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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Thanks for the amazing people (and ponies) who liked Business is Business! Looking like a sequel will be the next step!
Oh, a sequel sounds interesting :)![:applejackunsure:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackunsure.png)
Also, I had a great, non-serious idea for it, but I decided against writing it here, since it contained gore and I thought it wouldn't really be appreciated.
>comments section has three deleted comments, one of which is by parasprite who isn't that hard to please
Oh, this will be interesting.
And it wasn't. It was a rushed mess of fic that didn't spend long enough on anything and couldn't be bothered to show, not tell. I am assuming those were negative comments you deleted. I know that most of those boys you have silenced are hardly mean guys, and their criticism more often than not is meant to be constructive.
Your grammar is weak, your word choice is pitiful, and you just really rush through everything. Even the sex- while I appreciate that you didn't default to sixty-nine like every other "lesbian" clopfic, I could hardly keep up with the rapid pace of the walls of telly text.
You need to slow down, to describe, to characterize. You need competent editors, not folk who can't write worth a damn themselves and have no knowledge of the common comma. You're just starting, but even then, you can do better than this if you just try and practice.
There's nothing for it but to learn and keep writing. Deleting comments for disliking your fic is hardly a way to learn.
4222200 actually i only deleted one with the word "wall" on it, which made no sense. the other was my comment. the third i didn't delete
4222201 nothing i deleted was negative at all and i do understand your criticism. thank you for that...
4222281 Sorry, I made a poor assumption.
And now I have to delete one of my comments due to double post :P
4222317 It's okay! We all make bad calls! And I'm really sorry that you couldn't enjoy my story as much as some other people. My usual editors do not edit clopfics so i was kind of going with only one of my usual three editors. I do plan to write a sequel. Maybe you'll enjoy that...
![:scootangel:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/scootangel.png)
Not, what, i, was, expecting. Nt dure if good or bad thing
Now, I'd like to share my honest oppinion.
This felt very rushed, once it got to the clop.
It would have been nice to see more backstory for Midnight. This helps not only flesh out your charecters, but to also elongate your story.
The "clop" felt unbelievably rushed. While you don't need to put in every moan and blush, it will flush out your stories heavilly.
Your word choice was generic and, while not repetative, if fully fleshed out, the scene would have been mind numbingly bland.
Finally, don't be afraid to slow down. For a clopfic, the sex should be the pivital part. Don't be afraid to explain, in detail, whats happening.
For your sequel, I do hope you follow my advice. I know the pains of having your work trampled on, but you can learn quite a lot
I gave you a fav because I didn't believe I'd get to this so soon, and it caught my eye because we don't get enough Colgate.
Thumbed for support.
4240899 I know that it was rushed, and i have a few personal issues to blame for that
. Thanks for your criticism, as it is greatly appreciated. The sequel will more back stories and will be multiple chapters. I'm very sorry, but thank you for the like/fav!
4220257 will we see what the future will bring for Colgate and Midnight Charm or what happened to Midnight Charm in past?
4686997 The sequel has sadly been postponed, as i have little time for it now. But it will be the future for the two.
Hymens don't work the way you think they do. They aren't some sort of barrier in the vagina, instead they are part of the lining of the vagina. Virginity can be taken without piercing the hymen. It can be broken, if not careful, but they can actually grow back.
Minuette really be cute.