Sonic Rainboom Redux

by mbpony 512

Sonic's Dawn

Okay this Chapter sort of speeds the story up a bit, so I do apologize if readers get lost along the way. Also these are not my products as they're a property of Hasbro, Lauren Faust,Sonic team and Sega...

---

When he first felt the burst of wind coming in through his laboratory window, his wind machines outside went a bit haywire as they were twirling like crazy. He then assumed that his could be the work of that his good friend and great big brother. While at first, he knew that his big brother could take care of himself, it did not help him out that he worried for his friend own safety. He was currently unaware of the full situation just as he was also unaware of the dangers that surround him at this very moment…yet he still worries. While the wind wasn’t all that dangerous at the time, it still felt that something bad was about to happen to them all.

Soon out of nowhere, he felt it upon his own two tails, as something light was soon wrapping itself around him. He quickly jumped out of the way and tried to look around for anything suspicious. The only thing he seems to have notice the small vines that surrounded his laboratory on the floor, not moving at all.

Now curious he decided to follow the vines outside and towards a steaming pile of them ahead. Once he was able the gather the pile up, he soon felt the rope tightening and then saw most of it wrapping him up.

“Well, well that was a lot easier than I thought,” stated a voice to the two tail fox. Soon he notice an unknown face, it looked like a horse, one that had a horn on its head.

“Dr. Robotnik said you were smart, but I did not think you were a bit foolish enough to fall for such a simple trick,” the thing stated.

“Eggman is behind this,” he thought, “Then that means….Sonic is in danger.”

---

Far away from them Cream and Cheese were coming upon Tails workshop, unaware of what was happening over there

---

Sonic the hedgehog sped off to the direction of the forest that surrounded the workshop of his best friend and little brother, Miles Prowler, better known to his friends as Tails. When he first reached his workshop and notices him not being there and the place was nearly a wreck, Sonic then runs into the forest terrain in hopes of finding his best friend in time.

Worried a bit out of his mind that his best buddy might be in trouble, Sonic rushes off to the rescue.

---

Meanwhile... in another part of the forest, a young rabbit and her little companion was walking along the wooded trail until the heard a small noise that cried for help.

“Did you hear that Cheese?” the young rabbit said with her little companion nodding in agreement. The two of them sped off to the sound of the direction.

Soon they came upon a tangled of vines everywhere and in the center of the vines lies what they assumed was their friend, Tails.

Tails was mumbling to be let loose and Cream and Cheese tried their very best to get him out. Soon they felt a breeze of wind and suddenly in a blink of an eye Tails is freed and is standing next to… “Mr. Sonic,” cried Cream.

“Hey there you two,” stated Sonic, “Lucky for you guys, I was just in the neighborhood.”

“Yeah, thanks Sonic,” stated Tails.

“My question is how you get caught in something like this in the first place?” asked Sonic.

“You never guess what I saw Sonic,” started Tails who went on to explain his encounter with the pony with power.

“Whoa, that is sort of like the encounter I had only this one flies and had rainbows following her. She was almost as fast as me,” stated Sonic.

“Cheese and I saw one too and this one was yellow,” stated Cream with Cheese nodding in agreement.
Noticing the concern look on Sonic face, Tail comments, “You think Dr. Eggman is behind all this, do you Sonic?”

“What other reason is there, I mean they can’t all be a coincidence that we all were attack by these…things, Right? “ stated Sonic.

“Well, when you put it that way…” stated Tails, “Yet how do we know if these things are dangerous , I mean they could just be scared and alone?”

“The one we met, was a bit frighten by our appearance, right Cheese?” commented Cream

“Chao, chao,” stated the young chao.

“You may be right, and with Eggman involved in this it could make things a bit more difficult,” called Sonic as he reflected back to his battle with the flying invader.

“Either way, if Eggman is in on this, then we both know that the chaos emeralds will be a factor in this one too. Given that my attacker just ruined my own Chao emerald tracker,” commented Tails sadly.

“Well that just makes the adventure more fun,” comment Sonic, “Come on Tails, there’s no times to waste.”

Soon Sonic quickly speed off in to the face of adventure. Tails following along, stops and calls for Cream, “Cream, you’re welcome to join us if you like. I’m sure we can be able to take you home…”

“No thank you Tails,” she stated poilitely, “I’m going to see if I can find Amy, I’m sure she wants a piece of the action as well. We will try to catch up with you guys later.”

The two flyers sped up to catch their speedy friend unaware of what is happening to their other friends.

---

Amy Rose could not believe her bad luck. She was running with Cream and Cheese trying to catch up with Sonic and Tails. As they were running along the forest, Amy relates to Cream of how she encountered a pink thing who bounces as she walks and she had a blue chaos emerald. She tried to stop the creature, even using her piko-piko hammer, but the creature somehow survives it all and Amy ended up look like a crazy fool, more so than usual. The pink thing ended up disappearing from Amy’s sight as she was just getting her second wind. That was when she met up with Cream and Cheese, who told her that Sonic needed her help…again, and explained the situation to her as they ran towards Tails workshop.

When Sonic and Tails heard the story, they figure it was Dr. Eggman who was behind all of this. SO the four of them rushed from Tails’ workshop to find Eggman’s new hideout, and along the way they encountered Knuckles, who grumbled about fighting another one of those things, while Eggman stole the Master Emerald. That meant BIG TROUBLE if Eggman now had the powers of the Master emerald in his hands.

The friends soon rushed up and ran into “Team Dark” as they were called; consist of Shadow the Hedgehog, Rouge the Bat and Omega the robot. They were also looking for Dr. Eggman as well. However, they too were having trouble finding him.

“IF only we had a lucky break,” Amy thought, and then if by magic one of Eggman’s robots appears from afar. Amy told Sonic and the others what she saw and they soon began to follow the robot deeper into the forest and towards the outside enterance of Eggman’s new hideaway.

“This could be a trap,” stated Shadow the Hedgehog.

“No duh,” thought Amy, as this was too easy for Dr. Eggman to pull. They all had to be on their guard.

Once they entered the door shut upon them and they were standing within an army of Eggman drones and robots.

“Oh yeah now this is an welcoming,” stated Sonic as he and the others were battle ready.

---

Meanwhile in the other section of the lair, the six pony friends were relax and telling each other tales of their unique encounters with the creatures of this world when suddenly.

WHEE-WHEE

The red alarm goes off and soon Dr. Robotnik cried out from afar, “HELP SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THESE CREATURES…”

The six ponies rushed off into the unknown to save their only chance of getting home…

Comments

[ironknucklevash]

woah things did get a litle too fast lol (oh the irony) wile i dont mind the story progressing a little faster i do hope u slow down for the climax

[TDarkchylde]

Which Sonic continuity are you using?

[mbpony 512]

9385
Okay, first off.. I know I have problems with Grammer and Narration. Just tell me where and I will try to fix them as best as possible.

Also this NOT a Trollfic, as I am a great fan of Sonic the Hedgehog and the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic show. The only reason why this seems like a trollfic is because Sonic and his friends were caught by surprise by the arrival of the Mane 6. I do promise you this that the next chapter will see most of the character fights that were mostly hinted throughout this story so far.

I also promise you all that this next chapter or the next one will have the REAL RACE between Sonic and Rainbow Dash.

Once again I am sorry for the bad storytelling, it just not my strong suit when it comes to narration or grammer.

[mbpony 512]

9280

I am using a mixture of the video games knowledge that I can recall.

None of the comics, but a small hint or two of the telvision show, especially when they are about the relationship/brotherhood/tight bond between Sonic and Tails. As Rainbow Dash will learn a thing or two from these guys.

You know, I can tell the seeds of a great story are in here somewhere... but it's bogged down with poor narration, english, and grammar.

I'm not one to hate on Sonic. I actually kinda like the little guy... well, I liked the Television show anyway... and a few of the early games...
But that's beside the point. The point is that I like the concept and I like the thought of the two worlds meeting and getting to play off of each other, but this story doesn't bother to show much in the way of interaction or character development, nor does it give us any time to get a feel for the world or the emotions or any real situations. It's like a drive by story. Here's a concept, BOOM, next scene. And what we do linger on long enough isn't well enough written or described to really get any feel for so it tends to fall flat.

I've been reading this since the beginning, hoping upon hopes that it would get better, since I really liked Sonic SatAM and Sonic X (first two seasons) and I liked a few of the games, and I really feel that the meeting of two, big eyed, fluffy animal stories would work well. As much as a lot of people hate the sonic fandom, it really seems like these two stories could go together like chocolate and peanut butter. But this story just falls short of the mark.

I'd kinda like to say you should get someone to collaborate with and work on it together with someone. Because as much as I'd love to see this be a really good, engrossing fic, it just falls so far short of the mark...

[La Barata]

9452 I don't doubt you are, all I'm saying is that the general structure of the story leaves much to be desired.

[mbpony 512]

Okay after some work, fhe first 2 chapters of this tale have been updated, revised, and modified for all readers.

I truly do hope that I got this writing thing down right and that the story makes some sense this time around.

[Einsieg]

For now I shall give you a 4 simply because I have some hope that you will do better later on if given the chance. I will up it if you significantly improve the grammar and pacing. Right now you just flip from once scene to the next with little to no actual description of the scene. Of course, nobody wants that too much as a lot of Mobius is just jungle, so we already know for the most part what every scene looks like that isn't inside a Dr. Robotnic base. You've got to find a balance, is what I'm saying.

Now, in Fluttershy's chapter the only gripe I have (since you fixed a vast majority of the grammar and narration issues) is Fluttershy's actual behavior when encountering Cream and Cheese. Those two are absolutely friggin adorable, and Fluttershy as a lover of cute animals would practically die upon sight of them. That she was outright terrified of them doesn't really feel in-character for Fluttershy based on what we know of her love for small animals. In my opinion, Spike looks scarier than those two and she was all over him when she first met him.

To me, this does't read as a trollfic so much as a fic purely made for your self-gratification. Everyone wants to see Rainbow Dash race Sonic. It's pretty much every Rainbow Dash fan's wet dream. I'm just making a point to you that you need to be extremely careful not to produce an entire badly written fic just because you want to satisfy that crossover need, therefore turning everything that isn't Sonic racing Dash into pointless filler.

You are trying and I do hope you significantly improve. At such time I will absolutely increase my rating. Good luck.

[ThatBastard]

10485
The only chapter that was any good was the prologue. YOU CAN NOT WRITE! Get an editor to fix all the crap that you've typed down and hopefully make it into something that doesn't give me a headache when i read.

Oh and let me just clarify one more thing: YOU... CAN... NOT... WRITE.
The story is fine but my god! The way it's written. I just want you to know this so you actually end up fixing it and that doesn't mean for you to fix it.
Come to think of it... Would you like me to have a crack at one of the chapters so you can see the difference? I fix grammatical errors made by my mother all the time. However I'm not the best at editing... but the end product will be leagues better.
I'll PM you just in case you don't take notice of my comment...

10874

Dude. That seems a little overly harsh. Anyone can write if they educate themselves about the craft. You need to encourage that learning not discourage it.

That being said, harsh or not, he DOES make a point, author. The grammar and word choice IS pretty clumsy. You REALLY need to get an editor in here.

[mbpony 512]

OKAY, OKAY, I know the grammer and the storyline narrative is bad.

I know the characters are a bit off.

And I am trying my best with rewriting the storyline a bit to make it a bit better. So can you all PLEASE GET OFF MY BACK!!!

I mean I am doing the best I can, okay.

Tell you what, I am currently in the works of rewriting the Applejack chapter of the storyline and replacing it with the Fluttershy one to make the storyline flow a bit better. Once I'm done I do hope you all take a look at the re-write and see for yourselves how the storyline is moving.

[mbpony 512]

The third chapter has been revise, as it will feature Pinkie pie in this chapter. However, I cannot write the hyper pony well enough in character, so that is why this tale is being told from Dr. Eggman's pov.

[mbpony 512]

Okay to whomever is still reading this storyline....,

It is currently undergoing a MASSIVE REMAKE. As I try my very best to make this storyline flow better and sound better over all. The recent chapter re-make is the race between Sonic vs Rainbow Dash, but is has been told from Rainbow Dash Point of view.

Also I will try to make each chapter sort of based upon previous Sonic video game levels, in anticipaction for the upcoming video game, Sonic Generations, which is a retro video game that has Sonic relieve some of his most infamous levels both in 2-D and in modern 3-d Format.

So I hope that you all can stick with me on this one. As I promise that this remake will be worth it in the end.

when we see chapter 8 ?

[Deoface]

I personally love this. Honestly, i could care less about grammar/ spelling errors.
Keep it up.
Also, to all of those hating on this story because of the mistakes, seriously.
The author KNOWS about the damn mistakes already, no need to tell her/him twice.
Good work!

[Deoface]

Additionally, i might add "Original Character" to the characters list.

[unleashedtwilight]

This story is great! i hope the next chapter gets posted soon.

[M-Tails-P]

Looks like this is discontinued after all.

[Nocturne Hurakan]

Interesting stoie can't wait to see how this turns out.

[SpyketheRAWRCat]

th07.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2011/222/1/8/rainbow_dash___le_gasp_by_dentist73548-d464joe.png

[UltimateHyperSonic]

i hope this gets finished

[aurastorm]

First off as soon as I started reading I got lost already because I have no clue of what happened especially when the rest of the elements showed up. This story is good and I would appreciate it if you reply to me when the next chapter begins

[PJHSADSAD]

I hope this story gets cancelled