The Match Made in Hell.
Flash Sentry was stricken into alertness as the sound of a mare’s crying rang through the castle hall.
Darting his eyes left and right as his ears swiveled around in search of the wailing’s source, the answer found him when the very door he was assigned to burst open behind him. The surprise only threw him off for a second, but that was all the mare behind it needed. Throwing herself out the door, she was galloping off before Flash could even catch a glimpse of her face.
Setting himself into a ready stance, wings flared out and head lowered, he called, “Halt!”
The mare paid him no heed, still sprinting down the hall.
Flash narrowed his eyes and, stomping his hoof to the ground a few times, prepared to give chase, and he would have if not for the hoof that pulled him back by the shoulder.
“Guard!” a pompous voice said, “Have I not lectured you enough that… Wait, who are you?”
Flash craned his neck around, catching sight of the very pony he was assigned to, Prince Blueblood. “Private Sentry, your highness! I—”
He froze, his mouth still hanging open as it awaited words that wouldn’t come. The pegasus suddenly found himself short of breath as he was fixated by the sky blue orbs peering back at him, curious yet carrying all the strength royalty would possess. “Ah…”
Blueblood raised an eyebrow, but he wore an unreadable mask as he gave Flash a long look over. Neither side dared to break the silence for a few fleeting moments until the prince sliced through the tension, drawing up a knowing smile. “I don’t believe I’ve met you before. Are you another one of the new transfers?”
Flash stared at him blankly for a few moments, but was jolted back into awareness as he saw Blueblood waiting for a response. “I-I was just transferred here from the Crystal Empire,” he answered.
The royal unicorn gave him another smile which painted a rosy hue over Flash’s cheeks. “Why were you transferred here all the way from the Empire?”
“I…” He cleared his throats, trying to collect his thoughts. “It was for my own safety, your highness.”
“Your own…?” Blueblood shook his head. “Do I want to know?”
“Heh, it’s a long story,” he replied. Glancing the way the mare had gone, Flash frowned. “Should I pursue the mare, your highness?”
Blueblood’s eyes widened. “Oh, heavens no! See, this is why I hate having a new guard stationed. I have to teach them all of my customs.”
“…Customs?”
Blueblood sighed. “Well, we aren’t going to accomplish anything by standing around like an earth pony. Come,” he said, turning and setting a pace back inside.
Flash watched him for a moment before following, questions about what exactly the prince had in store for him flowing through his head. Glancing around the castle residence of Blueblood, the pegasus had to admit that it was quite a lavish sight even if he weren’t a decorator. It was the quintessential portrait of style. Of course, even the most designer décor was nothing compared to the view he got of Blueblood as he trailed behind. Dear Celestia, he had a nice—
Flash stifled an embarrassed gasp. I can’t be thinking of that! he thought, berating himself. Even if I could watch that chiseled—
“Take a seat,” Blueblood said, “Would you care for tea?” Blueblood asked, magicking a pot toward them.
“Um, yes, your highness.”
The prince nodded as he poured out two cups. He took a deep sip of his own, prompting Flash to follow his example a tad bit awkwardly. Unfortunately, he nearly choked as the taste burned down his throat. “What’s in here?!” he gagged.
Blueblood chuckled. “Why, just my own special combination.”
“Your own?”
“Mmhm. Tea on its own is far too bland for my taste, so I mix it together with whatever I happen to pull out of my wine cabinet.”
“It’s tea mixed with alcohol?”
“It would be if there was any tea in it.”
Flash nudged the cup away from him.
“In any case,” Blueblood said, making a waving gesture with his hoof, “I suppose you should know a few of my policies.”
“Yes, your highness.”
“Mmhm. I’ll go ahead and quell your curiosity about that mare. Firstly, if a mare should come bawling out of my chambers like that, you are to let her go unhindered. She’s already been through enough and does not need anyone adding injury to insult.”
Flash shot him an incredulous look. “Uh… yes, your highness.”
“Good.” With a clap of his hooves, Blueblood took another slow, methodical sip of his “tea.” Setting it down again, he lasted all of three seconds before breaking into a grin. “I’d wager I’ve only fueled your curiosity now.”
“Yes… your highness.”
“Very well. As you are now stationed here, you’ll find that I’ll often have a lady at my side. In fact, you’ll find it is often a different lady every week. Care to guess what I am getting at?”
“Eheh…” Flash said, as his blush returned, “You… show them a good time?”
Blueblood broke into a wide, wry smile. “Not at all. I break their heart at the end of the week.”
Flash blinked. “…Your highness?”
Chuckling a few times, he said, “Nothing brings me greater satisfaction than seeing a mare broken and crying at my hooves, begging for another chance with the prince of their dreams.” He let out a content sigh. “…Never gets old.”
Flash could only stare at him. That’s so… hot!
“But enough about me. What about you, Sir Sentry?”
“Me?” he repeated, leaning back in surprise.
“Yes, you. If you are to be my new guard, then we are going to be spending much time seeing each other.”
“I really hope so,” he blurted before quickly covering his mouth with his hooves. Blueblood had no reaction, only watching him with a polite demeanor. “Um, there’s really nothing interesting about me…”
“Oh, surely such a brave knight such at yourself has some tales under his belt.”
“Eh…”
“Well, I’ve told you about my personal affairs. What about you? Any damsel in distress you’ve taken as your own?”
Flash was momentarily put off by the question, surprised that the prince would be asking about his own life, but the emotion was quickly replaced with tinges of sadness and disappointment as a flood of memories rushed to his mind. “Well, I was with Princess Twilight for a while…”
“The commoner princess? Do tell!”
The pegasus heaved a sigh. “We were going strong for the first month or two, but she started drifting apart from me. We spent less and less time together.”
Blueblood gave him a sympathetic look. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry.”
Don’t be, he thought wistfully. “It’s alright. It turns out she didn’t love me. She loved a bipedal monkey version of me from another dimension.”
“…Oh.”
Shooting Blueblood a glance, Flash said, “You know what that’s like, right?”
Blueblood stared, unblinking. “…Of course, dear. Why, I met this one mare at the Gala a few years back, but it only ended up in me being covered in cake! The brute that she was!”
“Yeah?”
“Indeed. It was a shame, really. I daresay she was the second most beautiful pony I’ve ever met.”
“Second?”
“The first being me, of course.”
“Mmhm…” Figuring he had nothing to lose except his sense of taste, the guard took another masochistic sip of his tea.
Blueblood cleared his throat. “I’m terribly sorry that it ended like that, truly, but I have to ask: is there any other currently in your sight? Perhaps a lovely mare or… stallion?”
Flash nearly sip his drink across the table. “Wha?!”
The prince merely giggled innocently. “Perhaps a stallion you’ve only just met?”
“I-I… how?!” he cried as a crimson fury blazed across his face.
Blueblood waved his hoof. “Dear, I could read you like mare in heat. Crazed, desperate, and just as easy to manipulate. Why, I bet you enjoyed the show as you came in.”
His eyes widened. “You…?!”
“Yes, I did.”
Flash couldn’t believe his ears. “B-but I thought you weren’t interested in…?”
The prince shrugged. “I could ask you the same thing. Weren’t you telling me of your exploits with a princess just a moment ago?”
“I-I’m… bi.” He gulped. Never before had he opened up to someone he knew so little, much less a prince. “But what about you? All those mares you mentioned?”
“I never said I had any romantic intentions, did I? No, I just emotionally break them for my own amusement.”
“S-so you are…?”
“Attracted to the rougher sex? Yes. I’ve always preferred rougher sex.”
Trembling in nervous anticipation, the pegasus bit his lip. “Are… you… me?”
Blueblood reached out with his hoof, taking Flash’s in his own. With a half-lidded gaze, he said, “I can always, as the peasants say, give it a shot.”
Flash’s eyes widened. Pinch me, I must be dreaming. “But you’re a prince!” he suddenly gasped.
“Yes, I am.”
“And I’m just a guard.”
“Yes, you are.”
“But… but you’re so noble! And special and perfect!”
Blueblood giggled. “Oh, do go on… Seriously, do go on.”
“And I’m just a common guard who hasn’t accomplished anything! I can’t even take care of myself. Remember how I left the Crystal Empire for my own good? That was because Prince Shining Armor kept looking for excuses to kick my flank for ‘breaking his sister’s heart.’ And she’s the one that broke mine and—”
He was cut off as his lips were suddenly pushed into Blueblood’s. Eyes expanding to saucers at the sudden intimacy, all resistance was swept away at the heavenly sensation of his own tongue being throttled at the mercy of the prince’s. He let out a moan of ecstasy as Blueblood broke away, a trail of saliva still connecting their lips.
“Oh, shut up and kiss me you self-doubting fool,” Blueblood commanded, pushing Flash onto the ground with his magic. Lying down on top of the speechless pegasus, he gave him a wry grin before saying, “Because we’re not stopping until tomorrow morning.”
Flash stared up at him, his own breathing heavy and his heart pounding. …It’s just like my fantasies! With a meager yet excited grin of his own, he said, “Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I love this. I’ve always loved this idea! I-I love you!”
He gasped, realizing what he’d just said. Blueblood even looked put off for a moment at the words. “I…” Flash started, but he put on his brave face. “Yes, I love you, Blueblood. I love you so much.”
The prince was silent for a moment before breaking into a wide, toothy grin. “I love you too, Flash, I love you too.”
For the rest of that night and many more to come, the two lovers were inseparable, physically as well as emotionally.
The end.
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Um... I don't ever go for the male homosexual romances (because I don't swing that way), but because it's from eLLen, i had to give it a shot.
Pretty funny, even if it gives more fuel to the fires of the 'two worst ponies in Equestria'.
This was so silly. Justice for Twi. Now she won't have to worry about anymore flashlight fics.
I don't love or hate Flash Sentry. But Blueblood can just... |
Yes.
Two things.
First:
Wine and tea? Wine and tea? That sounds so incredibly vile!
I mean, brandy or whiskey would be fine, that's just a hot toddy, but wine? Ugh!
Second:
img1.derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/6/28/663473.png
Cadence is totally watching from the sidelines, isn't she?
“Um, there’s really nothing interesting about me…”
You got that right Sentry! BURRRRRRRN! *crickets chirp*
“The commoner princess? Do tell!”
...what did you call Twilight, Blueblood? *cracks knuckles*
In all honesty, though, this is such a good story AND an interesting pairing!
YES FINALLY THIS IS A THING!!
It was somewhat rushed, but for what we got, it's funny. It's an amusing read from the most unlikely of paring. Oh well, have an up vote.
Two of the most hated characters in the show as a couple?
ALL MY YES!
I found a interactive version of another guard fucking him online check it out Staff edit: NSFW link removed.
s1.reutersmedia.net/resources/r/?m=02&d=20120815&t=2&i=642899701&w=580&fh=&fw=&ll=&pl=&r=CBRE87E1PTB00
This was glorious!
Blueblood sounded like Fancypants from my pov..
This is one of the most interesting stories I've read! I loved it
You know why Flash has a tip jar for his guard duties and works for tips? It's because no one will stick the whole thing in.
Weird.
Wow why did I read this...
Not that it was a bad story. I'm just I little disappointed in me. I did like it though.
I'm confused
I'm gonna throw a fit if this doesn't end up getting featured. Anything to break the monotony of the shameless clop that's been clogging the feature box.
5588802 Unfortunately, I think it would've hit the box already if it was going to be featured.
A story either makes it or it doesn't soon after being posted.
I actually was expecting this one to make the box if not for a little bit. I guess everyone prefers clop and orphan cookies (preferably at separate times).
5589845
Well, actually ...
Still a more believable romance than Twilight-Flash.
Hot.
Not gonna lie, I thought TwilightxOwlicious was the biggest crack ship I've seen, but boy was I WAY off.
Man, I should really get back to my own FlashBlood fic. Either way, had a chuckle over this one.
I'm not much for the stallion/stallion romance stories but this one is epic. I say this because not only does it pair two characters that I utterly hate, it is incredibly funny. Good job on this one.
Just what the buck are you thrying to kill us with?! I couldnt stop laughing for a half houre!
i.imgur.com/CudL9Gd.gif
Image is relevant.
5587130 You're not the only one feeling that way.
5583641 If you paid attention, you would have seen that there isn't any 'tea' in the tea.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
5703729
Still, the very concept..!
I've got opinions about booze, I'm sorry.
5703850 What is your opinion on booze? If it is something along the lines of "How can you drink this swill?", I'll have you know that it is the finest swill in the land.
The buck did I just read?
Just kidding. This was thoroughly enjoyable and very funny. Good work, man!
10/10
Hehahahahahaha hahahaha!!
i laughed like a mad man seeing this
I dont read malehomo themed stories but i'll make an exception for this one!!! It's too damn funny to pass up (that and because i somewhat dislike both of em).
This should be good.
*Grabs popcorn*
Absolutely disgusting! What if a child read this, and was exposed to such horrors?!
This was fun.
Well, I've certainly never read anything like that before. Thumbs upperino!
“It’s tea mixed with alcohol?”
“It would be if there was any tea in it.”
how do I find this man
and how do i become one with him
#butnotinagayway
*unscrews my eyes as if they are light bulbs and sets them in a trash can* you broke my eyes, now I got to go get new ones to read this.
Is it bad that I want more of this? I think it's such a weird, but an adorable couple.
6284150 I have an idea called "The Disgusting Marriage of Blueblood and Flash Sentry" in mind.
6284155 MAKE IT SO
.....if you don't min
6284166 I think I just might soon.
Time to glass the planet. For that is most certainly a pairing from hell.
shit happens, bro
Worst pony and Overhated pony? Now this is my jam.