- Member Since 9th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
Ponyess
I just recently started to write stories directly towards the FiM actively, though I have been writing for years, publishing numerous stories at Mibba and the eventual pony story, as far as to the MLP
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Not exactly eye catching at first glance.
5205578 If you mean the story, I am trying to build up the momentum from scratch.
Then I like to include a few more ponies in the buildup, in order for more fun.
Just need to paint up the picture of where the story is supposed to be, before the actual action can take place.
5205639
I was talking about the summary, actually.
5205649 Then you were a bit on the vague side?
Oh well, good thing I can change it, if I feel like it.
Question is what more I need to slip into this summary.
"This one time, at band camp..."
5205785
I was just about to say that!
.....Why is there a space between Apple and Jack? Last time I checked AJ was a pony not a breakfast cereal..
news.everfree.net/files/2014/02/Recolored-Apple-Jacks.jpg
Still not a breakfast cereal... She just sells it!
You could use a bit more descriptions and less dialog. Maybe get an editor/proofreader. Its a good idea though, but like that one guy said, add more to your description because its a little bland. I'll watch this but as of right now its not ready for a favorite.....
Here have some more breakfast ponies:
news.everfree.net/files/2014/02/Luna-Pops1.jpg
news.everfree.net/files/2014/02/Fabul-os-Rarity-Cereal.jpg
news.everfree.net/files/2014/05/Rainbow-Drops.jpg
5222754 Since we are speaking of, why didn't Pinkie Pie have one, since she commonly is depicted as one, even if it commonly miss-spelled too?
Otherwise, I love Luna's breakfast alternative.
Sorry, I am fresh out of Editorial staff, so I wouldn't mind to have a new one.
The first chapter is basically just explaining why the story is even here.
Next chapter will take us into the actual story.
The first chapter is in Ponyville, as opposed to where they are heading. Even if some would enjoy a few lines to express what we know, the things I introduce will require more details.
Edit: Seems it only go more dialogue while following Pinkie Pie, so I need to use others on a more independent note; in order to get the details in description, rather than dialogue.