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This story is a sequel to In Their Highnesses' Clandestine Corps
After the events of "In Their Highnesses' Clandestine Corps," Prince Blueblood has moved to Ponyville and is secretly training Rainbow Dash as a Clandestine Corps operative while openly dating her. Add that to Twilight becoming a princess and Discord hanging around Fluttershy's place all the time, and that might just be one recent change too many for Pinkamena Diane Pie...
Cover image commissioned from Pinmissile.
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First off:
Because it's been echoing through my brain all month, have some appropriate theme music.
I mean, the lyrics even fit the story! Weird!
Secondly, as perhaps you noticed, Act I is a bit on the large side. The next three acts all show signs of being just as large, too, with only the fifth perhaps being of a more reasonable length. So I'm thinking it's likely to be 14 days between installments instead of my usual 10. But, as I'm so fond of saying, we'll all find out together.
Mike
Just for the love of Celestia, don't let her near baked good, I beg of you!
On another note, I can't wait to read this
Oh dear. Pinkamena has returned. And she is Blofield.
Also, I love that song. And Wings in general.
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Pity:
Poor Gummy, unable to crunch his way through any of his mistress's fine baked goods. Well, OK, maybe some sort of pudding cake, or just a regular bucket of frosting, but it's just not the same....
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I hadn't listened to the song for quite some time before starting this project, and I was shocked at how well the few little lines of lyrics go with what's happening here.
Mike
I have a few things to say 1.Rainbow Dash straight ship pulled me in 2. Blueblood caught my attention 3. DAT COVER PHOTO
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Thanks!
I'd advise reading the first Clandestine Corps story first, though, just to keep everything in its proper order. And Pinmissile's still taking commission, I believe, on her DeviantArt site if you want a pretty pony picture of your own...
Mike
Yay, another CC story! Nice opener. You've even gotten me to overcome my usual distaste for Pinkamena stories. Will be watching this one!
Dash getting kissy face with a stallion is just blah whatever. The point is pinkie is going to be a villain over this? come on i highly doubt she would react this badly over change. i just i cant fathom how OOC she is she wouldn't i mean SHE WOULD BE HAPPY FOR HER FRIENDS OK!?
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Speaking of the first story, you might want to update to it mentioning this new story.
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Not to give:
Too much away, but one of the things I'm experimenting with in this particular story is the use of "red herrings."
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Thanks! I've added a link over there.
Mike
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Yes, I considered that as well. Some of Pinkie's lines can be interpreted in a distinctly non-classic-Pinkamena way, and we're all so familiar with the hair indicator by now that it's easy to play us with it.
Any mission that you can walk away from that contains an exploding train is clearly a success.
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One disadventage:
To skating along the very edges of the fandom as I do is that I'm not entirely certain what other folks have done with "straight mane Pinkie." I've got a vague idea, though, and I hope to play with that idea a fair bit. I suppose we'll all find out together!
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All these James Bond films hafta start with a big explosion, don't they? That's written in wunna the rule books, I think.
Mike
Oh, yes. I am seriously looking forward to more Corps goodness--the first is one of my favorite fanfics, straight-up.
You seem to have set yourself up for a bigger challenge this time, if Pinkie's going to be the villain (or at least, be antagonistic); one of the advantages of using Chives in the last story was that you didn't have to worry about adhering to canon characterization with the bad guy. Given your track record though, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're going somewhere with this other than "LOL Pinkamena's axe-crazy for no particular reason!" You're not gonna do that, right? Right.
In the meantime, Dash blowing stuff up is jolly good fun, and having Discord around to recognize it is nice. It's also nice that we're still keeping to cartoon logic "massive explosions are fine, but no casualties" logic--dead ponies wouldn't sit well with me, in a story like this.
As far as characterizations, I already mentioned Pinkie, but the one thing that's kind of bothering me is Spitfire. I'm sure that getting an apology out of BB is enough to give anypony pause, but the level of animosity that was hinted at didn't translate in the 1-on-1 portion of her conversation.
That aside though, I'm enjoying this so far, and looking forward to more. I hope you enjoy writing it as much as I enjoy reading it!
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Thanks for the:
Kind words. Scene One of Act II, "Pie Another Day," should give folks a better idea of where I plan to go with Chives and Pinkie/Diane--I'll just confirm that, indeed, no axes are involved--and Scene Two should do the same for Blueblood and Spitfire--please insert your own comment about "exes" being involved.
I say "should" in both cases above since we'll all, of course, find out together next weekend...
Mike
A new CC story!
No. You're not. You _wouldn't_.
...
Would you?
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That's as far:
As I'm planning to go with that joke. Plans, however, do change now and then...
Mike
I kinda wonder if this is actually some sort of test that Pinkie is going to put Blueblood through to make sure that he has actually changed and is now good enough for Dash.
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All will be revealed!
Well, OK, maybe not all. But some...
Mike
This fic first caught my interest a few weeks ago, I think when it showed up on the front page or something. It looked interesting enough for me to click on it and investigate further. When I did, I recognized your avatar from when I read "Half the Day is Night" over two years ago (which, by the way, is still one of my favorite ponyfics ever). So then I knew I had to read it. Of course I had to read the prequel first. And between all the real life stuff I have to do and the 50+ other fics on my to-read list, it took a while to get to it. But tonight I decided to put off everything else I have to do and finally read these stories.
And I was not disappointed.
I thought it was interesting that you were using Pinkie as the villain, seeing how everyone loves Pinkie and things don't generally end well for villains. But I also noticed that the dark tag was nowhere to be seen, which got me thinking that perhaps all was not as it seemed. And then I looked at the comments, which only strengthened my suspicions.
And I love what you've done with Discord so far. It's a bit ironic. I'll bet the corps probably has quite the file on him, but somehow he's joined them. I can imagine that the real reason Celestia gave Discord a chance at reformation was that Luna really wanted him in the corps.
Keep up the fantastic work. I'll be waiting for more!
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Thanks!
I'm hoping that all the things I wanna do with this story will end up working, but that's always an open question. I mean, I just finished the rough draft of Act II, "Pie Another Day," and at nearly 11,000 words, it's a bit longer than I'd like.
But tomorrow's all about the editing, then I'll be kicking the thing out the door something Saturday evening.
Mike
According to my outline:
Which at this point is over 4,000 words just on its own, I should be able to get this thing squeezed out in four acts instead of five, so Act III, "For Your Pies Only," should be popping out Oct. 19th.
Mike
You have no idea how gloriously happy this has made me. Thank you so very much.
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Well:
Thank you in return. And there's still another 20,000 or so words to go!
Mike
Oct. 19 NOOOOO............ "Whimper" help me
Moar
And thus, the plot thickens. Several times, in fact. This thing is going off in all sorts of directions I never expected.
My favorite bit, though, is the part about the cutie marks having second meanings. I've always liked the idea of extra hidden meanings in cutie marks.
A two week wait for another 10,000 words of this quality? I can live with that.
Aah
i was hoping it would be out sooner, it is this story is soooooooo good and you left it on a clifhanger.
What the????? My coment daleet it shef AFTER I POSTED IT, WHAT THE HAK
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Help is on the way!
It'll just take it two weeks to get here...
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As I say in my latest blog post, Act III, if I can pull it off, will unfortunately end in two cliffhangers with a two-week break till Act IV. So this is just training for that.
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My favorite way to structure a story is sort of like standing up dominoes on a table. You spend most of the story setting 'em up, then you flick over that first domino at the crisis point and spend the rest of the story watching everything tumble down in its pre-set pattern. Fun for the whole family!
Mike
I... What... Why... How does this not have more upvotes?! Why isn't this on the front page?! God damn troglodytes would not know a good story if it hit them in the face! This should have 3000% more upvotes!
Seems like I say a variation of the above on quite the few stories. Damn unwashed masses with their Pokemon crossovers and pony porn taking all the box places or what? Gah!
If I had any brony friends I would recommend them this story and if I had the power to give it more visibility I would. Keep up the great work!
Fanart, Now.
Bomb huh. Weird. Almost certain that Chives has nothing to do with that, so who put that there.
It's a myyyyyystery~
Also, there needs to be Pinkie playing bagpipes at some point. Because that would be glorious.
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Thanks!
I've said it before and I'll likely say it again, but most writers seem to me to be unwieldy mixtures of Trixie and Fluttershy: "Behold my latest work of genius! If you wouldn't mind, that is..." My particular balance of those traits, though, is about 99.49 percent Fluttershy, so when it comes to the necessary work of letting folks know that I have stuff they might enjoy, I tend to let out an "eep!" and scurry back to my metaphorical cottage.
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I will try my ding-dangedest to get a Pinkie and Discord bagpipe scene into the last scene of Act IV once all the running around and shouting has settled down.
Mike
Methinks that our man Chives is not as sane as he supposes himself to be.
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Ah:
But who of us is?
Mike
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Fair enough, but I'm beginning to think that we may have a dissociative identity problem as bad or worse than Pinkie's hanging around.
Anyway, looking forward to the next chapter, which will doubtlessly be called something like "For Your Pies Only". I suppose the other option would be "GoldenPie", or "The Pie Who Loved Me"? Perhaps "Tomorrow Never Pies"? Man, there's all sorts of possibilities.
Now I want some GoldenPie.
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Poor Chives:
For the past several years, to his way of thinking, he's been unable to do what his cutie mark is telling him. And as we've seen from several episodes of the show, that sorta thing has consequences, not just for the individual but for the community at large...
Yes, Act III will be "For Your Pies Only" and Act IV "The Pie Who Loved Me." Before my outline convinced me I don't need an Act V, it was gonna be "GoldenPie." And the other title on my list was "Pie-monds are Forever."
Mike Again
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I like the fan-created term "Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome" for this phenomenon.
My shipping senses are tingling, and over a pairing I completely did not expect. Diane & Chives?
What an accurate take on Fluttershy.
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I've been thinking of it:
As "koyaanisqatsi" myself, but mostly so I can sing the word with that low D from the Philip Glass music linked earlier in this sentence. "Cutie Mark Failure Syndrome" works, too, though.
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Not to give too much away, but I am now and always will be a sucker for a happy ending.
Mike
Point of formatting to be easier on smartphone screens: add a space after an ellipsis, so you don't have a really long word to cause strange line breaks.
Aside from that... I like. I could really relate to how Diane saw her world changing without her permission.
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I should just change:
Those nutty ellipses to dashes. What I do with 'em is pretty grammatically suspect to begin with.
And thanks for the kind words!
Mike
So:
Two cliffhangers for the price of one!
Two weeks from now, though, oughtta see Act IV, "The Pie Who Loved Me," up here on the site. November 1st, that'll be--unless I'm early again...
Mike
Oh hai there.
Green Briar? Is that you?
Oh Chives. You done GOOFED.
DUN DUN DUUUUUNNN!
I thought that Bosky Dell was more than a little bit suspicious. I don't know what I was expecting, but I don't think this was it.
It is becoming harder and harder to keep track of who's good and who's bad around here. At this rate, Chrysalis will show up in the next chapter and tell us that she's actually an undercover Corps agent and the whole "Canterlot Invasion" thing was just a cover for a huge raid on a secret terrorist organization.
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Dell is many things:
But Green Briar, alas, isn't one of them. Chives, however, yes, he does seem to have made a slight error in judgment.
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I will admit to giving the slightest little
upon reading this comment. 'Cause if there's one thing that I hope this story's about...
Mike
I though the story started off a little slow, but things surely picked up. Can't wait to see how you unravel everything you set up so far.
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You know, that might be part of the reason why I enjoy this story so much. I've always found stories that kinda blur the line between good and evil to be interesting. Like Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog or Goblins, for example.
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One of my:
Absolute favorite ways of structuring a story involves spending the first half figuratively standing a trail of dominoes up on their ends, then flicking the first one over and spending the rest of the story following the carnage as the whole pattern tumbles headlong into some new shape.
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That's the main thing that attracted me to FiM back during the first season, actually. Any one of the "mane six" can be the protagonist one week, then the antagonist the next, all while staying in character and staying friends.
Mike