The Minotaur, the Princess and the Train Tracks

by Beware The Carpenter

5 - Desprate measures

Iron Will clung to the highest branch that would hold him of an enormous oak tree outside of Ponyville, doing a convincing and involuntary imitation of the thousands of trembling leaves around him. The clock tower told him he had been up here for nearly an hour, he should go back down and continue his search for a mare, and he would… just… as soon as he was sure that the mean zebra was gone.

He’d seen her leave Ponyville about fifteen minutes ago and disappear into the Everfree Forest… but what if she came back? A few more minutes wouldn’t hurt and if she did come back Iron Will would be safe up here; she was an earth pony, and earth ponies couldn’t climb trees.

“Iron Will?”

Iron Will swung around in one frantic movement, snapping one of the branches he was holding and holding it out as a makeshift club towards a lugubrious pink mare. Her cutie-mark identified her as being Pinkie Pie, but she couldn’t be; her mane was too straight, she was too still she was too…sad. The mare wiped a tear out of her eye and sniffed slightly, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“This is all my fault.” She sobbed, “Your meanie grump brother came to Sugarcube Corner and I showed him where you were. Now he’s back there with Nort and Branjure who he’s tied up and says he’s going to flay them if you don’t show up soon. I thought he wanted to hold a soufflé party with them; but when I asked Mrs. Cake what flay meant she told me, and then I got all scared and asked Stone Resolve why he wanted to flay Nort and Branjure, and he said what happens to them is up to you. Why don’t you just do what he wants, and then he can go away.”

“Stone Resolve wants me to kill the baby dragon that lives in the library.” Pinkie let out a small gasp, “The only other thing that would make him happy is if I fought him until one of us died.”

Pinkie slowly nodded, tears streaming in her eyes; “But you can’t just let Stone Resolve be a big meanie. Everyone else in Sugarcube corner left because they don’t want to be around him, Mr. and Mrs. Cake are afraid to come out of the kitchen and Pound Cake and Carrot Cake are crying; and Stone Resolve doesn’t… even… care.” Tiny rivers of tears began trickling down Pinkie’s face, “I asked the town guards if they could take him away, but they said that Equestria had a treaty with the minotaurs that allowed them to hunt down renegades in Equestria so long as no ponies got hurt, but really I think they’re just scared of the big mean minotaur.”

Iron Will watched Pinkie Pie weep for a moment, and then dropped his club. He wanted to go over and give her a hug, but remembered how unminotuarly that would be, and then remembered what he was doing before meeting that freakish zebra. “Pinkie” he said softly, “Iron Will has a plan to get rid of Stone Resolve without anyone dying.”

In a flash, the usual poofyness of Pinkie’s mane had returned and her eyes had returned to their usual bright mischief, “You do? Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you-thank-you-thank-you. Why didn’t you just say so before!? Now we can make Stone Resolve happy without anyone getting hurt, and then I can throw a ‘Stone Resolve’s happy without anyone getting hurt party!’ What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?”

Iron Will took a deep breath; convincing Stone Resolve that he was in love with Pinkie would be a stretch, but he was running out of time and options, “Are you any good at acting?”

“Are you kidding? I’m great good at it! Ponies are always telling me ‘Pinkie, you’re acting crazy,’ or ‘Pinkie, you’re acting silly,’ and that’s when I’m not even trying. So I bet once I actually do try I’ll be even better.

It wasn’t the response Iron Will was hoping for, but it would have to do, “Then listen closely; we need to convince my brother that you’re my marefriend, and then fake my death protecting you.”

Pinkie stared at him for a moment, blinked and then dove into a nearby tree hollow. Iron Will looked in the hollow a moment later but she was gone; so much for helping him. Iron Will sighed a moment later and began climbing down the oak tree; zebra or no zebra, Nort and Branjure were depending on him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Iron Will had made it back to the outskirts of Ponyville and was on his way towards the market; there were always mares there this time of day and one of them had to have some sort of basic acting skills, all he needed to do was-

“RUN! RUN!”

“Throw them the lunches!”

“Turn left!”

“TOO LATE!”

The trio of screaming voices came round the corner and into Iron Will’s way as an orange pegasus filly on a scooter beat her wings furiously, pulling a red wagon with two other fillies, barely staying inches ahead of a hoard of bellowing pigs. One of them, an earth pony was holding a stick in her hooves with which she was trying to beat back their attackers; the other, a unicorn was hurdling the contents of three lunchboxes on the ground in front of the pigs, in a vain attempt to coerce them to stop to eat.

Without taking time to plan or think, Iron Will lunged forwards, hoisted the scooter, wagon and fillies over his head to safety, and then roared into the faces of the approaching of pigs. All of them stopped, save for one brutish sow who continued in her headlong attacked and was met with a swift kick to the snout, knocking her backwards. Iron Will lowered his horns, still holding the fillies aloof, and prepared to roar again; but didn’t need to as the pigs were already scampering back the way they had come.

Iron Will watched them go for a moment and then lowered the wagon down to chest level, staring at the three fillies who were huddled together hugging each other. “Oh my gosh!” quipped the orange filly, after staring at him for a moment in terrified shock. “You just like totally saved our lives!”

Iron Will set down the fillies and their transport; “What were you three doing?”

“It was Apple Bloom’s idea!” shouted the unicorn, pointing at the earth pony, “She was the one who thought we should try to be cutie-mark-crusaders-pig-dentists. Please don’t tell anyone!”

“Well thanks Sweetie Bell,” said Apple Bloom, “It’s not like it was any worse than your idea of cutie-mark-crusaders-chicken-barbers.”

“We’ll never get our cutie-marks” sighed the pegasus.

Iron Will grunted; the fillies were muddy and battered, but they’d be fine and he needed make up for lost time. Iron Will began walking away but barely made it three steps before he was apprehended by the fillies, “Hold on a second” protested the Earth Pony, “I’m Apple Bloom, and this here is Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo; you just saved our lives and we haven’t even had a chance to thank you yet!”

“I don’t have time to stop and play; I’m in a hurry.”

“What are you doing? Maybe we could help.” Offered Sweetie Bell.

Iron Will paused for a moment, trying to think of a lie that would make them go away. A lie didn’t come fast enough however and he figured they’d leave him alone if he just told them the truth. “I need to persuade a mare to pretend to be my marefriend, convince my brother that we’re lovers and then fake my death pretending to protect her from something to prevent my brother from killing me and my goats.”

“We can help!” shouted Apple Bloom.

This didn’t sound like a good idea.

“It could help us find our cutie-marks!” cheered Scootaloo.

They were joking; right?

All three fillies huddled together for a moment and then cheered out in unison, raising their hooves skywards; “Cutie-mark-crusaders-fake-marefriend-for-minotaur-to-fake-heroic-death-finders!”

On the other hand, maybe some local help would be useful.

>>> Trains >>>

Author's Note:

What could possibly go wrong?

Comments

[deletingthisaccount]

Not done yet? I liked the bit with the chainsaw nunchucks