Firelegs · 9:39pm Jun 13th, 2012
Now, I don't know if I've ever mentioned it before, but I'm a big fan of all things musical.
I'm sorry? What's that? I have told you? In repeated, varied and extremely annoying ways?
Well, sorry about that. It's my inner musician trying to escape. If you listen closely, you can even hear his little cries for help - isn't that sweet?
Anyway, I digress. Let it be know forever more that Doctor Whooves enjoys music, and let the universe get on with things (because she was really hung up about it, y'know), 'cause it was this love of music that lead me into this next story.
Ok, so picture the scene; there I am, awe-inspiringly handsome as always, trotting along the paths and roads of Ponyville. The sun was shining (does it ever not shine?), the birds were singing (likewise), and Derpy and Dinky were safe and sound in the 3rd Century BC with a guy named Aristoxenus - lovely colt, wrote a treatise on music called the "Elements of Harmony", dontcha know. I wasn't doing much, and I was near enough the Everfree that there were no other ponies around.
Imagine my surprise, then, when I heard the most beautiful duet being performed over the horizon. The two ponies both seemed to be mares, and the music had a wonderfully jovial attitude, so I began moving my way towards it. As I did so, I was able to determine the subject matter of the piece - apparently, one of them wanted a companion of some kind and was aiming her hopes ridiculously high, and the other was trying to pawn off some unwanted animals. I didn't know about any of that, of course; I'd always been perfectly happy with K9.
"I can't wait to get started, but first let me set a few rules..."
A line of verse drifted over to me as I breached the top of the hill, and I saw that the singer was none other than the Awesome, the Incredible, the Fantastical (she's paying me to say thus, by the way), RAINBOW DASH!
Or, in other words, exactly the opposite of the sort of pony you'd expect to be singing in public (the Gala notwithstanding). With her, and listening patiently, was Fluttershy.
"It's of utmost importance that the pet that I get is totally awesome and cool!"
That was Rainbow Dash, of course - like Fluttershy ever could've been so demanding. She seemed to be taking advantage of Fluttershy's natural kindness, but it didn't look to be much of a problem, so I left them to it.
"Awesome, cool, got it." said Fluttershy. Yep, definitely being taken advantage of - whoever head of a pet that was 'awesome' and 'cool'. Unless Rainbow was looking to get a stuffed toy of herself, she would probably have to aim lower.
Fluttershy hopped into the air.
"I have so many wonderful choices, just wait, you will see!
I could just imagine the light-hearted woodwind and string accompaniment.
I was just about to leave - it was nice, but I didn't really want to listen to a montage of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy looking at things for several minutes - when Rainbow began her verse.
"It'll need to be fast like a bullet, to keep up with-"
"WHAT!"
The two ponies stopped singing, the imaginary soundtrack sputtered to a discordant halt, and a flying squirrel fell out of a tree at my outburst, but I barely noticed.
"Did you just say BULLET?!" I galloped as fast as I could over to Rainbow Dash, who was looking at me like I'd just grown a second head (I only did that once, really). "Since when did Equestria have firearms?"
Rainbow pulled back, a look of suspicion on her face.
"Who the hay are you, buster?" I gaped at her, open mouthed. this wasn't the time for playing around; this was serious!
"And, um," Fluttershy interjected, throwing me off further, "what, if you don't mind telling my that is, are, um, 'arms'?"
"Oh, bugger, yes, I meant firelegs. Not firearms at all, no! Just firelegs! Now, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE?"
"I don't know what your problem is, pony, but you're acting a liiiitle bit creepily. What're these 'fire-legs' you keep talking about?"
"But... but... but you..." My brain appeared to be stuck on repeat somewhat, and attempted to get things back on track. "You... said 'bullet'... as in, 'as fast as a bullet'... you know?" Evidently, it hadn't worked too well.
Rainbow looked confused for a moment, then flew swiftly over to Fluttershy, where they had a quick whispered conversation. After a few seconds, Rainbow turned to me with a calm, considerate face on. What was she doing?
"Now," she began, "I know that you might have things going on at the moment, and you may be feeling stressed, but you can't just take it out on other ponies! Now, why don't you explain what you meant by 'firelegs', and I'll apologise for saying something to offend you, deal?"
I could see that it was taking her a considerable amount of effort to consent to an apology, I calmed down a little. But still, if Equestria had weaponry more advanced than a crossbow, and I didn't know about it...
"Ok, ok. Firelegs means, errr, well, it's a thing used to... throw... pieces of metal called 'bullets'. I was wondering how you knew about them."
Rainbow's expression cleared, and she glanced at Fluttershy.
"Mate... I was talking about bullets as in a bullet in a pack of cards. Y'know, an ace? 'Cause I'm completely and utterly ace? Nothing like whatever you meant."
Oh. Well then. There we go. Teaches me about jumping to conclusions. Facehoof. Facehoof facehoof facehoof.
"Oh, ummm, well... I'll... just be going then." Facehoof facehoof facehoof facehoof.
"That's probably for them best," Rainbow Dash said. Facehoof facehoof.
I turned and quickly made my retreat. Behind me, I heard Fluttershy.
"Do... do you want to keep on singing the song?" Gahhh, I was so thick sometimes. Facehoof.
Rainbow Dash glanced at me, then back to Fluttershy.
"Maaaaaybe not today." Facehoof facehoof.
I trotted a bit quicker.
DW
That makes a lot of sense, really.
Now explain tanks.
173043
You put fish in them.
Oh double meanings, you so confusing! I forgive though!
I think brain hurt from too much realizing though.
Oh Doctor, you're so silly. They do have a sort of firearms, though; I'm currently in Saudi Mareabia after fleeing Feudal Neighpon. They shot fireworks at me.
173820
Must be pretty good shots - firing fireworks from Neighpon to Mareabia.
Wait. Why did you leave Derpy and Dinky in 3rd Century BC? Seriously! No offense but she's not exactly the BEST mare to be left unattended.
174660
I'm disappointed that you don't show more faith in Derpy - what (more) harm could she do?
And anyway, Dinky was with her, so I'm sure she'll be fine.
175641
I suppose so. This Aristoxenus fellow sounds like he could handle it too.
173911
Trust me, they were. The burn on my wing still stings.