• Published 20th Sep 2014
  • 4,246 Views, 53 Comments

(sic) - Flying Fantasy Horse



Rarity has something wrong with her. Sweetie Belle doesn't think she is. After all, what could be wrong about her sister?

  • ...
10
 53
 4,246

(sic)

Something is wrong with Rarity.

I can't really put my hoof on it. Rarity is always perfect and never makes mistakes. Her mane is always curly and shining, even if it's in a dark room. It's weird, because she has always had some bad days where she is exceptionally angry. But the difference was that she would get over it after a day.

She hasn't gotten over it yet.

I try my best to make her feel better. Not that she wants to hear it anyways, but I try anyways. Maybe she'll notice sometime and then I can help her with her problem. She's always too busy anyways for me to help her, tending to the dresses and working on selling them. I can see why she is disappointed, because lately nopony has wanted to come to the boutique.

I always tell her to make some friends or get away from work for a while, but she won't listen to me. She always to tell me to be quiet. Without thinking, I listen to her and shut my trap. I always stay in my room and play with the things that I have. I don't have any friends myself, but that's okay. Sometimes I make up my own friends and we have fun together. We play games and we get to know each other. Rarity doesn't like my friends; she tells me that they are bad.

I don't see how they can be bad. I mean, what's so bad about imaginary friends? But I don't try to let that discourage me. I call my friends Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. One is an apple bucker. Another likes to fly, even though she hasn't learned yet. None of us have our cutie marks yet, but we try to get them the best we can. Even though they're imaginary, I enjoy the adventures we have and sometimes we get in trouble with Rarity.

Sometimes they don't come to my house, so I just take naps. I don't really have anything in my room, or any toys for that matter. I get bored a lot at times, so there is nothing else than just to sleep. Then I wake up and Rarity gives me my dinner. She doesn't let me eat at the table, so I eat in my room. Her cooking is actually really good. Even if she gives me soup a lot of the time, I still like it. I never get sick of it.

Sometimes Rarity takes me outside for a walk in the park. I like the park because it's refreshing to see clear blue skies rather than my room all the time. I always ask Rarity if I can play with the other fillies, but she always say no. She tells me that I can play with myself in the sand box. I like to make sand castles with my toy bucket and shovel. The bucket and shovel is the only real toys that I actually own. Well, not really. Rarity takes them away after we come back from the park.

That's basically how it goes in my life. I don't go to school; Rarity teaches me at home. Sometimes she gets mad at me when I get answers wrong. One time, I didn't know how to multiply an equation once. She got huffy and told me that I was dumb. I don't think I'm dumb; I just need to learn, that's all. She doesn't want to hear it. She hit me in the head and left me in my room again.

Rarity gets mad at me sometimes. I try my best to be perfect, just like her. Sometimes, she would lead me to my room and hurl insults at me. I understood everything she told me. I know I'm not smart, or beautiful. Then she would leave me in my room until she gave me my next meal. The food helps me feel better about myself. Besides, I'll eat anything that Rarity gives me!

One time, Rarity came into my room when all my friends were there. She asked what was all the ruckus. I told her that my friends and I were playing a game of tag. I could tell that Rarity was about to get mad at me. Her brow furrowed and slowly walked towards. My friends stood aside as I was cornered. She raised her hoof and struck me in the face.

Then she struck me again.

Then again.

Then again.

Then again.

Then again.

She kept hitting me until my mouth was bleeding. My friends stood there, staring at me.

I don't cry, though. I know that whatever Rarity says is right and I don't need to question it, even if it doesn't make sense at first. She wouldn't do something if it didn't make sense, right? Usually after that, I go back to bed and take another nap. Sometimes I don't have a bed to sleep on because Rarity takes it away when she gets mad at me. I get it back the day after, so it's alright. I'll even miss meals after that.

Then I noticed that there was something wrong with Rarity. She started hitting me more and more, even if I did nothing wrong that day. This started to become a daily thing. Then she brought something called a whip, and started hitting me with that. It hurt me much more than her hooves, and it gave me cuts. She was always angry all the time, and she kept the bed away and stopped giving me meals all together.

One day, something bad happened. I could hear other ponies coming into the boutique, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Rarity was yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, saying that she didn't do anything. I didn't understand what was going on. Then, the door to my room opened. Except it wasn't Rarity. Instead, it was this tough looking pony in a uniform. I saw him once during a walk in the park. He wore blue and had a small black baseball bat thing in his belt.

He asked me if I was alright. I said I was and asked him what was going. He told me that I was safe and we would be going somewhere else. I asked what was going on with Rarity. He didn't answer and grabbed me. I yelled, demanding my sister. She took me out my room and I took a glimpse of Rarity. She was fighting the ponies in uniform. She was on the table and she was being chained up. I yelled and screamed, trying to save my sister.

I was sent somewhere else and the uniformed ponies asked me questions. They told me something about my sister being abusive or something. I don't know what that word means. They told me that Rarity was going somewhere where bad ponies go. I told them that Rarity wasn't a bad pony; she was the nicest pony that I have ever met. They just shook their heads.

Now I'm in a new home with other fillies. We share the same room and it was much better then my room. It is much more brighter and it had a lot of stuff. Also, it wasn't solid concrete and spider webs. It was actual wood, and I had a much better bed.

I still wish Rarity wasn't taken away. Even though I have nicer things now, Rarity was the best sister I ever had.

Comments ( 53 )

A pretty good dark story, and only one grammatical error. It's hasn't, not hasen't.

5028243 Yw, and WOW that was quick.

5028248 Don't worry, me neither. The little I DO have is getting sucked up by a story I'm working on called Closed Cases.

I don't really know what to expect from it, but I plan on doing a one shot like this sometime in the future. I mean, it's not a problem going insane to do it for me.

Powerful story, dude. It's especially chilling because this is something that probably happens in the real world every day. I also admire how the language sounded like it was actually coming out of a kid's mouth.

The ending was also satisfying. I am eager to see you write more in the future.

5028274

This story was slightly inspired by both the Ray Rice thing and a plot point in Eugene and Dominick.

5028258 It was actually really good, I just don´t read much of this genre. :twilightblush:

5028279 I actually haven't seen Dominick and Eugene, but I am familiar with the Ray Rice incident. Abusive people need to be locked away for years to see how it feels.

5028299

Ah. You should give the movie a try. I was almost in tears after it.

I just realized it was Adrian Peterson that did that to his kids, not Ray Rice. But both deserve the same level of hate.

Agreed.

And yeah I'll have to see the movie. My focus in school is actually film so I need to familiarize myself with good movies.

5028292 You should read more, it's probably the genre that creates some of the best stories on the site. Along with some of the worst...

This story, had a nice, um, plot?

Totally not referring to the cover image. Okay, okay, I am.

However, this was actually an accurate view of an abusive relationship, and so deliberately dark and sad, like it promised! You made me cry!! :fluttercry: Good job, good job.

Good written story. I couldn't say anything better. I would gladly view more of your works. :heart:

This was so dark I had to use nightvision goggles to read, well done

Good story, hit me like a piano falling from the sky.

This was so dark, thai I didn't saw how it was going to end. :pinkiegasp:
Good.

aww yeah, i have nerves of steel! I didn't cry!:trixieshiftright: no, seriously, this fanfic is great!:pinkiehappy: well done:yay:

That was a really good story. I didn't quite see that coming at all! I thought it would go toward another tangent, but I'm glad that Sweetie Bell was able to be taken away. Yay for Stockholm's Syndrome :(

5030900

You! The dude who wrote the story about the notes and the death guys and shit.

5030922
Oh, right. That guy.
And there's you, the one who wrote that sad AU in which Rarity was abusive to Sweetie Belle. Good times.

Woah...hardcore...and from Sweetie's perspective no less. Bold work, and pretty potent too!

5030337 Exactly what i was thinking, though the stolkholm syndrome always makes me think of pokemon...for obvuios reasons:twistnerd::unsuresweetie::yay::trollestia::moustache::facehoof::eeyup::duck::twilightsmile::twilightsheepish::twilightoops::twilightangry2::twilightblush::trixieshiftright::trixieshiftleft::scootangel::rainbowhuh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowkiss::rainbowwild::raritycry::raritydespair::raritystarry::raritywink::rainbowdetermined2::rainbowderp::pinkiesmile::pinkiesick::pinkiesad2::pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp::pinkiecrazy::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::flutterrage::flutterrage::fluttershbad::fluttershyouch::fluttershysad::heart::derpyderp1::coolphoto::applejackunsure::applejackconfused::applecry::ajsmug::ajsleepy::ajbemused:

Short but interesting. :twilightsmile:

Very interesting dark story about abuse. Too bad this story is a one shot, I see quite some potential for the story. :twilightsmile:

5034909

I am thinking of expanding the concept. Maybe not quite a sequel, but perhaps a prequel.

5035190 That would be cool! I'll be following you. :twilightsmile: (Also, \m/ :scootangel:)

5031018 We told you you are recognisable :pinkiehappy:

What does sic mean? Seriously i don't know what that means.

5038188

From Wiki:

The Latin adverb sic ("thus"; in full: sic erat scriptum, "thus was it written") inserted immediately after a quoted word or passage, indicates that the quoted matter has been transcribed exactly as found in the source text, complete with any erroneous or archaic spelling, surprising assertion, faulty reasoning, or other matter that might otherwise be taken as an error of transcription.

The notation's usual purpose is to inform the reader that any errors or apparent errors in quoted material do not arise from errors in the course of the transcription, but are intentionally reproduced, exactly as they appear in the source text. It is generally placed inside square brackets, to signal that it is not part of the quoted matter; and is traditionally printed in italics, as is customary with foreign words.

Sic may also be used derisively, to call attention to the original writer's spelling mistakes or erroneous logic.

It's likely the last meaning that the author's using.

5039729 It's what you put in a quote when there's an error that's actually part of the quote.
For example: "They is (sic) a bunch of retards." -Jackson Fucking Kentucky

This is cool. And creepy. Poor Sweetie... :pinkiesad2:

The big issue I have with this story is that the fact it's Rarity and Sweetie Belle involved in this story is basically completely irrelevant. Their actual characters play no real role in this story. You could just as easily replace them with any other two random characters, or even just a couple of OCs, and it'd work just as well.

5099420

Thanks for that piece of criticism. I agree that they do seem like cardboard cut-outs. The one thing I did try for was to make Sweetie Belle innocent enough, that way her character would make sense. But I guess I didn't try too hard with Rarity.

Have you read the prequel? I tried to expand on Rarity's character so there would at least be a motive.

Wow I hope Rarity gets help for her anger problem and what happened to her and learns what she was doing is wrong. I also hope Sweetie Bell is alright and gets help also and makes some good friends.

what was going.

what was going on.

Ah so it's a darker universe where those little adventures where all in their heads.

The ponies in uniforms must be FPS (Foal Protection Services) or to be more clear their the ponified version of ACS (They are a children protection agency)

Login or register to comment