Just a brony with a love for writing :D
Jorge-052 gave everything for his species, his planet, and his squad. Or at least, he thought he did. He did not expect to survive the destruction of the super carrier. And he certainly did not expect to be dumped into a world of colorful talking ponies. The battle-hardened, bred-to-kill super soldier may find himself a little bit out of his comfort zone.
Special thanks to Jack Kellar and Arxsys for helping me make my story as good as I can possibly get it. Appreciate it you guys 
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like
5616136
Thank you :)
Dude, this is bucking gold. Keep up the good work!
5617059
Thanks, man. Means a lot to hear that
Certainly better than some of the other Halo fics on this site. Keep it up, please!
Hell Yeah! Jorge is my fave character in Reach, he's just so... stoic and selfless. U just got a new fangirl!
Hurray! Contact made with a new (and potentially dangerous) species (highly revolved around war)!
need more!!!!!!!!!
Don't mess with Spartan. You can't never win...Also Human are immu magic.
I completely felt heartbroken when you stopped there. Please, Write more if you can. But don't rush; we don't want you to ruin the perfection of how this story is going.
Keep it up! I feel this is going to be a great story. (In terms of both lore, and writing skills!
)
Please have Skirmishers, please have Skirmishers, please have Skirmishers, please have Skirmishers, please have Skirmishers, please have Skirmishers, please have BOB, please have Skirmishers.
Ha! Just saw that I have 117 views. Heh...Halo jokes. But anyway, thanks for everyone's support, I'll try to keep this up for your sakes. Please enjoy!
5617843
What is BOB?
5616573 More please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"We'll be ready for whatever's up there, your Highness."
Poor bastard doesn't know how wrong he is
5618249 BOBs are the time-limited gold Rangers in each mission.
5620364
Gold Rangers? Never heard of them.
http://halo.wikia.com/wiki/B.O.B.
5620639 And before that, the Marathon games had Bobs. I loved the ones that run around screaming 'kill me' before they blow themselves up. Ah, 1993...
mobygames.com/images/shots/l/173809-marathon-2-durandal-windows-screenshot-fighting-alongside.jpg
So far, it seems like a worthy successor to MIA. On to the next chapter!
You're cutting off the paragraphs incorrectly. You do it when you have a change in perspective, not necessarily when there's the start of a spoken line. For example:
This is how you wrote it. (EDIT: Colored the perspectives in alternating red and green, to show how glaringly they're split apart among the paragraphs.)
And this is how you separate them correctly:
See the difference? How the perspectives are all grouped together in their respective paragraphs?
One other thing is that you're putting in the wrong punctuation marks at the end of certain spoken lines. here's one good example:
When you close off a spoken line and add right after it a narration of how said line was spoken, you never capitalize the word unless it's a proper noun, such as a character's name. And if you're not closing it off with anything that isn't an exclamation or question mark, you use a comma instead of a period.
Like this:
To note, you did it perfectly, right over here:
5621253 Thank you very much. I'll fix these ASAP. I couldn't get a pre-reader before it was published, so its good to have someone help me out with these things.
5618249
Well, short version is that he's a golden Ranger rank Elite. Basically an easter egg into the game system. You can find him in various places and in all missions except (I think) New Alexandria (Even then, there's a Banshee BOBs, who never really fire at you, but only continuously boost)
5621253 Better?
5621928 Sure is. Now apply that to the last part where Thunder Bolt and his squad member talk, and when Jorge addresses them. I trust you can find out and correct these instances yourself after the demonstration?
5621974 I'll do my damnedest.
Not a bad chapter. Honestly, change up your word choice though. You use 'he' almost 600 times in this one chapter. 'The' followed with over 300 uses. It gets repetitive to be honest. On that note, more descriptions and less telling what is going on. What does the forest look like, is it tropical forest or... etc.
As a whole though, not bad.
5624146 Thanks for the advice. Pulling it down for now. Editing time.
5624148 That wasn't what I was aiming for, but good luck
Honestly, you've got this. Your story is one of the better Halo ones, and I hope you continue it. Jorge was a great character in Reach.
Just trying to help.
5624153 Its all good. I appreciate the help. I'm aiming for EQD material here, so it has to be the best I can possibly make it. If it makes it more enjoyable for my readers, then its worth the time and effort. Even if I go through and edit out a ton of "he's", only to hit the back button without saving it and have to do it all over again. Lol. But seriously, thank you for the encouragement.
5624170
Right there. Willingness to accept criticism and advice on your writing will get you far. That said, don't let people's comments change your writing style. Keep it up and you'll do awesome.
(not criticism below, just how I usually explain the detail bit)
For descriptions, paint a picture, not just saying what is going on. Take the Mona Lisa for example. Would you be more interested if I said that it is a painting of a smiling woman, or went into the colors, the faint brush patterns left on the canvas, etc? Paint the scene.
Example:
Step by step, Jorge pushed himself through the steadily darkening forest. The dying light casting golden shadows between the branches as he worked uphill toward the smoldering wreckage...
Aw, ya pulled it down. Ah well, looking forward to the final version.
5624184 Oh boy. I'll try and up my game in the description department, but I'm not THAT good, that's for sure. But yes, I understand I'm not the best writer, so I am willing to accept that others may know better and might have good advice. Its the only way to grow, and I'd really like to make a career out of writing. So thank you for your help
5624219 Anytime
If you ever have a question, feel free to shoot me a message.
The only way to get better at writing is to do it. Reading some of the top rated stuff on here is a great start too. Don't copy them, but see how everything flows together. The balance between detail and vagueness that some people pull of crazily well, how the OC interacts with the world and the world interacts with them.
/takes off writers monk's robe.
Anyhow, I'll shut up lol you get my point. Sometimes I just get a little winded in explaining.
Seems good so far, will follow it as it progresses.
5624212
Chapter three is back up, slightly improved.
Wasn't Jeorge orange?
5625772 His chest plate is orange, but the rest is green/olive drab.
5625932 I can't believe I never notice that before. That makes me happy that the Mark II are all still olive green.
I noticed in the prior chapter that the wreck is described as two chunks of spaceship fallen of the mountains.
Did I read that wrong? Wouldn't the bow and stern have stayed at Reach with the middle part teleporting to Equss?
5631156 Can you provide the appropriate quotes, please?
5631457
Upon further inspection, I actually did read it wrong. You're good.
This is fantastic, probably the best Halo crossover fix I've read in a LONG time.
5640053
Well, I'm certainly trying.
Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy it.
5640785 More please!
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That was really good, i look forward to reading more of this.
ATTENTION ALL ARTISTS: Looking for a new, custom picture to use for this fic. If anyone is interested, please PM me.
you got featured, congratulations!
Welcome to the land of horse words! Hope you enjoy writing them as much as we do reading 'em!