- Member Since 6th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen 11 hours ago
Aristagtle
There's always a lever. You just have to find it.
Aristagtle
Joined 6th Dec, 2012 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Aristagtle · 11k words · 22 20 · 1k views
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Bwahahahaha!!! I like the intro. Great steal from Babylon 5.
Congrats on getting your story out, Tarvoc!
5856610
Thanks a lot!
Yay, I just got my very first downvote!
Congratulations on getting this thing out! Herm knows we've been working on this for months!
5857248
Well it is about time!
ts1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=HN.608044602287522109&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0
Wait is that Owlowiscious in the main characters tags?
5857978
No it's that thing from Lechuza
5857978
Well, I tagged him because he's the only character from the show that appears so far. Once the Apples appear, they'll get tags as well. Maybe also others, depending on how the story develops. So far, Owlowiscious appears only in Summer Nights in a minor role. But as a messenger of Hermaeus Mora, his role certainly isn't irrelevant.
I wish you luck with your endevour, my friend.
5862234
Thanks a lot!
Moved the first scene from The Lever to the end of Contract Negotiations. I think it fits in there better.
I wonder how many of the people who voted here actually read the story...
There's now a group for the Sacred Order universe. This story has already been added. Other stories will be added as soon as they're up.
5873334
Yeah people downvoting fics on title is fairly common practice.
Though so far no negative reviews. So that's what counts.
I'm guessing this is why Fanfiction.net doesn't have a ratings system.
5878666
Well, I've also got no positive reviews so far afaik. To me, being ignored is somewhat worse than being disliked...
5881457 Well, consider this a mostly positive one, even if it may not sound like it at first.
There were some bits in the earlier chapters that left me feeling kinda lukewarm about the story. Some sections had a lack of description and events happening quite suddenly.
Personally, I feel that so much expansion could be done to parts like this. Is she standing with her arms crossed, shoulder squared, glaring at him, defiant in the face of whatever he may do? or is she more tired and resigned, not broken, but more wondering with idle curiosity at what new method of mind-fuckery, actual-fuckery, or torture they may have come up with? Considering her reaction after the collar removal, I'm leaning towards the former, but you can make a case for the latter as well.
And on the note of the collar removal. I feel like that particular bit is somewhat flat, just "grab collar, antlers glow, collar's off, 'you're free', done,". I kinda wish there was a bit more to it. Maybe it's my ignorance of the greater intricacies of the Fall 'verse, but can all stags do magic like this? Seems like the others can, at least, but all? What of her reaction to him entering her personal space and handling her collar? Standing her ground and staring him in the eyes? Leaning back in a subconscious act to get away from him? Did he have to say some sort of chant? Did he need to evoke some sort of emotion or thought? I don't recall if the collars were metal bands or leather enchanted to prevent them from simply being removed. Were they broken, undone, what?
Though, the amount of detail you’ve put into the sex scenes feels about right thus far, maybe could do with a smidgen more detail, but... it feels adequate to me. There is such a thing as too much.
Once I got to the latter half of the chapters posted thus far (to chapter 9) and the conversation Aristagtle and Anaphainos had about the Caribou's vicious cycle of self-destruction, his talk with Star Charmer were he called the Ponies bridge builders, and the story and post-story-conversation about Friga and the White Cow. These made me think "ok, this guy's given it more than an afternoon's worth of thought over a beer," I want to see how this plays out, how it goes on. You have me intrigued. You've got the hook that I find too many fics lacking; though it could be stronger, you've still got it.
5884559
Thank you very much for this review. I think it's helpful.
You're right, I could have gotten into more detail with the second and maybe also the third chapter. I might re-work them when I have the time, although I have no concept yet. But I'll think of something. I'm very happy that you like the later chapters. I also think they're better than the earlier ones.
The first chapter has quite a bit of monologue, and that might also put people off. I really don't know how to change this though. I wrote the first draft of this chapter six months ago, in early November, when FoE had put me in a two-weeks depression (which is fortunately over now once and for all, the setting causes me no greater emotional distress any more). It helped me to get out of it again. I did re-work parts of it since then (e.g. the original draft had more swear words), but the overall concept is still the same. I even scrapped an older concept for this story almost in its entirety in February because it wouldn't have worked and started over from scratch, keeping only Lamentations - but I could neither drop that one nor apply greater changes to it.
Also, when it comes to the magic involved in removing the collars, I haven't given a concrete description because the official FoE universe simply isn't clear about this yet and I don't want to deviate from canon too far. I might add a more detailed description later. I'm not perfectly sure but I have a feeling that the 'official' FoE stories might address that topic soon. If they do, I'll change my chapter accordingly.
I'm really happy that you liked the Friga chapter.
I changed the Daedra the Diamond Dogs usually worship beside Clavicus from Namira to Mephala. I think if I want to go with the D&D Drow parallel, Mephala is more similar to Lolth than Namira is, although they're both associated with spiders.
For some reason, I accidentally put one passage in the first chapter twice. I've removed the redundant one.
Also...
5884559
That's positively awesome. Mind if I actually use these exact words in the story?
5917359 Go nuts. Though, in hindsight, I probably should've wrote "shoulders squared"
Just to mention it again: There is a group for this story and other upcoming stories that take place in the same universe. If you like this story, make sure to check it out! There's far too little activity there right now.
If that's not a tryhard name, I'm not a sarcastic douche.
6039717
Well, it's a chosen name. His birth name will be revealed in the next chapter - and I think (or at least hope) you might actually find that one somewhat more clever. At least provided you know Old Norse.
My next chapter will also contain a deliberate deconstruction of Ari's sometimes pompous self-righteousness.
The story of how I came up with this name is a bit complicated. It was already chosen back in October, and then it somehow stuck. I wasn't in the best psychological condition when I chose it, in part due to Fall of Equestria, so this is possibly the reason why it admittedly is a bit silly - but I'm not going to change it.
I also hope you'll find the rest of my story more readable.
Yeah... I think now I have to reconceptualize Tempus a bit for the following chapters...
I'm really wondering if the downvotes come from FoE fans of from FoE haters. I think both could be possible.
Oh boy, he's got his work cut out for him with Fluttershy. Mystery amulets to the rescue!
6183754
Well, the Tourmaline amulets are not a solution to everything. They weaken the effects of magical mind control, and they can help people see things more clearly, but Fluttershy has been very thoroughly brainwashed. Putting a Tourmaline amulet around her neck might help her see things a little bit more relaxed, but it won't just magically snap her out of her mindset. You also have to take into account that she isn't just insane - her adopted ideology is mostly internally consistent, and it even fits with how she experienced her life so far, providing an (admittedly false) explanation and therefore fulfilling a positive function in her emotional economy. A Tourmaline amulet can help her see things from different perspectives, but it won't just magically change her entire self-definition and self-experience. You also can't just snap her out of her ideology with the snip of a finger, because that would leave her entirely without orientation. Getting her out of her shell has to be a slow process, and Ari doesn't even really know where to begin.
6040507
Old Norse? I thought "Aristagtle" is a pun on "Aristotle".
6234773
It is. But as I said, it's a chosen name. He only chose this name when he made the pact with Hermaeus Mora.
His birth name - Eadgil - is the one which is derived from Old Norse.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eadgils
I left out the s at the end though.
I just re-read Lamentations again. Unfortunately, much of it is a train wreck, it's far too preachy, and quite a few things don't fit what happens later in the story. Given the state of mind I was in when I wrote the first drafts of it, and the fact that it was written over four months before any of the newer chapters, it's not really surprising. I will rework the chapter once I have the time.
To all who are waiting for an update: Unfortunately, this will probably take some time. Despite the fact that Giving Kindness is about three quarters finished, I've noticed that some of the older chapters have some serious issues that need to be corrected or otherwise addressed, and I will do that first. Lamentations will almost certainly be replaced by a new first chapter, and the other early chapters will see at least minor reworks. It might take some time though since I also have to take care of a few things in Real Life that will take time.
I have a question to all of you who follow the development Sacred Order and the story I'm setting up. I would like to hear your opinions.
You might have heard that Rylasasin and I are reconceptualizing Sacred Order right now, and that I'll also re-write Freeville Chronicles.
One thing I can already reveal is that I will drop the Daedra and use a mythology created by myself instead. I'm not going to spoil much about that yet. One thing that comes with it is that the religious and hermetic elements of the Freeville project will be toned down so much that they effectively don't exist any more. They already played a very little role in Freeville Chronicles anyway, far smaller than I had thought they would when I started working on it in October 2014.
Now the question is if I should keep the chosen names. I will keep the chosen name Ari for Eadgil, since his backstory already justifies him taking a new name. As I have planned it now, it won't be Aristagtle any more, only Ari. I'll drop the chosen names entirely for the other stags, who have no real incentive to take a new name anyway - e.g. Anaphainos would be Baldr (pronounced bul-deer, with emphasis on the first syllable, and the "a" at the beginning pronounced like the "u" in "sun"). In Anaphainos' case, his backstory actually even gives him good reason not to take a new name.
Aside from the fact that I think this change will fit the story better, I've also come to find the chosen names somewhat tacky. I can't even stay consistent with whether to use Latin or Ancient Greece.
So my question would be: What do you think of this change? Would you want me to keep the chosen names? Would you like it better without them? Or do you not care either way?
6345816
Thank you!
Right now, I'm reconceptualizing the whole Sacred Order project, which means that there will also be retroactive changes to Freeville Chronicles. I will drop the Daedra and replace Lamentations with a new intro chapter. Most of the other chapters will see some changes. I'm also reworking the timeline, which means that the order of chapters might also change. I might even add additional chapters to develop the characters further. This might take some time, of course - that's the reason why I haven't updated this story for some time. I will unpublish the recent version and then immediately re-publish the new versions of the intro chapter and the first three or four chapters approximately in early September.
The general spirit of my approach will of course stay the same. You will see the same Bruna, maybe even more of her. The other characters also won't change too much - well, except for Hermaeus Mora, who will be dropped. I'm also not entirely sure about Time Turner yet. It depends on a few things I can't control yet. Time Turner's backstory depends on Derpy being a purple and out of his reach, but in this thread, it was mentioned that she's a black and still working as mailmare in Ponyville. I would like to stay close to FoE canon here.
Also, I'm dropping the Daedra, but Friga's story will still appear, and the White Cow will still play a role.
6346557
Concerning the crossover elements: I plan to keep the Mimiga. They're awesome, and Rylasasin and I did a great job adapting them to fit into the world. They are already quite different from their Cave Story equivalent. In case of the STALKER crossover, I plan to keep it since it's an important part of Monolith's backstory, but I aim for making it as unrecognizable as possible. I'm not exactly sure how to do that yet.
As for your other question, it's a bit complicated, but in the Post-Fall forums, Twipet did give me explicit permission to use Vestri and Sunny as long as I don't kill them. In case of Ivangir, she allowed me to use and to kill him. As for Dainn, NCN generally doesn't want him in any Post-Fall story, and I got banned from the main FoE group just for mentioning that I plan to use him. But then again, AFAIK he doesn't even approve of the caribou race as such to appear in Post-Fall stories. Which essentially means that he doesn't approve of the existence of Post-Fall stories in the first place. I leave it to you to decide whether that's a legitimate position.
6346787
The real irony about this is that you will probably have an easier time trying to get permission from the other authors to use their characters than trying to get permission from NCN to use Dainn.
Hmm I enjoy seeing a little daedra mixing things up although I do dislike the thought of them being "gods" persay but princely demons sounds about right
6346810
Well, I think in case of Post-Fall, it's entirely the author's choice. In my case, it is somewhat important to me to get approval from the authors, but in case of FoE canon characters, I will still use them even without their creator's approval if necessary. Of course, the reason for this is that I'm still somewhat in opposition to FoE, and my story reflects that. Dainn is an example for a canon character I use without having his creator's permission. Similarly, should Twipet withdraw her approval of my use of Vestri and Sunny, I'll probably still use them since I consider them essential to the setting, and also since Vestri has sort of become essential to Ari's character development. However, in case of non-canon OCs, I will always ask for the creator's permission. A good example is Akinyi's character Deepest Desire. Akinyi and I started a little role-play a while ago, and I played a character very similar to Ari, so at one point I figured it might be a good idea to turn this into Ari's backstory. Akinyi gave me permission to use Deepest Desire, but I wouldn't have done it without her permission, and I waited with moving Ari into this direction until she gave it to me. So if she withdrew her permission, I would indeed remove Deepest Desire from the story and rework Ari's character and backstory accordingly. As it is now, I can't really see that happen. As a matter of fact, right now I plan to give DD a larger role in the rewrite.
6474768
Well, personally I don't draw a strict line between demons and Gods. And I always intended for my Daedra to be rather shady and morally ambiguous. But even despite the fact that I will drop the Daedra, I will say something on the topic of deities in my new prologue chapter that might clear a few things up in this respect. Or so I hope.
I know that dropping the Daedra will disappoint a few fans. However, a few other people have told me that they find this particular crossover element rather silly and that it disinclines them from reading the story. Add in the fact that my attempts to integrate them into the setting caused some major issues for the entire story, and my decision to drop them will become more understandable. There will still be demons and powerful spirits in my rewrite, but I dropped the connection to Elder Scrolls lore, and they'll be more in the background, at least in the beginning.
Will any other Aedra or Daedric princes make an appearance or be mentioned in this story? because I have an idea for a cross over between Sang-Froid: Tales of Werewolves and your universe as well as some backstory to the Aedra and Daedra.
My Backstory proposal:
The pony world is but one of many world created as a result of the Thalmor succeeding in their plan to unmake Nirn and ascend to Divinity.
After the destruction of Nirn, Talos and the Last Dragonborn manages to survive with the ladder becoming a new divine. Afterwards, a great conflict erupts leaving many Aedra and Daedra alike in a weaken state. So in a desperate effort to preserve themselves, they create many new worlds with Meridia and Arkay creating the Pony world and Hircine and Talos creating Earth. However, some Deities chose a different path.
On the Pony Planet, Sheogorath is stranded and becomes Discord while Azura is shattered and eventually becomes Celestia and Luna being unaware of this event. Meanwhile on Earth, Clavicus Vile preserves himself by Imbuing some of his energies into humanity by feeding Adam and Eve an apple from the Garden of Eden and becomes known as Satan (Satan does actually mean deceiver) or the Devil, while Malacath selects the Hebrew people to lead by example, eventually leading the majority of humanity to worship him as God/Yaweh/Allah. All the while Clavicus Vile lays in wait, planning for the day to reunite with Barbas who is now the crystal Heart and exact his revenge against the Last Dragonborn.
6488586
Um, okay...
Well, first of all, I'm doing my rewrite right now, and I'm going to cut the Daedra from the story entirely. I have already come up with my own mythology that I think fits better with FoE without involving Elder Scrolls crossover.
That said, I find your interpretation of the Daedric Princes interesting, even though I don't agree with everything. A few ideas are similar to what I had in mind before I decided to cut the Daedra. Maybe you could write your own story with these ideas. I would be among the readers.
6488791
Such as?
Also I stole some of the concepts from the Warhammer Universe. Start at 2:05
6489007
Well, two things I like are Sheogorath as Discord, and Clavicus Vile as a satan-esque figure - although Mehrunes Dagon or Molag Bal also fit the profile.
I don't think that the Thalmor want to unmake Nirn though. Let's not discuss Kirkbride's stuff here, but stick with what we see in the game. There is Ancano, but he seemed to follow his own agenda. I haven't found any other evidence that the Thalmor might plan to do something like this, except from rather unreliable sources (like Delphine). I also don't see Talos as one of the divines, but that would also be another topic. I also would have portrayed the relationship between the Daedra and the Alicorns differently (what I had planned before I decided to drop the Daedra was less direct, and also more complicated), and as I see it right now, I don't think I'll ever do Human in Equestria. If I do, it'll definitely not be in a FoE-related setting.
To whom it may concern:
There is an issue with Anaphainos' birth name.
I've already said that I will scrap the chosen names for all stags except Ari in my rewrite. With Ari, taking a new name sort of justified because of his backstory. But with the Daedra and the religious elements of Freeville dropped from the story, the other caribou don't have any reason to replace their birth names with chosen names.
So far, Anaphainos' birth name has been Baldr. And until a week ago, I wanted to keep using that name in my rewrite. Now I'm not so sure any more. Not that there was anything wrong with Baldr per say. It's just that there might be a name that fits better.
When looking up the four stags that gnaw at Yggdrasils branches again, I found the name Duneyr or Duneyrr. I realize thtiger already uses this name for his caribou king in his Caridoon stories. I'm not entirely sure any more, but if I remember correctly, I actually suggested that name to him back then. However, the name would actually fit the Anaphainos character perfectly - arguably more so than Baldr. (Unlike thtiger, I would probably use the spelling with only one r.)
The English Wikipedia article translates Duneyr with Thunder-Ear. However, the German Wikipedia article instead offers two different possible translations: Fire Walker (!!!) or Brown-Ear (!!!). Both would obviously fit Anaphainos, and arguably better than Baldr would.
So, which name would you prefer to see for Anaphainos? Baldr, or Duneyr?
6502725
Since it seems to concern no one, I'll simply stick with Baldr.
I'm sorry to announce that there will be further delay until I'll be able to put up the rewrite of Freeville Chronicles.
I know I promised to do it during the first weeks of November, but that almost certainly won't happen any more. One of my editors pointed out another major issue that needs to be sorted out. Plus, I'm a bit busy with getting used to my new environment (I moved to Chicago for a year with a student exchange program), and I have to get back to doing some major work for my PhD as well. I really also can't reveal anything about my new concept yet until I've sorted its issues out. I hope you won't lose interest. I promise I'll be back, and it will be glorious. I think it has the potential to be a huge surprise even to those who've read the old version. But that's also precisely why I want to make sure to get it right.
Unfortunately, it could take a while. From what I can see now, it'll take at least until late December until I can put up the first reworked chapters. I will try to get it done faster, but I can't make any promises.
Well, I may not have read the first version, but I can already see that this has potential to become a very great story. I liked this. A Favourite and a Like for you, my German friend. Keep it up.