Scootaloo finally learns the drastic truth that has her in tears; she will never be able to fly. All of her hopes, desires, and aspirations related to flight dashed without a trace. She figures everything is hopeless. However, what happens when she learns that there is someone who is capable of changing that very fact? Sounds appealing. The possible catch? He doesn't want anything in return. She must now make a decision that could potentially effect the prosperity of her future.
I removed the dark tag because based on the direction that my story is currently headed, I don't think the concept is going to get that dark. Though, I reserve the right to add it back if the story takes me to such a point.
Thanks go to x Silver Tounge x for rewriting my intro and Deep for his insights in helping make the story better, and metallusionismagic and DragonOfDeath for helping edit. More revisions and chapters coming.
a few word placement errors but other than that. pretty darn good actually.
Solid idea, some grammatical mistakes, but overrall...I really like the premise. ^_~
However...I think you could've delved a little more into the psyche instead of BAM throwing us in, but then again, this is fast paced, so do what you want.
More. Nooow
4020949 So I had a number of social obligations that prevented me from doing as much writing as I would have liked this weekend, but the good news is that I am working on chapters 3 and 4 while trying to clean up chapters 1 and 2. So if you can bear with me a little while longer I promise to grant your request. Thanks for reading
4026794 Thanks~ I'll wait then.
favoriting for now and plan on reading it tomorrow if my schedule will allow it
Ahh, nonsensical drama bomb, we meet again.
Sorry I just can't get behind that ending. Why come out and say that? What happened was the BEST possible outcome for her, and yet she goes and does that? Yeah, not buying it. No one would do that. This feels like you did not have a idea on where to go if she didn't do that, and choose to do it despite it making zero sense.
This is really disappointing, because how you handled discord ((both in how the mane 6 stopped him, and how he acted)) was fantastic! Really and truly 10 / 10 with that. Which makes that end so much worse.
I also find it strange that you even felt the need to TAKE this road. You could have had them find out on their own. Scootaloo used the element before she gave it to discord. Couldn't Celestia tell? This would have been more interesting and drama filled then Scootaloo just coming clean. What if she had heard about the mane 6 looking for her after they found out and runs (flies?) away. Convinced they are going to punish her in someway that makes her unable to fly again.
All and all, while I find the ending disappointing. The rest of the story is quite good. My only advice is to use logic in all things. With all that said I feel the need to point something else out.
"I am just a random person that you do not know on this website. My feedback should be counted as basically worthless and my poor spelling and grammar are a testament to that. While I may know what I am talking about. You have zero way of knowing for sure and should not take anything I say to heart. For the most part... you can just ignore me. "
Keep up the good work and stay awesome!
~Lightfox Lowell
4108247 Fair criticism and you made it without resorting to name calling or "your story is bad and you should feel bad", so I feel like it deserves a response.
I toyed with several ideas for how I wanted the mane six to find out Scootaloo helped destroy one of the elements, (so no I never considered the "Scootaloo lives happily ever after with her new wings and no one finds out she did anything wrong" ending). Celestia is kinda of a walking deus ex machina device in that because the scope of her powers is unlcear, writers can always just play the celestia card when they need a plot resolved and that didn't sit well with me. Much like the show I prefer it when the Mane six handle their own problems.
I also considered that Twilight (or pinkie) could piece together what happened. But ultimately this felt better. Scootaloo isn't a criminal mastermind. She's a good kid who made a bad call because she wants to fly so badly. I had her hiding behind a tree stump watching the whole discord encounter because it gave her a chance to witness the consequences of her actions and I assume having seen first hand the destruction she almost wrought made her feel bad and then in an effort to assuage her guilt she decides to come clean.
Anyways that's my take on it. Thanks for reading. If you were wondering there is a chapter 4 and 5 mostly written that deals with the fallout/next steps.
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Thank you! I am guessing that you have ran into a few people that have done just that. My condolences.
You know... that is actually a fair reason.
Hm, okay. Then why not have a bit more build up to the fact? Have her at lest TRY to hide it for a few days and have the guilt slowly break her down. It just seems like the current end was too hasty for the good of the story. Which is the second issue that the first created.(the fist being that someone would not come clean like that.) It just seems that it lacks proper build up to that point.
All that said. I can now see why you made some of your choices. While I still think it could have been handled a bit better; its not as bad in my head as it once was. I will be reading the next chapters as they come out. I expect good things from you.
Keep up the good work and stay awesome!
~Lightfox Lowell
img.pandawhale.com/42048-Dis-gon-b-gud-gif-ngmE.gif
Discord *should* be answerable in some way, though. Being sealed in stone was less a punishment and more an acknowledgement that they didn't think he could change and he had to be stopped. Since reforming, he's proven that he *can* choose to change; therefore he needs to be held accountable for his choices. Else they have to put him back in stone if he really cannot control himself.
Yeah I dont see why Discord is getting no punishment and why so much is being put on a filly Scootaloo. What he did to force her to do his bidding was cruel. She was a flightless pegasus. Can nopony see how tragic that was to her? How she was all alone and desperate? It seems to be that everypony is stupidly ignorant to Discords manipulation.
*Discord is a sapient being. One that has demonstrated both the ability to change and exercise self control. As such, he should be held fully accountable.
*Scootaloo is a child. That brings up all sorts of mitigating factors, especially given that she was being exploited and manipulated by something thats quite possibly older than Equestria.
*Given that Discord has mind bucked all 6 of them and that most of them went down much faster and much more easily, you'd think they'd have a better perspective on what he can do. The fact that an 8 year old filly put up more of a fight than Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rarity speaks volumes.
*Scootaloo probably did Equestria and the Bearers a favor by breaking their Deus ex Rainbow. Maybe now they'll investigate options for national defense other than a very vulnerable weapon and
a bunch of glorified lawn ornamentsthe Royal Guard*Taking a child, that WILL be followed by two other children, into what seems to be an extremely dangerous area? I know Twilight is insane, but wow man.
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I suspect part of the problem is that it's damn near impossible to punish Discord without going all out. You can't give him a slap on the wrist; if he chooses not to care about the disapproval of his friend, then you've got nothing except the Elements.
It's not that Scootaloo doesn't deserve something; she wasn't Discorded, she knew right from wrong, and she knew what she was doing was wrong, and she did it anyway. But yes, she's a kid, and she was being manipulated with her greatest desire. Not many ponies could stand up to that even as adults.
What Discord did to her was hideously cruel, and I'd like to see some acknowledgement that everyone agrees he should be punished for it even if no one can actually think of something they could do that would stick. It would be interesting if Twilight and the Princesses could come up with a way to temporarily strip him of his power or block it -- obviously nothing that would last indefinitely, because they don't have the power to stop him indefinitely, but something that could make him feel what it's like to be unable to do what you most long to be able to do. Maybe give him some insight into what it feels like to be someone like Scootaloo.
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Maybe his punishment could be to force him to feel all the emotions he caused Scootaloo to feel. Or even all the negative, or posative AND negative emotions of everyone around him. I suspect the reason Discord acts to heartlessly is because he can do whatever he wants. There's nothing for him to strive for. Nothing he has to ern that he cant snap his fingers and gain. If one of the princesses disabled his mind control ability and forced him to feel the emotions given of by others, like for example by using changeling magic. Maybe it would give him something to strive for. Namely making others feels good while still being his natural chaotic self.
Even a creature of chaos needs some order in it's life. One cannot exist without the other.
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"Even a creature of chaos needs some order in it's life." Funnily enough, Discord's own chaos is going to end him. A chaotic system that fluctuates between states will eventually, through sheer chance, develop into a stable system.
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I just want to see him actually pay for what he's done. Scootaloo is the victim here but she's being treated solely as the criminal.
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Well. She was Discord's accomplice, which should earn her some degree of punishment. Community service possibly. Safe and Sane Community service. After all Snips & Snails brought a friggin' Ursa into town and ended up with community service and mustaches. Flagrantly endangering the lives of others is, obviously, a misdemeanor in Equestria.
As for Discord.. Tartarus is supposedly where they stick things beyond any form of redemption or other containment. Its feasible that he could be contained there. Or they may now have enough Princess Power to overwhelm him.
And theres always my favorite.. Acquire a branch from the Tree of Harmony and poke him in the eye.
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She wasn't really his accomplice though. She was just a helpless filly with no one to turn to being blackailed by him in the cruelest way imaginable.
OMG WOW! This is a great story!
4283856 Thanks,
moar
4314937 working on it, I've got another story that needs an ending and i've taken on pre-reading duties for a few works, but I promise more is coming.
4339822 Soonish?
4340219 aww not the
face. OK, I'll try super hard to get the next chapter out sometime this week. So before Sunday.
4340401 Thank you!
*Runs over and hugs RaylanKrios* 
Thank yoooooooooooooouuuu!!!!
You're my best friend now!!
I still think it's a little stupid that Scootaloo is being treated as the criminal not the victim. At least now one other pony has admitted they would have fallen into the same trap. One ADULT pony with a strong circle of friends. Unlike a certain orange filly who was all alone.
4353149 Thanks for reading.
I maintain that Scootaloo did a bad thing for selfish reasons. The fact that she is a child is mitigating as is the fact that everypony can understand why she did it, but at the end of the day she helped destroy one of the elements of harmony so that she could keep her wings.
Anyways there's still more to come.
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The problem I have is everyone's coldness towards her. It makes everypony feel out of character. Dash was understandable but the others? Celestia? I cant possibly understand how she would order Scootaloo to go with Twilight to retrive the gem. I feel it would have made for a better plot point if a guilt ridden Scootaloo had requested to come along to make amends.
I saw this in you stories list and thought I'd check it out. My initial reaction for this chapter is that the story shows promise. However, I don't like the idea of Discord flat out telling Scoots that he's not really reformed and is just waiting for a chance to cut loose again. That feels too straightforward for Discord.
I actually like the reactions from the element bearers in this chapter. Fluttershy seemed a bit harsh, for Fluttershy, but it was an initial reaction and probably the closest Fluttershy would actually get to cursing or chewing someone out. I think the other reactions were very much in character from Twilight's stinging disappointment to Rainbow's anger at the decision to ignore her advice more than the actual deed itself.
One thing to note here is that Twilight cannot possibly be so naive as to think that she can take Scoots on a trip and not have the other two crusaders follow. It should be common knowledge by now that the CMC are virtually inseparable.
I like this story so far and hope you continue it.
A couple things on this chapter:
Rainbow Dash IS Scootaloo's sister. We're well past the point in canon when Rainbow agreed to be a surrogate big sister. That's not an agreement one can back out of and Rainbow should know that.
The proper expression is "Hold the Fort." No "down." Holding DOWN the Fort would only make sense if the fort was subject to being carried away somehow if there wasn't anybody physically holding it in place.
4909465 Thanks for reading
Hold down the fort, has become one of those expressions that has evolved from it's origins, because it's commonly phrased as hold down the fort, the new expression becomes valid.
As for continuing this, I will but not until Keeping and Sweetie Belle are finished.
This is actually good I shall conintu to the next chapter
This is a great story and I hope that you get back to it sometime in 2015; I would love to see where this heads to and I hope to see more Discord later on.
Well, if Twilight has even a modicum of intelligence in that brain of hers she'd have the Elements practically under lockdown in anticipation that Discord would have left some loophole in his giveaway and trick/force/just convince Scootaloo into stealing the Elements. Then again, getting wings also might have turned her into a bird brain
Aww, poor Scootaloo. That's what comes with being a little kid, she has a thin skin and doesn't really have the perspective to get past Discord bullying her. I suspect at least a couple of the Element bearers have an idea of what's going on since her delivery was hardly subtle, but in all honesty? Discord's already got an advantage: the fact that Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are keeping their Elements out of town means it would take them time to retrieve them, time which they might not be able to afford if Discord is savvy enough to quickly eliminate them before they can grab the Elements.
After that ending, maybe Applejack and Fluttershy should trade and Scootaloo can become the new Element of Honesty after fessing up.
Well, Rarity's story was profound. I see the relationship between her and Scootaloo got recycled for your later momma Rarity story.
Also, Ponyville's security sucks. What the heck, did Pinkie Pie decide to just go blab to absolutely everybody right after the initial scene about Scootaloo? Mildly surprised Twilight didn't take the initiative to use her own title to issue her own decree, but I guess it's early days enough that she still defers everything to Princess Celestia.
Oh yeah, it only took Celestia deferring back to Twilight to actually make her do it herself (and in the process realise just how hard a decision it can be). I dunno, I feel like somepony, anypony, should be calling out how screwy the situation is as a whole that apparently with magic you can make a new MacGuffin from a rare gem but you can't fix someone's wings (unless your name is Discord). Or maybe Celestia was in fact able to do that but Twilight didn't know about it, in which case the whole sorry situation could have been averted.
Also, Twilight's really bringing her B-Game. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom stick together with Scoots even after what she did, and she thinks forbidding them from tagging along to the Wild Lands will actually stop them?!
Well, when you continue this again in however many months or years, take a look at doing some editing work on your current chapters. There's a big-ass wall of text in the middle of the story here where the speaker changes like 3 or 4 times all within the same paragraph.
7048045 I feel like that level of commenting deserves a response.
Yes, this needs a good editing/ polishing if/when I come back to it that'll be the first thing I do. In all honestly I'd like to give this fic up for adoption thought, I put it out there once and had no takers but that was a while ago.
I don't know if I recycled the Rarity/Scoots thing as much as it's just that I liked Rarity, if I rewrite this Applejack might more sense cept then I'd have to come up with a new story.....
Thanks for reading.
7049109 Hope you finish this.
7608825 I have so 2 other stories I need to finish first, and I've been unable to write for the past few months, though there are signs I might be breaking through, so I can't promise to finish this, but not count it out yet.
oh boy...