Holy
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LOVE THE ENDING, but here is one mistake. I copied the entire paragraph for easy find
Twilight kept up the pace nervously as Luna took her pants off her.
S
he squeaks and stops for a moment and you could see Luna behind her, tracing her fingers up and down her pussy while she lifts up her shirt. Princess Luna eases Twilight's head down onto your dick again, putting her back on pace. She pulls up Twilights shirt enough to let her supple breasts fall out of her sweater. Princess Luna massages them with a smile as Twilight continues to wear you down again.
Twilight kept up the pace nervously as Luna took her pants off her.
S
'Nuff said. Loved it!
3729020
Alright, fixed. Thanks for the feedback.
3729020 I'm sorry, I seriously don't see the mistake. Please enlighten me.
3729117
I fixed it already.
3729136 I'm sorry, I'm running on little sleep. Didn't mean to be nosy.
My thinking processes are dumbed down ALOT
3729143
Don't worry, man. I understand.
3729146 Nice pic. It rings a bell. Is it from something or am I just thinking up crap.
3729155
Dunno, I probably found it one day just looking through derpibooru.
3729169 Oh, so I'm just think up crap... wonderfull
I'm gonna be a picky bastard :D
She begins to completely stip down, stepping out of her dress and taking off her bra, then sliding off her panties and stepping out of them as well.
I'm pretty sure stip should be strip.
3729181
Agh! I really should spend more than half an hour trying to edit.
3729194 Nope not done yet.
She slowly put her own hands around your neck.
I think put should be puts
I dont want to be a bother but I figured you would want to know
3729206
Fixed. At least someone is keeping me in line.
3729223 Heheh.
I'm not done yet
You push on her hips and bring your up into her, pushing your cock into her tight lips.
I don't think your is the intended word there.
unless it's your dick or something like that.
Or yourself
Stay tuned folks
Why do I get the feeling this was based on a real-life event?
Disturbing possible inspirations aside, as far as humanized clops go, this was quite good. No real pacing, but this is a clop, after all, so pacing is meant to be thrown out the window. It was generally entertaining (although a bit more of a description on how Luna looked naked would benefit both the story and myself), and I chuckled at this enough to recommend adding a comedy tag.
Just one thing, though; did Luna leave at the end while still completely naked?
3729241
Yes, I am laughing.
3729268
Yes, yes she was. I'd like to think she may have wanted to continue the courting ritual with Twilight when she woke up and wanted to be ready.
3729223 Got more
She happily takes over from here.
Your either missing the T. It could be re-stated as. "She happily takes over for you."
(Your gonna be SO annoyed by me after this)
I found this as well.
She continues to sing her ecstasy into the room as forced every last inch into her swaying hips. After a while, she leans back and startS pumping against you, pulling your dick out and slamming it back in on her own accord.
I got lazy and just Bolded the things that look wrong. (Bolded is a word right)
3729278 Umm thanks.
I'm not sure any more If I'm trying to be a pissy prick or not
Every exhale from her bringst a soft coo from her smiling face down onto you.
I'm just gonna bold stuff now.
In case you haven't noticed I have ocd-ish issues when it come to grammar...
Ignoring Twilight's objections, she pushes her down to her knees and put your messy dick right into her mouth.
I can delete afterwards... right?
Luna lays down beside the two of you and put a hand up against your balls,
3729354
Would you like to cut out the middle man and just be an editor?
3729379 Umm... I didn't know you could do that...
Sorry.
I can delete my comments.
Okay then.
Fuck yes.
stubbornthoughts.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/lucille-buth-excited.gif
3729384
Don't worry about it. But I really do need someone who wants to go over my fics and fix all the stupid errors I miss, if you're interested.
It's not assault if they enjoy it!
3729403 Sure. I'm up for it.
I can't guarantee I'll spot everything and I'm not always online. But I'd love to help.
Sorry I didn't reply right away. Something came up
So, all my useless babble aside...
YES! I would love to be useful!
Sexy and funny at the same time! Priceless! Keep at it.
Doesn't matter; had sex
I liked it.
/10
Sequel where Celestia thinks that Anon is telling the truth and she's been so out of touch being up on the throne in Canterlot that she actually doesn't know what her subject get up to nowadays, so she tracks Anon down so he can instruct her as well. This then leads to Celestia saying the wrong thing at the wrong time in public, leading to a complete societal shift where Anon's lies have become truth.
img.gawkerassets.com/img/18s05vvb8ex80jpg/original.jpg
He's lived his life to the fullest. Let him be remembered as the luckiest man ever.
3729843
Make it happen!
Perhaps Luna should get Celestia to try the new courting experience.
3729843 3730065
Author... make it so.
This was actually pretty hot, I also like how the main character isn't all noble and does what a real dude would do!
Me personally, i'd just stick around. If I got in trouble for it, i'd say she came onto me. Total misunderstanding, something of that sort.
... If I got in trouble anyway, who cares, it was worth it.
Here lies Anon
"It was worth it"
Died from "natural causes"
Great clopfic, might I add. I'll be thumbing up and favoriting.
3730336
Thank you, sir. Your username is an inspiration to us all.
poptropicalthunder.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/rainbow-dash-american-salute-486-1.png
Honestly, I doubt there's a force in the universe strong enough to hide you from Celestia if she ever found out you banged her sister. I'd just make myself a hot cacao, grab a MAD magazine, and wait patiently for my demise and pray that Mollestia decides to visit instead of Sunbutt.
3730364 yup, not as snobbish as my name
i chose blazing shadow because no matter how dark i am i have the potential to shine like no-one else
I don't think you noticed this when you first found this picture and used it as the story cover, but judging by the eyes, that luna is actually a changeling. Just pointing out small details. Not sure if I'm right, but that's what I've observed.
3731073 Or maybe it's nightmare moon picture. Either way, it's Luna
i can see this turning into princest fic.
where luna returns to canterlot and show celesitia what she learned with anon.
He's dead.
Why are you running Anon? There's nowhere to hide from the SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!
This was rather enjoyable. I dare say, old bean, make this happen!
3729117 he said he fixed it, or sarcasm...I'm really bad at this bit I guess sarcasm
(He or she sorry)
Wow, I did not expect that line to poke me in the fetish like it did. I think I'm about to add another to the long list of fetishes I've accumulated. Thanks!
nice story. keep up the good work.
I could not stop laughing. Oh man, this is - oh man this was great. Please write more. You earned a like, a favorite, and a follow. Oh, man my sides
He is so dead right now.
quickmeme.com/img/e2/e2b50268f236dcbcd02241c0391f815aa3cc575e4db5650c42217f504a1dfa15.jpg