Rough days · 10:30pm Sep 27th, 2020
My dad died today. It was quick and in his sleep. He died surrounded by people who loved him and with friends. I got to talk to him three days ago, but he fell asleep and never regained consciousness.
I don't think he believed he would die with friends.
My father's life was defined by an endless string of difficult relationships defined by sex, anger, and sadness until he finally climbed a mountain and became a Zen Monk for almost fifteen years. When he finally retired, he was a different man. Calmer, more collected, much easier to like. Our relationship grew out of that. One might almost say I got to meet my father all over again in the last years of his life.
I appreciated him enormously. He told me he was proud of me many times. He instilled a love of woodwork in me, though he was a Master carpenter and I'm a wood carver. Before he died, he bought me a carving axe.
Throughout his entire life he learned to play guitar and adored his music. He was never great, but I don't think being 'great' was ever the point. He felt guilt for not practicing enough, but I thought he sounded wonderful. I remember waking up on the futon in his bedroom listening to him sit and do scales or fiddle with some piece of music that he'd been working on for years.
He was the biggest man slut you can imagine in his youth. He slept with every woman on our block except Mrs.Helms, and that only because Mrs.Helms was 85. In some way, I guess he taught me to prefer poly-relationships. He never had a word for them, but I can't help but think he'd have been healthier if that had existed in the advanced forms we have today.
He left behind a whole slew of children and three ex-wives, though I was the only child he raised. Not raising his other kids was one of his biggest regrets. Some came out of it as awesome people and some as drunks. Funny, that. Even my mother cried over him, today. They'd become friends in his last years, though they should never have married.
Death comes for everyone, so far. The trans-humanist in me thinks I might see him, again. It's my greatest hope that we survive long enough to be able to bring people back and live together in the far future. A dream. An after-life far better than this one.
I'd hoped to finish Starlight before he died, but with any luck I won't have to put things on hold. I figured I would just shoot you guys an explanation of where I'm at right now. The emotions haven't really hit me in the big way they probably will.
Thank you all for reading. The last chapter continues. I'm trying to get work done on Hardy's interactions with our 'big bad'. It's gonna take awhile to get this right.
-Chessie
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take your time to grieve, however that may be. Hardy can wait, if need be.
That he could go with friends, and family is a small courtesy, but a good one.
Im sorry he left things. But happy he could be surrounded by those that cared.
And I hope that you are holding up as best one can with all this.
You have my deepest sympathies.
I'm so sorry. But he sounds like an awesome guy, flaws and all. We've all got to go, and I hope I go as well as he did.
*hugs*
I dont know what to say except that I'm sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need to deal with this, and know we'll still be here when you finally come back.
Aww man I'm so sorry Chessie.
My deepest condolences to you on your loss, Chessie.
I'm glad he got to live and end life knowing he'd become a better person, one that had built rather than burned.
I'm truly sorry for your loss.
I pretty much lost my grandfather on my mom's side of the family the same way, but I'm glad you were with your dad to the very end.
May his memory be eternal...
Mourn his loss as you need, celebrate his life as you need. Take your time. We shall await til you return.
I'm very sorry for your loss, Chessie. Please take all the time you need. We'll still be here when you're ready. *hugs*
5365831
Funnily enough, sitting down to write tonight has actually helped.
5365805
Yeah, me too. What he said to me in our last conversation was that he wished he could have spent his entire life as loved as he spent the end of it.
5365734
Thank you, Sig. Hugs help everything.
5365601
Doing my best. Ya'll always help.
-Chessie
It's never easy but I hope you can manage.
I don't want to talk about myself when this is about you and I genuinely wish you the very best in this hard time.
But when my Grandfather died a couple years ago he was buried on the same day as the solar eclipse. We saw part of it from the graveyard. After that we took a ride in the pontoon boat out on the lake from the house my Grandpa owned. And as the sun was setting with a soft orange sky, I played this song from the MLP Christmas album which I felt genuinely connected us all at that point. No mention of ponies in it (which my extended family might not have appreciated) but a simple heartwarming message that we might see long passed relatives again one day.
'Days Gone By'
Here's wishing you and yours the very best for getting through this hard time.
Wow… what a story, and what a person. I didn't get as close with mine before he died, but he led a team of 70 scientists on development of an infrared guidance system and developed an infrared radiometer to go on a Mariner Venus probe. I never knew that… his sister knew it. Mine wasn't proud of me, but he wasn't proud of himself either so it would be a big ask, really.
I'm sorry he died so soon, I was hoping he could've held out another month at least. Give you a chance to see him in person. He sounds pretty great despite his flaws, and your relationship with him all the better for it.
My last grandmother died late last year, a thing we all saw coming but IMO, something I was glad to have happened sooner rather than later. She wasn't the best person, or best mother, but in many ways my own mom is better off for her passing - I'll always be of the opinion that a peaceful death in sleep is better than a drawn-out deterioration through dementia and cancer.
Last time I saw her she said I wouldn't see her again, little did I know she was right. I do wonder if I'd have gotten along with your dad had we met, he seemed to have an interesting turn on life I don't think many people get to have. I suppose with how sudden life can take people away, it really does make the memories you make with them all the more important.
It’s OK to not be OK with this... and I won’t try to feed you some hollow tripe that says otherwise. But, again, know that you are not alone.
P.S... Write if you want to, don’t if you don’t. There’s no pressure from any of us.
My condolences, Chessie.
5365838
"Thank you, Sig. Hugs help everything."
Oh, well then. :)
[hugs]
I am sorry for your loss. Stay strong.
I am sorry for your loss.
*hugs*
He sounds like a great guy, and it sounds like he loved you very much.
I am sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man. Stay strong.
I'm sorry to hear that. Have some internet hugs if they help. *hug*