Aftermath
Professor Gordon Sampson was typing an important thesis on his laptop at Daystar Estate, located near the city of Vancouver in Canada. He was conducting research on what his daughter Susan Shelby called him about a couple weeks earlier: a doppelganger of herself from an alternate world that was living in Washington State.
"Very interesting..." he muttered to himself, at least five times, supplemented once in a while by: "How unusual! How unheard of!"
"Honey, do you ever take a break?" said his wife, Sarah Browne, who was laying on the sofa beside him in a greasy green bathrobe and black slippers.
"Sorry, sweetie." Gordon smiled in a childlike manner. "Even I tend to forget the time for someone to sleep."
"That's just it, I don't want to go to sleep yet." said Sarah. "I'm bored. Can't you do that research stuff later? Why don't we go out and have some fun for a change?"
"I promised you that we'd go walk by the harbor tomorrow, didn't I?" asked Gordon.
"That's what you said three days ago." said Sarah, yawning. "Well, since you're keeping yourself occupied, I'm going to get a little target practice in. If you need me, I'll be on the balcony."
Sarah got off the couch and removed her bathrobe, revealing a dark greenish-gray tank top and dark brown shorts. She took off her slippers and put on a pair of hiking boots that were laying beside the ottoman. She also picked up a SPAS-12 shotgun that was laying atop the ottoman, and loaded it with ammunition as she went out on the balcony just outside the living room. She had a clear view of the countryside from there, which helped relax her. On the balcony was a catapult holding large spheres that would be launched for target practice. Connected to the catapult was a computer with a sensor that responded to voice command. Sarah put on a pair of mirrored sunglasses that were laying on a table next to the computer, and switched off the safety mechanism on her firearm.
"Pull!" she shouted.
The computer beeped in response, and the catapult launched a sphere ten yards into the air, which Sarah blasted with her shotgun. She loaded another sphere into the catapult, and repeated the sequence many times. As she did so, Gordon continued typing on his laptop, undisturbed by the sound of his wife's weapon.
It wasn't until his laptop started to lag that he decided to save the document, close it, and reset the computer. While he was waiting for it to boot up again, he decided to turn the TV on and watch the news. At that moment, his smartphone rang, and he answered:
"Hello, you've reached a private number, reserved for--" he said, before being interrupted.
"Dad, it's Susan!" said the voice of Susan Shelby.
"What's the matter, Susie?" Gordon asked his daughter.
"Are you watching the news right now?" asked Susan. "I think you might wanna tune in right now."
"Got it." said Gordon, turning to look out the door at his wife, who was in the middle of reloading her shotgun. "Honey, I'm gonna need you to take a break on that!"
He turned the channel until he hit GNN (Global News Network), and looked on in awe and surprise.
"This is Hector Ramirez here, giving you live feed on the aftermath of a very nasty exchange in front of Canterlot High School, in the suburb of Canterbury, Washington, near Canterlot City. As we can see here, parts of the school have been reduced to rubble, perhaps the most damage it 's sustained since over two months ago during an unspecified freak accident. Over two dozen are confirmed dead or wounded, and many people are being taken to either the hospital or the local police station for questioning."
Riot police and emergency workers from Canterlot City are being sent to clean up the aftermath, but nobody can say for certain who is responsible or where they went, but we have word that the leaders of the organization known as the Chrysalis Syndicate are scheduled for questioning in the federal court, effective next week."
Gordon Sampson just kept staring blankly at the TV, as his wife came back in. Not even Susan's voice on the phone could break his concentration.
"Dad? Are you seeing it?" asked Susan. "Dad? Dad?!"
"And In other news, Sombra Industries has denied rumors of them selling weapons to terrorists, but has been obligated to terminate its production of weapons following a successful lawsuit." said the voice of another reporter. "As of now, all arms production will be managed by Sombra's competitor, Summerset Enterprises. We're going over to--"
"Wow." said Gordon Sampson. "I just don't believe it."
He picked up the phone again.
"Susan, I just watched it." he said. "Are you safe?"
"Yes!" said Susan. "Richard and I watched it in Junction. And I got a call from someone from that area that said that we should leave town for a while. Things sound like they're gonna get complicated here for a while, and we'll feel safe if we leave for a bit."
"Good." sighed Gordon. "Thank the lord."
"You and mom won't mind if we come up for a while, will ya?" asked Richard Dawson, also on the other line.
"Of course not!" said Gordon.
Sunset Shimmer was in the throne room, standing before Princesses Celestia and Luna, the former having woken up only a few minutes before. She told the princesses about how the Chrysalis Syndicate crossed through the portal, abducted her, and tried to kill her. It was when she mentioned the Alicorn Amulet and King Nelphyn that Princess Celestia looked seriously disturbed.
"Ah, King Nelphyn." said Princess Celestia. "Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time...a long time."
"So you actually know...well, remember...who this guy is?" asked Sunset. "Because I for sure never heard of him before...at least, not until he tried to kill me."
"King Nelphyn was the strongest earth pony that ever lived. He was truly a force to be reckoned with. He took over Saddle Arabia with ease, and was one of the most dangerous threats to Equestria I've faced since Nightmare Moon."
"So why'd he turn evil?" asked Sunset.
"He wanted to acquire the magical abilities of a unicorn, but couldn't." said Celestia. "He was jealous of this, and wanted to harness the magic himself."
"I suppose that's where the Alicorn Amulet comes in, right?" asked Sunset.
"Correct." said Princess Celestia. "I don't know where he got it from, but its power made him truly terrible. They say he possessed it for so long, that it made him more than an earth pony. He had power that could rival even the highest-level unicorns in Equestria. He had the Alicorn Amulet for so long, that he somehow managed to master it without succumbing to its corruption."
"Like what happened with my friend Trixie." said Sunset.
"Precisely, Sunset. "And this mastery of the Amulet prolonged his lifespan, making him nigh-immortal, and gave him access to magic that were previously inconceivable to ponykind. At that time, the only magic considered more powerful than the full potential of the Alicorn Amulet were the Elements of Harmony. They were one of the only things capable of removing the Alicorn Amulet from whoever it deemed to be its true master."
"So that's why Nelphyn was able to remove it from me so easily when I wore it." said Sunset. "Since he wore the Alicorn Amulet in the past, he must have been able to cancel out the Amulet's magical lock."
"Sunset, do you know where he is now?" asked Princess Luna.
"I don't know." said Sunset Shimmer. "He said something about going back to Saddle Arabia."
"Did he say what he would do once he went there?" asked Luna.
"I don't really recall." Sunset shook her head.
"Ah...it's so late in the night, which has long enough for you as it is." said Celestia. "You can put your worries aside until tomorrow. In the morning, I shall send messengers to Saddle Arabia to see if King Nelphyn has been up to anything. In the meantime, good night."
"Good night, Princess Celestia." said Sunset, letting out a long, well-deserved yawn.
Sunset left the throne room, and stopped to speak to her brother.
"Red, it's been one heck of a month, hasn't it?" asked Sunset Shimmer.
"It sure has, Sunny." said Radiant Dawn.
"You know, I wonder if I was right to come back to Equestria as early as I did." said Sunset.
"What d'ya mean, sister?" asked Radiant.
"Well, it's just that I've done a lot of things in the human world. Stuff that I was hoping to make up for before I came back. But I never could between my boyfriend and the Chrysalis Syndicate hunting me, and...well, I just seem like a redundancy."
"'Redundancy'?" repeated Radiant. "What're you talking about?"
"Well, I'm just saying." said Sunset. "It seems like a lot of the stuff I did this month seemed like stuff that could've been resolved without me. Fillydelphia, our mom coming back..."
"Yeah, but you did a lot of great stuff, too!" said Radiant, frowning. "You gave a lot of us a new purpose in life by being here. Trixie, Lightning Dust, me! If it weren't for you showing up when you did, I'd still be living at Daystar, Trixie would be wandering the roads in vain, and Lightning Dust...well, would've just been Lightning Dust."
Sunset thought about it for a moment, then smiled.
"You know, you're right." said Sunset. "I mean, what good would I have done if I stayed in the human world, anyway? Here, I have so much potential to be what I want to be. In Canterbury, I probably would've been stuck helping those girls at Canterlot High with some boring talent show or whatever."
The two siblings chuckled.
"I love ya, Sunny." Radiant smiled.
"Love ya too, Red." Sunset smiled in return.
The two hugged each other. Then Sunset Shimmer continued down the hall. She decided to take a walk through the garden to get a breath of fresh air. It was mostly tranquil, the only sound breaking the silence were the chirping of birds...
And a rustling in the tree. Sunset gasped and looked up. Her horn started glowing, illuminating the branches. There on the lowest branch, was a bat. A small, straw-colored bat with reddish-brown tufts of hair on its head, and bright greenish-brown eyes on its fox-like face. It was climbing along the branch and reaching for a red apple hanging from it. It started grappling with it. Then just as the bat was about to sink its teeth into the apple, the apple broke off from the branch, taking the bat with it. The bat gave out a terrified squeal as it fell.
Thinking quickly, Sunset dove forward to catch the bat on her back, at the cost of the apple getting impaled on her horn.
"You okay, little fella?" Sunset told it as she levitated the apple off of her head. "Are you hurt?"
The bat squeaked graciously, and started hugging its savior's mane just as a guard entered the garden.
"Oh, come on!" complained the guard audibly. "Another one? I thought we got rid of them all days ago!"
Sunset turned to look at the guard, the bat squealing as it clung to the back of Sunset's head.
"What's the problem?"
"Our garden's been infested with bats for the past few days." said the guard. "Seems like we missed one. Miss Shimmer, if that pest is giving you any trouble, I can get rid of it for you."
The bat squealed anxiously into Sunset's ear. Sunset levitated it off her head. She took a moment to look at it, its brown eyes staring longingly into her bluish-green eyes, its lower lip quivering. Sunset looked at it, and couldn't help but be reminded of how she was when the Elements of Harmony blasted away her inner evil: frail, shameful, and repentant. And the bat was so young, too. Practically a baby, probably all on its own.
"No thanks, guard." said Sunset. "This bat's gonna be with me from now on."
"Are you sure, ma'am?" asked the guard.
"I'm sure." said Sunset. "It's just a baby. It probably doesn't even know how to fend for itself. I'm gonna look after it. Besides, it looks like a fruit bat, so it shouldn't be harmful anyway. A girl one, too."
"You can tell?"
"Yeah, I've done my share of looking after animals not too long ago. And I think now's as good a time as any to have a pet."
The fruit bat hugged Sunset's neck lovingly.
"Wanna come live with me?" Sunset asked the bat.
The fruit bat nodded.
"Then welcome to the family...Bathilda." Sunset said.
Sigma and Canopy, who had overheard the earlier conversation, while both disguised as night guards, left the palace. Once they were out of sight of any guards, they shed their equine disguises.
"Well, that was a waste of our time." said Canopy.
"Ma'b'." said Sigma. "But oi sho' th'nk 'at Lo'd Umbriel will wann' he'r 'bout wot we jus' he'rd."
"He sure will." said Canopy.
Remix flew up to them.
"Where've you been?!" said Canopy. "We haven't heard you in almost a week!"
Remix held up a trophy in his holey front legs. On it were silver letters that said:
#1 Mixmaster in Equestria
DJ REMIX ACAPELLA
"I was nominated for three awards, but managed to get one." Remix told them, with his raspy, guttural voice.
"Well, what'dya know." said Sigma. "Least somebody's hap'peh we cam' he'e!"
He started to laugh, and so did Remix. Canopy looked at the two, a bored expression on her face. She rolled her pupil-less eyes, dismissing this buffoonish behavior. Ultimately though, even she couldn't help but join in for a good laugh. Which she did.
THE END...of Sunset Eclipsed.
Sunset Shimmer and her friends will return in...
Sunset Rekindled
And so, this story (which I've been working on for eleven months now) is done.
Special thanks to GodzillaLecter, for allowing me to use his OC, King Craw. I'd also like to thank Magic Man and The Albinocorn, who influenced a lot of the later chapters of my story, and also everyone that's read, favorited, and liked my story.
Anyways, expect a blog or two to come regarding the future of Sunset Eclipsed and other stories I'm working on. Thanks for reading this far! Now for one last thing:
I'm also going to add some songs to the Note boxes of various chapters that illustrate or add atmosphere to chapters. So if you're interested in re-reading, you'll have something to listen to as you do so.
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It's over already?!
You might want to change the story status to "completed". It is still marked as incomplete.
Oh, well. I can't wait for the next story!
You are awesome!
Also, if it is not too much trouble, would you consider joining these two Sunset Shimmer Groups I am part of?
WHOOP WHOOP! Great chapter! I look forward to the sequel!
Just out of curiosity, when can we expect Sunset Rekindled to come out?
4829996
My latest blog holds the answers you seek.
4830397 I will start reading it thanks.
With this first sentence, you've already committed one of my pet peeves about Equestria Girls fanfics.
I'm willing to let it slide and give you the benefit of the doubt--after all, the entire point of this story is that she somehow manages to leave that world early--but just from the way that sentence starts off, it sounds to me as if you've made the same mistake so many others make:
Thirty moons is not thirty days. It is not the moon rising thirty times. It is thirty months. Or, more specifically, thirty complete lunar cycles of 28 days.
But after skimming the first chapter, then reading through the comments on this story, and your replies to said comments...
I'm not really interested in reading this.
Ordinarily, I wouldn't even comment on a story that lost me after a skim of the first chapter, but the "29 days later" thing needed addressing.
4861641
I know thirty moons and thirty nights aren't the same thing. It's explained in the story why Sunset was able to go back before the thirty lunar cycles passed! And if you took five minutes to read past the first chapter, you would've seen it!
And if you aren't interested in reading my story, why are you even posting a comment telling me this? I didn't ask you specifically whether or not you were interested in reading this, so why are you telling me that you aren't?
4861750 You need to work on that attitude problem of yours.
4861772 Says the guy that got so freaked out over the first sentence.
4860202 I've taken this into account, and doing my best to cure the early chapters of its Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. I'll be sure to check on any other things, too, that might seem off. Thanks! :)
4982512
What are you talking about? Just how did that one sentence ruin everything?
4982602
Character derailment, even following canon, can't make a good story. Here is an example, where SS became symphatetic with much less derailment.
4984874 How is it character derailment? The whole point of that scene is Sunset showing Princess Celestia that she's sorry for the trouble she caused and to seek her forgiveness. How's that any different from how she was at the end of the first EQG movie?
4984985
>she's sorry for the trouble she caused and to seek her forgiveness.
... And this is completely OOC.
> How's that any different from how she was at the end of the first EQG movie?
And it is Character Derailment too. Well, if one does not accept brainwashing nature of the Elements, but I don't see Dark tag to indicate such possibility.
4985019
You'd might as well say Princess Luna turning good and apologetic after being blasted with the Elements of Harmony was OOC, too.
Maybe Sunset Shimmer just realized how mean, arrogant, and insensitive she was acting and decided not to be like that anymore? It's not brainwashing at all. If you want a story where the Elements of Harmony really do brainwash Sunset into being good, read The Long Road to Friendship by The Albinocorn.
4985028
We have Word of God, that Luna was corrupted by external force, merged with host and this made its way into comics, SS is not the case, the only place where she was corrupted was that demon thing, everything else was her own decision.
4985060 My point still stands, though. She probably realized how terrible she was acting by the time the Element of Magic transformed her into the demon, and when she got zapped, she got the opportunity to express how bad she felt about her "bullying" phase and wanted to find a way to make up for it, even if it meant trying to salvage her life in the human world.
And then in my story's timeline (I'll explain how it deviates from the Rainbow Rocks timeline once it's released), this chance is ruined by the Chrysalis Syndicate's arrival in the town, and Sunset has no choice but to leave the human world behind, and flee back to Equestria to seek Princess Celestia's forgiveness.
4985081
That's your story, you can write it whatever way you want it. And other people can (up/down)vote it.
As for your point: her 'bulling stage' traces back to times of her appreticenship, such things do not vanish in a moment. If (and this is a big if) she would connect with enough people, excercising her emphathy, she may come to point where she gradually stops being a manipulative bitch, or, at least, does not bite those she is connected to. But suddently feeling sorry and becoming friend to all living beings is either brainwashing, or character derailnment for her.
4985128 Yeah, I thought it was a little odd why Sunset would abruptly turn 100% good, Elements or not. But I think I'd blame that on a lack of payoff to her turning good again, since the movie rushed the ending and brushed her aside, when they could've spent another five minutes elaborating on why Sunset made a heel-face turn (and for that matter, why the heck she'd stay in a place where everyone would probably hate her by then).
So that's why my story fleshes out a lot of Sunset's past (her family, her time at Celestia's school, etc). They provide (my own) explanations for Sunset's behavior in the past, such as what led to it and why she cut her mean behavior cold-turkey after being zapped by the Elements. I think of it as retroactive character development.
I respect your opinion in thinking it's character derailment, since a lot of people see it that way, but I anticipated this and decided to "fix" it to make her more sympathetic. That's why I think you should give it another chance. You might end up liking it.
4986126
4985128
Well, I added a few more lines of dialogue to build-up to Sunset becoming apologetic, so that it's less abrupt. Tell me what you think.
4986833
>“Sunset, I understand you are upset…” Princess Celestia attempted to comfort her former student.
"Actually, no. I was, but I had time to cool down. I'm merely frustrated. I mean, I had a life, but thanks to you I slammed into a wall. I dunno what you wanted me to learn, but obviously you was unable to educate me in that particular area. Then I had another life and thanks to your student and, I admit, my miscalculation, that life is ruined. Already tired I was on a way to third attempt, already without much faith, and then I slammed into your henchponies. And, apparently, you expect me to be happy about that. Well, I'm not. There were good times for us, but with all emotional baggage I have I can't see myself being your happy student again. So, let's drop the idea and have a talk that may result in something except me and you being more frustrated about it."
That's what I see natural for SS as an answer for that line, that is not outright antagonistic. Does it help?
4990305
But Sunset actually discusses in that same chapter how becoming Princess Celestia's student again might end up failing, so it gets resolved another way! And she doesn't act like an apologetic wimp in the entire story! Just give it a chance.
4991578
Ugh. I'm reading it, maybe I'll find something in later chapters
But seriously. The second chapter is a great failure, I bet half of downvotes you got are because of it.
4991752 Thanks for giving it a chance! And I'll see what I can do with the second chapter.
5168672
I'll explain why they're not believable, i.e. why their characterizations were deeply faulty:
(1) People are completely unaware of alien ponies. If they somehow found out Sunset is an alien, they'd be like "What? That's stupid. No way." And then as they find proof they'd be like "Holy **** it's true?! WTF is going on?!" Yes, some can react violently. But even then the sensible thing is to capture Sunset to find out more information. Not to suddenly go off the deep end like this is purely a relationship gone wrong. You're writing as if Craw just found out Sunset had a sex change to become a girl, and so as a bigot he becomes crazy mad and wants to kill her. That is the WRONG characterization for this situation.
(2) In order to end up with the scene and interactions as you have it, a lot has to happen between Craw somehow finding out, and then evolving to have the reaction you wrote down in that scene. Systemized hatred for aliens must be something that formulates itself with a lot more information to form an opinion on. For example, Earth knows about Equestria for many years. People know about alien ponies for many years. Now, there's time, opportunity, and information for bigoted ppl to develop a negative opinion of aliens. And when Craw finds out Sunset is 1 of those aliens, he immediately switches to "Burn The Xenos" mode that he has had for years. That's the only way his reaction as written makes sense. But in order for him to be like that, there's no way Sunset wouldn't know about it. It would be like dating a Neo-Nazi and not knowing that he is one.
5168777 Like I said, this is explained later on. Craw was really freaked out about what he found out and wasn't thinking rationally for a little while. When he sent Ghost to intimidate Sunset, he was still in his freak-out phase. He does, however, start to regret lashing out like that as the story progresses.
Of course, Ghost's own actions don't make it seem any better.
Furthermore, I'll say your comments have inspired me. I'm thinking of moving all the stuff in the first chapter up to Sunset going through the portal to the prequel story once I reach that point.
Also, I'm going to admit that the first ten or so chapters of this story aren't perfect, and will even say they're flawed. But I guarantee that the story gets better as it progresses. Take shows like X-Men: Evolution or Transformers: Armada for instance; Both had a weak start, but got better after the first few episodes.
5170881
I can't read that much of your writing. The biggest problem I have with your writing, that makes your story unreadable for me, is thus:
It feels as if when you started, you had certain cool scenes in mind. Such as "Ooh, I want a Neo-Nazi-like terrorist to confront Sunset and threaten to kill her." Or "Ooh, I want to write about Sunset going back to Equestria to talk to Celestia, and become Luna's protege." That's fine.
But then, it seems you completely flub on how to connect one key scene to the next, because you have a very tenuous grasp of how people think and act. I cannot sit down and believe how any of your characters are acting. You know how awkward and awful the Star Wars prequels' dialogue scenes are? Yours is worse than that.
I'm sorry that sounds harsh. But since I'm bowing out after 2 short chapters, you deserve my honest reason on why. If you believe me and you're wondering how you can become better, the answer is straightforward:
Read a lot of good books, and critically study how they're written. How do you "critically read"? There's lots of guides out there on the net. Or you can buy a book on the subject.
5171723 Just read three more chapters. It. Gets. Better.
C'mon, nobody likes a quitter! You and I both know it's not fair to base one's opinion towards an 81-chapter story on only the first two chapters! You're bound to find SOMETHING in this story that you'll love! It's not just about "Neo-Nazi terrorists" tormenting Sunset Shimmer. In fact, even the "Neo-Nazi" part starts to wear off after a while and they become better fleshed out into actual characters.
Even some of the best stories of all time had a rocky start! Just give the rest of the story a chance. If the rest of the story wasn't all that good, would it have as many upvotes as it did?
great story! i loved all 212,763 words of it
ill get started on the sequel soon, i've been reading this for 3 days non stop. loved it. also Sunset and human Craw 
Non-Brony Review: This is was a rather impressive work with plenty of originality and well-written parts. I myself am glad to see such hard work and effort put into a tale such as this. Well done!
6052192 Wow. Thanks. :)
Good story, I liked it, too bad in the end the Chrysalis Syndicate did not end in Equestria, it could be a good surprise for them, try to enter in Equestria to take Sunset and forced to get away with their tails between the legs because a couple of angry alicorns. But it was a very good story.
6335665 Actually, they DID get into Equestria. They just didn't stick around long enough to meet the princesses.
And I was planning for their invasion to be a lot bigger than that, but I felt I needed a way to introduce King Nelphyn more properly and set up the sequel.
6726674
You are free to have your opinions, but I just want you to know that the story gets a lot less awkward and more consistent with canon in later chapters.
I also want to go on record and say that I HATE most of my writing on the Fillydelphia arc, and I've been trying my absolute hardest to re-write it, but obviously there's always something wonky/stupid that I fail to notice before somebody else does.
Also, of course he's disconnected. He lives in a far part of Equestria. And the show establishes that news travels VERY slow, if the fact that ponies chronically fail to recognize Twilight and her friends is any indication.
6867430 Believe me, I've been trying as hard as I can to re-write that chapter. The early stages of Sunset Eclipsed are undoubtedly the weakest, but the story does become much stronger as it progresses.
6874199
Like I said, the early chapters are pretty weak in terms of story and characterization, and I've been trying to re-write them. I'm glad you took the time to tell me what was wrong with that one. I'll get to that when I can. :)
6867430 By the way, most of the world doesn't even know that the Chrysalis Syndicate even IS a terrorist group. WE know they're terrorists, but most of the characters in-universe just think they're a PMC or paramilitary/mercenary force. Those DO exist, you know.
I know that terrorists are mentioned earlier on, but they're not even sure who those terrorists ARE.
And really? Nukes? They're not invading the town, they're not attacking the school, and they're not holding any students/teachers hostage. Hell, they're not even interrupting their schedule. So launching a nuke at them would be a really, REALLY stupid thing to do. THAT would make worldwide news and break a bunch of laws, both domestic and international.
Did you know that military personnel were deployed to schools ALL THE TIME during the Civil Rights Movement to protect students and escort them in and out of the building? So a mercenary group being assigned to protect a school really wouldn't be that far-fetched, especially considering what happened in the first EQG movie.
wow, that... was.... an..... AWESOME STORY!!!! I give it a 10/10! starting Monday, I will for sure start reading the sequel Sunset Rekindled!
6874912 idk how I'm going to get caught up! Lol this is a amazing story
. How do you make a story this long? I have several ideas that could become one but I'm not so great at world building and I get writers block all the time. Do you have any advice I'm just complete stuck . I have ideas but can't write the stories
I would appreciate it if you have any that could help me .
Excellent work 11/10!!!!
Oh woww!! I made it here enjoying every chapter and igmoring those who complained about the Oc's or the pacing, AND I REGRET NOTHING. I LOVE THIS STORY