Hands
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
By Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
- - - - - -
And now, for the Christmas episode… In two parts.
- - - - - -
Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, looked up from her bee hives with a bemused expression. They were kept warm with magic during the winter, but she still tended them visually every day.
"You want to know about what?"
"Christmas," Applebloom said eagerly, speaking for the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "Shepherd is unhappy about being away from home, since Christmas is a big deal for him-"
"And we want to make a surprise for him, but we need to know all the details!" Scootaloo said, leaning eagerly on her scooter handlebars. Sweetie nodded in affirmation.
"Mmhm! He told us the basic story, but since you were a human for a while, we thought you could fill us in!"
Chrysalis sighed and shook her head. She checked on her bees-Nope, nothing that needed doing for a while. She briefly thought about just ignoring these three... And grimaced as she remembered the last time she tried that.
"It is a long, complicated story," Chrysalis said. The Crusaders beamed back at her.
"We have time!" They said. The Changeling Queen groaned, and sat down on her haunches. The fillies followed suit.
"All right... It starts, actually, with what most humans consider to be the beginning of their world and race," Chrysalis began. "In the beginning, the God of humans-"
"Like their Princess, right?" Asked Sweetie Belle. Chrysalis nodded.
"Yes, but far more twisted," Chrysalis stated. "Anyway, their God created their homeworld Earth, and everything else. He then created humans, and put them in a paradise called 'Eden'. Here, they could freely live, talk with God whenever they wanted, and just be happy. Not too dissimilar from how things are here, with you ponies."
"So what happened?" Scootaloo asked. Chrysalis smirked a bit.
"The condition they had of living in Eden was to never eat the fruit of a magic tree that would give them the same knowledge as God, but not the wisdom of how to use it effectively. That's it. All they had to do was not eat from one tree in all of Eden. And guess what they did?"
The fillies looked at one another, and back to the storyteller. "They... Ate it?" Asked Applebloom. Chrysalis snorted.
"Of course they ate it! You tell a human that they could live a life of ease and fulfillment, and what do they do? They do the exact opposite!" She shook her head. "To be fair, a former servant of God called Lucifer helped to trick them into it, because he wanted revenge on God for firing him. But they still made the choice, and thus they had to leave Eden and go and toil. They couldn't even know for sure if God was real: It was their choice!" She huffed. "And for the most part, when they died they would go to Hell."
"Hell?" Asked Scootaloo.
"Tartarus, but far worse," explained Chrysalis. "They would be tortured forever by Lucifer, who was so bitter towards being fired by God he wanted to corrupt and pervert and torture the very thing God had made. What I'm saying is that Lucifer is a far more petty villain than I am."
"Woah," Sweetie Belle muttered. Chrysalis glared at her, and the unicorn filly blushed. "Sorry!"
"Anyway, their God figured out what kind of idiots he had actually created. And being a rather clever God, he came up with a plan."
"What kind of plan?" Asked Scootaloo, flapping her wings a bit.
"He decided that he would walk among the humans and teach them directly," Chrysalis said, "and then die for their sins to appease Satan."
"But... How can a god die?" Asked Applebloom. Chrysalis smirked.
"If he lets himself get killed by his own creation, of course!"
The three fillies gaped in astonishment. Scootaloo stuttered out, "Wh-What?"
"Yes," Chrysalis said with a nod. "God knew that humans would never grow in wisdom in using the knowledge that they had taken from him if he just stuck around. They wouldn't accept it, and despite everything God respected his creation. So! He would teach the humans the start of the wisdom they would need to use this knowledge effectively, but do it in a way that would make them kill him."
"... His plan was to make the people he was trying to save... Kill him?" Asked Sweetie Belle in disbelief. Chrysalis nodded.
"Humans are capable of great love. I should know-I wanted to feed on them. But they are fierce, untamed beings with a power they wildly abuse! So since their God knew this about them, his plan makes perfect sense. He would become a human, by the name of Jesus, and teach them wisdom. And be killed for it, and sent to Hell."
"Wait... Then what?" Applebloom asked with a scowl. "That's it? That's all?"
Chrysalis smirked, and chuckled. She did have a love of the theatrical, after all. "No... For you see, God was even more clever than that. Lucifer was gloating over having the Son of God-"
"Wait, Son of God? Isn't he God though?" Asked Scootaloo, now a bit confused. Chrysalis shrugged.
"I believe he just called Jesus his son to make it easier for humans to understand it. Their God apparently has a hive mentality, able to exist as multiple beings but with the same mind and so on. Humans can't do that, so he just said he was God's son."
"Ohhh," the Crusaders said, nodding as one. "Okay!"
"Anyway, Lucifer was gloating over having God in Hell, thinking he'd won," Chrysalis said, "but Jesus just kind of smiled and said 'I am not locked in here with you. You are locked in here with me.' And he proceeded to use his power to break free and liberate all the souls in Hell to escape."
The three fillies were awestuck. Sweetie Belle grinned.
"Oh! I get it! Because humans were so destructive, God must have taken human form to get into Hell where he could use HIS power and humanity's power at the same time!"
"Exactly," Chrysalis said with a nod, smiling approvingly. She was a bright filly, Chrysalis had to give her that. "That tendency of humans to come up with utterly insane plans that work? That's what Jesus used. So anyway, Jesus liberated Hell, brought the souls up to Heaven, and returned to Earth to tell his followers he'd beaten death, kicked Lucifer's plot, and that by following his example they wouldn't have to go to Hell. So that they could gain the wisdom to use their power responsibly. Some would still go to Hell, but eventually God would liberate them too and bring them back to Heaven, when humanity had finally proven they could use their power as well as God."
Chrysalis sighed. "Then the descendants of those leaders left out the part about God liberating all souls from Hell anyway, and then another group of humans wrote fanfiction about a prophet who came after Jesus who was the real deal and that caused a lot of trouble for everyone... Then those following God split into different sects based on tiny differences in interpretation, other humans who think God is several Gods but wants to spread the same kind of wisdom, a lot of humans who pretend there is no God but act just the same..." The Changeling sighed and rubbed her temples.
"Frankly, I can only imagine God was expecting this." She shook her head. "He probably has a plan to fix this too... Which humans will screw up. Again."
The Crusaders hummed. "Still," Scootaloo said, "I think that makes it a lot easier to make into a play."
"Yeah!" Said Sweetie Belle happily. "And it's exciting enough everypony will love it!"
"And Andrew'll be happy!" Applebloom said.
Chrysalis briefly considered telling the three Crusaders that humans could be touchy when it came to their Gods and interpretations of them... But frankly, the prospect of getting one over on the human was too attractive to ignore.
"And I can even help you," Chrysalis said, with a wicked smirk.
"ALL RIGHT!" The Cutie Mark Crusaders crowed, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CHRISTMAS PLAYERS-YAY!"
"Yay, indeed," the Changeling queen chuckled.
- - - - - -
"Come on Shepherd, no long face!" Dash said, flapping her wings as she hovered alongside yours truly, the only Human in Equestria. I sighed and rubbed the back of my head, as I joined the stream of ponies heading to the community theater.
"I dunno... I'm not feeling particularly enthused," I said. Twilight and Fluttershy trotted on either side of me, as the rest of the Holders of Harmony made their way in the same group. Pinkie was bouncing about, flitting from place to place like an overactive electron though, but she was at least in a similar orbit.
Haha, physics joke.
"Come on... Applebloom put her heart 'n soul into this," Applejack said. Twilight smiled.
"Yes! The Cutie Mark Crusaders actually asked us all for some help on this project," Twilight said. I frowned deeply, wracking my head to think of any meetings with the three Fillies of doom...
"All of you?" I asked. Fluttershy frowned.
"Yes... They didn't ask you?"
"No," I said, grimacing a bit. "Did I... Upset them or anything?"
"Now now dear, fillies can be very fickle," Rarity advised. "And we've all been busy. After all, who was it who was helping Smokestack restore that automobile?"
"Me," I said flatly. I sighed. "I still feel bad about it."
"Well! Now you're at the play, and you can sooth your conscience," Dash said with a nod and a smile.
"Besides... They were doing it for you," Twilight intimated with a knowing smile. I blinked at her, and raised an eyebrow as we took our seats near the front.
"For me? What kind of show is this-?"
"We would enjoy your silence, please!" Cheerilee called out from the stage. The crowd settled down, and I turned my gaze to the dark pink pony teacher. She smiled down at us.
"This year's Hearth's Warming Eve is a little different. We are telling a story of a similar holiday, from a far away world," she spoke. "One with different players, and different context... But the same spirit. Thanks to information supplied by Princess Celestia, and Chrysalis, I give you," and Cheerilee pulled away with a smile as the curtains opened, "the Equestria Elementary School Christmas Pageant!"
I could feel Twilight and Fluttershy hold my hands with their hooves. I guess I looked like I needed it, since my jaw had fallen to the ground. A cardboard cutout of the Earth, with a backdrop of cheap stars made out of lights, appeared as the curtains parted. One of the colts from the school, Snips I think, trotted out wearing a beard and a red robe, as well as a fake crown, and wings to compliment his unicorn horn. He rose his hooves up, and cleared his throat.
"I. Am. God!" He announced. "The First, and the Last! The Alpha, and the Amiga! The Creator of MAN!" He paused. "AND WOMAN!"
His horn lit up, and much to my shock two humans floated onto stage. It took me a second, but I realized that they were a transformed Sweetie Belle (who looked like she was around fourteen), and the colt always playing video games called Button Mash. They were dressed in green outfits, with tall pointed red hats.
"Er..." I said, blinking. Cheerilee shot me a deadly look, and I kept my mouth shut. Sweetie Belle smiled, and took Button Mash's hand. He blushed a bit... Which he stopped doing when I shot him a glare.
Huh. That was weird.
"We are Adam and Eve," said Sweetie Belle. "What do you want us to do, God?"
"Simple!" Snips cried. "You shall be fruitful, and multiply, and live in friendship and harmony!"
At that moment, a human-form Chrysalis came out. Rather than her usual slinky dress, she was dressed in a red and black suit with a fedora. She smirked at me, before clearing her throat and looking at Sweetie Belle and Button Mash with a scowl.
"Ever since He began this project, God's been slacking. God hasn't given me the respect I deserve," she said with a growl. "And now he wants to replace us with a bunch of mortals? No way!"
"You may live in Eden, my kingdom," said Snips, as a tree sprouted into being. "And you may enjoy everything... Except that tree's fruit."
"Why not that tree?" Asked Button Mash, poking it. God shook his head.
"If you eat of it, you shall gain the capacity for my power... But you would lack the wisdom to wield it! One day, you will be ready... But not yet. Trust me to tell you when you are," God said. "Now, I need to go cut a ribbon somewhere!" He trotted off stage, as Sweetie Belle and Button Mash danced. Chrysalis smirked.
"Jackpot," she said. She turned herself into a lookalike for Galadriel, mixed with Mrs. Claus, and walked up. "Hello Adam and Eve!"
"Hi Satan!" They said cheerfully.
"Say... What was that God said about the Tree and not eating it?" Chrysalis asked. Button Mash frowned.
"Well, God said we weren't ready."
"And he'd tell us when," said Sweetie Belle. Chrysalis snorted.
"Oh please, what does he Know? I'm almost as old as he is, and I think you can handle it!" Chrysalis said cheerfully. "Come on... What could it hurt?"
"Well," Button Mash said. Sweetie Belle huffed.
"Come on! You want to wait around forever?" She took one of the fruits, and ate it. Button Mash took another, and bit in too. They then grinned.
"Hey... E = MC^2!" Button Mash cried.
"The universe is composed of quanta... Ooh! Let's put this to use!" They turned, and with some supplied provided by Chrysalis, they soon constructed rocket launchers. They grinned.
"WOO! KNOWLEDGE IS AWESOME! KNOWLEDGE IS AWESOME-!"
KABOOM!
The explosion was just fireworks, but it still nearly sent me off the bench. When the smoke cleared, Button Mash and Sweetie Belle were in ragged clothes barely preserving their modesty, as Chrysalis cackled.
"Ahahahaha! Now Eden is nuked, and God is going to toss these fools out! Bwahahahaha!"
Snips walked back, and frowned. "Guys? Did you eat of the tree?"
"Well," the two muttered, embarrassed.
"And did you blow up the garden?" Snips pressed. Button Mash pointed at Sweetie Belle.
"She did it first!"
"Traitor!" Sweetie Belle yelled, smacking him. She pointed at Chrysalis. "She told us it was okay!"
"Hahahaha! Eat it, God! Your beloved monkeys have blown themselves up! And they will continue to do so, forever and ever!" Chrysalis cackled. "Who's your number one guy now,asshole?!"
Snips sighed, and rubbed his chin. "This is bad... They have the power, but not the wisdom... They can't stay here..." Snips smiled. "And I... Just had an idea." He turned to Sweetie Belle and Button Mash. "Listen! You guys go out, be fruitful and multiply anyway! Maybe it'll all work out?"
"Okay! Nothing can possibly go wrong with this!" Sweetie Belle said cheerfully.
"Yeah! Let's build more nukes!" Button Mash cheered... As Chrysalis continued to laugh herself sick.
And me? Well... I had my head in my hands and I didn't think I'd be looking up if it wasn't for Twilight forcing me to watch.
But this was just the start. So much more was to come...
- - - - - -
"And so," Cheerilee read, as the curtains closed, "the human went out to claim dominion over the Earth... Which brought about terror, destruction, death, and other horrible things."
The curtains opened, and Applebloom and Snails, in human form, were fighting with swords.
"Ugh! My empire! Mine!" Yelled Snails.
"No! MY empire!" Applebloom shouted. They moved off, and a few more colts and fillies pushed a platform onto it. Applebloom laid down on it, as Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle stood over her.
"We will sacrifice you to the gods, so that they will show us pity!" Scootaloo bellowed.
"Yeah!"
"Wait, what makes you think the Gods would accept me dying as something for-ACK! I AM DEAD!" Applebloom shouted, as the plastic sword stabbed her "to death". They ran off, and Button Mash and Rumble walked on. Button Mash was dressed in robes, and Rumble in a soldier's outfit.
"Can't we just try to get along?" Button Mash asked. Rumble scowled.
"Neverrrr!" He bellowed, clearly hamming it up as much as possible, before he hit Button Mash over the head with his sword. He fell, before the curtains closed.
"God tried so many things... Over and over," Cheerilee explained, "but nothing was working."
The curtains opened again, and it showed Snails as God, sitting in a chair and looking depressed. Chrysalis, back as the Devil, was still laughing at him.
"I told you! I told you! And I am bringing every soul down to Hell! Your high standards, bah! What good has it done you?"
"There is still good, you know," Snails said. "Still those who resist you!"
"Ha! How can they resist you when you said you'd let them choose? Free will? HAHAHAHAHA! Please! That's ridiculous," Chrysalis sniffed. "Seriously, why give these stupid apes-"
"AHEM," I growled. Chrysalis huffed.
"These stupid apes free will? You might as well have given them a big shiny red button to press and told them, 'don't press it!'"
"Perhaps," Snails agreed. He then smiled. "Maybe the key... Is not to tell them, but to make them think they arrived at the right conclusion themselves."
"Ha! What are you going to do?" Chrysalis sniffed. "Eventually, I shall have them all! And storm the gates of Heaven! And rule all of creation!"
"Huh. Well... Guess I'll lose!" Said Snails. "But I'm gonna try one more thing."
"And what is that?" Chrysalis sniffed.
"I shall send my son to Earth, to teach people to be nice to one another," Snails said.
"... They'll just kill him, you idiot!" Chrysalis snorted.
"Yes. Exactly," Snails said. Chrysalis gaped.
"... Are you crazy?! You want to do my job for me?"
"Yep!" Snails said cheerfully. Chrysalis stared.
"Uh... Okay...?" She shook her head. "Made in His image, indeed..."
The curtains closed. Cheerilee cleared her throat.
"And so, God decided he would have to get someone to bare his son for him. So he found a virgin woman named Mary, in a city called Nazareth."
By this point I was desperate for some booze. Alas, Dash was hogging the hard cider. I rubbed my cheeks and groaned.
"Oh boy..."
The curtains opened, and the fillies and colts had rearranged the stage. It was now a cheerful house, with a human form Diamond Tiara sitting at the table and looking snooty. The door exploded, and Rumble entered in elaborate purple and green armor with bright glowing wings. Diamond Tiara yelped.
"Hey! What the heck are you doing in my house?"
"I am Michael! Angel of God!" Rumble yelled. "And I want YOU to have God's son! So he can come to Earth, and save humanity from their own evil and stupidity!"
"Well... We can probably save them from one of those things," Diamond Tiara said. I could see Chrysalis snickering, and I rolled my eyes. "But how can this be? I'm a virgin! I've never... You know...!"
"Magic, of course! How else?" Rumble asked. "And then your son will die."
"What?! Die?!" Diamond yelped, covering her stomach. "What do you mean, die?!"
"He'll get better," Rumble said quickly. "And he'll save the world, too."
"Well... I suppose if he is going to come back, and he is God's son... All right," Diamond Tiara said with a nod. "But my fiance is going to take some convincing..."
"Don't worry, I'll tell him too," Rumble said. "He's going to love this."
"I'm going to love what?" Asked Featherweight, flying in. Diamond gasped.
"Joseph! We're having a baby, the son of God-"
"Stop stepping over my lines!" Rumble hissed. Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes and hugged Featherweight.
"See? Angel of God right here!"
"Oh... Well, that's good. So, do we get anything?" Featherweight asked.
"Is not the full POWER OF GOD, with LEGIONS of superpowered ANGELS who could annihilate ALL OPPOSITION, not enough?" Asked Rumble, again hamming it up. Diamond Tiara scowled.
"Unless they're going to take me shopping, no..."
"Ahem," Cheerilee coughed. "But of course, seeing how Mary was a virtuous woman, and Joseph a virtuous man, they decided to do it and raise the boy as their son. In order to save the world."
Diamond Tiara and Featherweight got dragged off, while Rumble ascended with another explosion. The curtains shut, and I groaned.
"It isn't that bad, is it?" Twilight asked.
"... No, but I get the feeling things are going to get worse," I admitted.
- - - - - - -
Oh my god.
A Hands update!
Today is a good day.
On a random note, this story was what spurred me to write a HiE myself.
Butchered the bible yes but understandably so like you said their not familiar with humans love the chapter
5399121 Ahem. Fixed.
5399111 Don't know whether to give you a thumbs up or a thumbs down for this.
Edit: Author, please let Andrew give Chrysalis a scolding after this.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw299_1298776425927.jpg
All I can say to this is.... *cracks up* XDDDDD
Oh my goodness. I loved this chapter. Much better than crappy Christmas specials!
There were so many better ways to involve teaching them a Christmas story then going full-blown religious dogma. I actually had to skip past most of this chapter. I just can't picture religion as having a place in a story like this, or any story involving MLP, and that just made the entire chapter uncomfortable.
Help me I'm dying laughing.
5399250 That is the story of Christmas. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry you feel that way. All I can do is wish you a Happy Holidays, and a wish that you can accept that religion is a part of human nature-And it will always be so. It can either be good, or bad, but it will be there. All I do is present the good side of it in this story, to put humanity's best foot forward: A story about redemption of mankind by a god willing to become human and die for his children. That's powerful stuff.
Bah humbug to religious sensibilities, foals and Chrysalis getting the Abrahamaic religions tooootally messed up is highly amusing. Please continue.
Why couldn't Genesis have had more rocket launchers and nukes in it? It would have been way cooler.
5399160
Oh my god... this is so... so...
Yes, pinkie has the right idea of what everyone reading this chapter is currently thinking.
I facepalmed so hard. Then I laughed my butt off.
I find it interesting that on a site where one is expected to love and tolerate Chatoyance and whoever the hell wrote Fall of Equestria, folks would be upset you talked about human religion
Le
shrug
5399335 I know right?
I really enjoy how Chrysalis made a satire about Christianity.
This was funny and all, but can we get back to the plot now? You know, the one where humans finally found the pony planet.
5399480 It is coming after the Christmas Special, I promise.
...Never has it been a funnier time to be an atheist
There's something very wrong with "Hi, Satan!", maybe that's why I laughed so hard at that
...is it weird that after i got done with this, I got down to an ad at the bottom of the screen for Helix that had that guy on the cross?
WHELP. Uhh. Crap.
Ya know, even as an atheist I'm pretty down with Jesus. He was a pretty swell guy with a thoughtful way of looking at the world and a relatively moral way of life. Not the first, not the last and not the only but a pretty swell guy.
Andrew, I hope you know what can of worms you may have opened here.
I half expected the "Hi, Satan!" to be "Hail, Satan!"
Yay it lives! Can't wait for the next update!
Good
5399279
Yes, powerful stuff indeed, but that doesn't mean it has a place in a story about colorful talking equines. The show and its characters are so far removed from religion that reading partway into that chapter actually made me cringe. This chapter did not have to exist to continue the story. In fact, it added nothing to it. The only purpose it served was a religious person making known their beliefs, where the religious person is you.
Now, that's fine in and of itself. You're the author, you have the right to do whatever you wish, and believe in whatever you wish. But polarizing the story in such a way will likely be seen as a bad move, perhaps even rude to some.
Were you to take the story in some religious direction, and have religion play a major role, then it would be perfectly acceptable had you warned people beforehand of the story's eventual content. However, simply throwing in personal dogma for a story that had no clear connections beforehand, and having it play no obvious part other than to simply state your beliefs is poor tact.
OMG, this is so awesome. I nearly died when I realized Diamond Tiara was playing the virgin Mary. as a Christian I find Chrysalis interpretation of Christianity just the right amount of insulting. Accurate enough to not be disrespectful yet in the context easy enough to follow for someone who is not aware of human history. andas Andrew suspects I am looking forward to the grand climax, I'm hoping it's something hilarious like God is Santa Claus, and Jesus was burned on the Christmas tree or some such.
I'm a Christian from Alabama in the United States of America. Here we have guns and ways of tracing people's homes & locations through the internet; and because of what you've wrote about my religious beliefs and all of the things that you put into it, you know what I'm doing to do? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO?!!
...
...
...
I'm gonna love & tolerate the fucking shit out of you. 'Cause I'm a Christian Brony, and there's not one damned thing you internetzes can do about it. That and I'm Methodist. We're pretty chill.
5399250
welcome to humanity, have some awkward and uncomfortable while you enjoy the thoughts and beliefs of others. we hope that you partake of the guilt pie. Pleasure and ignorance are down stairs please watch your step it's rather dark. knowledge is offered freely, if you wish to partake. if not I ask you what is there to fear from knowledge. knowledge brings understanding and does not force belief.
5399707
It didn't make me uncomfortable due to the belief system, it was uncomfortable because it didn't fit the story. Stop being so pretentious.
5399714
how did not fit the story? I agree that it breaks from the current story arc and probably should be put at the special chapter oradded after the current arc ends. but this works for Christmas special.
5399720
You said it yourself, it breaks from the current story arc, not to mention that 'Christmas Specials' tend to focus more on the fun-loving aspect of the holidays, rather than the no-holes-barred religious dogma speech that was this chapter.
5399725
who said? Christmas is not the fun loving holiday everyone makes it out to be. the origins of Christianity is wrought with blood and violence, the origins of Christmas itself is actually pagen in origin.many pagan holidays were not cute or cuddly. if a Christmas special wants to meet more historical than cute and cuddly that is up to the creator. if you do not wish to partake that is your decision but this story has shown to be less than cute and cuddly.
5399740
Very well, I direct you to my earlier comment, the one with which I responded to Andrew.
5399670
I have to say your ignorance is very surprising. this whole story is about exploring cultural differences between the world of my little pony and Joshua's human world. Josh was learning and adapting to pony culture I'm the ponies learning and adapting to his culture.one of the largest aspects of human culture is religion, even if you don't have a religion religion has shaped human history for almost its entirety. to not discuss religion is a huge oversight in any human in Equestria fiction.
5399764 I have to say your insult was not very surprising. Neither was the fact that you either did not read the comment I referred you to, or that you somehow did not understand what I meant by it.
I wonder where Santa Claus will fit in all this...
5399770
5399764
Guys? Can we please just agree to disagree? There is something to be said for me probably needing to do the Christmas religious aspect better-I could always write better. But at the same time, I am not trying to force anyone to agree with my beliefs. There is a difference between talking about religion, and trying to force dogma on others.
Bottom line? Let us remember the reason we love this show: Love, toleration and friendship. Principles taught by all religions. It isn't the fault of the religions that people do bad things in the name of God, or Buddha, or anyone else. It is the fault of those people. Hold them responsible, not the ideas.
And whatever you believe, know that my intent is that everyone has a Happy Holiday season, with friends and family. Let's focus on that.
Pretty sure I'm finding this far more amusing than it has any right to be.
5399770 5399770
ignorance is not an insult you don't know what you don't know. the fact that you see words that talk about religion you automatically assume he's pushing a belief. Information about a religion is not mutually exclusive to forcing a belief or stating an opinion. if history fails to mention the role of religion in human history then it is a failure of the educational system because religion has played a large part in cultural developments. this does not mean that the educational system is pushing religion it is stating fact.
this statement shows your bias and ignorance.
the same thing can be said about any Christmas story whether it's about Santa Claus, Jesus or Hanky the Christmas poo.
Taking religious umbrage from a Christmas story funneled through not one, but two alien races- and the second one being the CMC in full-blown zany - C'mon!
Laugh. Cause it's funny. And the world needs to look at it's sacred cows once in a while and just go "Hah! Talking cows!" instead of making divine steak tartare out of the resulting ragesplosions. Happy to have caught this on one of it's orbits into the top spot.
5399821
If you wish to actually continue this inane argument, I suggest you do so through PMs. The author already expressed his wish to have it stop, and the comments section isn't the place for your tripe.
5399764
Excellently stated.
It would also be very easy to get into religion if you talk about science in the historical context: the father of genetics was a monk, the attempt to prove (or disprove) God's existence has impacted mathematics, theology, and philosophy (link) [and that's just the barest, most fundamental religious question], even modern scientific method touches on religion — arguably as a direct result of religion, that the Creation would reflect the Creator; as CS Lewis said “Men became scientific because they expected Law in Nature, and they expected Law in Nature because they believed in a Legislator”.
... Her bees are as good as dead. XD
In all honesty, the play was both epic and groan worthy... I didn't think such a thing was possible. Still, it's the thought that counted... Right?
5399279
This was brilliant. I commend you on a comical retelling of what (I can only assume) is in the bible.
I'd like to repay the favor and present you with a gift of your own. A classic Australian Christmas song and if this chapter offends anyone, this flamin song sure as hell will. (strong language)
Happy whatever floats ya boat, mates
from downunder.
5399930 One of the best Christmas presents I've gotten in a while. Thank you.
.....is it bad that i like this version of religion better than the irl ones?
also yay first ever comment!
keep up the good work
Brilliant! Fekking brilliant! Best bible story ever, 10/10 would commit blasphemy again.