Lyra's gift and Bon-Bon's curse.

by Fillyfooler

That's Pinkie

That's Pinkie
By Fillyfooler
Characters and places in this story belong to Hasbro and its respective parties.

Lyra woke with a start. There had been a dream, it had been terrifying. Her screaming, Bon-Bon crying and blood, lots of blood, everywhere. Lyra shrived as she rose from hardwood floor, feeling and hearing her back pop and crack from laying on the hardwood floor. 'But everything's going to be alright, it has to be, it can't ever be not right. Not ever again.' Lyra thought to herself, thinking as she looked down at Bon-Bon. 'She's so beautiful, how in Equestria did I get to be with her?'.

It was Lyra's smiling face that Bon-Bon awoke.
“Hello honey” Bon-Bon chirped from the floor,
“Hey darling, need some help?” Lyra smiled while extending a hoof
“Ahh always the gentlemare, so did the spell work?” Bon-Bon asked in anticipation as she found herself standing.
“I think so, all the items have disappeared and theres a ring of charred floor, so yeah I'd say it worked.”
“Yes, Yes, Yes....” Bon-Bon said as she started to hop in a small circle, before turning into Lyra and tackling her to the ground. As she held down Lyra, she looked deep into her eyes before bring her muzzle down to kiss.
Their kiss was slow and deep, a kiss of old flames still alive and wishing to prove it. It was true, the spell had worked. 'How could it not have' Lyra thought as she continued to kiss her wife, each kiss going lower and lower down her beloved's body.

-Some Time Later-

“Ahh, this is the life,” Lyra sighed while spreading out on the floor she shared with Bon-Bon.
“Yes, yes it is,” Bon-Bon said fondly while looking down at her belly as if she could already see the bump that would come to be. “I wonder, will it be a filly or a colt?”
“Well as far as all the other examples of this spell working show, it’s always a filly. But maybe we'll be the exception,” Lyra explained to her wife.
“Oh I do wish it's a filly,” Bon-Bon stated with a certain shine to her eyes.
“Why? Can you imagine what sort of teasing she would get at school. I'm hoping for a colt, a little ruff and tumble boy I can shoot the breeze with.”
“Always the tomcolt, eh Lyra?” Bon-Bon replied to Lyra's wistful dreaming.
“You know it, filly-doll,” Lyra jokingly said.
“Hey! I thought we agreed to not use that name?” A look of irritation coming to Bon-bon face at Lyra's use of language.
“Aww, you know I didn't mean it. Bonnie?”
“I know, I know but it just annoys me.”
“Ok, ok. But you know I love you, right?” Lyra asked her wife, turning on her best puppy dog look.
“Yeah, and soon there’s going to be so much more of me to love. I hope you can hoof it,” Bon-Bon suggestively finished.
“Oh, I think I may be able to hoof it better than ever before, my dear Bonnie,” Lyra boasted while slowly moving closer to her wife's place.
“Oh really, I might have to see this for my self,” Bon-Bon finished as Lyra started to kissed her neck.

-Some Time Later Again-

“Ahh,” Lyra sighed, the past half hour being more than content.
“That was wonderful.”
“I know bonnie, I know. I was there,” Lyra said, snuggling closer to her partner. She looked around the room, it was a total wreck, she smiled. Sex with Bon-Bon was fantastic, and because of the need to bottle up their lust the last month it had been so much more intense.

Lyra moved closer to Bon-Bon, planted a kiss, and started to get up. “Come on lover, I need something to eat and I think you do, too”. As if to answer, Bonnie's stomach growled loudly. “Yep you definitely need something to eat,” Lyra laughed to herself as she got up and proceeded to help her wife up.

“Ohh, we could go to that new place near sugarcube corner,” Bon-Bon suggested as Lyra helped her up.
“Isn't that really expensive?” the green unicorn asked, a shadow crossing her face as her wife stood up.
“Yeah, but I thought what with today and the spell, maybe we could splurge?” asked Bon-Bon, a hopeful look crossing her pale yellow face.
“Of course, anything for my little mellow puff.”
“Hey! That mrs mellow puff to you, miss hand complex,” Bon-Bon stated, holding her self higher.
“Aye!...” Lyra said while her face started to blush like a filly caught with her hoof in the cookie jar. “I thought we weren't going to bring that up again, and it's not like you can talk. Miss changers-voices-whenever-it-suits-her”
“Oh, getting a bit snarky aren't we?” the accused replied taking false insult to her voice acting skills
“Of course...” Lyra seductively said “Thats the whole point” she continued as she begun nuzzling into her partners coat.

“Ahh you always know how to charm a mare off her hooves don't you?”
“Only you, my sweet” Lyra replied with a bow.
“Come on, we don't want to get there and it's shut”
“Very well my dear, lead the way”
“Don't mind if I do” Bon-bon said as she got the purse with most of their money in it and proceeded with Lyra out the door, into the crisp twilight.

“Wow...” Bon-bon exclaimed, “We sure took our sweet time, didn't we?”
“Hey don't look at me, it's not my fault you can't give good hoof work.”
Bonnie turned bright red, looking around for any passing ears that might have overheard Lyra's comment “Lyra, not outside!”
“Why? Don't want the town to know you only really know how to use that wonderful tongue of yours?” Lyra suggested jokingly as they started to walk down the street.
“Like you can talk, Ly Ly. What was it you kept asking me? 'Am I doing it right? It doesn't taste right, when you get this freckle?'” Bon-bon quoted, falling into the feel of things.
“Oh Bonnie, I don't think I can be seen with you anymore if you start talking like that,” Lyra said while mockingly hiding her face with her hooves.
Bon-bon started to laugh, Lyra joined in, and soon both were walking down the street laughing.
Soon a higher pitched girl laugh joined in.

“Hey, what are we laughing about?” Pinkie Pie asked as she continued to giggle.
“Oh not much, Pinkie; what are you doing here?” Lyra asked as she wondered how they hadn't noticed her joining them.
“Well, my left back leg twitched while my tail swayed when I was preparing the muffins for tomorrow, which means a new momma is walking down the street,” Pinkie explained a look of excitement coming to her always cheerful features.
“Why thank you Pinkie, that would be me,” Bon-bon stated, beginning to rub her belly.
“No, it's not you Bon-bon, but the foal is yours. Which would mean that the authoress, authorlady, lady author... has put a plot point into this story, finally. It took you long enough!” Pinkie screamed at the sky, shaking her hoof. Lyra and Bon-bon both gave each other a look which could be described as a look between 'That's Pinkie' and 'She will destroy us all'.
“Pinkie what in the world is wrong?” Lyra asked, Pinkie was being more Pinkie than ever before, she was worried.

“Absolutely nothing is wrong Lyra, in fact something is very right. Because you’re pregnant! And you know what that means? It's time for a baby party!” Pinkie screamed, throwing confetti and streamers at both of the startled ponies.

Author's Note:

Edited thanks to MrMinimii. I thank him for his patience.

Comments

[Fillyfooler]

So re-added the page because I didn't fell right with the page last time for some reason and because I fixed most of the spelling.
Thanx FF

[Fillyfooler]

775005
How? I find the pic to be an almost direct link to the spell used in the fic.

[Elondras]

Great Job so far
Hope ther is more coming soon

[demanji]

797960 yes when is the rest coming out cant wait

[Fillyfooler]

979558
Thanks

[Reaper1oo]

Interesting, will watch to see progression
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png

[Fillyfooler]

1024725
Then you and everyone else will be waiting a while, I have no idea where to go on from here.

[Reaper1oo]

1024745
So be it, I have much to read.
Wish I could help but the internet fluctuates heavily, as well as my lack of having a clear understanding of current "footholds" from which you could go from - there seem to be quite a few, they are however, tenuous at best due to my lacking of your "vision" for the story.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_cry.png

[Fillyfooler]

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Edited it everybody. Sorry for the wait.

[Illumipony]

This review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews

I find myself in a bit of an odd position here readers. You see romance stories and I have a bit of an unstable history. Sometimes they've led me on a grand adventure through strange new worlds, and other times they've tied me down and seared my ass with a branding iron, and I don't mean in the kinky clopfiction sorta way either.

I've never been against romance stories, although I do suck at writing them. Seriously, if a gun was held to my head and my only two chances of survival were to chew my own thumbs off and use them as my personal dildos, or to write a decent romance story, my ass would be buggered so fast I'd be in danger of choking on the opposable limbs.

So as you can probably imagine I'm a little hesitant to write a review in the romance genre, but as I’m still fairly new to this reviewing shtick as a whole, I must find ways to challenge myself to attain new heights and better my style, plus this story is less than three thousand words long and definitely belongs to the branding iron camp of romance stories, so who cares how badly I fuck this up! So now in the words of my dearly beloved, and overly loud father.

'My turn now, shove this up your ass you dirty cunt!'

If there’s one thing good I can say about ‘Lyra’s Gift and Bon-Bon’s Curse’, it’s that the title page perfectly encapsulates the theme of the story. Lots of romantic situations and actions with little to no substance for them what-so-ever. That’s really the biggest problem this story has actually, Lyra and Bon-Bon are supposed to be this close tightly bound married couple, but they feel more like fuckbuddies.

“Oh look at this!” the story says. “Lyra and Bon-Bon are tonguing each other after a hard day’s work, they must be in love! And look, they call each other cute nicknames and get playfully annoyed at each other for doing so, they must be in love! And look again, they shag each other constantly and can never seem to keep their hooves off of each other whenever it’s possible, did I mention that they’re in love!” First rule of romance, the characters must use their mouths to talk more often than their dicks… or cunts in this case.

They did manage to momentarily break this trope during the few moments when the story focuses on the main plot, I.E. Bon-Bon attempting to get impregnated, which were some of the few moments that actually managed to draw me into the relationship and made Lyra and Bon-Bon seem like a proper couple, but these moments are small gems found scrambled amongst the diarrhea of a horribly diseased dog, with a fucked up eating disorder.

I hope you have some blankets and a nice soft pillow available when you read this because the dialogue is going to tuck you in and lullaby you to sleep. From the very start of the story I was under the impression that this was taking place in a strange alternate universe where everyone’s speech patterns are designed to be as boring and robotic as possible. Even when Pinkie Pie came bouncing onto the set it still fell flat, because it sounded off like every mediocre fanfic portrayal of her does. Spontaneously appear out of nowhere, unfunny fourth wall joke, lazy introduction of what could’ve been an interesting plot device. It’s really sad when you can list the random antics of Pinkie off a checklist.

Now moving on to the grammar. Normally I don’t like to bring up spelling or grammar in a review unless… you know what no, I can’t do this. I’ve been in danger of chewing off my own face from seeing so much of this shit lately, I’m not going on until I’ve addressed it.

I fucking hate it when Pinkie is used as a plot device instead of, oh you know, an actual fucking character! Whenever you need to shoehorn in some random plot element in the most hilarious and over the top means possible, don’t resort to silly wit or cleverness, just unleash this pink ball of crazy on your fic and watch the praise roll in. Have her state the most random thing that pops into your head, because random is always funny, always! Have her bluntly state the fact that she’s in a fictional story while remaining completely oblivious to the fact that fourth wall humor is only good when it’s maliciously mocking the piece or genera it’s in. You can never go wrong with this hyperactive mental patient.

Honestly, I’ve lost count of how many brain cells I’ve burst while watching authors resort to cop out bullshit like this to drive their story along instead of actually putting some bloody effort into being funny. In this case, why not have some douchebag of a doctor check them up only to dismissively tell them Lyra is the one who’s pregnant before slapping a bill in their face, or maybe have Bon-Bon suddenly realize when Lyra’s cravings kick in and she starts guzzling down full jars of pickle juice with a side order of toothpaste. Wit and timing is the key to humor ladies and gentlecolts, not Pinkamena ex Machina.

Okay, got it all out, now where was I with the review? Oh yes, the grammar.

Normally I don’t like to bring up spelling or grammar in a review, unless it gets in the way of reading the story. You see grammar is truly like raising little girl. Give her love and attention and she’ll blossom into a sweet little angel who’ll always be well behaved and quiet around guests. Ignore her however, and she’ll turn into a rebellious little bitch who’ll scream obscenities at your dinner party and fling shit in the chocolate pudding.

The main point of dysfunction in this case is paragraphs. The second chapter in particular reached a new low. I couldn’t even tell what the fuck was going on because the paragraphs are just spliced in so randomly and sporadically that I wouldn’t be surprised if a lobotomized chimp had banged on the enter key a few times while the author wasn’t looking.

Is it truly that hard to use proper paragraphs? You use them to separate one subject from another, and you use them to separate a character’s dialogue in conversation. Also, if you’re going to use two spaces for scene transition then make sure it’s the only thing you use it for. Otherwise you’re just making a confusing mess for your audience to sort through in order to tell the difference between the characters suddenly teleporting to a new location, or just some random ass space put there for purpose of… of… Why the hell are those spaces there?

You know it’s actually tragic that this story is so bad, because the core idea of it sounds like it could’ve been interesting, and Satan knows it would’ve been interesting had it been pulled off with a bit more skill. As of now the story is unfinished, but unless Mother Mary descends from the heavens to breath life into the dialogue and add some fucking believability to the relationship, then I probably won’t be here to continue reading it.

It saddens me that an idea with such potential was wasted, in fact now a feel a little guilty leaving off on such a negative note. Maybe I should add one more bit of praise just clear my conscience, let me think a moment… Okay I’ve got one.

Lyra’s Gift and Bon-Bon’s Curse, at least it’s not a Party.MOV reference.
i.imgur.com/tObrJZB.png?1

[Dark Avenger]

4271554

Seriously, if a gun was held to my head and my only two chances of survival were to chew my own thumbs off and use them as my personal dildos, or to write a decent romance story, my ass would be buggered so fast I'd be in danger of choking on the opposable limbs.

Jesus... what's with you and twitterdick writing all these really disgusting sex analogies lately?

Normally I'm not that squeamish when it comes to this sort of thing, but... ugh...

(NOTE: this comment was written by a person with a slight hangover)

[Illumipony]

4293585
I don't know about Twitterdick, but I'm just morally bankrupt.
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