DAY SIXTY-THREE
“HELP!” shouted a voice from the streets below.
“Dinky, ammo!” shouted Sweetie Belle. “NOW!”
“Got it! Catch!”
A magazine soared through the air and was immediately snatched by a green aura of magic. Sweetie Belle slammed the fresh mag into her rifle.
“Suppressing fire!” she yelled downstairs.
“On it!” Apple Bloom stuck her assault rifle out the window and began firing madly, causing the aggressors to duck behind the makeshift barriers they had set up in the street.
Sweetie Belle stuck her rifle through the gaps in the railing, swiveling the barrel on the bipod to the streets below. She eyed the scope, focusing on a piece of cover. A sliver of hair stuck up from behind it.
BLAM.
The shot echoed throughout the town as a bullet tore through the flimsy piece of cover. A spray of blood surged from behind it—she had hit her mark.
“Alright, Scoots, sniper’s down! Get the last one!”
– — T H I S W A R O F O U R S — –
“Got it!”
Scootaloo stepped out the front door, decked head to toe in makeshift armor and hefting the Gryphosi pistol in her foreleg.
“Behind the barrel!” came Sweetie's voice from upstairs.
Scootaloo swiveled, acquiring her target. With a mad dash of speed and a pump of her wings, she blazed straight towards the barrel.
The stallion behind it stood up, grinning maniacally as he raised his rifle.
BRATATATATAT.
He fell to the floor with no further ceremony.
“Too slow,” said Scootaloo with a grin.
“I think that’s the last of ‘em!”
“HAH!” Scootaloo grinned. “Crusader Citadel sixteen, Stupid Bandits nil!”
“Actually, I hate to admit it, but Stupid Bandits one!” shouted Apple Bloom from the doorway. "Remember the first time?"
“Will you two morons shut up and get those ponies in here already!” yelled Sweetie Belle from upstairs.
“Right!” Scootaloo cupped her hooves to her mouth and called out. “Diamond! Silver! Mister Filthy! Miss Sterling! It’s all clear, come on over quick, while it’s safe! We'll cover you!”
“I PREFER RICH!” yelled a voice in reply, as several figures emerged from cover and hastily made their way to the Library.
Scootaloo quickly gave them a once-over as they approached—the former high-society ponies were a ragged mess, covered head to toe in dirt and muck.
“Thank you, Miss Scootaloo,” said Mister Rich, his bloodshot eyes glimmering with grateful tears. “You’ve well and truly saved our necks, you have.”
“We can’t thank you enough,” agreed Miss Sterling, bowing politely.
Scootaloo smiled back. “Just doing what I can. Go on. Get inside to safety.”
He and Silver’s mother stepped inside. Sweetie Belle then turned to Diamond, who was in an utterly wretched state of uncleanliness.
“Nice,” she said with a grin. “Love the new look.”
“Oh shut it, blank flank,” she spat back at Scootaloo.
“Actually, err…” Scootaloo said, holding a hoof to her chin and feigning indecision. “Naaah, maybe I’ll tell you later…”
Diamond’s eyes widened. “Oh, don’t tell me—“
With a wide grin, Scootaloo hefted her armor up. The two fillies peered at the mark that adorned her haunches: a radiant circle of light, with a sword and a rifle crossed together upon it.
“What is it?” asked Silver.
“Beats me,” admitted Scootaloo. “Sweetie Belle thinks it has something to do with ‘courage and restraint with the use of force’, or something wordy like that.”
She leaned in and stage-whispered loudly.
“But, I like to think got a cutie mark in being totally badass.”
A moment of silence passed.
“…It suits you,” said Silver Spoon finally.
Scootaloo’s eyes widened disbelievingly, and she opened her mouth to respond—
“SCOOT!” came a panicked from above. “There’s more coming!”
“Oh crap oh crap! Girls, get inside and keep your heads down!” Scootaloo unceremoniously shoved the two fillies through the door and slammed it shut, before running into the field and sliding behind a fallen tree branch.
She loaded a fresh magazine into the Gryphosi pistol.
“We’ll be ready for ‘em.”
“Hang on… something’s strange about this one!”
“Huh? Why, what’s wrong?”
“One sec, it looks like… wait… oh my Stars…”
“C'mon, what is it?!” Scootaloo yelled, starting to lose her patience.
“Scootaloo. Apple Bloom. Just look.”
Growling, Scootaloo stood up and peered into the distance. From the eastern approach, a solid wall of multi-colored objects was advancing on the Library.
“What the…”
Scootaloo squinted her eyes even more, and slowly, the mass of color began resolving itself into individual objects.
Tanks. Huge, hulking tanks. And besides them, ponies. Uniformed ponies. Soldiers, marching down the street en masse.
“Scootaloo,” came a voice to her right, and Scootaloo turned to find that Apple Bloom had stepped up next to her, staring towards the sky, her sister's Stetson resting in a hoof. The other one was pointed upwards. “Look. In the sky. It’s a zeppelin.”
As Scootaloo looked up, she spotted a grand airship, swiftly approaching Ponyville from overhead.
“What the hay is going on...?” she said in awe-struck disbelief.
With a crackle, a voice emanated from the zeppelin over its loudspeakers.
A very familiar, scratchy voice.
“…is Colonel Rainbow Dash of the Equestrian Armed Forces!” it echoed, carrying throughout the whole town and for miles around. “By the power invested in me by Princess Twilight Sparkle of the Principality of Equestria, I hereby declare martial law upon the township of Ponyville and its surrounding regions!”
She blinked. She blinked once more.
“No friggin’ way.”
“In accordance with the terms of the Equestrio-Gryphosi Ceasefire of 1104 AC,” continued the voice, “all EAF and DPRG troops are now ordered to lay down your arms! Repeat: The Equestrio-Gryphosi war is over! Lay down your arms, surrender peacefully, and you can return to your homes and families!”
There was a moment of silence, before the speaker crackled again, and it began to repeat the announcement the hawkish language of the Gryphosi.
As the zeppelin zoomed overhead the Golden Oaks Library and disappeared from sight, Apple Bloom slowly turned to Scootaloo.
“Scoot… is this real?” said Apple Bloom breathlessly.
Scootaloo slowly turned to look at her. The Gryphosi pistol slipped from her hooves and clattered to the floor.
“It’s over,” she whispered in reply. “We’re done.”
– — T H I S W A R O F O U R S — –
Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle stood in the doorway of the Golden Oaks Library. Across from them, several meters away, were Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity. They stood at the foot of the boarding ramp leading to the zeppelin, which had finally landed in the clearing just in front of the Golden Oaks Library.
Compared to the Crusaders—who were decked from head to toe in armor that had been clearly been thrown together from whatever various scrap and debris they had scavenged over the last several months—the three adult mares wore cleanly pressed military dress uniforms, bearing the colors of the Equestrian army.
The two groups of ponies couldn’t have looked more different.
And yet, by the hardened, tired looks on the faces of the three sisters that stood before them, Scootaloo knew that they had been through as much of Tartarus as the Crusaders had.
It was only mere seconds before the two groups had broken into a run, sprinting towards each other. Together they met in the center, leaping into each other's arms in a moment that had been far too many months in the making.
“It’s over,” cried Scootaloo, losing all of the bravado that she had built up over the months as she bawled into Rainbow Dash’s unblemished dress uniform. “It’s finally over.”
Rainbow Dash hugged Scootaloo tightly.
“Yeah. It’s over,” she replied in a tired, cracked voice. “By the Sun and Stars, it’s finally over.”
Rainbow held Scootaloo out.
“You look like you’ve been through the Halls and back.”
“Heh… yeah… and you look like you're about to ask me to the Gala.” She snickered, then sighed in exhaustion. “I guess we’ve changed a lot, haven’t we.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess we have.”
They released their embrace.
“Shit, sorry,” said Scootaloo, chuckling. “I just got snot all over your fancy clothes.”
“Hah!” Rainbow Dash ruffled Scootaloo’s hair. “I may be a changed mare, but I ain’t Rarity!”
Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash giggled lightly.
“I see you did exactly what I told you, kid,” Rainbow Dash said with a grin, staring at the cutie mark now visible on Scootaloo’s flank.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash smiled. “You were brave.”
Scootaloo smiled. Then, tears formed in her eyes again, and Rainbow Dash moved to hug her as she began bawling once more.
Everything that had happened. All the death. All the sorrow. All the pain. The sleepless nights of shelling and bombs, the gunfire that peppered the sky. The evil and the greed and the selfishness that had torn Ponyville’s streets apart.
And they had survived.
“It’s finally over,” she whispered once more, her voice muffled through Rainbow Dash’s dress coat.
“…Yeah. It’s over.”
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5546726
5547203
Different universe.
Great story!
A satisfying conclusion, I must say. It doesn't wrap up everything, but it gives you just enough closure to end the story with a smile.
5550975
Oh, well. It's not as if it's a big detractor from the story, it's just something that stood out to me. The story still is enjoyable as it is.
And nobody says you can't make an addendum at some point down the line...
Oh, please.
Self-loathing is sooo last year.
5551662
Do you mean that I have to scrap my theory about an alternate timeline in which Sweetie Belle didn't discover an interest in videogames and thus couldn't avoid the equestrian-gryphosi war through videogames and adorableness?
5550975 Unfortunately, you've exceeded that limit by 145 words.
YOU MAKE ME WANT TO WRITE IN THIS WORLD, you butt.
Because badass Crusaders + politics + armies + Mane 6 'growing up' are all just ugh yes. Why you do this to me?!
Grade A++!
5556440 Hah. Do it. Lemme know if you wanna bounce ideas back and forth regarding the setting.
5557372 Have we not established I am able to worldbuild but not write? XD
I would, but tbh, I am horrible at the nitty gritty here - I tend to flavor more for epics and short-sweetness. >.>
5557565 No, I don't think we have. But okay, sure, that makes sense.
Despite those nagging feelings that this was in fact a crossover, I don't think the tag is warranted. Definitely enjoyed the story, and I look forward to whatever expansions happen post-contest.
5552458
Looks like someone needs to get with the times.
Didn't you know the Fimfic word counter is broken? It counts things like contractions as two words.
5576217 No, I did not know that, but it does explain how chapters I myself post mysteriously gain additional words. Somehow, I never made the connection.
5576258
It's a really weird thing, and it makes contest word limits pretty flexible.
Well, that was interesting. You did some research, clearly.
The evolution of the crusaders into combat-capable and resourceful survivors was done about as well as anyone could possibly have managed in such a tiny word limit. Bravo.
It seems odd though, how guns just are a part of this universe, unquestioned by any of the crusaders. I mean... Twilight just has a revolver and a box of cigars lying around in the library? I could see her dad having that stuff, but Twilight? I know, word limit and all, but why do guns exist, and why does Twilight have guns and tobacco? Some explanation of why would have been nice. (I'm imagining that Twilight got the gun from her parents as a piece of historical or family interest, and maybe kept the cigars for the inevitable birth announcement from Shining and Cadance?)
I liked the interaction with the Griffons. I feel like there's an awful lot more exploration to do here, and if you turn this into a longer-format story, that's on my wish list.
Overall, I thought this was great.
One year in hell.
This was an awesome story. Will there be a sequel or sidestories?
5581134
I've never actually seen a dead body before, and I dread the day I do. I can barely even comprehend the cognitive dissonance one must feel to be in the presence of a corpse, to know that something so lifeless once talked, laughed, loved, and dreamed.
I feel like this is something we as a society have slowly started to forget, simply because it's painful and overwhelming to consider the staggering implications of death, especially on a large scale. Because of that distance we end up creating, we lose sight of the true cost of war; we simply know that it's this nebulous thing that exists and is bad, yet the scope of that "badness" is beyond what any of us can imagine.
5581402
In my initial draft, I actually went with swords, polearms, and trebuchet/catapult bombardments. But that introduced a number of problems I couldn't figure out how to work around. Mainly creating the atmosphere (distant reports of gunfire, bomb shells, etc). But also because it was difficult to imagine the Crusaders standing a chance of survival if all they had to work with were melee weapons that they were far too weak to use. Firearms are dangerous and difficult to handle (and I was really pushing it with Sniper Belle™), but they admittedly have a much lower learning curve in comparison.
Of course, having guns introduces a whole new host of problems, like how the hell they're supposed to use them without fingers, but eh. At least they're technical problems, rather than thematic ones. (Also, I totally cheated on the bullet halo thing. Because fuck physics.
)
Technologically-speaking, I always imagined Equestria to be undergoing its industrial revolution, so guns would be feasible at the time. My headcanon is that the gryphons pioneered combustible ballistics (as evident by the Gryphosi machine pistol, which I mentally modeled after a Beretta M93r), and Equestria came to adapt it purely out of cultural osmosis, along with an arms race with Gryphos. I'd say, between the two, it's 1990's vs 1950's tech.
As for why Twilight had one, she's a decorated diplomat in my universe, which of course means fancy cigars and (mostly ceremonial) revolvers. Plus, wartime Equestria meant Ponyville had a lightly-armed militia.
Most of my ideas for Gryphos came from worldbuilding I did for my other fic, This Game of Mine, which has the two countries locked in a state of cold war. Some of my readership has even speculated that this story takes place in the same universe.
Other fun fact: the Gryphosi are heavily-inspired by the Romans/Italians.
5583993
Yep! There's a lot more stuff to introduce, and I've barely only scratched the surface. A lot of days got skipped.
Hell, I think I'll mark this as incomplete.
5588196
Good thing that I put this on my Favourites list,
wouldn't want to miss the next chapter(s).
Keep me posted and have a nice day.
Weird that Ponyville didn't evacuate its citizens before the Gryphons arrived, given that they've had months (at the very least, weeks) to know it was coming, but maybe Ponyville was surrounded or something?
DAY FIVE:
Seems rather bleak for them only being five days into a siege. I think something like "I really hope they're okay" or "I really hope they're safe" would be better. Surviving in a war zone is not really comparable to actually being relatively unscathed, which is probably what Scootaloo is hoping for.
DAY TWENTY-EIGHT:
Just nitpicking here, but "several" usually implies more than two.
The real question is how Applebloom is surviving an extended firefight with only a dozen bullets.
Shouldn't Sweetie be suffering even worse from her fever? It's been another whole day without her receiving any medicine and she wasn't looking good the previous day. If she wasn't conscious, it'd also open up some space for Applebloom's condemnation of Scootaloo. As it is, it's resolved too quickly to really have an effect. But I guess that's a word count limit issue.
DAY SIXTY-THREE:
Stone-cold killers only two months since the Battle for Ponyville began. 'Tis the true Fallout: Equestria experience.
I can't help but giggle at the absurdity of the situation, but if Imploding Colon taught me anything, it's that awesome is a viable substitute for sanity.
Tracking, because this story is fun as hell to read.
5588196
Was that mentioned and I missed it? I think a couple of sentences earlier on could have made that revelation a bit smoother.
5590638 Nope! I threw it in there 'cause they needed a gun, couldn't figure out how to communicate why Twi had one while the CMC were getting robbed, figured I'd work on an explanation later, then totally forgot.
Umm... Oops.
Thanks for the critique though! I'll definitely figure something out once I get back to working on this in earnest.
So you'll be continuing this?
I'm confused. Is the story over?
And yeah, totally need to play that The War of Mine survival game. It looked too depressing for me the first time. But dang if this story didn't get me wanting to try it out. xD
Oh wow I'm currently writing story like this except the crusaders are soldiers. Left Behind during an attack on Ponyville(And Equestria as a whole) they are forced to fight back by any means necessary or die.
This was pretty good. I look forward to this if you ever plan on revisiting it.
I feel like it needs a long epilogue to deal with all what's happened, and why there was even a War. Though the latter could be a story of its own. Nice job, either way.
7382167 I agree... good story but needs epilogue to tie it all together
Well-written and entertaining, just like everything else of yours I've read. Really liked the worldbuilding. My only real complaint is that it starts off feeling like a more complete narrative with smaller timeskips, but then by the end it feels more fragmented and like a collection of loosely-connected vignettes. Which isn't inherently a bad thing; it's just jarring, as the story goes from strong character development at the beginning that we're actually shown to developments that feel more implied than given outright. Though I know you were working within a word count for a contest, so yeah, I really like this for what it is. I just wish there were a bit more.
Dang, I really enjoyed this. I've always liked the CMC's group, but you really shifted it into something else completely. I think the atmosphere you set up was very tense, too; I was always fearful that something would happen in a split second. The only thing I found myself wanting was that there was more. You've set up such a nice world, I'd have liked you see more of it, especially character development.
Meant to read your own More Most Dangerous Game entry a while back, back during the contest itself. Two-and-a-bit years isn't too ridiculous a delay, right?
This was excellent. I've not got much experience with This War of Mine itself, but while I recognised a lot of the concepts and scenarios from that, it's a story that stands on its own perfectly well without knowledge of it. The progression of the Crusaders from terrified innocents to hardened survivors is handled deftly - the timeskips aren't jarring in that regard - and it's darned evocative of the desperation, helplessness, and scrabble for survival of civilians caught up in a terrifying warzone. One part that especially stood out was Scootaloo being treated by the griffon soldiers. Their genuine concern for a civilian and the glimpse into their culture really helped humanise (equinise? something-ise) them, and was a welcome wee glimmer of light.
A few hiccups here and there - other folk have pointed out the lapse into first-person at the end of the first chapter - but never anything that drew me out of the story. Affa good work, Swan.
8659788
True dat. They’d have to cook the meat to keep it at least a bit sanitary. Even if they are kids, they can still do fucked up shit. I once read a book ‘long way gone’ where terrorists in Africa gave this kid drugs, a gun, and told him to kill people. He did everything requested and it took years of therapy to get him back to normal and write the book. Also sorry if I gave you depression.
This was a fun read! I honestly had no idea you'd written anything aside from TGoM, so it was pretty interesting to pick up. I kinda want the two to find a way to merge, but the how of it makes it hard to see the duo congealing right...