• Member Since 1st Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Dragonborne Fox


It's one thing to create/throw already-established characters in a story of some kind. It's another thing to develop those characters, regardless of the situation they're in.

T

Eons ago, fiends fought over six crests that were forgotten by time, and ponies took over since then. The Tree of Harmony has been destroyed, and the Elements the branches held were nowhere to be found. None could pin a culprit to this heinous crime. When Twilight receives a half-blank book that's illegible, she gets attacked by a creature seen not by her eyes before.

Would the book, illegible as it is, as well as the first battle that would serve to thrust her into more battles to come and unanswered questions, have something to do with the missing Elements of Harmony?
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Crossover with Demon's Crest, wherein crossover elements will play out much more heavily in later chapters, as will the dark element. Tags will change as needed. More vivid battle scenes, but not too vivid, will show up later on in later chapters as well. Coverart done entirely by me. Updates will be irregular.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 26 )

I’m not ready to vote yet, but I am interested.

And, I admit, was surprised to see someone writing a Demon’s Crest crossover.

5117212 I understand. I will work on this when I'm not working on my novel; updates will be irregular. I hope you can wait a hefty long time or something. :ajsleepy:

"Backside" may not be the word you want to use, since it refers to the hindquarters. Amusing though that image is.

Congrats, Twilight Sparkle. You have survived your first boss fight.

5197163 Yes. Edit: changed it to midsection, since that's where the wings are.

5197163 actually her second. Remember Twilight Sparkle and Tireck

5232532 No, first as of this story. Tirek is only mentioned; there is a difference.

5232532
That wasn't a boss fight; it was a cutscene. If her friends had not been present as hostages, we'd be calling her the Princess of Curbstomping.

Alright, metroid_freak here, commin’ at ya with his first review in quite some time. Only got one shot at this so we’re gonna do it right (hopefully).

Ahem!

Here we have a Demon’s Crest/MLP crossover, written by DragonBorne Fox. It’s not complete as of this review but we’re gonna see how it’s progressing thus far. Now, I am not familiar with Demon’s Crest but I’ll do my best to do this story justice.

Eons ago, many fiends fought tooth and nail for sacred objects called ‘crests.’ These objects, six in total, are said to grant the owner unimaginable power through a seventh said to appear when the six were brought together. Eventually, the fiends became extinct, save a notable few fiends who forgot about the crests much like time did. Humans perished as well, and a species of equine--ponies--took over in their stead, rebuilding the world as they, and a few other nations consisting of zebras, gryphons, and the like, saw fit.

Right off the bat, we’re treated to some good old-fashioned Apocalyptic Doomfire (dibs that for my next red and black alicorn OC name). Of course, seeing as it’s a crossover with something called “Demon’s Crest”, it certainly fits. I like the mirroring going on here; crests=Elements? Guess we’ll find out as the story progresses. I also like the world-building here; to the point but still an effective hook. Grammar is on-point as well, though I might omit the third use of ‘fiend’; the narrative flows much better and we still know who and what you’re talking about.

One crest to rule them all and in the darkness, bind them.

Or something.

The Ghoul Realm, aptly renamed Tartarus by the ponies, served as little more than a prison for beings who had done inexplicable wrong. Tirek was a prime example of this, having been re-banished after being defeated by the ‘most powerful magic of all’ despite having absorbed all known magic prior.
Things weren’t all that peaceful after that, however. The Tree of Harmony--the very thing that held the beloved Elements of Harmony--had been destroyed, and the Elements themselves nowhere to be found. There was no known culprit; nobody even really knew what had happened or why.

More explanation and history lessons; the collision of these two universes feels…natural? They seem to work well together as Demon’s Crest evolves into the MLP universe. Again, just an early impression. Also, not sure if I like the word “inexplicable” here. I might’ve gone with “unmentionable”; just gives off more apocalypse-level “they were huge assholes to everyone and deserve to rot forever in the Pit” vibes.

‘Who was responsible for such a thing?’ Many asked as they were told of the horrible news. There had been no answers, no leads, no anything regarding the incident.

Saying “No anything” makes sense here but I would actually italicize “anything”; by doing so (making it stand out), it sounds much more purposeful and less like a typo.

At least, until the newest princess, one purple alicorn named Twilight Sparkle, was brought a most peculiar book by a purple-and-green dragon by the name of Spike. The two stood in the Friendship Castle, a marvelous building made up of crystal a deep violet-blue in hue.

“Twilight! You gotta check this out!” Spike cried, holding the book above his head. The cover was made of black leather, a most unusual choice for such a book, and it had a series of aged, dull yellow pages between front and back. Surely, the book had been old, perhaps a few centuries at least.

“What is it?” Twilight asked, horn lighting up in purple. A similar aura grasped the book entirely, and it lifted out of Spike’s little hands and flew to her. The book had no title or author--if it did, then those could have been erased or faded away.

“Owlicious gave it to me. I don’t know where he got it from.” Spike explained, scratching his head with a single digit.

The most interesting fact out of this exchange was that, of all creatures, Owlicious was the one to retrieve the book. If that was intentional (which I suspect it was), then you have my attention. It begs a lot of questions; did he just happen to find it while hunting for midnight snack-rodents? Or did he power through Hell itself like Dante? Whatever the reason, it should be interesting.

The book being blank/illegible is also great because it’s gonna drive Twilight crazy.

Twilight opened the book slowly, and she found nothing pertaining to its origin on the first page, for much of the writing had been made illegible. She shot a glance at Spike. “What does this have to do with the current situation everypony’s going bonkers over?” She asked, blinking.

More questions! Why is everyone going bonkers? What’s driving ponies to drink this time? Also, no need to capitalize "she" after asking her question.

So, Twilight gets mysterious book, confusion ensues.

Spike nodded, and took a deep breath before exhaling green fire all over the paper. As the paper burned, wisps of smoke emanated from it and seemed to have flown away in a nonexistent breeze of some kind.

Just then, a howl mixed with a shriek permeated the crystal hallway. Twilight turned around to its source, a beast with a horned head, sharp beak, wings of feathers making up its forelimbs, and bulky back legs ending in fearsome talons. The whole thing was dull brown, save for the tips of the feathers, which were a stark light grey in color. Its beak and talons were yellow, as were its narrowed and piercing eyes. It had a lion’s tail, so thin in comparison to the rest of its bulky frame.

A wild…thing appears! And rather conveniently after sending the letter, hmm? The last time I saw something like that beast was either Devil May Cry 3 or 1. More questions!

Spike shrieked in surprise, watching as Twilight flared her wings as wide as they could go. Her horn lit up in purple, and the monster let off another shrieking howl before it flared its own wings. They were a little bigger than the alicorn’s own wings, and it began to flap them quickly. Twilight flapped her wings too, and before long, both beings were airborne.

I actually really like how Twilight’s first reaction is “Let’s dance, baby!”

The alicorn shot a glance at the anomaly, eyes widening as she quickly realized the feathers were razor-sharp as knives. She glanced back at the beast, only to find it rushing at her whilst preparing those talons it possessed. Twilight’s horn flared up, and she vanished in a flash of light.
The beast stopped, flapping its wings whilst darting its head every which-way to figure out where its opponent had gone off too. Twilight reappeared above it, firing another blast of energy at it. It hit the beast right on top of its head, and it roared before flapping its wings uselessly as it descended to the ground. A white aura bathed it as it slowly turned to stone then and there.

What was that?” Spike asked as the beast began to crumble into naught but dust. Twilight couldn’t answer, for she didn’t have an answer.

The fight scene was easy to picture; I imagined it in a similar style to the Season 4 finale. That stone transformation spell was interesting, although I wonder if it’s not just a side-effect of being defeated. Did Twilight want to vaporize it or did she just want to subdue it for possible study later on? Still, just in case said finale wasn’t convincing enough, we have re-established Twilight’s rep as a badass. Purplesmart demands all the street cred.

And with that, we have the prologue in the books. It’s solid and interesting thus far, although it leaves a lot of questions to be answered. The real test of the author’s mettle will be answering those questions and leaving no stone unturned.

Expect more as the story progresses!

5596745 I see. :D I'll do your story sometime next week.

5596755
I'm glad you found it helpful! Looking forward to your review of mine as well.

CDR

Its funny. I watched a Demon Crest 100% Run like last week. And now I find this.

Can't wait for this to be finished! :twilightsheepish: :pinkiehappy:
This looks interesting!

Have you thought about continuing the story?

10093051 Yes. But it's one of those "how the fuck do I go from here?" moments that kept it on a standstill for so long.

10093148
Have you thought about restarting history?

10093168
I could give you suggestions, but if it doesn't convince you, ignore it:
It would be located in an equestria where it falls into a curse due to the destruction of the tree, the elements of harmony are lost in the process, but for a strange reason, the six mane merge creating a kind of hybrid demon-alicorn, possibly due to The Curse that hits Equestria, this amalgam of the six mane is ready to recover the elements to become the alicon and possibly the most powerful demon in Equestria.

10093188 Hrm... alright. That could work...

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