When Rarity sets out to chase her career as a top notch fashion designer, it leaves Pinkie Pie with regret about feelings that she had for the unicorn. Every living soul in the town thinks she has passed away by whatever their minds could think of. But nopony can speak with certainty just what happened to her.
Then there are the rumors coming around of the old and abandoned theater in the town. A mysterious figure simply known as 'Femme of the Theater' seems to have nestled itself there. A figure that will beat up any being that enters the building without mercy. Is it an urban myth, or does there hide more behind the being in the red dress.
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A story made for Pinkie Pie
Well well I'm glad I found this.
If this is you rough draft, you've got some real potential here. The story is compelling, with more than enough mystery to keep me wanting more. I don't see (yet) why it needs to be anthro, but maybe that will become clear.
There are, however, a lot of mistakes. Sentences with missing words is the most common error. But I think I caught a few wrong word choices, tense problems, punctuation, etc. If you haven't yet, give this another read-through. You seem literate enough to find these thing on your own. If you've already given it a twice-over, get a prereader.
All in all, a great premise and a wonderful start. I hope to see more of this in the future. (Tracking, but too many errors to get the thumbs-up yet.)
2609771 I am glad that you like so far as for you pointed out things, you are absolutely right. I wrote this story in word before I transported it over to Google Documents and truth be told... Word, wasn't my biggest friend.
I have been looking through both of the chapters again and tried my best to find the missing words and other errors. Still not 100% sure if I managed to get everything.
There will be more of this story for sure, when however, I do not know given the zillion other stories I have going on as well. Time shall tell the tale of this story. And as for why it is anthro, it has two reasons, one is for story purposes, the second is because I wanted to try something different then normal ponies for once.
2609911 you'll never be 100% sure about your own writing...
And I look forward to the next update!
2609979 How right you are my dear. How right you are. And in due time it shall surface around here.
Ok. I was reading this on a phone so the anthro screwed with me a bit.
K issues.
I really can't see any of the M6 just accepting that Rarity is gone forever after only two months. I mean missing person cases can be kept open for years.
Pinkie herself. She seemed really OOC. I mean yeah she's sad and such but there was absolutely none of Pinkie to her. She didn't even try to pretend to be upbeat.
So, Yeah. I'll keep a cautious eye on this.
2947142 Well, I think you can best head over to some of my other stories. For the issues that you have with the story, I can place them very well. Guess that that is a little thing you get when you about 10% of your normal effort into a story.
Suppose that Celestial Tortures Book I: Monster might be a bit more justifying in my writings capabilities.
I may sound down with these next words but, I did mess up the story a lot and just, how to put it, missed an opportunity with it.