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Lotus is a professional masseuse. She sees the pony below the skin, and tends to coax just as much out of their mouths as their muscles. Late one day, she gives three very different massages to three close friends, all of whom mention a name she isn't familiar with: Applejack.
Featured by The Royal Canterlot Library and Equestria Daily
The original version of the story took 5th place in The Writeoff Association's February 2015 contest, "Closing Time"
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Oh man, I was waiting for this one to come out :D Easily my favorite of the writeoff, a shame it didn't place higher.
And I had also thought it was bookplayer, but I'm quite glad it wasn't :D
5683586
You flatter me, good sir
Honestly, I couldn't be happier with how it placed in the writeoff; there were some absolutely fantastic entries in that round.
This story made me feel like quiet characters are the most fun, especially with that ending. Also, I feel the need to go get a massage too.
This was a very interesting read. You outdone yourself with this one.
The mud Rarity likes to bathe in comes from Applejack's farm?
It is always a highlight when uncommon characters are given the spotlight, and this story does it in a way that I thought was pretty clever and overall just a lot of fun to read
How did you convey Lotus so well without words?
Definately one of my best late night reads!!!!
5685006
You should read this.
Anyway, this was as good as it was in the write-off. Expect a review shortly.
5685824 Oh that's a riot !
As promised, I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.
5683586
I know what you mean. I started to read it and I was like, "Oh come on, another darn fic about how great Applejack is from bookplayer? Can't she write anything else?"
Anyway, this was my top fic of the competition (which should surprise no one.) I love the premise, I really like Lotus' characterization, and I like the addition of Twilight here. Excellent job, and thanks for writing it!
PS:
i.imgur.com/od0xMCF.png
I still love this story, especially the added anatomical headcanon. The idea of intense magic use building neck muscles in unicorns is a really cool idea, and it makes sense. We've seen how Twilight tenses up when focusing on experimental spellcraft. All that strain and tension has to go somewhere.
Twilight's vignette was a nice addition, especially how her tension resolved itself. There's a nice air of her body being a plaything of her mind, a subtle sense of existing on a higher level than the average spa customer.
Thank you for getting this onto Fimfiction.
5685978
Um, I'm still surprised to see my work next to the words "top fic". I'm glad you enjoyed it
I spent longer writing Twilight's section than all the others combined, and went through multiple drafts... Which sounds disturbingly like Twilight herself wrote it
5685999
Yay, thanks!
That first "you" is unnecessary and doesn't make any sense in the sentance. Otherwise, that is a pretty funny line in a very good story. Good job.
Applejack is best pony
even if she's too humble to notice.
I liked this story a lot. The characters were spot on and well written.
Nice job
5688305
Thanks for pointing that out! I fixed it
This was an amazing read, and I'm glad to see it posted here.
Well done.
First, three sections of three main characters' inner feelings being expertly picked apart through the medium of massage. That was all definitely enough on its own for me to consider this a first-class one-shot.
Then, out of the blue, comes Applejack's section hitting really close to home for me. It really is hard being someone who has admirable qualities but has trouble expressing themselves. My friends respect me, they think I'm cool - "paragon" is a good word for it. A paragon of intelligence and levelheadedness, that's how they tend to view me, never seeming to consider that someone so awesome could have an inner life. I have one friend whose interactions with others tend to hinge much more on the other person's flaws than their strengths, who I find I have a much easier time talking to than any of the others.
But enough about me, it's not like I'm having a massage here. The writing was flawless. I didn't notice a single glaring grammatical error or even any slightly awkward wording. I loved Applejack's depiction and how you laid it all out so clearly from the perspective of a pony who didn't know her and didn't even think that hard about it. I (narcissist) am writing a story about Applejack myself right now, partly in an attempt to understand the character better, and this is sure to influence how I view her. I think there's no better way to understand someone than by finding common ground with them.
So, really, all in all, this story isn't just excellent, it's exactly what I needed to read right about now. By its own merit, I'd say it deserves a feature; about a hundred thumbs up and a spot in "Popular Stories" doesn't begin to do it justice.
That was wonderful. You are a great writer.
Loved Lotus' professional silence and her attitude.
Typos
___1
After that little bout, she likely some more tension waiting to be released.
likely had some
___2
Please let us rebuild the bond we had was I was still under your wing.
had while I
___
It's a decent story and gets a 3~5 from me.
Although, the characters spieling on and on 'talking to themselves' and Applejack showing up then doing the same felt a little forced, but still I did like the story and the ending.
As written, this means she saved her words for her patrons. That's probably not what you meant. I think you meant "when working, she reserved words from patrons".
I love stories like this.
5703695
Thank you for pointing out the typos, they've been fixed
5703979
A belated thanks for pointing that out. I thought for days about how I wanted to reword it and came up with nothing… then someone else volunteered the exact phrase I'd been looking for
Very clever! Well done!
This was well written, and the last two lines made me laugh.
An episode using scenes like this would actually be pretty interesting,. The first few minutes could be each of the mane 6 getting massages and revealing how they truly feel, and the rest of the episode would be how they deal with what they all find out.
This made me remember how fucked up my back is after the lat few months. I need a massage one of these days. Or a chiropractor visit
To be honest, I kind of hated Lotus' character in this fanfiction.
You wrote her as if she hates having customers. Her reactions to people coming in the store sound so bad! You'd think she hates her job. It's her special talent darn it! I mean, people aren't going to be happy sunshiney all the time, but we don't have any indication that this was a bad day for lotus or that she has any reason to be grumpy except that it's near the end of the day. It gives me the impression that the writer has little experience with the satisfaction of a job well done, even when you've been doing it all day.
It sounds like she doesn't hate doing her work, since she does make an effort to do a good job once they come in, but still! When I have customers (I work in Tech support) I don't have such a bad attitude when they call in.
And her insistence to never speak is creepy! I'd be super creeped out if my masseuse never talked. Unless someone is mute, there's no excuse for them not to talk. It's rude! at least a word here and there would be satisfactory. If you never talk you give the impression that you're ignoring them or the person is not even worth the effort to speak.
Very well written. I too enjoyed that 4,000+ words and not a single one from Lotus. Excellent work! One call out for me was 'birthing children', which made me laugh,
but I re-read the sentence and thought 'birthing foals'. Thanks for this read, and I'm adding it to my favs.
...Holy cow. You are either a mind reader of the highest caliber, or you are closely familiar with a massage therapist.
I happen to be trained in the latter, and I was nodding my head with everything that Lotus was thinking.
Wonderful job there with relating the tension in the body and mind as the charcters went along. Sure could use you in my pre-reader contacts I you ever have the time
Lotus sure seems to hate her job...
Well this was a good read.
Loved the descriptions Lotus conveyed without speaking.
5771247
5772685
I don't think Lotus hates her job, and as you said she enjoys doing it well. Her choosing not to speak, her attitude as the day draws to a close, and at least one spoilerish thing point to her being an introvert. Having a customer-facing job wears her down, even if she enjoys the actual work.
Thanks for reading and commenting
I loved this and the ending was hilarious
BTW, I recommend that you also throw Rainbow Dash in there, cuz that would be AWESOME
5819244
Thanks
I did consider putting Rainbow and Pinkie in as well, but decided it'd be too repetitive. I also liked having one of each pony type as a client for the same reason. Still, since I put some thought into why Pinkie and Rainbow would've come in in the first place... maybe I'll put some notes on that in an author's note, or a blog post
5820643 Oh OK then
That was wonderful :).
It was funny and, bizzarely, reading about ponies getting massages is actually quite cathartic somehow XD.
Ahahaha!
Haha XD
Hey! Leave Fluttershy alone!
Aw...
Haha
. Respect.
XD
Applebuck Season AJ. Remember Applebuck Season! ^^
Wow XD. That was good!
Do. Or do not. There is no try. XD
Is somepony feeling underappreciated? ^^
<3
This is wonderful!
Great story :).
Round of applause!
5820643 You SHOULD do some kind of sequel involving Rainbow and Pinkie.
5863138 I'm not sure either of them could sit still long enough for a massage.
5936851 I'm sure Lotus specializes in ways to get ponies to settle down.
One of the best ponyfics that I've ever read. And I love those views into Lotus's thoughts: who knew that a snarker lurked beyond that aqua coat? That was definitely a nice touch.
Very good read. Nice, low-key slice of life.
Not sure what to classify this as for my favorites: Heartwarming or a Laughing yourself silly or Trolls! All 3 kinda fit since AJ got to treat herself for a change, reading a comment about how the mud Rares likes so much comes from SAA makes me think of my new Trolls! shelf and the whole story is adorably funny in it's own way so......stuck with my classic shelf until I can figure it out.
Edit: Added to my Lol shelf purely due to the ending.
Good to read this one again. I like the addition of the scene with Twilight. :)
6983239
I want to say "oops, forgot the h!" except that's too likely to be taken seriously :P
Thanks for the reread