We all know what Angel did to Fluttershy before her assertiveness training. However, what we do not know is that things were not as they seemed. What is the truth of what happened that week? This story will show that Angel cares more for Fluttershy than most imagined
Author's Note: I was unable to reconcile Angel's behavior in "Putting your Hoof Down" with what he did before and since. This is my way of explaining his massive out of character actions.
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"I'm sure I can persuade him to do it. He doesn't want poor Fluttershy to be abused any more than I do. Then, after that, I'll have Twilight use her as a guinea pig for her research on nerve endings".
...
Annnd this is where the narrative fell apart. I was following you up until about here, at which point you seemed to forget whether this other bunny was a male or a female, and then proceeded to forget whether Fluttershy was a male or female. And where exactly was Angel traveling from?
621004 Oops, glad you caught that
Fixed now.
He was visiting his family
Soren the owl?
I realize that it is not spelled the same way but...
I think it would be positively entertaining if Sorren was a shapeshifter. Oh, the problems he could create... look out Spitfire.
1. "His work done, Angel hopped over, to his bed for a nap. He passed a copy of Animal Care for Dummies, and thought to himself Maybe after this, Fluttershy will be able to take care of himself."
2. "Soren began fly off to deliver the letter, and Angel relaxed. letting the sun wash over him."
My thoughts:
1. Comma after 'over' isn't necessary. Should be 'herself' right?
2. Missing a 'to'? Extra comma after letter.
Other than that though that was an interesting take.
796037
Thanks for pointing out those errors. They're fixed now
During quotes, the punctuation mark goes before the last qoutation mark. Example: "I told you not to do that!" not "I told you not to do that"!
Also, at the end of Angel's thoughts, "himself" needs to be "herself."
I love your writing style. Gewd story cx
It's a hard life for a soft bunny out there. I liked the idea of Fluttershy having somebunny she could count on to help her through though!
The violence of this piece really turned me off, but you did a great job of making Angel more likable. The idea that ponies can't tell bunnies apart is great, though the explanation that Fluttershy knew it wasn't Angel but called him Angel anyway is a bit weak.
I would strongly suggest reading this out loud to yourself for flow and readability. Sometimes the things we write don't sound like what a bunny might say, and saying it out loud can help us find those things.
Good work!
621004
One mis-gendered pronoun ('she' to refer to Mike) is that bad? I mean, sure, please fix it. No need to panic here.
I like this alternate take on events! This is where headcanon is really fun- not in changing everything in the show, but creating the little details to fill in the gaps that you find-- maybe even gaps that no one else notices.
We are all about finding patterns and fitting existing patterns to fit new discrepancies.
Great work nice to see oc in stories and Angel needs more stories time anyway.
It was plain to see that Angel was hopping mad.
I love that line.
Great story.
That was beautiful! Really lovely!
A very different way to portray what was going on, well done