Oh, Rainbow loved the old days, when it was just her a Scootaloo, she was now the highest ranking wonderbolt and Scootaloo had already gotten into the academy. She couldn't wait to see her again. But, Scootaloo seems to have taken a turn for the worst. She'll never forget that squirt.
(A special thanks to Follow Focus, who has been reading and reviewing my stories. He has given lots of great advice that has helped me become a better writer and has helped me learn the elements of a good story)
Chapters (5)
Aw
No! The mane six are gone? And applebloom is missing?? Waa! :(
Also great story loved it : D
This is fairly well written, good storyline, but you could use an editor (ya missed a few commas and made some typos).
Overall, going great so far! Onward to chapter 2!
Well, that was pretty interesting. Here's my feedback.
~Goods:
Great storyline
Nicely written
~Improvements:
Maybe slow down the pace, lots of things were happening very quickly, maybe add some more description of the scene(s)
Go back through and look at your work. There were lots of typos and missed commas.
But regardless, I enjoyed your story very much! Write on!
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Thank you so much! It's nice to have positive feedback. :) oh and the whole grammar thing, yeah... I'm working on it. XD
Concept: fine, execution: lacking. Way to fast with very little context left me wondering what was going on.
Interesting story, but it feels like it needs some kind of sequel.
Please I feel the need for comfort some kind of alternate ending or something. Most stories like this end with Scootaloo's death having minimal effect on the rest of town but this. This is different. This is cruel.
Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
THE PAIN AND MISERY AH!
goddamn it, the misery and pain and suffering!