My first oneshot, so be nice.
Pinkie decides that she will go and entertain some sick foals in the Ponyville Hospital ER. Just how will the children react to the pink pony. Read and find out.
Chapters (1)
brandsca123
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All in all, it made me laugh, and that's the best you can hope for.
Good job
Nazkan
Short but great
I didn't like it, but that's probably because I was looking for heartwarming/funny story. I ended up with... not exactly black comedy, more like dark grey.
Well I was expecting a bittersweet story about pinkie's cutie mark or a grimdark.
It was alright though.
541987 I don't do grimdarks. They're to scary for my taste. Cupcakes was horrifying to me.
I was actually expecting something quite different than this fiction. When I read the description, I was picturing the scene from Patch Adams when he entertains the terminally ill children (I'll put the video link at the end so you know what I mean). I didn't really buy a colt saying "kill me"; colts and fillies are still children, and rarely ask for death, never mind from a complete stranger. Some of the story's syntax is a bit awkward, and the dialogue needs some formatting fixes. Typically in your dialogue, it looks like this: "What a nice mare." She said. ; when it should be this: "What a nice mare," she said. It's a common mistake, and one I've had to work to fix these past couple years! That said, I thought your characterization of Pinkie was rather good. She is cheerful and determined till the end, although inside she's distraught. I also thought it was a nice touch to have Rarity thinking about helping the hospitalizes colts and fillies at the end. I think what I, personally, want from this is more Pinkie Pie humor and a more realistic characterization of the sick fillies and colts. Even still, this is a great idea for a fanfiction and I think it's a great draft.
Patch Adams Clip
Well, that was a wicked bit of dark humor.