Able Mender just wanted one afternoon of peace and quiet. One.
He thought he could get it in Ponyville, but he was wrong. This town was anything but peaceful.
Now he owns a pet changeling and has to watch over three adventurous little fillies in his spare time...and also the rest of his time. He also has a voice in his head that won't shut up, and he's wrapped up in some ridiculous prophecy claiming that Equestria is doomed if he doesn't go along with it! Naturally, he wanted nothing to do with the prophecy.
Unfortunately for him, Princesses take prophecies very seriously, so he's kinda screwed and doesn't have a choice in the matter.
Meanwhile, the cogs of war never stop turning as a cold, calculating warlord builds an army with the intent of conquering Equestria...assuming he doesn't kill all of them first due to their bumbling incompetence.
His plans stretched over many decades in time all the way up until now. He's invested too much time and effort for it to fail...and it won't. Not unless something happens to stop him before it's too late.
Time's running out. I'm doing what I can to slow him down. The rest is up to you and the Elements, Mender.
...so you better hurry your ass up!
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This is my first story, so comments and criticisms are greatly appreciated.
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Credit time!
I will read this later. It looks good.
*Coughs and laughs as milk comes out of my nose!* Oh shit that was funny! Oh that burns!
By the way how old are yea old man.
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Too old. I forgot the number, if that helps...fairly sure it doesn't though.
...right, I can feel the burning skeptical eyes at that answer, so fine.
I'm still fairly new here, and I'm slightly paranoid, so forgive me if I'm not exactly forthcoming with info about me right now.
I might answer any questions about me later once I get more comfortable here, though when that will be, I cannot say for sure.
3593536 Its cool i kinda was just joshin yea anyway.
Lol that last line!
Pff hahahahahahahahahaha!
Also how smart are your changelings in your story. I just wondering if they can talk and all that.
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So far, I have Crunch being dog-smart in the intelligence department, what with him being young and all. Changelings seem like the sort of creature at that age to be receptive to learning and taking orders, along with doing their own thing.
I'll admit him talking didn't come to mind when I wrote him, but considering their queen can, I won't deny the possibility.
That's all it is, though. A possibility. It may happen, it might not. We'll see.
This story seems to get no love. Oh well It will get all the love from me!
You got some talent for comedy.It maybe a little dark but still is a good laugh. Keep them coming!
I think Crunch is gonna kick some ass!
Yea better not! Your the one writing this story so you better know how it will play out.
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Oh, I have an idea of how it will go down.
...maybe. It's still being developed. Need to work out the kinks in here. *taps my noggin*
I think it'll sort itself out by the time I get to writing it...hopefully. Hope's always a good thing to have.
3644723
Gotta say though I like the fact you put out a chapter almost everyday. That is so awesome.
Well this is a great story so far, I'm having difficulties recalling all the details from previous chapter I could mention, but from what my horrible memory can remember: I'm enjoying the irony that shows up so often, enjoying the fact that the changeling is a pet in this one as opposed to the traditional thoughts other have on them, enjoying the idea of another pony in the main characters mind, and overall have little to no complaints about how it's been written.
Also this make you sound like a great person:
"it's nice seein Mender mentally and physically suffer in a peaceful environment."
(In all reality though I have to agree)
My previous comment on it being a great story remains intact, but if I may ask, how many subchapters do you intend to place within one chapter? Because right now it feel redundant to have 1-20 as opposed to just 20. At any rate you've got me interested. Although I wonder if crunch might end up involved in the duel, and how illusion magic could help in the fight without just being direct interference.
Also, another question that I have been wondering since the introduction of young, are these authors notes from the perspective of young? I ask because although you plenty of evidence supporting it you keep the name of old man, and know more about the story than young could possibly have heard via the band. In conclusion is this you commenting on your own story or the perspective of young?
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Oh boy, good questions. Time fer good answers, then.
Firstly, the first number I have set up is referring to the story arc I am pursuing, the second to the chapter in said arc. As this arc is an introductory arc in addition to presenting initial threats to Mender, I expect this to be long. Other arcs will either be at most the same length or shorter than the introductory arc.
Now the second question I will have to be ambiguous on for an answer, but I'll just say that there is much that is happening beyond the door Young resides in. Much more than Young is even aware of.
3662738 alright, that cleared up a lot of information for me, and now knowing that you plan multiple arcs gives me a nice long story to look forward to. Great job with the story so far and I look forward to continuing reading.
Keep up the good work my friend. Although I do like the idea of knowing everything that happens before anyone else n_n
Did not expect little Crunch to save the day!
And I gotta admit, the CMC's involvement was rather humorous. Great chapter.
Yea! Don't fuck with Crunch master!
Good fight scene by the way.
I knew crunch would get involved the chapter before it happened, and then I managed to forget about him until he did get involved. How that happened, I've no idea. But nonetheless well done with this scene though now I must ask, what is to happen to knife point, I mean he sounds more unconscious than dead right now, so now know I expect to know what happens to him afterwards.
Wow this is just getting better and better!
Must agree with Luna's secret stallion, but does redheart simply not care about mender saying he owns a changeling? Or was there some chapter I missed that included that.
If the answer is none of the above then I will assume that's there for the intermission chapter.
Well thank you very much for answering my question, and even had mender there to ask my follow up questions. Much more entertaining answer format than many other writers, and also much more thorough with the answers too.
I never quite noticed how few people question you until you pointed it out, I guess you have a trusting audience if you want to look at it that way.
Hooboy, you just got marked. Also, doesn't anyone know not to ever laugh with your villain overlord when he is annoyed......and holding you in place.....especially if you're a recruit, it's always the recruits.
Methinks Knife Point made a new friend in Mendy!
Now watch, changeling are going to intercept locus's underlings, crunch will turn to be the new queen of the changelings in disguise, discord will side with the ponies, locus will find himself battling changelings, and mender will just be watching as he has enough respect and love from crunch to have the changelings side with them.
I doubt any of this will actually happen but, I want to leave no ideas unthought of. And I suppose my mind has a habit of making random scenarios like this.
Anyway now that that random ramble is out of the way, nice to see chapter two is starting up, and I do hope to see more of this locus pony.
Good job with the story so far as well.
Y'know what?
That authors note is more or less my exact thoughts on this chapter.
So that's my comment for this chapter, but with the added: HOLY SH** CRUNCH CAN SPEAK?!, and of course: there's the questioning of a changeling I've been waiting for.
Although I do find it slightly odd that fluttershy didn't even try to correct mender's gender (hah, that rhymes).
Anyway as always nice job with the story so far and looking forward to more.
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Well, Fluttershy could have corrected that, but then she'd be caught in a tight spot. If she explained that Mender was his father, Crunch would certainly ask who his mother was out of blind curiosity.
I'm not sure if Fluttershy would be that well-prepared to answer such a question at that moment, especially considering that the real mother is the one Crunch adamantly denied in his dream.
Thus, a little white lie was born for Crunch's protection. Hopefully Mender will understand.
...scratch that, he'll be pissed. And I'm still laughing.
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I suppose that makes sense, but now mender is thought to be a female, and crunch will probably want to know who his father is. So while its probably the best that could be done for crunch it still rises those two problems.
How did Mender know of the mane 6 telling their cutiemark stories? Didn't they share their stories before he arrived in town?
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The six did share their stories before he arrived in town, but Mender didn't know that. He simply added on that the story he was giving also covered his cutie mark. He had no reason to think that would garner such a reaction from the Crusaders as it did.
Well... Shit. Crunch was captured by his own, the cutie mark crusaders are tagging along go fight chrysalis, and mender's rage is already barely in check. The hell would chrysalis bother grabbing crunch for anyways?
Well this had a decent amount of problems for the future introduced, and turned out to be pretty good at giving something to look forward to in the near future.
Anyway you enjoy making that safe house now.
And thus the fourth wall was cracked, regardless of how cheesy and/or nonsensical that statement just sounded.
3721691 The CMC was telling him about the stories of the main 6, not mender.
3769233 Right, thanks.
what a bitch
The reason I don't like AJ :P
I just cannot understand it. It just wont fit in my head... WHY ist this story so unliked!! only 30 faves for a clearly planned and thought over story!!! i cant understand ppl anymore..
anyway!. what i really wanted to tell you was that i REALLY like this piece of adventure literature a LOT and i really hope that i will be able to reade some more chapters real soon! your portrayal of the differens ponys is lovable and the plot got me thinking more than one of too times.. (btw, i have a really strong suspision about Menders supposed Fillyfriend.^^)
Oh boy!
100k words already and it's only two months old? Definitely going into my read later.
Don't lie you could stop if you wanted too!
Onward to the Next chapter :o
DO A BARREL ROLL!
When reading your description of Able- silver grey with used-to-be-amber-but-is-now-dark-oxyless-blood-red- my brain sorta auto filled with TDR's Jer'rhad Kaisur. By the cracked horn he had pushed that out of the way and became his own character (pretty impressive, he won a fight before he was named). The fire scene was disturbingly well done, it made me flash back to the futile search for the cat in the first house fire. Overall, I am thoroughly enjoying your writing. A few years late finding it, but that's the beauty of words- they wait around and outlast us all.