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wooooooow, helluva first chapter/
3786563 Glad You liked it :)
3786866 yeah I actually love this story, I don't see why it's disliked so much. And I can't wait to s twilight's friends reactions when they get to equestria.
just excellent buddy
:)
hot damn
damn, crazy duo
nice chapter
winning
I LIKE IT. Only read first chapter so far but so far it is bad ass, there are some small errors but you tell a story well.
Wow thanks guys never expected this reaction
3787007 I can see why, It is my first fimfic and mistakes are bound to happen but what surprises me is the amount of rising likes. I think you'll like the sequel I will make after this.
3787007 you are in for a treat in ch. 12
3795929 thank you
3789175 within a day of me even seeing this fic, the like/dislike ratio flipped. Awesome
*looks at likes* WOW thanks guys
So NOOOWW she shows up...well kind of.
3805220 I kinda forgot about Angel but I didn't want it to be predictable and too copycat anyways
I've only read two chaps, but it is SWEET!!!
Keep it up!!!
3817616 If you think that was cool, wait until you get to the meat of the bone. Working on a massive battle BTW.
I wish there was a way to message all you people who favorited this at once (if any), but thanks everyone, don't forget to leave a like :)
3818553
That's easy enough. Create a blog post, and tag the story in it.
There's been two glaring mistakes i've noticed through the story, (read up until chapter 8 earlier.) the gun manufacturer names Daul and Torque are wrong if you're going by Borderlands' manufacturers, and it seems to me like you're trying to force current gun models into the Borderlands 'verse, and in my own opinion, it doesn't fit.
For the first, they're actually Dahl (with a 'h', not a 'u') and Torgue (with a 'g', not a 'q'). They're scattered throughout the story, and are a simple find/replace to fix.
The second... you could take immense advantage of Borderlands' loot gen system. Find a gun you like? Take a screenshot of it and use it instead. Hell, throw 'borderlands 2 weapons' into google and you'd probably be swimming in candidates, complete with art to link. Unless you wanted use more current-gen guns, then a different universe would probably be in order, no offense. Killing Floor, Battlefield, or something like even CoD's universe might be a better choice for current-era weapons.
Now, i don't want this to be an 'all-bad put-down-ey' post, and what I immensely enjoy are the action scenes, your writing flows very, very well in combat and i can imagine most of the action happening as i read along. That's something that i've seen some authors struggle with. They get so caught up in describing the combat that it just doesn't flow well.
You've blended the two universes well, insofar as Twilight's character, and instead of following Borderlands 2's story to the letter with Twi tacked on, you've followed it much like it should, a unique playthrough and story because there are two different characters to effect a necessary change from the norm. You still hit the same plot points and bosses, just in a slightly different order, way and follow-through, and for that I applaud you.
3818818 Don't worry, I am not offended by constructive feedback, in fact I am appreciative in that.
About the spelling errors, I had to facepalm at myself because I used to play BL2 a lot but no big deal.
About the weapons: I just have found a neat website dedicated to scifi-art so I'll have the story edited to where the weapons in the story feel like either far descendants of todays weapons or just made up ones and HOLY SHIT the weapons make me want to laugh like a maniac by just looking at them
Deviantart works too :). The sci-fi weapons will be progressively implemented in the 13-14th chaps.
3818818 BTW if you find anything that could help let me know.
The center tag is missing it's beginning bracket, and the rest of the chapter is then centered because of it.
Reading this makes me want to play borderlands 2 again.
Honestly this story is awesome.
3827367 Thanks bro :) I owe ya.
3827367 I put links for the futuristic models for all the modern guns in the load outs. You can check them out if you want. Let me know If I missed anything or if you have found a better replacement for them.
It could use some clean up, but other than that I'm liking it so far.
2nd chapter in and they already love each other
. Normally I'd rant about this, but since Twilight is my best pone 
, I'll let it slide.
(EDIT) Ok I just finished the chapter. As I said in my comment last chapter, you need someone to clean this up. Lots of grammar mistakes and sentence structure problems. Now, the clop scene... meh. It was 50/50 for me, mainly because of how it was written. As I said before, it needs a clean up. Anyway, let's move on to Ch. 3.
Also,
I didn't know it was possible to have a hairy dick.
3831693 she was refering to the base of it
3831693 I have recently taken a AP psychology class (I am the only one who has an A+) after I wrote the clop so I will try to edit it with my improved manipulative skills >:) It is going to be hard to juggle with the structurally improved story (I improve as I wrote I Notice) at the end.
global3.memecdn.com/metal-storm_o_1428995.jpg
3831968
. The way it was written makes it seem like the...*cough* "head" was hairy
Then you need to point that out
3832851 she only said "it" but I'll take that.
3832363 if you think that's ridiculous just wait and see what surprise Brick is going to have.
hey guys just to let you know I am about 3/4s of the way done with my ch 13. I put A LOT of quality into this one so far so stay tuned.
I disliked this fic (not rated, though), and here are the reasons:
The plotline, events and general ideas might be good, but their delivery is absolutely awful.
First of all, Twilight's characterisation is so off limits it put me off right away. Her actions and reactions contradict each other at the start - she is shocked by the violence of this world, yet immediately commits such acts without a second thought (societal and moral norms hardcoded into an individual are much harder to go down the drain than that), then after a while starts detesting tge violence again, while melting someones face off.
From personal experience - it takes about two months of extreme exposure to curses and foul language for an intelligent well-raised individual, such as Twilight no doubtedly is, to start using it so casually. I've been in the Russian military, where curses and swearing occupy 70% of the conversations, and I've witnessed transitions from a tane new-comer greenie (ghost in russian slang) to a violent swearer and an average soldier firsthand.
Secondary, characters are absolutely flat and unbelievable, mostly because you fail to capture their emotions well. It reads as if they play a role in a shitty theatre without actually feeling anything - "Oh im so excited *quiet yay*", "Im angry. There is that."
The romantic plot line? There is none. As I said above, characters feelings are mostly unjustified and poorly written, so it reads like an awful porn without, well, porn. "I love you, cause my world and life are shitty." "I love you cause you... just because you are the nearest person available that does not try to kill and eat me. OMG you are so nice, lets fuck." "Lets." - that is exactly how it feels to me.
The grammar looks like you haven't done a basic proofreading (seriously - running it through Word's spellcheck will already improve it a lot), and the constant repeating of same/similar words in one sentence plagues the whole thing - stuff like "he looked on her looks" (I may be exaggerating, but only just-so) should not be there after a first round of proofreading you needed to do.
And I haven't gone that far yet, though I doubt it will get much better. But I'm sure as hell going to try and read it to the end.
///Rant mode off.
Sorry if I sound a bit (or a lot) harsh, but that is how I feel, and I haven't felt that much negative emotions for a while.
You should get an editor (join looking for editors grpup and make a post), and, if you want this fic to be any good - rewrite the crap out of this shit together with him.
3869086 Bro, first of all, don't ever feel sorry for providing constructive criticism and feedback, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I am a very thick-skinned person, and unlike other's I don't EVER give up instead I take what you say and try to improve upon it. That's how people become good at anything. I don't even care if you press that dislike button right now.
Secondly people believe it or not can theoretically snap instantly like that, it is extremely rare though (I forgot the specific term for it), but I will try and implement what you said in the sequel if you want.
I notice a great majority of the readers who read this like it a lot and I can understand that people have certain tastes but I will improve upon what you say however.
3869086 BTW if you want to be the editor just PM me and I'll try to work something out w/ you
3871093
3871083
I am not sorry for providing criticism, but for being harsh, and I am not a native english speaker, so I really doubt that I could be a good editor - there are certain things in english that confuse me, and make me do stupid mistakes.
I can, however give some basic advices, when I'll have time. (Not right now)
Also if the sequell will be of better quality, but will require to read this first, reader may be put off from the start, so I suggest polishing this fic first, before going on to the next one.
3872835 Like I said this is my first FIMfiction. When the time comes i'll be starting a new and particular game crossover that I had caught my eye.
This story is awesome I like it a lot
Spelling and grammar are bad in some places but I don't mind. Good story so far, but you are kinda neglecting the psychological side of things and just zapping them straight into cold hearted killers. It doesn't really bother me but you could have at least have had one of them break down. They also have yet to sustain much if any damage yet making them seem a little too invincible. You could have had one of them hurt badly, like a broken bone, and then introduced the health syringes. Otherwise, good job!
3877894 thanks bro, when I play a lot of destiny, I'll probably make a crossover fic of that
3878468 thanks bro, if you by any chance want to be my editor just PM me and we'll figure something out.