Rapture

I open my eyes at exactly 6:23 AM, as I have for over a thousand years. Some ponies believe that it is because of some cosmic balance to which I am mysteriously attuned. It's nothing quite so complicated - it is simply a thousand years of habit. I doubt at this point I could sleep in even if that luxury were afforded to me.

I roll over, and rise out of my bed. My reflection in the ornate mirror on the opposite wall regards me with dishevelment and disdain. The spell that sets my mane and tail flowing in a non-existent breeze takes but a moment, and I instantly feel more alert. I wash the debris of sleep out of my face and freshen myself before turning to my regalia. I wrap them in the golden glow of my magic, and exhale before the familiar weight of my crown and peytral settle on me. The weight is both a comfort and a burden - a reminder of who I am and all that I represent. Sometimes the burden outweighs the comfort, but not today. I slip on my shoes, and leave my room.

It is a short walk to my destination. I trot along the arcade, the gentle glow of the moon illuminating the marble beneath my hooves. The gardens below me are quiet and still.

Luna is waiting for me. Even now, months after her return, it is a pleasant jolt to see her. The knowledge that she is here, that my sister is no longer imprisoned, that I am no longer alone - I doubt I will get used to that happiness for a very long time. I hope I never do. She turns to me and smiles in greeting, tilting her head questioningly towards the balcony.

"Shall we, sister?"

I smile back. "After you, Luna."

We make our way out to the balcony. Below us, Canterlot is slowly waking. Merchants are setting up their stalls, business ponies are trotting briskly to work, and the night life of the city is slinking back home to rest until the night comes again. Beyond the city, the rest of Equestria stretches out to the horizon. It is beautiful, but nothing I have not seen before.

I shift my gaze over to my sister. She raises her head, and her horn is wreathed in an unearthly light. Slowly, carefully, the moon begins its slow descent to towards the horizon. It leaves me, as it always does, in awe.

Luna has always been stronger than me. Even when we were young, I could never best her in a fight. She was the bold one, the brave one, the warrior and the leader. She never backed down from anything or anyone, and although her hot-headedness often got her into trouble, it gained her the respect of many. Why she thought she would need the power of the Nightmare to defeat me...

After I lost her, it was weeks before I lowered the moon. Some ponies thought that I left it in the sky as a symbol of my grief, of the pain I felt at banishing my own sister. Others believed it to be a warning, a threat of retribution against her remaining supporters, or any others who dared to challenge my sovereignty. In truth, I simply could not move it - I did not have the strength. I still marvel at how she can so effortlessly command it, bend it to her will. Even with a thousand years of practice, I could never move it as she did.

I was the quieter sister, the reserved one, the weaker one. Whereas my sister was always an active pony, I found solace in the more scholarly pursuits. I was quite similar to my beloved student in that sense - I craved knowledge, and nothing brought me greater joy than to curl up with an ancient tome or treatise. We complemented each other. Luna was a leader, tackling problems head on, and I was a mediator, the diplomat and the thinker, the pragmatism to her idealism. Some ponies have called me a chessmaster, and it is not without merit. I have never been able to lead from the front - I play the long game because it is the only one I can win. I have never had her strength.

The first time I tried to raise the Sun, I nearly died.

It was almost predictable, in hindsight. My younger, stronger sister could barely raise the moon, and the Sun was so much larger - I was never going to be able to move it. Of course, I had no idea quite how large the Sun was - no one did, save possibly Discord - and even if I had, it would have been difficult to grasp that something could ever be so massive.

I remember reaching out with my magic for the horizon, and yet finding nothing. Frustrated, I stretched further and further, desperately trying to grasp something. And then I did.

It dwarfed my consciousness, crushing me with Its sheer presence. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak - I could only feel the overwhelming sensation of the Sun, surrounding me and suffocating me, an unfathomably massive body of light and heat and power and fire. And It was alive.

There was no malice in It - It was just so much bigger than me that I couldn't even be near It without being crushed. Had it not been for my sister's quick thinking as I lay screaming and writhing in agony on the ground, I doubt I would have survived the encounter. Hitting the horn of a spellcasting unicorn, or alicorn, is usually crippling, but in this case it saved my life.

The moon has almost set now. It is nearly time.

It took me weeks to recover. It was nearly four days before I could walk again, and even then I could not do it without support. So naturally, when I announced that I would try it again, my sister was adamantly against it. We argued for three days - she said it was too dangerous. I said that we didn't have a choice. Eventually, time chose for us. The crops had started to wilt despite the best efforts of the farmers, the constant tending of the weather pegasi, and the magical assistance provided by the nation's most prominent unicorns.

I was terrified. My legs shook and I felt like I would throw up at any second. But I didn't have a choice. I reached out, and I touched It.

The presence was just as unbearable as it had been the first time. It engulfed me, threatening to swallow me whole, pressing down at my very soul. I struggled with all my might, tried to summon the tiniest trickle of magic, to push It off, to fight It, to survive, but it was in vain. I could not best It.

And then I realised I didn't have to. I let It in.

Luna tells me that a blinding light burst from my form, that everyone averted their eyes because looking at me was like looking at the Sun itself. That she has never seen anything to match the power that rolled off me in waves as the Sun finally rose.

I remember none of it. All I remember is being a part of It - of becoming one with a cosmic presence, a being that I could never hope to understand or control. Of fire burning, flowing through my body, my heart, of ancient energies in my veins, of my mind filled with nothing but light and heat and sound. I was a conduit, a channel for the sheer raw power of the Sun.

It was the most glorious experience of my life.

Luna is looking over at me - the moon has set. It is time.

I raise my eyes to the horizon and reach out as I have done for countless years for the presence that I know lingers just beyond it. I connect, and am instantly lost. I am the Avatar of the Sun, filled with its burning, rapturous fire, a joy unlike any other.

The Sun rises, and I am made new.

Author's Note:

So this is a rather special moment for me. Not only is this my first published piece of ponyfic, it is (with the exception of two exceptionally bad angsty songfics from when I was about 13) also the first complete piece of creative writing that I have ever made. I love reading, I always have, but I have never translated it into any sort of writing whatsoever. In fact, I used to hate the activity with a burning passion, finding a pen far too slow to convey the thoughts in my head - I would dream up epic adventures in my mind instead, never sharing them with anyone. But as I have grown older, I have grown more enamoured with the idea of writing my own stories, and MLP has been by far the largest source of ideas.

So here is a test. It is not in what I would consider my 'usual' style - I don't tend to write in first person, and unlike most of my story ideas this is not inspired by a song (although I did find one I felt fit, after the fact). It is short, and it was written pretty quickly. All I want to know is if my writing has any merit. What have I done right, what have I done wrong, how can I improve this/improve as a writer, etc. Any comments, and any feedback, would be hugely appreciated.

I likely won't be writing much of anything else, as I said in my previous blog post, until after my exams in November. The only reason this exists is a burst of inspiration at a time when I happened to be mostly free of things to do.

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Comments ( 63 )

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goaway

goaway #1 · Sep 17th, 2014 · 7 · ·

I can safely say that, yes, your writing does have merit. This is a lovely story, and you beautifully captured Celestia's character. I'm always interested in how different authors play out the Princess' backstory (was Celestia always there raising the sun, etc?) and this is one of the more unique ones I've read.

Unbridled Dolly

Unbridled Dolly #2 · Sep 17th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Huh... lovely take on her first raising of the Sun. I don't think I've ever seen it done this way, and I know I definitely didn't. I really loved your descriptions of Luna and Celestia... it even sort of explained Celestia's inactivity during crises like the return of Nightmare Moon, Discord, and the return of the Crystal Empire.

All in all, a wonderful story. Very descriptive, captivating, and with a remarkably small amount of grammatical errors-- actually, I didn't find any.

Cocaine

Cocaine #3 · Sep 17th, 2014 · · ·

I see lot's of potential. I realize this is your first and you're stepping into new grounds by writing. You are a long ass-time lurker.

I thought you captured this idea of Celestia very well. there were three total grammar issues, but grammar is never important. I mean, your use of adjectives and metaphors are all great. Very intelligent story here.

I liked that little transition you did every now and then. While Celestia thought, it would temporarily go back to, "Oh yeah. Moon's going down. anyways," Cause...well...It's just simple and to the point.

I did not like that Celestia made a big point that Luna was so much stronger, yet she gave no examples of how. Maybe Celestia is just saying that, but in reality, they're equal? I'm not sure, but my point is. In Celestia's eyes, there must have been some event that happened where Luna was immediately designated as more powerful than her sister. That whole, "Almost dying" scene doesn't do it for me because, well...Luna didn't showcase power.

Other than that? Yeah. Just...yeah. I'll follow you and I'm eager to read more of your work! Hopefully you're able to slide in some sneaky stories before exams ....

gcwg57

gcwg57 #4 · Sep 17th, 2014 · · ·

No genre tag?

One Winged Sin

One Winged Sin #5 · Sep 18th, 2014 · · ·

We come cut from the same cloth, Prime. Someday, when I've lurked, thumbed, and fave'd as many stories as you, I too desire to take the plunge and compose ideas into words into a publication.

I really enjoyed your maiden piece. Simple and elegant. I too wanted to know more about Luna in big, reserved sister's eyes. Pretty deep too; a well written origin story by an author with lots on their mind.
Until the next one, MP.
ps. Nice title.

Seratina

Seratina #6 · Sep 18th, 2014 · · ·

Very fresh views on Celestia and Luna, one of the few where Celestia is acknowledged to be weaker than Celestia. I think that your writing has potential, and is, in fact, better written and far more engaging than most fictions on this site. I look forward to whenever you decide to put forth new works.

Super Trampoline