You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on!

Preview: Starlight

This is a short preview of a story, actually my first, that I am currently at work on at the moment. It takes place during the sort-of-middle, but it is meant to act as sort of a Trailer for the real thing. Please rate and offer advice, and I hope you look forward to Starlight.

Rated Teen for violence and some language.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 1 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 1
- Newest First
- Oldest First

DismantledAccount

DismantledAccount #1 · Jun 23rd, 2013 · · ·

Hmmmmmmmmmm........ Well you asked for a review so I will give you one. Your story is ODD no two ways about it. I dont really like how you and Starlight talk becase only Pinkie Pie can break the forth wall. On the plus side I only found a couple of grammer issues. On such problem is when you are describing Starlight, it was all good until "His eyes were black as well....." that whole sentence needs to be written bettter, somthing more like "Every part of his body from his muzzle to his flank was black, even his eyes, and especially his attitude toward the author." Read that in place of your sentance and you will see what I mean. Now I am not saying you have to use those exact word but you get the idea. Or when describing the tornado, actually describe it because not everyone knows how fast an F5 is of the top of their head, i sure dont.

THE FINAL VERDICT IS......
Odd but interesting.
and a 1/2 out of

Plus a thumbs up (for moral) and me willing to read the full story (or start reading it, I make no promise to finish)