• Published 7th Nov 2014
  • 1,685 Views, 112 Comments

The Final Sunset - Wonder



What would Equestria be like if Twilight never existed.

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Epilogue.

Sunset sat in her room, watching the sun rise for the first time in months. It was a lot brighter than she remembered and seemed to change colour as she watched. With her were her associate that she once called friends, but they no longer saw her that way. To them she was their master and them her slaves.

"It's so beautiful." Applejack walked to the window to get a better view. "If only it was Celestia who raised it."

"Don't say that. You don't want her to hear you." Fluttershy hissed.

"Oh, I do not mind her musings. She may choose to think what she wishes. It is her actions that concern me most." Applejack's blood froze in her veins. At the doorway stood the lunar princess, clad in her silver armour.

"Princess! I'm sorry, I didn't mean any disrespect."

"Fear not child." The alicorn patted Applejack's head. "I do not seek to instil fear in you, just to ensure that their is order in my kingdom." Rarity approached the princess, while Fluttershy attempted to blend into the shadows.

"If I may be so bold princess, I think it is time to start work on a new line. Your current attire is a tad mundane. May I take my leave?"

The princess smiled before gesturing to the door. "I shall not stop you from doing your job." Rarity galloped off without a second thought, leaving the other five ponies behind. "So Sunset. As promised, the sun has returned. Enjoy it while it is here. I am still partial to the night."

Applejack bowed to the dark mare. "Thank princess for returnin' the sun."

"You are most welcome. Just remember the deal we have. I raise the sun, and you grow the food for my people."

"Of course." Applejack bowed her head, whilst slowly making her way out of the room, leaving only four ponies left, excluding the princess.

"And you, don't think shadows hide you from my sight. I was practically raised in them." Fluttershy didn't mumbled in fear. "Speak so that I may hear you properly."

It was barely audible, but her words could be understood. "Yes, princess. What is it you needed?"

"Fetch us some refreshments. I am ravenous." Fluttershy didn't need to be told twice. With the speed of a Wonderbolt, she flew off.

From the corner of the room, came another pony, her mane limp against her head, devoid of any and all curls. "And me princess. Have you no task for which I am to complete." Of all the ponies, Pinkie had been affected the most. Sunset no longer saw any happiness in those eyes. Only sadness. The princess turned her attention to Pinkie and shivered. Even she was unnerved by the dramatic change of Pinkie.

"No, I have nothing for you to do. But I do wish you to leave so that we may speak." Pinkie left the room, not even making a sound as she left. "Now shall we talk?"

"What about Rainbow?" Sunset gestured to the door, where a Pegasus is steel armour stood to attention. Nightmare Moon didn't turn around.

"Captain, do you have any duties to attend to?"

"Yes ma'am." The rainbow maned Pegasus responded. She turned and left the room.

"Aren't you afraid that she'll attack you one day?" Sunset queried.

"Not so long as her friends serve me. That's the benefit of loyalty. It can be manipulated. Now what is it you wished to speak about my dear protégé?"

"Nothing really, I was just curious about something."

"And that is?"

"Why now?"

"I do not follow." The alicorn tilted her head in confusion.

" Why did you wait until now to return the sun."

The alicorn pause to think. "Emphasis." Sunset didn't respond to this. She didn't know how to. "Let me elaborate. The long night show everypony who is in control. By giving them a taste of light, the night will be so much more dark. They will seek out the sun more and will therefore need me more." Sunset didn't see the logic in this but just agreed. The princess turned to leave.

"Princess?" She stopped.

"Yes."

"What happened to her?"

"Celestia?" Sunset's ears flattened.

"Yes. Celestia. I was just wondering what ever happened to her." The princess chuckled.

"You have already seen her today." Sunset's brow furrowed in confusion. "As I was sealed in the moon, she has been imprisoned in her celestial body. Please excuse the pun." The princess left without further comment. Sunset turned to look out the window, and finally she saw it. The sun's surface slowly changed colour. Different parts going from yellow to red. But when she focused, she saw a shape.

It was the shape of a pony.

Author's Note:

Well, it's finally over. I was originally intending this to be a single chapter story. You can see how that worked out for me. I am very happy with how the story went though, considering there was no actual plan. This was all improv. I am very happy that so many people have like the story. When I started out, this for my amusement only, but them I got a few PM's and even a few favourite, so I decided to roll with it and finish the story. Thanks to everyone for your support. Thanks for putting up with my terrible grammar, hehe, and my random schedule. I hope to hear from many of you in my other stories.

Now I am happy to saw that this is the end and the final chapter of, The Final Sunset.

Comments ( 16 )

I rarely see stories where the bad guy wins, and I gotta say this was wrapped up nicely, good job, I loved it.:heart:

I think her victory was a little too complete (i.e. the total submission of the Mane Six) but, still, not bad.

That was sooooo good!!! :twilightsmile:

That. Was. Awesome! :rainbowdetermined2: The ending was surprising yet it made sense with the story, and it all worked out amazingly. This story was a very good read! :twilightsmile:

5898165
I have fixed all (I think) the previously motioned errors. Thanks you for pointing them out and making the story better.

I don't think I'll give this one a favorite.
Don't get me wrong, it's well written and the changes to what happened make sense given the characters, but...
Even as a redo of the first two episodes, it felt like it moved too fast, plus I don't really like how depressing it ended.
I'll give it a like, though

6357034
Yeah, i was.kinda reluctant to make the sad ending but i wanting something kinda like what I though would happen. As for the length, I didn't want to have useless filler which would interrupt the story to much.

6358137 Do you think you would ever write a sequel to this? Just curious.

And for the length thing, yeah, that's understandable.

6358144
I have an idea for a sequel, but i have 20 (litterally 20, not kidding) stories to finish before I even start on a sequel, but if anyone wants to do a collaboration or something that's good too.

6358168 In that case, I might check back occasionally.

6358197
If you're looking for another story with Luna in it, then check out my latest story. It's getting updated in a few days.

6358220 I think I will at some point

6671789
That is probably one of the most awesome comments I have ever gotten. :rainbowlaugh:

6673144 REALLY??? :derpytongue2:

so sad how :pinkiehappy: became :pinkiesad2:

rainbow dash and rarity turned out pretty good tho. :rainbowdetermined2::raritystarry:

The big problem with this story is it seems to have a bit of identity dissonance. I don't feel the early chapters (which suggest it to basically just be "MLP, except with Sunset instead of Twilight") fit in with the ending (where the villain mostly wins). I suppose the "Sad" tag should have been more of a tip-off, but it still felt off, like it promised to be something it wasn't. The story description certainly gives no indication of the path it ends up taking.

Perhaps a bigger issue is that the story structure doesn't work for me. Specifically, if the story was going to *end* on Nightmare Moon's near-complete victory, it took too long to get there. If that had been the twist ending of a shorter story, I wouldn't have minded it as much, but the length of the story means it took too long to get there. In particular, the early chapters could have been trimmed down, being mostly a beat-for-beat replay of the first episode of the series, except with Sunset being slightly more rude than Twilight.

Conversely, the much more interesting part of the story--the world after a Nightmare Moon victory--was interesting, but all we get out of it is a quick epilogue and then the story's over. In my view, that's the part where the bulk of the story should have been, rather than the leadup. Nightmare Moon wins and the characters have to deal with the fallout" isn't a new idea (and has been taken in various directions), but the swapping out of Twilight with Sunset could make it more unique.

The story just feels too much like it's a leadup to something else, but without that something else ever materializing.

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