I need a snappy phrase to lure in readers. Rainbow Dash grows seven butts! Hilarity ensues! Fluttershy gains the confidence to kick Snips and Snails in the face! Rarity eats a dress! But seriously, I'm trying to think of what kind of description would be best for a story like this... And the snappy stuff I just wrote will show up on the main page and attract thousands of readers, so now I'm safe to think up the actual description. I suppose I could do the obvious thing and make excuses, tell the reader that this story is supposed to be stupid and not to be taken seriously, but I think that would be disingenuous as hell, and condescending to boot. The reader doesn't need their hand held. (Actually, they probably do. Readers are flighty and easily confused.) They should (in a perfect world, which this is not,) be able to tell from the content of a story whether or not it is meant to be taken seriously. Driving home the point just makes you seem like you don't have any confidence or initiative as an artist. You have to take risks, sometimes. So I think the best description for a pure meta-fic would be a self-referential description. A transcript of my thoughts while trying to come up with a meta-description for a meta-fic. And this was it. You just read the description for a meta-fic. I hope it excited you and made you want to continue reading the story, because that is the purpose of a description.

Shining Armor learns the most important tactical lesson of his life.

Audio version! https://youtu.be/YgDr0Xc6rN8

Now with a Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi!

King Sombra has a problem. A Twilight Sparkle shaped problem. The evil ruler of the Crystal Kingdom is about to be overthrown unless he can hold out until reinforcements arrive.

Seven days of keeping Twilight at bay. What's the worst that can happen?

All he has to lose is his self-respect and dignity...

The three teamster ponies, Josh, Bill and Blue, journey to the Pie family rock farm to look after the place while the family is away. But, by accident, they disturb the ancient spirits that dwell within the land and are soon besieged by all the terrors of prehistoric Equestria!

Pony Joe awakens before the dawn each morning, readies himself for his day, and then walks through Canterlot's cold and silent streets to his doughnut shop.

Life has become pretty mundane for Joe, but as he serves his customers and chats with his regulars he realizes that he has come to rely on that repetition...he relies on it to keep from remembering.

As a casual utterance by a new customer sends Joe into a spiral of haunting memories we learn about his life...and what he must give up if he wishes to move beyond his past.

„In a secluded desert on the frontiers of Equestria, an eccentric genius works to bring the stars within reach of everypony. But can smiths and metalworkers who never made anything more difficult than ploughs or golden trinkets really make the dream a reality? Or has inspiration arrived a hundred years too early?“

Originally published on Equestria Daily (6-star), uploaded to FimFiction upon request.
Imported from GoogleDocs in order to preserve formatting (italics/etc.); this may have resulted in table-breaking and other various display bugs. Should you see such issues, please do not hesitate reporting them!

Never enter the woods alone, for there are monsters there. They can look like anything, even another pony. And if you waver in Gaea's love, you will become one.

Winner of Ponychan /fic/'s April 2012 Write-Off!