Where I've Been, Where I Am · 5:54pm Aug 27th, 2014
Though I haven't been posting any new material, I've still been around the website. And with what is likely an unjustifiable sense of self importance, I'd like to explain why that is.
For some context, I'm coming fresh off of reading this blog post from The Descendant. The analysis he is responding to is that his stories are wholesome, and while MidnightRambler claims it is suffocating, I agree with most of the comments in response to TD's post when I say it's refreshing.
This has triggered some self-reflection, and it's been disheartening to think about some of my stories and realizing how puerile and sexualized a lot of them are.
Where does that come from? It probably didn't help that I was 20 when I started writing for this fandom (for the record, I'm 22 now). But I was also in a precarious situation, during the middle of a leave from school and suffering from some stressful things in my life. I won't delve any further into that, but the point is I was not myself when I began writing, and now that I'm returning to normal, I'm coming to some sad revelations about my past work.
Sure, there's some "wholesome" fics, the prime example being "Cuddling." And while I received a comment from someone saying that reading it was an uncomfortable experience, most people responded telling me how cute the idea was.
Sadly, that has been the exception, not the norm, in my writing. Clop like "Filly Fooling" and "Spread" became some of my most popular work, and I won't even talk about what was going on when I was writing "Discord's Revenge."
These stories are not a reflection of who I am. In truth, sex makes me feel really uncomfortable, and these stories reflected a desire to explore what I think are unseemly ideas for the sake of releasing some pent up frustration. I look back on these stories not with a sense of accomplishment, but one of regret.
Perhaps that's why I've been so reluctant to update "Speed." The dark material just isn't a reflection of the kind of person I am.
Now, some might say I should get off my "high horse" (pun completely intended), but I would say these people are cynical. A story shouldn't have to have lewd content or questionable morality to be considered worth reading, but there seems to be a mentality in this fandom that clop becomes seemingly more successful than deeper works of fiction. (I may or may not be correct in assuming this, but it's been a complaint of many a user on this site.)
How, you might ask, does this explain my reluctance to write "A Week in the Life of Princess Twilight Sparkle?" By all accounts, I should be delving into that story with all my muster, as it is a pure, could-be-an-episode story that has become my second highest rated work. While some of this can be attributed to the shame I've expressed above, there's also a lack of a creative spark that gets my mind going and banging out chapters in a euphoric flurry. Not to mention I've been grappling with an intense drive to play video games, which is a far more shallow reason but equally accurate.
So what's a writer to do? I don't have an answer, and until I do, you won't be seeing any updates for a while. I'm putting my current projects on hiatus to reflect this decision.
TL;DR I have conflicted feelings about my work on this site and my drive to write, so I have to back off for a while and do some self-reflection before I can return to any sort of productivity. Hope you all can understand that.
Like I said, I'll still peruse the site and leave some comments here and there, but you won't be seeing much more than that. I'll blog when things change, or if I want to address something else related to this site or the show. Thanks for sticking by me in the meantime, and I hope to return to form some day.
Usually such introspection can only lead to a better understanding of yourself and your work. I hope you find what you're looking for.
2407210 Thanks!
Really? This bothers you? *Faceclaw* Hooo kay, lets try to break this down.
1) Plenty of people write erotic, romantic and sometimes plain sleezy stories involving their favorite characters from television and movies.
2) You didn't generate the thousands of accounts that viewed your stories.
3) You write a balance of elements in your stories with all of them having ponies.
4) You will be a better writer for having your older and unfinished works there to inspire you to write differently if not better.
Trust me when I say: Sexuality is one element of your self and needs to balanced against the rest of you. It can colour the rest of your life and perceptions of others if it's brought to the fore too often, yet the absence of any sexuality is also notable, even if the context of magical talking equines doesn't offer much more than allegations of Mrs. Cake's infidelity.
I hope you see that I'm trying to tell you need to find a comfort zone for yourself AND a way of presenting your comfortable self to others that doesn't incur too much wrath.
A.G.
It's good to hear you're taking a step to think and focus on yourself. I hope we'll see you around again but if not I wish you well in all that you do.
2408131 All good points, true, and I agree it's a matter of being comfortable with what I'm presenting. I'd still like to collect myself and figure out how to approach writing in the future.
Read your latest blog where I saw you mention this so I'm responding to this first since I like you as a writer.
Honestly I can say this:
Clop or not doesn't make a writer good, nor bad. It's how it connects and impacts the audience. A good story makes a person feel something, connect with the characters, and with the more imaginative of us, see the events go down. To get immersed into the fic and wanting more.
To be the same I originally never considered doing clop, and the first time I did it, I was actually terrified of posting it. But I love writing things I'm uncomfortable with or that I find challenging. Since it pushes me as an author ... none of my stuff is as successful as yours (Kudos by the way) on shear volume of views.
But my most successful stuff isn't my clop, but rather my more whimsical pieces or lighthearted pieces. Still write clop not because I'm a deviant, but because I love the reactions I get from my readers. Really, you could make the most sentimental, wholesome, and artistic piece of your life [or conversely the most deprived, sexually deviant, insane museings]. But without an audience to enjoy them, it's not art.
You've done that though, both with your sexual pieces, and the rare non / not so much pieces. Both have wonderful characterization, depth, the ability to touch your readers, and most importantly, fics that are immersible. Beautifully so.
You should never feel ashamed that your work isn't some nook that others would place it, since they are beautiful works. Honestly I give you the biggest internet round of applause I can give you.
But if you think you should make more "wholesome" fics, then make some, if you feel like pushing yourself and your comfort zone by making clop, then your readers will support you. Although they might miss the clop from time to time admittedly. But write what you as an artist feel you want to write, or comes into your head and wants to be made. If that's what you feel like doing.
Anyways. Sorry for the length. Best of luck to your future endeavors, and I hope everything goes well with you.
2410613 Thanks for the kind words. I'm lucky that a lot of people have read and enjoyed my stories, and it's because of that that I do want to return someday.
2411218
Best of Luck
, and you're welcome. I can't wait to see what you come up with when you get your mojo back.