Curtis was a young man who lived in the outskirts of a bustling city. Everyday he would go to work, work a couple of hours, and then head home. Once home, he would play his violin to wash away his dreary days. That would soon change though. Curtis could never expect what happened next.
Page generated in 0.162 seconds
Total duration
904 users online
152,592 hits today, 2,834,785 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Interesting... so he'll be in pony form as his game avatar? Any chance of a link to this game.
Grammar and spelling was fine, only a few rough edges, main with the quotation. You'd sometimes forget beginning quotes or end quotes, and they all have spaces in between them and the words. This isn't necessary.
Thanks
I have a little trouble with quotations and I'll to fix it in the future. Thanks again for the feed back. If this game was real, I would play it.
On top of the "feel" instead of "fill" you might want to change the second "work" to "go" or something else, repeated words tend to disrupt the flow. Also you forgot end quotes for that line of speech.
Again some more problems with quotes and grammar, but nothing really bad or flow disrupting, curious where this goes. Rich and famous violinist, hmm, watch him screw up something simple and ruin his reputation.
Not bad, think I might like this.
Plus it's an Octavia fic... Who doesn't like a Tavi fic?!?
The only thing that bothered me was the use of someone instead of somepony, but it's probably better the way you wrote it.
I'll take your comment and try to ravel it into the story, I'll try to start using somepony more often. I'm still trying to work on the next chapter but I'm running out of ideas on how to write it. But thanks for the tip!
gak
gak
gak