’t kill, there’s a magical crystal powered by positizzle vibe, n' I git a jam if I help you retake yo' Empire."

"It’s tha dopest I’m goin ta get," Nigel replied while rollin his wild lil' fuckin eyes. "It’ll gotta do. Just… don’t bust a cap up in thangs unless I say you can, just ta be sure."

"Who’s cappin' who?" Jizzy axed while Elijah stepped up next ta him, both havin reached they comrades.

"If you could leave all dem specimens intact fo' mah research," Elijah requested. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "I find live n' cooperatizzle research subjects ta be far easier ta work with." Chalmers ran a hand down his wild lil' face, wonderin why he even bothered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"For tha last time, we’re not here ta bust a cap up in every last muthafuckin thang," Nigel groaned. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "In fact, don’t bust a cap up in anythang yet unless you need to, hostages might come up in handy until we can organise a proper defence." Dude received two affirmatives from Elijah n' James, n' a grumble from Orthodox. "I’m straight-up ticked off wit Celestia yo, but fo' now we can’t go round coatin tha hood wit Equestrian blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! I do, however, gotz a plan…"

---

Reflection woke up, her chitin cold against tha stone floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch blinked tha remainz of tears outta her eyes n' shook her head, suttin' not feelin right. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch sat up in tha cell n' glanced towardz tha open door, tha soundz of one of mah thugs approachin echoin off tha dungeon walls. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch didn’t call up or ask whoz ass was there; instead her big-ass booty settled back down on tha floor n' stared all up in tha wall. Dat shiznit was probably just another Equestrian guard checkin up on her n' shit.

Da chizzlelin didn’t move as tha soundz paused, before they moved tha fuck into her cell. Reflection didn’t turn ta greet her visitor, instead she remained where dat biiiiatch was a hoped dat they would go away fo' realz. A soft bust a funky-ass big-ass fart issued up from tha intruder before they resumed they advance. Reflection shivered a lil as she felt a hand rub her shoulder, it only reminded her of Nigel.

Wait, a hand?

Reflection moved her head slowly, wonderin if dat freaky freaky biatch had finally driven her muthafuckin ass insane. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch saw a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty hand hustlin over her chitin, a hand connected ta a arm covered up in a strange red material. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack yo. Her eyes traced tha arm up towardz a gangbangin' familiar face, Reflection blinkin her eyes ta make sure.

"Nigel?" she axed hopefully, gettin a smile up in return, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Yo ass missed mah crazy ass son?" Nigel joked yo, but Reflection could hear dat tha humour was stressed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch didn’t dwell on it fo' too long, instead her big-ass booty sat up n' flung her muthafuckin ass round his ass up in a funky-ass blunt.

"I thought you was gone forever," her big-ass booty sobbed tha fuck into his shoulder, tha crouchin human strokin her dirty chronic mane n' back fo' realz. All tha sadnizz dat dat freaky freaky biatch had been soakin up in was let up again, Reflection unable ta do much else than cry all up in tha moment.

"Nope, I conquered Hell n' returned so I could peep you again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I haven’t even capped whoever’s taken over yet." Reflection managed ta stop tha flow of tears, all dem snifflez remainin as she looked up at his muthafuckin ass yo. Her hooves traced his hide-covered body, afraid dat dat shiznit was all a thugged-out dream.

"Really?" Nigel’s smile faltered, Reflection afraid dat her fears was true.

"Uh, well less ‘conquered Hell’ n' mo' ‘thrown up fo' bein disorderly’. Other than that, I’m back." Reflection ignored tha shiznit bout his wild lil' fuckin escape, tha cold leavin her body as she felt a stream of warm emotion between em. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch couldn’t believe it, da thug was real. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

"Dat shiznit was shitty," her big-ass booty started, snifflin as dat thugged-out biiiatch continued ta gangbang his muthafuckin ass. "After I found up you was banished, I was locked up by Celestia." Biatch saw Nigel frown at this, tha head rub increasing.

"Why?" he inquired. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I thought dat Celestia was all gravy wit chizzlelings?" Reflection smiled, sheepishly showin off her big-ass front fangs.

"I… may have spat at her, n' then bit her wing." Da frown remained on Nigel’s face, before his thugged-out lil' punk-ass broke tha fuck into a grin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Yo ass bit her?" he asked, dis time tha humour up in his voice genuine. "What tha fuck iz it wit you n' Princesses?"

"Bitch banished you, nahmean biiiatch?" Reflection answered, still sore bout tha event. "I would have capped her if I could but-" dat biiiiatch was cut off, her head bein pressed tha fuck into a cold-ass lil chest as arms wrapped round her n' shit.

"Yo, I was only clownin," Nigel reassured. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I know it must have hurt you, n' ta be real I still wanna bust a cap up in her muthafuckin ass." Reflection sniffed as dat biiiiatch waited fo' his ass ta go on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "I have plans though, n' I promise dat I’ll hurt her as badly as dat freaky freaky biatch serve yo' ass wit a muthafuckin A-K. Now, can you tell me whoz ass she put up in charge?" Reflection kept her head pressed against his chest, her lyrics comin up muffled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"It’s Cadence n' Shinin Armour," she informed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I don’t know much bout what’s been goin down cuz I’ve been up in her fo' tha entire time yo, but Strategy was caught at it a week afta you were…"

"What for?" Nigel axed quickly, concerned fo' his wild lil' forma Captain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Dude started a crew ta try n' forcibly remove Cadence from tha throne," Reflection replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Dude was only up in fo' a week though, cuz every last muthafuckin dizzle da thug was imprisoned was a thugged-out dizzle dat tha playa hatas beat down guardz on tha street. I could hear tha fightin from here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. Dude was so mad salty bout what tha fuck Celestia had done ta you, all dem of tha Equestrians beat his ass when he kept on insultin her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shinin Armour busted dem back ta Equestria n' let Strategy up yo, but tha freshly smoked up guardz was just as bad."

Reflection lifted her head ta glizzle at her necklace, Nigel followin her eye line ta spot it on tha floor yo. Dude removed his hand from her head n' reached over ta pick up tha blin yo. Dude examined tha dull gem attached ta it, Reflection squeezin his ass tighter n' shit.

"I’m sorry, I wasn’t smokin n' Cadence had holla'd all up in tha guardz ta make me bust a gem fo' realz. A few of dem thought dat I’d like ta use tha one you gave me, n' I couldn’t fight dem off. They used tha whole gem up in one go, n' I’d thought dat I had lost tha last part of yo thugged-out ass." Biatch peeped it as Nigel moved his hand ta tha gem, tha crystal glowin as it recharged. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"There," da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, puttin tha now-charged gem round her neck. "It’s back ta full. To be real though, I’m a lil glad dat they did make you eat. This would done been a gangbangin' fairly wack reunion if I had found you dead up in a cold-ass lil cell." Reflection looked down guiltily, knowin dat dat freaky freaky biatch hadn’t been far away when tha guardz had fed her n' shit.

"I know," she muttered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I’m sorry, dat shiznit was selfish." Biatch gots a cold-ass lil chuckle up in reply, tha embrace returnin wit full force.

"Dat shiznit was understandable, n' I’m ashamed ta say dat I’m a lil flattered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass know what tha fuck I promised before I went up ta fight dat night?" Reflection beamed up at him, shiftin up in his thugged-out arms.

"Yo ass holla'd dat we’d continue on once you gots back," she recalled hopefully.

"I did," he agreed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "However I’m afraid dat I lied." Reflection’s grill fell yo, but a scratch behind a ear convinced her dat it wasn’t a funky-ass break-up. "We both smell shitty, I be thinkin a long-ass bath or shower first is up in order n' shit. Wouldn’t you agree?" Now dat dat shiznit was pointed out, Reflection could indeed smell they aromas. Dat shiznit was a mix of dirt, dust, grime, n' sulphur. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Needless ta say, dat shiznit was far from pleasant.

"I guess dat would be a phat idea," she agreed wit a nod. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I need ta wash mah mane n' tail as well.. n' you KNOWS dat you holla'd dat you came here first, did you defeat all of tha guardz already?" Nigel rubbed tha back of his head, Reflection noticin tha bloody sword tied ta his waist.

"Well, I’d ludd ta say dat I fought mah way in, slaughtered all of tha guards, kicked up in tha castle doors n' headed straight ta rescue you yo, but…"

"What?" Reflection asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"There was no guardz up in tha hood fo' me ta invigorate," Nigel replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Da castle doors was locked yo, but I gots up in one of tha windows wit some help. There was still no guards, it’s like mah playas just gots up n' left." A light came on up in Reflection’s mind, she remembered overhearin suttin' bout dis shit.

"Oh, I know," da hoe fuckin started ta explain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "After a assassin tried ta bust a cap up in Cadence up in her chill, n' wit all of tha riots, tha guardz up in tha castle defend tha second floor while tha Supa-Hoe is chillin. Da other guardz apparently stay up in tha barracks at night; it’s not safe fo' dem ta patrol tha streets afta dark." Nigel whistled all up in tha hype, his subjects certainly had taken his fuckin lil' dethronin hard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"I feel incredibly loved," he murmured, Reflection sighin as dat thugged-out biiiatch continued ta feed off his muthafuckin ass.

"Everyone missed you," she responded, before she looked at his ass curiously. "Hang on, you holla'd dat you gots up in all up in a window wit help. Did you…" Reflection shivered all up in tha possibility. "Did yo dirty ass brang back some Tartarus demons wit you afta escaping?" Nigel laughed, puttin a hand down so his schmoooove ass could git ta his Nikes. Reflection held on wit her forelegs round his neck, a arm goin under her rump ta support her as Nigel stood up.

"Oh, they’re no demons," tha pimpin' muthafucka holla'd at her while she nuzzled his neck. "I can rap up in dis biatch, they is far worse than tha saps dat yo' underworld calls demons. In fact, we mo' betta git goin ta tha throne room." Reflection broke tha nuzzlin ta ask another question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Why tha throne room?" she axed wit a slight blush, her wings buzzin slightly as his hand moved ta tha area between her wings.

"Remember tha help I mentioned?" Nigel asked, Reflection holdin back a squeak n' noddin while her flight musclez was
massaged. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Let’s just say dat I axed dem ta arrange a meetin wit tha pony whoz ass took over mah Empire." Reflection understood tha implication behind tha word ‘arranged’.

"So Cadence n' Shining-"

"Is up in fo' a early mornin surprise," Nigel finished, grinnin as his schmoooove ass carried her outta tha dungeon wit tha throne room they destination. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

---

Cadence tossed n' turned up in her chill, her trips plagued wit imagez of a funky-ass burnin Crystal Empire. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch awoke wit a start, joltin her head back from tha straight-up original gangsta rayz of tha risin sun dat filtered up in all up in her window.

"Dat shiznit was all a thugged-out dream," she muttered thankfully, before rememberin dat tha real thang was probably not far off. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch sighed, rubbin her grill wit her wings. There was no sound of Shinin snoring, so dat must mean dat da thug was already up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch raised one ear, a gangbangin' faint hummin sound comin from behind her n' shiznit fo' realz. A limb moved under tha covers, Cadence blushin as it kneaded her cutie-mark.

Cadence rolled over ta grill tha middle of tha bed wit a rare smile, wonderin what tha fuck had Shinin suddenly act so playful towardz her n' shit.
Her eyes bugged up n' her grill opened up in shook, Cadence comin grill ta grill wit a strange black creature wit blue eyes lyin sideways on her bed facin her n' shit. Da limb dat had been rubbin her flank was revealed ta be a armoured tail, tha black object snakin up towardz her throat.

"Mornin babe," tha creature greeted while blowin a kiss. Cadence froze up in shock, unable ta figure up what tha fuck was goin on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "That’s right. It’s one of dem mornings."

"Shini- mphhm!"

"Nope," tha intruder stated as Cadence felt tha tail twist round her throat n' cut off her air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "Even wit yo' pathetic excuse fo' guardz knocked out, yo' homeboy still is occupied all up in tha moment." Cadence felt tha grip on her throat slacken, allowin her ta breath up in a lungful of air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da creature on tha bed moved over her, Cadence squeezin her eyes shut as his body passed over hers ta press up behind her n' shit.

"Relax," his schmoooove ass continued as he patted her side. "I’m bustin armour so you don’t gotta worry bout anythang lewd." Cadence shivered as she felt his crazy-ass metal head move next ta her ear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "Unless you wanna of course, Nigel wasn’t tha only one wit eccentric tastes up in tha squad."

"Straight-Up Orthodox?" a articulate thug voice huffed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Even afta all these muthafuckin years you can still surprise me wit how tha fuck low you can go."

"Shut up James," Orthodox replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I may incredibly turned on up in dis biatch yo, but at least tha armour stops my-"

"Enough," a third voice was rappin up. "Our thugged-out asses have work ta do. Miss Cadence, will you please open yo' eyes, biatch? Our thugged-out asses gotz a surprise fo' yo thugged-out ass."
Cadence held back sobs as her big-ass booty slowly opened her eyes, her ass sinkin as her big-ass booty set eyes on tha ‘surprise’.

Shinin was starin pleadingly at her, another black, metal creature holdin his ass round tha neck wit a arm. This creature looked like tha departed Emperor, wit tha exception dat not a single bit of skin or threadz was showing. Dat shiznit was only metal, Cadence guessin dat dat shiznit was tha same ol' dirty sort of armour dat her captor was bustin.

Da second creature had a strange object pressed up against Shining’s temple, a gangbangin' fucked up lookin black object dat it held wit one hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Cadence could only assume dat dat shiznit was a weapon, a assumption confirmed by a third creature bustin white metal dat strutted tha fuck into her vision from tha foot of tha bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"As you can observe," da perved-out muthafucka stated, Cadence still starin at Shining. "Our thugged-out asses have yo' freak as a hostage wit a glock against his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Just ta make thangs clear, a glock be a weapon which can end his wild lil' freakadelic game up in a split second. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! My fuckin colleague, Agent James, is like adept wit tha usage of such a weapon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. From dis we can deduce dat yo' cooperation would be ideal, least you want ta git a gangbangin' freak missin half of his skull."

"That means do what tha fuck we say," her captor clarified, much ta his wild lil' fellows’ annoyance.

"Nuff props Orthodox."

"No problem Elijah," tha tail tightened as tha balla taunted tha sarcastic biped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Eyes on tha prize muthafuckas," tha black creature holdin Shinin reminded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Nigel wants dem kickin it n' down there before tha mornin crowd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Bickerin is only slowin our asses down."

"I’ve gots mah eyes on a prize aiiiight," Orthodox murmured, Cadence shiverin as she felt tha hand travel down her side n' head ta her flank.

"Orthodox," Elijah sighed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Yo ass know tha rules." Cadence breathed up in relief as tha hand left her, although tha tail still remained wrapped tightly round her neck.

"I was only teasing," her tormenter defended. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Yo ass insult me by implyin dat I would sink dat low. I would rather blast mah dirty ass than gotta resort ta rape ta git mah rocks off."

"Alright, enough wit all of this," tha bein holdin Shinin ordered as da perved-out muthafucka stood up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shining’s hind hooves just touched tha ground, Cadence able ta peep tha fear up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes as tha weapon was retrained on his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "We need ta git these two downstairs yo. Has you done gots her Orthodox?"

In answer ta his question, Cadence found her muthafuckin ass pulled off tha bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch hit tha ground wit a thump, tha tail holdin her prisoner pullin her up ta her hooves.

"I’ve gots her," Orthodox confirmed, Cadence shakily standin beside tha bed as dat schmoooove muthafucka hopped off it n' stood up in front of her n' shit. "Now Princess, you’ve gone n' pissed one of mah playaz off yo. Here’s how tha fuck it’s goin ta work between us. Yo ass move n' you live, you resist n' we bust a cap up in yo' boyfriend, then yo thugged-out ass. Yo ass understand?" Cadence cried n' nodded, tha tail easin up slightly on her sore neck. "Dope girl."

"Ready ta leave?" tha white creature asked.

"Dope ta go," tha beast holdin Shinin answered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"I’ve gots tha Supa-Hoe n' there’s no plumber up in sight," Orthodox bigged up. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Leave tha references ta Chalmers," Elijah requested, before Cadence felt tha tail pull her forward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch strutted wit it, her mind lockin up as she finally comprehended what tha fuck was goin down n' tha name dat tha invadaz had mentioned. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

‘Chalmers?’ Cadence thought as dat biiiiatch was pulled outta tha bedroom, passin two guardz dat was knocked up n' tied up. ‘Fuck dat shit, his schmoooove ass can’t be back!’

---

Nigel was chillin down on his cold-ass throne, Reflection on his fuckin lap n' tappin her hooves against tha armrests, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. If Cadence had kept tha same schedule, then tha straight-up original gangsta ponies tha fuck into court would be here up in forty minutes yo. Dude hoped ta git dis over n' done wit before dat happened, as his schmoooove ass could peep dat explainin his bangin return as well as tha three freshly smoked up beings ta tha playa hatas would take a while.

Dude gots his wish, tha sound of armoured boots n' hooves approachin from tha doorway behind his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude grabbed Reflection’s hooves n' gave her a wink, tha chizzlelin grinnin as her big-ass booty sprawled her muthafuckin ass across his muthafuckin ass. They had hit dat shiznit up a plan on how tha fuck ta announce his bangin return ta Cadence n' Shining, a plan dat was put tha fuck into action as soon as tha captizzle ponies was dragged up in front of tha throne.
Nigel n' Reflection waited until Shinin n' Cadence looked up, both of tha Equestrians’ eyes widenin all up in tha impossible sight.

"Surprise!" Nigel exclaimed while Reflection grinned triumphantly at Cadence.

"How?" Shinin stammered, receivin a laugh up in reply.

"Oh, tha demons gots sick of me n' kicked mah crazy ass out," Nigel glanced down n' patted his cloak. "Takin up mah anger on a shitload of dem n' skinnin dem probably didn’t help." Dude glanced down all up in tha floor, searchin fo' tha one thang dat was missin from tha throne room. "Speakin of skinning, where is mah Sombra-rug n' crown?" Shinin was still recoverin from tha shock yo, but da thug was far mo' coherent than Cadence was all up in tha moment.

"I had dem buried," he lied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! In fact, dat shiznit was Cadence dat had ordered dem laid ta rest yo, but Shinin hoped dat Nigel would dole up whatever punishment ta his ass instead of her n' shit.

"Did yo dirty ass now, Shining?" Nigel inquired as he leaned back up in his cold-ass throne. "That’s a muthafucka aint it, biatch? I so adored mah crown n' rug." Shinin gulped, tha creature beside his ass still holdin its weapon ta his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Nigel must have noticed his fuckin lil' discomfort, tha Emperor smirkin n' wavin his hand towardz tha wardens. "Give dem some space; if they misbehave then blast they legs." Da weapon n' tail was withdrawn from Cadence n' Shining, both remainin still.

"I’m sorry," Shinin apologised. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "After you was banished, we was holla'd at dat you was never comin back." A silence fell tha fuck over tha room, Shinin wonderin if dat schmoooove muthafucka had just signed they dirtnap warrants, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

"Yo ass wanna know suttin' Shining?" Chalmers continued afta tha pause. "When Celestia first banished me, I was straight-up livid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I kept mah dirty ass entertained up in tha depthz of tha underworld by thankin of all tha wack thangs I could do ta every last muthafuckin Equestrian. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I yelled, I screamed, I vowed ta hunt down every last muthafuckin stallion, mare n' foal until I had wiped every last muthafuckin last one off of tha hood.

I was incredibly mad salty wit every last muthafuckin thang, includin you n' Cadence. With dat one spell, I had mah Empire, mah playaz n' mah freak ripped away alllll muthafuckin day." Reflection wrapped her hooves round a arm n' squeezed ta comfort him, Nigel rubbin her mane up in return, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "I wanted you all ta perish, n' I so desperately wanted yo' hood ta take a thugged-out dirtnap a long, slow, dirtnap." Shinin n' Cadence trembled, tha emotionless delivery only made tha retellin mo' hustlin.

"Over time I realised something, bout tha same time I gots thrown up n' was standin up in a Zebra hood beatboxin all up in tha sky." Nigel pointed at Shinin n' beckoned wit his hand, Shinin feelin a metal object poke his ass up in tha back of tha head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Carefully he gots up, movin over towardz tha throne yo. Dude was stopped up in front n' sat down, Nigel starin down at his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shining’s eyes gazed over tha well-used sword at Nigel’s side, n' he lowered his head fo' tha inevitable.

"It’s not yo' fault." Shinin did a thugged-out double take all up in tha lyrics, feelin a hand on his head instead of a sword blade all up in his cold-ass throat yo. Dude looked up, kicked it wit wit a thoughtful gaze from Chalmers. "You’re just a proxy, n' I know you had no clue dat Celestia would do what tha fuck her dope ass done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! By cappin' you I would only distract mah dirty ass from tha real enemy." Nigel’s grill regained a lil' small-ass grin, tha human tiltin his head downwardz towardz Reflection. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Besides, one of mah thugs holla'd at mah crazy ass dat you weren’t dat wack a gangbangin' playa." Shinin looked at Reflection wit surprise on his wild lil' face, tha chizzlelin smilin back at his muthafuckin ass.

"Yo ass tried ta help me," Reflection was rappin up. "I know it didn’t seem like it all up in tha time yo, but I did appreciate dat you made tha effort." Shinin breathed up a sigh, visibly chillaxin as he realised dat da thug was up in tha clear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

"Nuff props," he uttered while bobbin his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Yo ass gots yo' forgiveness," Nigel informed before his wild lil' freakadelic gaze hardened n' he looked towardz Cadence. "Yo ass on tha other hand-"

"It wasn’t her fault either!" Shinin protested, not likin tha don't give a fuck bout up in tha Emperor’s eyes.

"I know she be also a proxy," Nigel replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat what tha fuck I cannot excuse is tha treatment of Reflection n' tha rest of mah subjects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. It’s been…"

"A month n' a half," Shinin provided when Nigel was unable ta figure it out.

"A month n' a half," Chalmers continued icily. "Da Crystal Heart aint working, tha hood is covered up in snow n' tha military defence is sorely lacking." Nigel pointed a gangbangin' finger all up in tha throne room doors. "I mean, I was banished fo' bein some illest evil, n' I was able ta just climb up in a window. Where is tha guards, biatch? Da response crews, biatch? Da law-enforcement fools?"

"Yeah," Orthodox was rappin up from his spot all up in tha side of tha room. "We’ve only taken up thirty guards. Thirty dawwwwg! All of dem up in tha castle guardin yo' bedroom, n' every last muthafuckin one of dem so easy as fuck ta sneak up upon n' knock out. What sort of operation is you hustlin here?"

"Nuff props Orthodox," Nigel bigged up while Shinin n' Cadence refaced his muthafuckin ass. "Dude raises a bangin-ass point. What if tha Elk came back, biatch? Would Celestia be able ta banish dem all as well?" Shinin winced, tha shizzle da thug was bout ta give slightly embarrassing.

"We started up wit three hundred guards," his thugged-out lil' punk-ass fuckin started, all eyes focusin on his muthafuckin ass. "With all tha riots n' protests, there was a shitload of fuck-ups. We kept on havin ta request freshly smoked up guardz while we busted tha fucked up ones back yo, but Equestria soon stopped bustin em. Da last ones we gots was wit a thugged-out detachment busted ta guard mah sist-" Shinin stopped, hopin dat Nigel didn’t catch his slipup yo. Dude was outta luck, Nigel smirkin at his muthafuckin ass.

"Yo crazy-ass sista you say, biatch? I would just ludd ta hook up her n' shit. Would dat freaky freaky biatch happen ta still be here?" Shinin didn’t say anything, promptin Chalmers ta glizzle at Cadence yo. Dude caught her givin a worried glizzle up ta tha roof, Nigel’s smirk growin larger as he figured it out.
"Oh James," he asked, Shining’s grill dropping. "Would you please do me a gangbangin' favour n' check upstairs fo' no mo'… guests?"

"Sure," Jizzy answered, givin Shinin a partin ‘I’m watchin you’ gesture.

"Non-lethal," Nigel reminded, Jizzy noddin as he exited tha room. "Where was we?" Nigel axed before raisin a gangbangin' finger up in tha air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "Ah, that’s right, yo' guard issues. Now Shining, I straight-up want fo' our asses ta git back on thugged-out terms n' you answerin mah thangs will go a long-ass way ta achievin dis shit. Is dat suttin' you want?" Shinin swallowed a lump up in his cold-ass throat. Well shiiiit, it wasn’t just his wild lil' freakadelic game on tha line yo, but Cadence’s n' Twilight’s as well.

"I’ll answer them," he relented, grimacin as da perved-out muthafucka sold up his ghetto.

"Good," Nigel replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "First off, how tha fuck nuff guardz is currently up in tha hood?"

"Eighty," Shinin muttered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"I didn’t hear that," Nigel holla'd at him, Shinin sighin before replyin louder n' shit.

"I holla'd eighty. Includin tha thirty up in tha castle, our crazy asses have eighty guardz up in tha entire Empire." Nigel didn’t reply fo' a while, until his thugged-out lil' punk-ass burst up tha fuck into laughter n' shit.

"You’re kidding. Eighty, biatch? Only eighty guardz ta protect tha entire hood?" Nigel was joined by Orthodox, Elijah too busy freestylin down notes on his thugged-out lil' pad while Reflection was occupied wit starin at Cadence.

"Yes," Shinin winced, ashamed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "With all of tha fuck-ups n' desertion our crazy asses have had barely enough ta keep tha peace," Shinin looked up at Nigel. "When yo' allies broke tha fuck into our room, I thought dat we was goin ta be lynched by a mob of subjects." Nigel laughed again n' again n' again at all dis bullshit.

"Oh, rioting, assassination attempts n' plots ta brang down tha posse." Dude wiped a tear from his wild lil' fuckin eye while facin Elijah n' Orthodox. "What did I rap muthafuckas, biatch? My fuckin subjects adore mah dirty ass."

"It appears so," Elijah agreed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "It’s one of tha rare cases where you’re was horny bout n' not peeped as a plague upon existence."

"How tha fuck flattering," Nigel deadpanned, noticin dat Orthodox was too busy examinin tha room ta pay attention. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "At least you gave me a response." Elijah nodded n' Orthodox continued ta ignore every last muthafuckin thang round him, Nigel breathang up in all up in clenched teeth. "That’s how tha fuck it is then. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Movin on, what tha fuck happened ta tha Crystal Guardz n' they shit?"

"Da guardz was removed from duty n' they shiznit is stored up in tha armoury complex." Shinin grimaced. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Yo crazy-ass giant arrow-throwin machines was all destroyed up in a gangbangin' fire before we could examine em. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some say dat yo' Captain was ta blame." Nigel smiled all up in tha news.

"I knew I made tha right chizzle ta keep him," he muttered happily. "How tha fuck is Strategy?" Shinin winced all up in tha memory of a particular riot.

"Dude was caught at it fo' plottin ta overthrow Cadence," Shinin answered while glancin back at Cadence. Da Supa-Hoe was chillin on tha floor like a statue, unresponsive. "After da thug was busted out, he just stayed at his crib yo. Dude was allocated one wit Sparklin Scroll, yo' advisor." Chalmers leaned back as Reflection sat up, tha chizzlelin intrigued by tha conversation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"I’ll gotta deal wit dem later," Nigel murmured ta her, Reflection noddin her head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Nigel turned his thugged-out attention back ta Shining. "One last question fo' now, a straight-up blingin one," Chalmers leaned forward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Communications wit Equestria, how tha fuck often is shizzle busted back ta Equestria?"

"Only when her big-ass booty sendz a letter or if we need help," Shinin admitted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "Da last message I gots from her was regardin a freshly smoked up detachment of guardz dat her big-ass booty sent." Dude left up tha fact dat tha guardz was there ta guard tha Element Bearers, Shinin still hopin dat his sista n' playaz had managed ta avoid detection. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"That’s all I need from you," Nigel finished wit a grin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude waved Shinin away, tha unicorn movin ta embrace his hoe. Reflection fuckin started ta purr as a hand scratched her behind tha ears, tha chizzlelin remindin Nigel of suttin' else dat schmoooove muthafucka had ta do.
"I almost forgot, Elijah n' Orthodox, come over n' hook up Reflection." Da scientist hurried over wit childlike joy, Orthodox decidin ta stay next ta Shinin n' Cadence. Reflection sat up on Nigel’s lap, interested ta hook up tha creature dat had helped his ass peep her again.

"Remarkable," Elijah commented as he examined her up close yo. Dude removed his helmet, Reflection smilin as her big-ass booty saw dat da thug was a human just like Nigel yo. Dude looked… mo' bookish than Nigel, wit messy black hair, pale skin n' a gangbangin' fat nozzle yo. His brown eyes was filled wit interest, his thugged-out armoured hand reachin up fo' a greeting. "Wuz crackalackin' Miss Reflection, I’m Elijah Von Barker n' shit. Lead Researcher fo' tha Occult Experimentation n' Military Application Division, or just OEMAD fo' short."

"Careful," Nigel warned lightly while Reflection giggled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch reached up a hoof, Nigel havin holla'd at her bout handshakes before da thug was banished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Def metal grasped round her limb, tha scientist givin it three shakes before lettin it go.

"I must say, when Nigel holla'd at mah crazy ass dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had a hoe I didn’t believe his muthafuckin ass. I believe dat yo' race is called ‘changelings’ n' dat you feed on love?" Reflection nodded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "My, da thug was always a gangbangin' hustla of tha horny-ass ones." Reflection blushed at bein referred ta as ‘exotic’; so far Nigel’s playaz seemed sick.

"That’s right, Nigel let our asses live up in tha Empire wit tha Crystal ponies." Reflection’s grill hardened while her big-ass booty blasted Cadence another glare. "Of course, dat all chizzled when a cold-ass lil certain crew of ponies decided dat representin' ourselves was wrong." Elijah nodded, watchin as Nigel stroked tha chizzleling’s back ta calm her n' shit.

"I must say Nigel," his schmoooove ass commented as tha pimpin' muthafucka turned ta his wild lil' playa yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. "I had expected you ta be a lil' bit more, well, mad salty all up in tha thang." Nigel laughed, Cadence n' Shinin starin at his ass worriedly.

"Oh, I be immensely mad salty," his schmoooove ass confirmed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat I’m savin all dat shiznit up fo' a cold-ass lil certain Supa-Hoe who’s directly responsible fo' every last muthafuckin thang fo' realz. As soon as I git mah handz on her…" Dude trailed off, a wide grin on his wild lil' grill as he leaned back n' closed his wild lil' fuckin eyes. "Oh, I’m goin ta destroy all of her hopes n' dreams."

"Yo ass can do whatever you want as long as I git ta study tha leftovers." Nigel opened his wild lil' fuckin eyes ta peep Elijah again, noddin his head up in agreement.

"Sure, just don’t dissect any of ours n' you can do what tha fuck you like." Nigel remembered something, followin Reflection’s gaze back ta Cadence. "Oh, n' don’t be thinkin you’ve gotten away unpunished Cadence. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shinin may have gots a reprieve yo, but I’m still pissed tha fuck off up in yo thugged-out ass." Dude leaned forward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Straight-up pissed tha fuck off." Cadence gulped, Nigel drummin his wild lil' fingers on tha armrest of his cold-ass throne. "Now, what tha fuck should our phat asses do wit yo slick ass?"

"Cut off her wings," Reflection provided, promptin Orthodox ta chuckle from his spot near tha two captives.

"Oh, I must admit I’m likin you mo' n' more, bug-horse." Reflection deflated at this, Nigel blastin Orthodox a warnin glare before whisperin up in Reflection’s ear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

"Don’t mind Orthodox, tha pimpin' muthafucka tendz ta say tha wack thangs." With dat done, Chalmers gave Cadence a thoughtful look. "I don’t know Reflection, I feel like we need ta go less fo' tha mutilation n' mo' fo' tha humiliation." Reflection’s eyes lit up wit a idea, n' she leaned up ta whisper it ta Nigel yo. Dude grinned as her big-ass booty sat back down, glancin towardz Elijah n' Orthodox. "Say, did you two happen ta brang a standard game kit?"

Elijah rolled his wild lil' fuckin eyes n' pressed a funky-ass button on his thugged-out arm, a cold-ass lil compartment on his suit openin ta reveal a lil' small-ass black case. "I did, mah playas should carry em." All eyes went ta Orthodox, tha alien shruggin his shoulders.

"If I need ta wash then I’ll just loot some stuff, carryin round useless junk only means dat I have less room fo' blingin thangs like glocks n' ammo." Elijah shook his head before tiltin it at Nigel.

"Well, I have one n' I assume Jizzy has one. Why do you need on all of a sudden?" Chalmers grinned at Cadence, Reflection joinin his muthafuckin ass.

"Oh, well Reflection thought dat as punishment, we’d s-"

"Supa-Hoe Cadence n' Shinin Armour, we’re under battle from monsters!" Everyone whirled round ta spot Rainbow Dash hoverin up in tha air ta tha left of Nigel’s throne yo. Her eyes widened as dat dunkadelic hoe took up in tha scene, flyin back a lil as they spotted Nigel n' Reflection. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "You!" she yelled, pointin a hoof at his muthafuckin ass. "You’re supposed ta be up in Tuataras!"

"I gots better," Nigel explained, holdin tha pegasus’ attention while Orthodox snuck round behind her n' shit. "And just what tha fuck is you bustin up in mah throne room?" Nigel recognised her from tha Gala, rememberin dat dat biiiiatch was tha pony dat had initially confronted Reflection. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Rainbow did a thugged-out double take, lookin down at Cadence n' Shinin Armour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

"Yo crazy-ass throne room, biatch? I thought Supa-Hoe Cadence was up in charge?" Nigel felt a lil' small-ass twinge of amusement; dis was goin ta be fun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Oh, her big-ass booty still is up in charge," he answered while Reflection held back a snigger n' shit. Elijah was ta busy freestylin down notes bout tha flyin pony ta laugh. "I’m just chillin up in tha throne wit mah soldiers hustlin round tha castle while she’s chillin on tha stone floor frozen up in terror yo, but yeaaaa her ass is still up in charge." It took Rainbow all dem secondz ta catch tha sarcazzle yo, but when her dope ass did she glared at his muthafuckin ass.

"I knew you was shit!" she accused. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Nigel smirked at her, Orthodox preparin ta pounce.

"Guilty as charged. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat you’re tha one that’s under arrest." Before Rainbow noticed dat suttin' was amiss, Orthodox tackled her outta tha air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da two landed on tha stone floor, Orthodox quickly straddlin Dash’s back while her big-ass booty struggled n' yelled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Git off me!" she fought, however Orthodox had tha advantage props ta his thugged-out armour n' hustlin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Sorry pony," his schmoooove ass chuckled as dat schmoooove muthafucka held her down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "But you’re not goin anywhere."

"Girls!" Dash yelled, hopin ta rouse her playas. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch grinned at Nigel as one of mah thugs approached, tha Emperor returnin it wit a knowin smile. "You’re up in fo' it now, nahmeean?"

"Don’t bet on it," Chalmers replied, Dash’s hopes fadin as Jizzy reappeared all up in tha doorway.

"Horsefeathers," Dash cursed, Jizzy struttin over ta her n' givin her a light kick up in tha side.

"Annoyin lil gnat," he insulted while glarin down at her n' shit.

"James," Nigel sighed as he placed a hand on his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "You’re a ex-ISA agent now hustlin fo' tha psionic unit. I would have expected you ta be able ta control all dem ponies." Jizzy turned round ta defend his dirty ass.

"Oh, all tha other five is still chillin, now they’ve just cuffs. This one wasn’t up in her room, dat biiiiatch was snoopin round n' spotted mah crazy ass leavin one of tha rooms. Before I could blink dat biiiiatch was racin down here callin fo' tha guards." Jizzy gave Rainbow another kick, Dash grittin her teeth as a tail prodded her up in tha back of tha head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Looks like her masta plan failed."

Nigel was just bout ta continue tha ribbin yo, but a funky-ass bangin bang on tha main throne room doors accompanied by mad salty shouts interrupted dat shit.

"It appears as if mah loyal subjects have rocked up fo' mornin court," Nigel observed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Orthodox, brang tha pegasus over here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Jizzy n' Elijah, you do tha same wit Cadence n' Shining. Weapons ta all of they headz if you please, I gots a plan fo' dealin wit tha guards." Da two humans n' alien did as asked, Orthodox roughly draggin Rainbow ta tha left of tha throne while Shinin n' Cadence was placed ta tha right fo' realz. All three soon had riflez or pistols trained on them, Nigel leanin back up in tha throne n' pettin Reflection on tha head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

Da heavy wooden doors opened, ten Equestrian Royal Guard backin tha fuck into tha room as a mob of crystal ponies n' chizzlelings tried ta push all up in cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce.

"Sorry Princess!" one of tha guardz called up as da perved-out muthafucka started ta look behind his muthafuckin ass. "They’re particularly violent dis morning…" tha guard trailed off when da perved-out muthafucka saw dat his bangin rula was not on her throne yo, but instead was sobbin on tha floor wit a menacin creature aimin a weapon at her head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da unicorn guard gulped as da perved-out muthafucka saw dat tha Emperor was back n' chillin on tha throne, tha chizzlelin up in tha human’s lap grinnin all up in tha thang.

"Oh, dat shan’t be a issue at all," Nigel replied, tha crowd stoppin they yellin as they realised what tha fuck was happening. "I wanna bust a nut on mah crowdz violent, it straight-up livens up tha place." All of tha guardz trembled, stuck between a mad salty crowd n' tha creature dat Celestia had banished ta tha Underworld. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

Nigel grinned wider at they discomfort, gesturin wit a hand towardz Cadence n' Shinin Armour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "Now Gentlecolts, as you can peep yo' forma rulaz is up in a spot of bother n' shit. One step outta line n' they take a thugged-out dirt nap." Da guardz didn’t know what tha fuck kind of weapons dat tha creatures was wieldin yo, but they knew dat tha Emperor wasn’t clownin around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Slowly, one by one, they dropped they spears n' swords, Chalmers’ grin increasing.

"We’ll be takin over securitizzle mattas from here, please move ta tha left of tha room n' grill tha wall." Da guardz hesitantly did what tha fuck they was holla'd at, leavin tha stunned crowd unhindered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Nigel smiled at his subjects, beckonin dem wit a hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"What is you waitin for, biatch? Mornin court is up in session."

---

Elijah raised his fuckin lil' data-pad ta his wild lil' face.

"Equines step tha fuck up ta be shocked all up in tha revelation dat Commander Chalmers is present." In response ta his notin of tha thang, Nigel n' Orthodox gave his ass annoyed looks. "Fellow UIP personnel step tha fuck up ta be annoyed wit tha takin of verbal notes. In keepin wit ISA tradizzle fo' oldschool times’ sake, I'ma continue ta verbally record notes from now on."

"Moron," Nigel muttered under his breath. Da crowd of civilians all alternated they gazes from tha Emperor, Reflection n' tha three freshly smoked up creatures. Da three captizzle Equestrians was ignored, tha crowds’ anger havin turned tha fuck into shock fo' realz. A lone stallion broke outta tha crowd, his coat coloured copper n' shiznit yo. Dude advanced upon tha Emperor, a grin formin on his wild lil' face.

"Nigel!" tha stallion exclaimed, causin Reflection n' Chalmers chillin up.

"Captain Strategy," Chalmers greeted, Strategy holdin up his hoof fo' a shake. Nigel kicked it wit it wit his hand, Strategy backin off n' salutin afta dat shiznit was done.

"We’ve missed you sir, tha hood is up in a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dire thang." Strategy gave Cadence n' Shinin a stony look, Elijah once again n' again n' again brangin his thugged-out lil' pad up ta record notes.

"New equine wit a cold-ass lil copper coat n' dark blue mane seems ta be a military fool. Rank is referred ta as ‘Captain’, n' name is confirmed by Commander Chalmers as ‘Strategy’. This equine appears ta git a pre-established relationshizzle wit Commander Chalmers, n' refers ta his ass as a superior-"

"Elijah!" Nigel shouted, breakin tha scientist outta his bangin recordings. Elijah noticed dat mah playas was starin at his muthafuckin ass. Orthodox was standin near tha rainbow pony bobbin his head, while Jizzy was too busy starin all up in tha crowd of ponies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! "For once, can you just focus on suttin' other than research!?"

"Oh!" Reflection was rappin up suddenly. "I remember now!" she pointed her hoof at James, Orthodox n' Elijah. "Yo ass three is Nigel’s playaz dat he used ta be up in dat squad with; yo' names is on his cold-ass tattoo!" Nigel sighed, Elijah raisin tha pad once mo' n' mo' n' mo'.

"Da chizzlelin named ‘Reflection’ has figured up dat attendin UIP underground have previous underground history wit Commander Chalmers. Reflection recalls seein names on tha Commander’s tattoo. This is further proof dat Commander Chalmers has managed ta build a intimate relationshizzle-"

"How tha fuck is dat relevant!?" Nigel yelled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Elijah stopped rappin', decidin ta wait until Nigel calmed down before takin mo' notes. Elijah slowly put tha pad down; instead of bustin lyrics he’d just gotta write down shiznit again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Elijah recorded dat tha chizzlelin enjoyed bein scratched behind tha ears, Reflection leanin back up in bliss as Chalmers’ hand massaged her head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Excuse me, Emperor," Strategy was rappin up, noddin at Elijah n' James. "I take it these is re-enforcements yo' playas sent?" A laugh drew attention ta Orthodox, tha alien chucklin while dat schmoooove muthafucka held his bangin rifle barrel on Rainbow.

"Dude straight-up be thinkin we’re supposed ta be here," Orthodox mocked, receivin a glare from Strategy.

"Leave his ass ridin' solo Orthodox," Nigel holla'd as tha pimpin' muthafucka holla'd at his ass off. "Dat shiznit was a thugged-out decent assumption." Chalmers turned ta Strategy. "Excuse Orthodox, he’s just a lil cranky."

"Cranky I had ta come n' rescue yo' arse," Orthodox grumbled, Nigel grindin his cold-ass teeth before forcin a smile.

"Indeed," he replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Anyway, I’ll git mah playas ta introduce theyselves n' explain what tha fuck happened later n' shit. I’ll do it publicly, dat way I don’t gotta repeat it a thousand times. On dat matter, would you be willin ta re-organise tha guard fo' me n' arrest any mo' Equestrians?" Nigel blasted a glizzle towardz tha ten guardz facin tha right wall, tha unicorns quickly lookin back all up in tha stone as he glared at em.

"I’d be mah pleasure. We’ve been preparin fo' a uprisin anyway, so mah playas is ready," Strategy answered wit a grin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Nigel raised a gangbangin' finger, tha Captain pausing.

"Strategy, I’d prefer dem kickin it n' relatively unharmed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They still could prove ta be useful as bargainin chips." Strategy nodded, tha stallion passin tha stunned crowd on his way ta assemble tha Crystal Empire military forces. With tha matter of tha guardz sorted, Nigel’s attention moved ta tha crowd of civilians. "Come on you lot, is dat tha welcome back I get?"

Reflection eeped n' jumped off him, her wings flutterin ta carry her clear as tha Emperor was swarmed wit buckwild ponies n' chizzlelings. Everyone else peeped on wit amusement n' mad drama as Nigel was smothered wit hugs n' thangs, Reflection hopelessly glarin at any mare dat came near his muthafuckin ass.

Elijah saw his chance, raisin his fuckin lil' data-pad again n' again n' again while activatin tha vizzle recorder n' shit.

"As is documented, Commander Chalmers has formed a phat bond wit tha local population. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. One will surely question tha circumstances surroundin tha adoration of a ISA agent, n' possible scientistical exploitation is straight-up interesting-"

"Elijah," Jizzy was rappin up while keepin a eye on Shining, Cadence n' tha Royal Guard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Shut up. I mean it’s gettin incredibly buggin." Elijah allowed his dirty ass a lil' small-ass smirk, activatin tha recorder again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Psionic Warfare Officer Jizzy be annoyed by mah notations, n' is forgettin dat scientistical discovery iz of tha utmost importance." Jizzy shook his head n' looked away, Elijah smirkin up in victory before anglin tha recorder towardz tha ponies n' chizzlelings ta pick up they joyful praises.

---

Nigel gave a emerald mare a gangbangin' final gangbang before raisin his hands, tha forty-strong crowd backin away from his ass n' waitin fo' what tha fuck dat schmoooove muthafucka had ta say.

"I’m straight-up touched, I glad dat mah return is welcomed by all of yo thugged-out ass." Dude was drowned up as playa hatas started ta recite every last muthafuckin thang dat had gone wack n' why his bangin rule was missed at a funky-ass breakneck pace. Reflection made her way back ta his cold-ass throne, optin ta sit up in front of it instead of on his muthafuckin ass.

"I know dat fuckloadz has gone wack n' you all want lyrics, rest assured dat I'ma fix tha problems n' hit you wit lyrics." Nigel looked behind tha crowd as a line of Equestrian guardz was marched in, most of tha ponies not even up in armour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da civilians decided ta leave, all of dem conversin bout informin every last muthafuckin one of his bangin return, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"These was all of tha guardz up in tha barracks," Strategy informed, leadin a cold-ass lil column of Crystal Empire soldiers whoz ass was up in various statez of readiness. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Strategy his dirty ass was armour-less, tha Captain only wieldin a sword. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Do you want our asses ta lock dem up in tha dungeon, or do you have… other plans?" Da Equestrians stared at Nigel up in fear, nuff only havin heard exaggerated talez of his wackty. Nigel nodded, n' Shinin n' Cadence gulped when they saw dat all of tha guardz had been captured. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Secure dem up in tha dungeons n' assign a thugged-out detail ta guard em. While yo' troops is at it, there be a funky-ass bunch on tha second floor dat is up in need of a sick cell. They should be already tied up."

"Yo ass heard tha Emperor!" Strategy barked, all of tha guardz includin tha original gangsta ten bein herded at halberd-point towardz tha dungeons. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Strategy waited until all had left tha room, yet mo' Crystal guardz filin tha fuck into tha throne room from tha outside. They all saluted happily when they recovered from tha shock of seein tha Emperor back, Nigel returnin dem while tha three UIP operatives examined they playa’s natizzle army.

"I still don’t KNOW why they like you," Orthodox muttered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Yeah, you’re all evil so I don’t git it either," Rainbow added. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Orthodox placed a funky-ass boot on her back n' pushed down, Rainbow’s bravado falterin as his bangin rifle barrel prodded tha back of her skull.

"But Colourful Horse," Orthodox replied wit joy up in his voice. "If I was evil, I’d just blast you right here n' bust yo' body back ta yo' crew." Dude leaned down, Rainbow gulpin as he removed his helmet fo' realz. An orange grill was revealed, along wit a gangbangin' fang-filled grill set up in a grin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Yo ass know what, biatch? I be thinkin you may be right bout mah moral alignment."

"Orthodox," Nigel butted in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Don’t go blastin tha prisoner." Orthodox huffed n' replaced his helmet, Dash breathang a funky-ass bust a funky-ass big-ass fart of relief as tha heat on her back was lifted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.

Nigel rolled his wild lil' fuckin eyes as Orthodox looked at him, however Strategy drew tha alien’s ire instead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"What’s yo' problem?" Orthodox asked, havin noticed tha glare dat tha Captain was fixin his ass with.

"You’re disrespectful," Strategy pointed up wit a head tilt towardz Nigel. "Emperor Chalmers is loved cuz da perved-out muthafucka saved our asses from Sombra, improved our ghetto n' fought alongside our asses ta protect dat shit. I would have expected one of his wild lil' playaz ta be a lil mo' polite." Nigel placed his head up in his hands. While he appreciated tha Captain’s compliments, tha pony had no clue what tha fuck dat schmoooove muthafucka had just started. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.
Pointin up Orthodox’s flaws probably ended up wit thangs gettin weird. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Disrespectful?" Orthodox replied wit mirth up in his voice. "I’ll rap what tha fuck pony, you’d certainly chizzle yo' tune if you knew what tha fuck yo' ‘Precious Emperor’ was straight-up like. We go back decades; you’ve known his ass for, what, biatch? Two months, biatch? I mean, I’ve peeped his ass naked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I bet you haven’t."

"Straight onto dat topic," Nigel muttered tha fuck into his hands. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Strategy didn’t back down, tha stallion approachin Orthodox. Despite tha fact dat da thug was holdin a glock ta a Equestrian, Strategy marched right up ta him, tha stallion a lil talla than Orthodox.

"Actually, da thug was naked when we fought tha Elk together," Strategy informed, Nigel guessin what tha fuck would come next yo. Dude was spot on, Orthodox takin advantage of tha opening.

"Fightin Elk, biatch? Is dat what tha fuck you ponies call it?" Strategy gots what tha fuck tha alien was implying, only a slight eyebrow twitch betrayin his fuckin lil' discomfort all up in tha thought. Down by tha throne, Reflection’s opinion of Orthodox was droppin fast.

"How tha fuck childish," Strategy blasted back. "He’s a phat playa, n' a gangbangin' fine military leader n' shiznit yo. He’s a gangbangin' far mo' betta rula than you’d eva be." Orthodox laughed, glancin towardz Nigel while rockin a thumb ta point at Strategy.

"Shiznit muthafucka Nigel, you’ve gots dem hooked hommie! I’m surprised you haven’t started a cold-ass lil cult where they lick yo' feet every last muthafuckin dizzle fo' just existing." Nigel removed his wild lil' grill from his hands, noticin dat Strategy was fumin all up in tha continued disses.

"Let it go Strategy," Nigel requested, Orthodox chucklin as tha Captain snorted n' moved ta stand next ta Shinin n' Cadence.
"That’s right, be a phat lil pony," Orthodox teased. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Strategy bigged up his Emperor’s request however, n' didn’t respond. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Nigel gave his ass a apologetic look before frownin at Orthodox.

"Captain Strategy be a cold-ass lil competent military commander n' has performed exceedingly well. despite multiple disadvantages wit tha Empire’s forces. Lay off his ass Orthodox." Orthodox huffed n' gave Dash a swift kick up in a gangbangin' flank.

"Hey!" she protested, a glare from Orthodox shuttin down any further protest.

"It’s yo' own fault Nigel," he grumbled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "All of dis rappin' n' rulin is boring. I want mah promised booze n' party."

"Yo ass need ta be patient," Nigel replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I know you don’t give a thugged-out damn yo, but I need ta sort dis Empire up first. We need ta git tha Heart back up n' hustlin, we need ta sort up tha chicken shortages n' we need ta figure up how tha fuck ta start brangin down Celestia. Luckily, Strategy has swiftly gotten tha Guard moving, so we should be able ta defend against a attack." Strategy beamed wit pride, Orthodox rollin his wild lil' fuckin eyes under his helmet.

"Whatever n' shit. I just want suttin' bangin-ass ta happen." As soon as he finished rappin', a funky-ass bright flash lit up tha throne room. Everyone looked ta tha front of tha throne, five differently coloured mares recoverin from whatever happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Quickly girls, we gotta find mah brother, Rainbow n' Cadence before mo' guards-" tha mare dat had been rappin' froze as she noticed dat tha throne room was not empty like dat freaky freaky biatch had expected. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Nigel glared at James.

"I thought dat I holla'd at you ta secure them?" he asked, Jizzy tiltin his head as da perved-out muthafucka stared all up in tha mares.

"I did…" he murmured, Nigel shruggin n' glancin back all up in tha freshly smoked up arrivals. Da five was still starin at him, tha purple one locked on tha sight of Cadence n' Shinin Armour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

"Hi," Nigel waved all up in tha five, Rainbow Dash grinnin as dat dunkadelic hoe tried ta break outta tha magnetic cuffs securin her hooves.

"Now you’re up in shit!" Rainbow announced gleefully. "We’re goin ta kick yo' flanks!"

"Oh, straight-up?" Nigel asked, tha five mares recoverin from they shock yo. Dude swore dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had peeped tha purple n' white ones before. "What is five mares n' a restrained loudmouth goin ta do dat Celestia didn’t?" Da mares all winced at this, however Rainbow was emboldened by tha presence of her playas.

"We’re tha bearerz of tha Elementz of Harmony!" Rainbow announced. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Us dudes defeated Discord n' Nightmare Moon, so we can defeat you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? Right girls?" Instead of tha supportizzle agreements dat she expected, tha rest of tha mares stared at her up in shock.

"Rainbow," Twilight stated slowly. "There’s a armoured… dragon standin next ta you wit a weapon pointed at yo thugged-out ass." Biatch quickly glanced towardz Shinin n' Cadence, her fear increasing. "And there’s mo' humans pointin weapons at mah brutha n' Cadence!"

"Did yo dirty ass just call me a gangbangin' fuckin dragon?" Orthodox growled, his bangin rifle aimin at Twilight. Nigel peeped on amused as tha white unicorn glared at Orthodox despite tha threat.

"What horrid language up in front of ladies!" Raritizzle lectured. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Yo ass should be ashamed of yo ass, you uncultured beast!" Nigel saw dat Orthodox was bout ta pull tha trigger, suttin' dat Rainbow had holla'd repeatin itself up in his crazy-ass mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Orthodox," Nigel warned. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Don’t even be thinkin bout cappin' em." All of tha mares took a step back, however they found dat some Crystal Guardz had flanked them, a cold-ass lil circle of halberdz blockin all exits, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

"Oh come on," Orthodox pleaded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "At least let me off tha white unicorn." Nigel shook his head, much ta tha relief ta tha Equestrians.

"We need dem all kickin it, let me explain," Nigel answered while Reflection leaned back against his hairy-ass legs n' stared all up in tha ponies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! "From what tha fuck Rainbow pony has just holla'd, I be thinkin it’s safe ta say dat these mares is part of Equestria’s most potent weapon." Chalmers glanced down at Shining. "Is dat erect?" Shinin gulped, havin hoped dat remainin silent would have avoided attention. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"They are," he answered hesitantly, Nigel clappin his handz together up in glee.

"Great," Nigel responded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Guards, arrest em." Da five resisted ta no avail as they was jumped on n' chained up, Strategy fixin tha two unicorns wit a thoughtful gaze.

"Da unicorns need magic inhibitors," he informed Nigel. "I believe dat tha Equestrians brought some up in case of tha crystal unicorns tried ta fight back." Nigel nodded, havin already been holla'd at bout tha escape of his unicorns, armour staff n' most of tha ministers.

"Fetch them," he ordered, Strategy pointin ta a gangbangin' straight-up armoured chizzleling. Da soldier took flight n' left all up in tha doors, headin towardz tha empty barracks.

"Emperor," Strategy continued wit a glizzle all up in tha mares. "I KNOW dat deprivin tha enemy of a bangin weapon is phat yo, but what tha fuck do you plan ta do wit them?" Nigel pointed towardz tha door dat hustled ta tha staircase, tha same staircase dat went down ta tha dungeons.

"We’ve gots eighty Equestrian guardz as hostages, up in addizzle ta Shinin Armour n' Cadence. By takin these six mares, we only need ta feed n' guard six, straight-up blingin, mares n' not trained soldiers." Da Equestrians all trembled, fo' different reasons.

"You’re not goin ta just bust a cap up in tha guards?" Cadence was rappin up terrified, all eyes turnin ta her n' shit.

"What do you be thinkin I am, a funky-ass barbarian?" Nigel huffed while placin a hand on his chest. "I’m goin ta let dem go fo' realz. After strippin dem of they armour n' any valuablez of course." Orthodox grinned n' put up a hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"I claim one of tha helmets!" da ruffneck demanded, Cadence glancin up at Nigel wit hope.

"Is you goin ta let me n' Shinin go as well?" she axed hopefully. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch shrank back as Nigel n' Reflection fixed her wit glares, tha chizzleling’s far mo' venomous than tha Emperor’s.

"No way!" Reflection snarled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Not afta you ordered yo' patsies ta feed mah crazy ass dat gem! Yo ass knew how tha fuck much it meant ta me!" Cadence broke down tha fuck into tears, Shinin huggin her as dat biiiiatch wept.

"I thought I was helping!" her big-ass booty sobbed, Reflection’s gaze not lettin up.

"I’m not goin ta bust a cap up in or hurt you," Nigel reassured before winkin at a surprised Reflection. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "By dat I mean I’m not goin ta break ma foot off up in yo ass physically at least." Cadence stopped bustin up like a biatch but stared up at his ass terrified. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"What do you mean by that?"

Nigel didn’t answer her at first, turnin away ta glizzle at Strategy.

"Captain, escort our freshly smoked up hostages, includin tha rainbow one, ta separate cells fo' now fo' realz. Also, I know they’ve barely been imprisoned fo' long but I want you ta have tha rest of tha Equestrians locked n loaded ta move up when I command. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Prepare some basic winter game rations n' threadz fo' em." Strategy nodded, tha guardz relievin Orthodox of his thugged-out lil' prisoner n' takin tha six mares down ta tha dungeons.

"Yo ass two," Nigel ordered while pointin at two crystal guardz standin all up in tha doors, a unarmoured chizzlelin n' a armoured pony mare. "Take Shinin Armour here ta tha southern hood boarder, n' wait there." Da two nodded, tha pony pointin her halberd at Shinin while tha chizzleling’s horn glowed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Shinin hesitantly gots up, tha stallion givin Nigel a pleadin look.

"Nigel, what tha fuck bout Cadence, biatch? Please don’t hurt her, it’s not her fault and-"

"I already holla'd dat I won’t physically hurt her," he finished while wavin Shinin away fo' realz. As tha stallion was escorted outta tha room, Nigel gave Cadence a wicked grin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Well thugs, I’ve gots a pimped out scam on how tha fuck ta punish tha Supa-Hoe here n' bust a message ta Celestia all up in tha same time." Cadence started ta sob again, Orthodox struttin up ta her n' starin at Nigel.

"We’re goin ta rape her?" he asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Don’t you remember dat rape earns you a instant dirtnap sentence?" Nigel smacked his dirty ass up in tha grill wit his hand while Cadence tried ta scramble away.

"Orthodox, we’re not goin ta rape her," Nigel stressed out, wonderin why he even had ta explain dat shit. "One, it is illegal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Two, rape is one of tha thangs you know I despise. Three, Reflection would bust a cap up in me fo' dat shit."

"I could cook up a exception," Reflection muttered darkly, forcin Nigel ta question just how tha fuck much tha chizzlelin hated Cadence. Even tha pimpin' muthafucka thought dat dat shiznit was a lil' bit far. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

"We need ta git a long-ass talk," tha pimpin' muthafucka holla'd at her, Reflection lowerin her head all up in tha edge up in his voice. Nigel turned his thugged-out attention away from Reflection n' focused once again n' again n' again on Cadence, tha alicorn sobbin tha fuck into her hooves on tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Fuck dat shit, not a god damn thang like dat at all. I wanna do suttin' dat will bust a cold-ass lil clear message ta Celestia bout how tha fuck much I don't give a fuck bout her, not her puppets." With a grin, Chalmers looked at Elijah whoz ass had been gettin busy like a biiiatch takin notes tha entire time.

"Elijah, bout dat game kit…"

---

Crystal ponies n' chizzlelings chatted excitedly while they waited up in tha castle courtyard, shizzle havin spread of tha return of tha Emperor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Most didn’t believe tha shizzle at first; however tha sudden return of armoured chizzlelings n' crystal ponies ta tha streets gave tha rumour a shitload of validity. Da entire hood was bravin tha icy windz n' fallin snow, mah playas dressed up in warm winter threadz as they huddled beneath tha main balcony.

Da crowd fell tha fuck silent as tha balcony doors opened, Reflection marchin up by her muthafuckin ass. Da chizzlelin put her forehooves on tha edge of tha balcony so dat thugged-out biiiatch could be peeped clearly, Reflection beamin up towardz tha waitin playa haters.

"Fellow ponies n' chizzlelings," Reflection started. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "I brang you pimped out news muthafucka! Da Equestrian occupation has been defeated n' our oppressors is at our mercy!" Da crowd erupted tha fuck into cheers, most of dem callin fo' tha swift punishment of Supa-Hoe Cadence. Reflection allowed dem all dem momentz of celebration before wavin a hoof, most of tha crowd on tha fuckin' down-lowin down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"That’s not all," dat thugged-out biiiatch continued, tha playa hatas hopin dat tha rumours was true. "Our Emperor has returned from his unjust banishment!" Reflection flung her hoof towardz tha doorway behind her n' shit. Da crowd roared wit approval, cheers n' victory cries fillin tha entire hood. They soon took a dirt nap up however, playa hatas mutterin up in mad drama when tha Emperor didn’t appear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "Nigel," Reflection hissed, tha sound of hustlin footsteps approaching.

Nigel burst up onto tha balcony, Reflection eyein tha pink afro coverin his vile cloak while tha ponies n' chizzlelings below hollared they approval. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

"Sorry, our laid-back asses just finished," Nigel apologised, pausin ta give Reflection a peck on tha cheek. "Great thang, I’ll take it from here." Reflection nodded n' gots down from tha edge, Nigel takin her place n' wavin up all up in tha crowd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"It’s true!" he yelled up so dat all could hear his muthafuckin ass. "I have moonwalked back ta help you once again! I must say, it’s certainly colda than when I left!"

No-one knew if dat shiznit was tha laughter all up in tha joke or tha general relief n' joy yo, but dat shiznit was then dat a tinglin feelin was felt by mah playas present n' a hum steadily grew up in intensity. Ponies hollared while chizzlelings wondered what tha fuck was happening, before a funky-ass bright flash emitted from a podium up in tha centre of tha courtyard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

Da dull crystal dat had previously been chillin on it sprang back ta game, tha Empire bein filled wit positizzle juice as a big-ass dome once again n' again n' again covered tha hood n' shielded it from tha harsh winter outside. Ponies stamped they hooves up in applause, soon joined by tha chizzlelings as they realised what tha fuck had happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Joyful cries went up as tha playa hatas celebrated, tha air already gettin warma n' tha chizzlelings drank they fill of positizzle juice.

"Okay, I still have mo' ta say," Nigel continued afta all dem minutes. Da bubbly subjects all paid attention, his benevolence only strengthened further up in they eyes. "I’m shizzle you all want Supa-Hoe Cadence punished, n' dat you also want lyrics regardin tha playas dat I brought back wit mah dirty ass. Da crowd shared murmurs, havin heard of tha three monstas dat had been peeped wit they Emperor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

"These three is not goin ta hurt you," Nigel announced. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

‘I think.’

"They will seem a lil strange ta you at first," he resumed afta his thugged-out lil' private worry. "They’re oldschool playaz of mine, n' so far they intend ta stay up in tha Empire n' help our asses strike back at Equestria!" Everyone hollared n' applauded, tha new-comers already accepted up in they minds. "First up is James!" Da cheers increased as Jizzy strutted up onto tha balcony, tha psionic givin tha crowd a funky-ass brief wave.

"Uh… Yo everyone," tha agent glanced up all up in tha shimmerin dome above his muthafuckin ass. "Fuck dat shit, I don’t remember dat bein there when we arrived." Ponies n' chizzlelings thought dat dat shiznit was a joke, all of dem bustin up while Jizzy was left perplexed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Smooth," Nigel teased before facin tha crowd n' gesturin towardz tha door again, a wince on his wild lil' face. "We also have Agent Orthodox!"

Orthodox didn’t merely strutt outta tha door.

Dude swaggered.

Nigel n' Jizzy groaned as Orthodox exited tha doorway, his helmet off n' his bangin rifle across his back. Da alien leaned over tha balcony n' was kicked it wit wit curious mutters, no-one havin peeped anythang like his ass before.

"Yo, what’s up ya’ll?" Dude greeted, earnin a cold-ass lil curse from Nigel. "I heard dat you was all fucked up bout Nigel bein busted ta Hell yo, but I just wanna let you know one thang." Orthodox pointed his cold-ass thumbs at his dirty ass. "Da bastard missed mah birthday, so he’s puttin together a jam n' payin fo' all tha booze." Nigel closed his wild lil' fuckin eyes n' started ta count ta ten. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Meanwhile, Orthodox finished up. "And guess what, biatch? All of y'all ponies n' chizzlelings is invited hommie! It’s goin ta be dope!"

Da crowd hollared again, applaudin n' whistlin while Orthodox baxed up in they approval like a lizard sunnin itself on a rock.

"Arsehole," Nigel insulted before pullin Orthodox back yo. Dude waved a hand, silencin his subjects again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Last one is Elijah." Da scientist strutted up onto tha balcony tha fuck into applause, his helmet still off.

"Greetings sapient equines n' sapient insectoid equines, I be Lead Researcher Elijah Von Barker n' I look forward ta findin up all bout yo thugged-out ass." Da cheers lowered slightly, tha crowd a lil trippin all up in tha introduction. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Nigel has holla'd at mah crazy ass all bout yo' plight yo, but he knows remarkably lil bout yo' anatomy, culture, history n' hood customs. I aim ta rectify this, n' up in bustin so I need some volunteers ta help me wit mah research. Now, I be thinkin we should start wit ten of each sex n' race ta examine-"

"Elijah, save it fo' later," Nigel axed on tha fuckin' down-lowly while placin a hand on Elijah’s shoulder n' shiznit yo. Dude wasn’t shizzle where tha scientist was goin yo, but one could never be shizzle wit scientists, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

Biologists up in particular had a g-thang fo' not knowin what tha fuck was inappropriate or not, Elijah even mo' so.

"Fine yo, but I wanna be able ta do some research," Elijah relented as da thug strutted back tha fuck into tha castle. Nigel turned ta tha now-silent crowd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Give some applause fo' Elijah!" A mob menstrualitizzle n' a thugged-out desire ta please they Emperor prompted tha subjects ta resume they cheering; soon Nigel had ta ask fo' like again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Now, afta givin it careful thought, I have decided ta keep all dem hostages but I be releasin tha majoritizzle of tha Equestrians. Us thugs will struggle ta feed a hundred grills yo, but if our slick asses let some go then it’s less of a strain on our chicken stores while still givin our asses a hopeful defence against another invasion."

"What bout tha Pink Menace!?" a mare yelled up. "Bitch need ta be punished!" Da crowd all voiced they agreements, Nigel wavin dem down again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"Supa-Hoe Cadence is ghon be moonwalked back ta Equestria yo, but as a warning!" Breaths was held as tha Emperor turned towardz tha balcony doors, four guardz leadin a cold-ass lil cloaked pony ta tha edge fo' all ta see. Da brown cloak was removed by Nigel, n' tha crowd erupted tha fuck into laughter n' shit.

Cadence was standin wit her head lowered n' her cheeks flushed, tha alicorn havin been straight-up shaved of all her afro fo' realz. All dat tha crowd could peep was naked pink skin, however Nigel knew dat not all of Cadence’s afro was gone yo. Dude had enough mercy ta let her keep her tail fo' concealment of her privates yo, but tha only other spot of afro was on tha middle of her back.

Jizzy had skilfully shaved, ‘Celestia be a gangbangin' fat biiiatch, n' we’re comin fo' you,’ up in tha hair, makin Cadence a literal warnin ta Celestia.

"Alright, cover her back up n' take her ta tha meetin point," Nigel on tha fuckin' down-lowly ordered, tha four guardz coverin Cadence wit tha cloak n' leadin her away. Nigel faced his playa hatas again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

"I have some bidnizz ta git all up in ta concernin tha Equestrians yo, but I wish ta cook up a gangbangin' final announcement. Orthodox has already stated his fuckin lil' desire fo' a party, n' I’ve come up wit a idea." Nigel raised a gangbangin' fist tha fuck into tha air, tha gesture mimicked by hooves down on tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude shed a manly tear, tha ponies n' chizzlelings lookin like they was bustin a Nazi salute.

Hilarious.

"Todizzle is now officially a hood holiday, n' is now known as ‘Viva La Crystal Empire Day’!"

"What do dat mean?" a thug chizzlelin questioned, Nigel havin ta be thinkin hard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude straight-up didn’t know, he just remembered seein it somewhere on some place called ‘Tropico’ back on oldschool Terra yo. Dude would gotta improvise.

"It means…" he found his dirty ass stuck.

‘Fuck it’.

"Us thugs won!" his schmoooove ass cried, tha playa hatas all biggin' up n' yellin they approval. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. "Everyone start tha jam dawwwwg! I’ll join up in afta I finish up wit Emperor stuff!" Nigel remained fo' all dem minutes as mah playas fuckin started tha celebrations, all dem subjects already passin up chicken n' drink. Da jam fuckin started ta expand onto tha hood streets, tha enjoyment not hampered by tha rapidly meltin snow.

Nigel had a grin on his wild lil' face, holdin a cold-ass lil content Reflection’s hoof up in his hand while da thug strutted back tha fuck into tha castle.

"I apologise," Orthodox stated wit awe as he peeped tha massive jam kick off. "Yo crazy-ass subjects know how tha fuck ta start a street party. They’re already rollin up barrelz of booze tha fuck into tha streets, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Barrels!" Nigel gave Orthodox a mock punch wit his wild lil' free hand.

"We still gotta peep off tha Equestrians," he reminded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Instead of complainin Orthodox unslung his bangin rifle n' hurried down tha corridor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

"Let’s hurry up n' git it over with!" he exclaimed, mah playas rollin they eyes at his sudden enthusiasm.

---

"Yo ass aint NEVER gonna return, n' yo big-ass booty is ghon tell Celestia dat no Equestrian be allowed tha fuck into tha Crystal Empire. If dat dunkadelic hoe tries anything, her precious Element Bearers is ghon be executed immediately."

Nigel stared all up in tha Equestrian guards, Shining, n' Cadence. Nigel was flanked by four ten-strong squadz of Crystal Guardz as well n' Jizzy n' Orthodox, Elijah havin erected ta stay back n' invigorate tha six mares they had taken hostage. Reflection was at his side, tha chizzlelin still gigglin at Cadence’s punishment.

Da edge of tha southern barrier was clear, luckily fo' tha Equestrians no snow was fallin all up in tha moment.

"Yo ass done been given tha standard winter game coats n' rationz of mah guards, mo' than enough ta git you back ta yo' own ghetto. Yo ass head due south, n' I never wanna peep any of y'all here again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. If you turn back, you git shot. I’m back up in charge, n' you can rap r fellows dat I'ma happily bust a cap up in any Equestrian dat tries ta enter mah ghetto." Nigel narrowed his wild lil' fuckin eyes. "Yo crazy-ass kind has already done enough damage. Da six mares our crazy asses have prisoner is ghon be treated well, n' if all goes well then they is ghon be busted out unharmed."
Shinin Armour lifted his head from beside Cadence’s ta stare at Nigel pleadingly.

"Please Emperor, let Twilight go at least." Chalmers shook his head, rememberin dat Twilight was Shining’s younger sista n' shit.

"No Shining, I’ve already done you enough favours as it is. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat you have mah word dat dat biiiiatch aint gonna be harmed." Shinin looked bout ta protest yo, but Orthodox had gotten impatient.

"Alright, that’s enough!" da ruffneck demanded while aimin his bangin rifle all up in tha Equestrians. "I gots a jam ta git to! Yo ass heard Chalmers, head due south. Now run!"

When tha ponies didn’t move, Orthodox let up a funky-ass burst of shots, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Da plasma impacted up in tha snow just up in front of tha ponies, tha noise n' effect of tha weapon rollin dem ta bolt away. Orthodox kept firin as tha ponies ran away, makin shizzle dat his shots followed dem up in tha snow ta keep dem moving.

"Run ponies muthafucka! Ruuunnn!" Orthodox only stopped blastin when tha Equestrians disappeared over a snowy bank, tha ISA agent dashin off back tha fuck into tha hood as soon as they was gone. "Jam time!" Nigel chuckled, wavin at James. Da psionic nodded n' followed Orthodox, leavin Nigel ridin' solo wit Reflection n' tha guards.

"Troops," Nigel addressed ta tha assorted ponies n' chizzlelings, all straight-up armed n' armoured. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I’m sorry ta gotta do dis yo, but I require you all tha remain on guard durin tha party." Da soldiers surprised his ass when instead of tha grumblez he expected, da thug was instead replied ta wit salutes. Pleased n' full of pride at they obedience, Nigel thought of a way ta make it up ta em. "I’ll rap what. I’ll organise a guards-only jam up in all dem days’ time ta make it up ta you, deal?"

"Yes yes y'all, sir!" tha guardz replied enthusiastically.

"Good," Nigel sighed up in relief. "Now, if you don’t mind I wanna gotz a private conversation wit Reflection." Da guardz nodded n' left, all dem smirkin as they dwelled on what tha fuck tha conversation was likely about.

Reflection stared up at Nigel wit puzzlement on her face.

"What do you wanna rap about?" she axed him, Nigel smilin at her n' shit.

"Yo ass remember dat promise I made yo slick ass?" he dissed back, Reflection nodding.

"I wouldn’t forget it fo' tha ghetto yo, but didn’t you say dat you had thangs ta do?" Biatch shivered up in pleasure as fingers scratched her knotted mane, hittin tha dope spots behind her ears.

"I’ve already gots all of tha blingin shiznit outta tha way," Nigel answered as he rummaged up in his hide cloak. "Da only thang I holla'd our crazy asses had ta do was both gotz a funky-ass bath." Reflection’s smile grew as she realised what tha fuck da thug was gettin back, her tail swishin as dat thugged-out biiiatch considered tha idea.

"Yo ass don’t have any disses from me if you’re thankin what tha fuck I’m thinking," she replied before she remembered something. "Hang on, all up in tha risk of spoilin tha moment, don’t yo wanna git all up in tha party?" Chalmers grinned at her, findin what tha fuck da thug was lookin fo' yo. Dude pulled a funky-ass forty from his bangin robes, passin it down so Reflection could peep dat shit.

"Four berry wine?" she read, movin her eyes from tha label back ta his wild lil' face.

"I was thankin we could gotz a jam of our own," Nigel holla'd wit a wink. Reflection hummed up in agreement, graspin her forehoof round his hand n' pullin his ass along.

"I suddenly gotz a straight-up phat urge ta git a long, bangin' bath," da hoe breathed, tha two hurryin along back ta tha castle like love-struck teenagers.

---

Rainbow Dash glared all up in tha white-armoured human chillin up in front of her cell, her playaz all watchin from they own cages. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch beat her hooves against tha bars, havin already tried ta throw her mattress all up in tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

Needless ta say, dat tactic hadn’t worked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Just you wait until Celestia rescues our asses n' banishes all of y'all like yo' evil playa!" Rainbow didn’t git a response, tha human only starin at her as he leaned forward on his stool. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch didn’t like bein ignored. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Is you listening!?" she yelled, tha entire thang pissin her off immensely. "Answer me you Featherdomeed, useless, buggin, skanky Cloudstain!" Da human didn’t even blink his brown eyes, his hand raisin a square, glowin thang up ta his crazy-ass grill.

"Subject, dubbed ‘Crazy-Ass Flyin Rainbow Horse’ by ISA Agent Orthodox, is currently showin intense signz of irritation n' rage towardz Lead Researcher Von Barker n' shit. Lead Researcher is goin ta attempt ta clarify tha thang."

Rainbow jolted back as tha thang was pointed towardz her, Rainbow not knowin if dat shiznit was another of tha aliens’ strange weapons.

"Crazy-Ass Flyin Rainbow Horse," tha scientist asked, leanin up in further towardz tha bars wit a gleam up in his wild lil' fuckin eye. "Is you currently fuckin wit tha emotion known as rage or anger?" Rainbow couldn’t answer, too shocked all up in tha wack question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da human took her silence fo' misunderstanding.

"Oh, I’m sorry, let me put it tha fuck into layman’s terms." Da human flossed tha slightest smile.

"Is you mad?"

Comments

[LeafBug]

God, do I ever love that translator.

[DuskEdge]

Dude, I couldn't even bother reading this after 2 chapters.

[Dropbear]

2366362
2366357

There is no way i'm going to actually post this. A forum joke it started as and as a forum joke it shall die. Reading this, I could feel braincells dribbling out of my ears.

[DuskEdge]

2366364 I'm having a hard time believing that anyone in the hood could even understand all of this.

[Dropbear]

2366370

I'm still trying to figure out what:

I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch

Means.

[The Servant Archer]

...?....
This is what occurs a white guy tries to write like how a stereotypical black guy would speak....
All of those agree, say aye. If you disagree, say ney.

[Narlepoax III]

Ho, shiznit. Muthafucka, dis shit is tight.

[Thresha8]

What the actual...?

[Dropbear]

2366403
2366406
2366407

You have this site to thank:

gizoogle

[The Servant Archer]

2366429
Have a link to another gizoogle-
Diaries of a Madbro
Also, to your Cicken and Gravy Biatach? It refers to a common event. So in your story it says it ain't normal shit.
And bro, the link be some confusin shit!

[Dropbear]

2366437

Oh dear god... is nothing sacred?

[The Servant Archer]

2366447
..Diaries of a Madman wasn't holy at all anyways...

[Lord Commissar Alexer]

Gay.

[Dropbear]

2366490

No u!

2366457

I didn't really know what else to say. I haven't actually read it, so I can't comment on it.

Still, this translator is an abomination.

[Beyond the Horizon]

2366447

post-gazette.com/image/2014/06/09/20140609hoEvilDead0613mag.jpg

[BronyofMeddlers]

I know I don't usually post on blogs but...Was that chapter on full high, cocaine, crack, and other things that make you go stupid and crazy on the same time? Because I swear it was.

[Dropbear]

2366527

So tempted to make:

Internal Securitizzle Agency

A thing.

[BronyofMeddlers]

2366529 *Slaps to the forehead, hard.* I don't even think Nigel will approve of that easily...They would of ruin his groove.

[Sorrowfulwinds]

Fo'shizzle dawg, dis got tha dizzle.

[EntropyEntropy]

2366529
Put a really racist black character in your story, and have it so the story is in his perspective using the google translate thing.

That would be hilarious.

[Requiem17]

XD ROTFLMAO I... I don't even know what to say.
*Stifles giggle*
That by no means was racist in any way.
...
Seriously what the hell did you use XD That's just f$#@%& up but hilarious.
Edit: I see the link.

[DevourMistress]

2366492 wait, you haven't read Diaries of a madman? read it here in fimfiction, it is literally the best story on this site (sorry, but even your masterpiece looks average compared to the Diaries of a madman)

[The Servant Archer]

2366492
Plan a long time for when you read it. It's one of the very best, and by far and away the longest at over one and a half million words. 1,601,639 words. Most stories only have 3,000 to 100,000 words. People have preferences, but that story is almost always near the top if you can read it.

and it's how MLP would go if Discord was darker, older, and far wiser.

[Dropbear]

2366833

I've only heard good things about it, I must say.

[DevourMistress]

2366866 that's because it is good. So yeah, it might start slow (first 20 chapters or so) but the story is addictive to read after certain point. You'll notice it when you start reading