My Dickish Pony: Ponies Are Dicks, Season 5 · 2:19pm Nov 30th, 2015
S1-4 || S5 || S6 || S7 || S8 || S9
(To figure out what's happening here, see above posts.)
I think I'd wanted to post this with my writeup of The Cutie Re-Mark, but I forgot. Or else I forgot what I actually wanted to do with it. c.c I dunno, have three journals in ten minutes!
(Part of me wants to make this more complicated, with dickishness levels, and indicators for "stupid", "giant baby", "how fucked are we" and "sexual tension", but that would probably turn this into work, and we don't want that, do we? :V Just remember that those are the other things besides "is a dick" I've been pointing out.)
The Cutie Map: Twilight and friends go to a town, led by a huge dick named Starlight Glimmer, where everyone pretends they aren’t huge dicks.
Castle Sweet Castle: Twilight’s being a dick to her friends because her library got fucked over last season, so they decide to fuck it up even more.
Bloom & Gloom: Apple Bloom’s subconscious is a dick to her for no good reason.
Tanks for the Memories: Rainbow Dash is a tremendous cock to all of Equestria because she’s stupid and a gigantic fucking baby.
Appleloosa’s Most Wanted: The CMCs find out a big horse is not actually a big dick like everyone thinks he is, thus further proving Appleloosa is populated by nothing but dicks.
Make New Friends but Keep Discord: Discord is a big, whiny dick because he’s jealous of Fluttershy’s new friend. (The Smooze, meanwhile, is not a dick, it is a precious cinnamon roll that must be protected at all costs.)
The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone: Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned griffon culture is built around them being dicks to each other.
Slice of Life: The writers are dicks to the fandom.
Princess Spike: Spike’s trying to keep everyone from being dicks to Twilight, but goes too far and flips the dial to dick mode.
Party Pooped: Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned yak culture is built around them being dicks to everyone else.
Amending Fences: Twilight was a dick to her old friends once, so Moondancer is a huge dick now because sexual tension.
Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?: Luna nearly fucks everyone over by being a dick to herself.
Canterlot Boutique: Rarity hires an assistant named Sassy Saddles who nearly fucks over her business by being a controlling dick.
Rarity Investigates: Wonderbolts are serious dicks who need to be more choosy about who they hang out with. Rainbow Dash is, for once, not a dick.
Made in Manehattan: Rarity and Applejack help everypony’s waifu teach her neighbors how to stop being dicks to each other.
Brotherhooves Social: Big Macintosh is a dick to Apple Bloom because he’s a huge fucking baby. The writers are dicks to Big Macintosh. Tumblr assumes the writers are also being dicks to them.
Crusaders of the Lost Mark: The CMCs try to teach Diamond Tiara how to be less of a dick. They mostly succeed and get cutie marks that look like a pile of dicks.
The One Where Pinkie Pie Knows: All of Ponyville is coincidentally a dick to Pinkie. It’s kind of funny.
Hearthbreakers: Applejack ends up being a dick to Pinkie’s family by committing heresy.
Scare Master: Fluttershy tries to be a dick to her friends and fails adorably.
What About Discord?: Discord makes all of Twilight’s friends be dicks to her by being a dick.
The Hooffields and McColts: Twilight tries to stop a feud between two families of dicks by being a dick to them and Fluttershy.
The Mane Attraction: Applejack helps an old friend be less of a dick by firing her dick manager because sexual tension.
The Cutie Remark: The future sucks because Starlight Glimmer is a huge dick. Twilight helps her not be a dick.
Friendship Games: There’s a whole school of dicks, and Twilight Sparkle goes there for some reason. She turns into a huge dick. Sunset transforms into the complete opposite of a dick. Then sexual tension.
Season rated 2/10 needed more dicks.
Pretty sure Apple Bloom was being the huge engorged overly entitled chubby cock in Brotherhooves Social, as was Rainbow Dash (gotta keep the RD dick counter rolling with her appearances) but the rest was pretty spot on. Including Big Mac being a whiny dick. But a well meaning dick.
Fluttershy apparently did not become Futashy. Or did she? Who cares, she's adorable, even when trying to be dick.
You know, Twilight was a huge dick when her beliefs were challenged and forced her ways onto others the same way AJ did in Hearthbreakers. Hard to tell whose the biggest dick between Twilight and Glimmer, I mean Twilight does a lot of cocky stuff and is a snarky dick to every pony. Hmm, must be
sexual tensionhard seeing other ponies point of view when you have your head so far up your bum. Granted, Glimmer at least was a huge dick in a town of ponies who wanted to give RD and the rest of the girls all their dicks. But she really doesn't think about what she does sometimes.Twilight Sparkle is Princess of Chubs.
Dang it, now my blog's going to look derivative.
Still, an amusing addition to the series.
PINGAS
Princess Spike: Way back in the day, Celestia ordered there to be Dragon Sneeze Trees planted throughout Canterlot, to be a dick to dragons. The writers are huge dicks to Spike by not remembering he lived in Canterlot, meaning he should have known about those trees already, but no, the writers just gotta be dicks to Spike.
Amending Fences: Geez, Twilight was a huge dick in the past. This made somepony else dickish in return. Twilight gets that sorted out.
Cutie Re-Mark: Geez, Twilight was a huge dick in the past (even if the pony she was a dick to deserved it). This made somepony else dickish in return. Twilight gets that sorted out.
I really want to find someone who watched enough episodes back in S1 to know who's who and what's going on, and show them these two blogs as a quick-and-succinct summary of the rest of the series. I think that would make my day.
3581789
Not at all, I love what you did. :D
3581916
Goddamn, I forgot about those trees.
I guess it's more proof that episode wasn't all that great. :B
3583042 Oh, that annoyed me more than anything else, those freakin' trees. I mean, I can understand as using it as discouragement for big, adult dragons, but why would you line the streets with them, and not use them strategically. Those things have to be expensive. But seriously, Celestia is a dick to dragons.
3583194
The story of Spike's life. :V
3583194
Well, there are two possibilities, really. Either Spike forgot about the trees since his last visit, which means that Spike's stupid and Celestia's a dick.
Or the trees were planted in Spike's absence, which means that Celestia is a truly jaw-droppingly massive dick.
3583359 Yeah, and that makes the writers dicks.
3583864 Pretty much.
HA! Lol!
And big horse.
It's zen too, I guess?
To become recovering dick.