Hands
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
By Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
NOTES: Just a bit of fun for you guys to enjoy until the real story is ready to go. It might take a while and I hate leaving my readers hanging without anything to enjoy. Yes, my ego is fragile but what the hell.
- - - - - -
An Interesting Proposal (And A Reason to Keep Your Mouth Shut or Open, Depending on your POV)
"So, Andrew," Twilight said, as she trotted into the library proper. I was sitting and reading a book peacefully, and looked up as she faced me.
"Yes?" I asked.
"I was wondering if for our next date, you'd like me to go as a human... Well, humanoid anyway," she said. "I haven't perfected the transformation just yet."
"Well, sure, if you want," I said with a shrug and a smile. "Sounds like it might be fun."
"Good," Twilight said, "because I wanted to get your opinion of my human form." Her horn glowed, and then the rest of her did. Her form stretched and stood up on her backhooves, and her mane became longer. The glow faded, and I was left...
Staring at a stark naked, very hot purple skinned girl. Her feet were still hooves, she still had a tail, her ears were still pony-like and her horn remained in the center of her forehead but trust me, none of that was an impediment.
To many a human male, they would be bonuses.
"What do human women traditionally wear on their dates?" Twilight asked.
My jaw was to the floor. Sure, I'd seen her in human form before but that one hadn't been as... Polished, if you get my meaning.
"Uh..." I looked up at the ceiling. "Er... What... You've got on... Is totally fine by me."
"You mean naked?" She asked curiously. "You wear clothes though."
"Uh, well..." I coughed. "Yes... Though uh..."
Twilight scowled. "You're just hemming and hawing because you're hoping I go on the date naked, aren't you?"
"What? No!" I said quickly. She hopped in my lap and scowled. I coughed and finally was unable to look anywhere but into her stern eyes. I sighed and nodded.
"Yes. Yes I am... And also dreading it."
"Dreading it?" Twilight asked, frowning. I coughed.
"Yes... You know... Awkwardness over sex and all that?"
"I see," Twilight said thoughtfully. She shrugged. "I guess I'll just have to go around like this until it's no longer awkward." She stood up and smiled brightly, crossing her arms under her breasts. "How does that sound?"
"... Fine by me," I managed. She headed out, and I held the open book over my red hot face.
"Why do I keep opening my mouth?" I muttered.
- - - - - - -
Fashion Foibles
I'll admit it: I have paid attention to fashion and I know more than a lot of other guys. It's primarily thanks to the fact my gay brother is a walking encyclopedia of fashion, among other stereotypes of homosexuality taken to such a degree it's like he stepped out of Will and Grace just to annoy and offend straights and gays equally.
Point is, I can appreciate dressing well, and I can appreciate wearing clothing, being human.
It does not mean I am fine with being a model of clothing and having to stand around for several hours being poked and prodded by a unicorn.
"Rarity, this is entirely unnecessary," I said, once again. I got the feeling that wasn't in her vocabulary.
"Nonsense! An entire species that wears clothes most of the time! This is a dream come true!" Rarity gasped. “Why, your fashion must be far in advance of our own! It’s wondrous! It’s amazing! Your people are simply fantastic!”
"Then use them for models, not me," I grumbled. The outfit I had on was a kind of green suit that looked like it belonged in the Wizard of Oz, or as an get-up the Eighth Doctor would find a bit old fashioned. And I actually liked that Doctor a lot. Rarity bustled around, pins and strings and measuring tape all floating around me like stars orbiting a black hole.
"I have no other models, dear," Rarity chuckled. "Besides! Don't you want to look your best? I assure you, no human being anywhere else will be as finely attired as you!"
"That would be comforting if I could just sit down?" I begged.
"Nonsense, you stand upright do you not?" She asked, doing some sewing.
"Yes, but not all the ti-EE!"
"Oops! My apologies! Please hold still-"
"GAH! OW! HEY!"
"Sorry, sorry, I-"
CRASH.
I poked my head out from a pile of mannequins, and focused on the spinning world. "Oooh..."
Rarity huffed. "Oh, wonderful. Now I'll have to start all over!" She held up her needles. "Come now, up you go!"
"No way!"
"Oh come on you big baby!"
"Never!"
"HOLD IT!"
- - - - - -
"So, I like the chocolate covered ones, but Rainbow Dash says the caramel flavored ones are better! Can you believe it?" Pinkie Pie asked Twilight Sparkle as they trotted by the Carousel Boutique. The purple unicorn chuckled.
"I don't know Pinkie, I like them both."
"Well yeah, me too, but one better than the other?! It's crazy talk, absolute-!"
Andrew burst out of the door of the shop, covered in strips of clothing and running for his life.
"FREEEEDOM!"
Rarity was right behind him.
"GET BACK HERE!"
The two ponies stared after this, before Pinkie shook her head.
"So as I was saying..."
- - - - - -
The next story arc is coming soon. I hope this tides you over until then.
I like this one
XD That was hilarious! This story just keeps getting better and better!
I'm sorry what?
Stuff just got furry. hrm.
Still a nice story arc.
I have been tided over, for now...
Glad to see you decided to continue. This is without a doubt, one of the funniest stories on FIMfiction.
Oh yeah, this is definitely a "For the Lulz" piece. I like it!
Very good for a extra.
All i could think of when i read "FREEEEDOM!" was the tf2 demoman
.......My battle cry shall now be.....FOR THE LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULZ!!!!!!!
I honestly don't think I've ever laughed so much at a story as I have at this one!
This whole thing is hilarious, and I'm loving every second I spend reading it!
Seriously, I'm not a fan of "human in Equestria" fics (generally) but this is wonderful - and you've even got me supporting a Twilight/OC human pairing! What strange magic is this?!
But really - awesome story, love your writing, keep up the comedy gold.
WOOT!!1! I definitely enjoyed this, but even better, a new story arc!
...was Twilight still a naked human at the end of the 2nd story? Or do these stories have no continuity?
Y'know, if Twilight can turn herself human shaped, she could just model for Rarity.
Also how big IS Twi's anthro form anyway?
O\\\ w //O
ehrm....
*poker face*
moar plz
FREEEEDOM! What everyone would say when escaping THE BOUTIQUE *insert evil Muahahaha laugh here* anyway Great fic, enjoying it ALOT so far!
DEATH TO FURRIES! YIFF IN HELL!
<3 U
335189
I'm having fun and you can't stop me!
335189 No u.
This was funny. I'm surprised you didn't have Twilight complain about something poking her when she was on his lap
More than enough to tide me over. Oh, ponies, you so silly.
This is so damn funny. I can't wait to read more! I also highly sympathized with Andrew as he ran out of the boutique yelling 'FREEDOM!'
So Twilight right now can get herself to purple quasi-centaur?
Andrew should have made up bullshit religious excuses for him to be dressed but not Twi. She would never know.
335153 When I read "FREEEEEDOOOOM!!", I heard William Wallace with some "Braveheart" music.
335189
Whatever happened to love and tolerate and whatnot?
"Then use them for models, not me," I grumbled. The outfit I had on was a kind of green suit that looked like it belonged in the Wizard of Oz, or as an outfight one error in an entire chapter?
Take my stars thumbs and any organs you want.
335238
Apparently, it changed from "Love and Tolerate" to "Love and tolerate the things I agree with".
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110609170203/gyropedia/images/thumb/9/90/TwilightShrug.png/185px-TwilightShrug.png
That was awesome
335189 BURN IN HELL FLAMERS
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335287 lol
Woohoo! Furry Twilight FTW!
Ok folks. Calm down. Put your flaming torches and pitch forms away, for now.
I for one look forward to the next instalment.
So you're continuing this story?
335299 Agreed, the next arc will be something to look forward to.
That aside, I would also like to give this a score of 5/5 using a measurement of s
!
once again i salute you
Damnit, I just got over my Twilight phase, then I read this..
...
...Thank you
I for one welcome our anthro unicorn overlords. Then again, I am a shameless furfag, though technically bronies are kinda furries too, even if sex ain't a part of it.
335408...what...
JK don't care bout furries
Run Andrew Run!!!!!
335287 After meeting some local bronies, I sadly have to agree that this is the interpretation most bronies have of those words.
FUQMYEAH
... Dammit. I must see your humanoid Twilight in a fuku. NOW.
335492 That's not a problem for bronies alone; but mankind in general.
Words cannot describe my love for this story
But, personally, I do think Twi should retain her pony form. Makes for a much more interesting couple to look at!
Thank you Andrew. I look forward to more.
You are the single BEST comedy fanfiction writer I have ever read...every time I read your stuff, it takes all my will power to stop laughing... Never stop. Never.
Oh my god, Twilight, just oh my god.
So glad to see you continuing this.
Eighth Doctor Who reference?
Are you stalking me? Because I am obsessed with Doctor Who!
Also I totally get the whole gay friend thing, freakin' hilarious when the live up to the stereotypes, still awesome to hang out with though!
My body was quite ready.
I now know there will be an anthro twilight in the future. Yes, this was enough to hold me over lol
>Makes Twilight an anthro
>That makes her a furry? [Guess that means I can't watch Loony Toons anymore without people burning down my house for watching "furries"]
<---me laughing at the ignorance of it all.
Funny extra xD I lost it when Andrew came running out with Rarity chasing him. Good show!
Have a good one.
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