Mankind has finally reached the stars and is now attempting to reach other systems in the galaxy. What will happen when one man finds himself stuck, unable to return home, on a strange new world with talking ponies?
Nice. Still needs some work on the proofreading, but overall, not bad. Though, surprised the Changelings found it so fast. Then again, Changelings are theorized to have a psionic link, and it stands to reason that some would be stationed around Ponyville to keep an eye on Twilight and her friends. With how fast Ponyville's population has increased since she became a princess, it'd be easy to hide some among the citizens. Still surprised though that he didn't question the lack of guards though. I mean, he's a trained explorer. He should have realized that something was up.
5687792 It's fine. I did notice you did better proofreading on this one. I did notice, however, you doing a common internet mistake of accidentally swapping 'then' and 'than', grammar wise. But, that's an easy one to miss, eh? After all, spell check counts that as a word and doesn't check for grammar misuse. XD That, and as you said, you rushed it a bit due to being ill. Can't blame ya there. Weather's been hellish lately.
5687800 Minnesota here needs a Winter Wrap Up of its own. Though I can take the cold, the dry air is my weakness. Also in terms of the guard situation, I was trying to make it so that he thinks that any possible guards were called back for some other possible reason. I also realized I made Twilight say that there were supposed to be guards there, which I will fix to have it be where she believes there might be. It isn't supposed to be something certain.
5687813 Ah. Understandable then.^_^ I know how it is when you forget little details like that when trying to write something. Case in point with the latest Zelda concept I'm posting on my Deviantart account. Forgot to include the detail for it that he starts out with Epona for that adventure concept. Had to edit that in. It's easy to miss things when you're on a roll, eh?
M so far my only issue with this story is a minor one. Its your use of commodore. Out of all the possible military designations you could have given him you pick the only one that actually manages to make me mentally break and re read the sentence as commander so I stop picturing a really old man in a tricentennial hat as your protagonist. Beyond that I'm enjoying it.
Only issue is that the Air Force of the United States handles all air and space technologies. Sometimes working with NASA, but it is the Air Force, not the Navy that would have the jurisdiction over that kind of a mission.
5690446 Naw it would be the Navy. They Navy has the systemology to build ships that can operate without support for extended periods of time. The Air Force is built around hard hits in a fast period of time then a lot of maintenance. The way you would fight would be more navy style too. I would give you that if it were plausible for small craft to sortie and be effective that that would be Air Force but the carrier would be Navy.
This story is a little too fantastical for my liking. It come across as more wishful thinking than researched and reasoned. Instead of helping him out a bit, Radel is basically given super powers. A more tame and believable bio implants would be scrubbing fatigue toxins and better oxygen flow to muscles so that he could be active for longer without sleep and have far better endurance. And thinking that bringing what is basically a futuristic battle tank to meet the head of state is a good idea? That makes me cringe. He was well treated and given medical care. To bring deadly weapons into the presence of the rulers is a WTF were you thinking moment. Armor takes up space and volume. It would be designed to protect against current technology threats and as a result it would not be paper thin. Realistically there would be no way that he could hide that. A balistic fabric uniform to stop projectiles, yes. Powered armor, no.
I still am interested in the story, it will just be based on plot and character interactions. No tech porn here for me. I recommend some military sci-fi from the publisher Baen, there are a bunch of authors there that do a lot of research and fit the tech to known science with mabee one field of technology that the consequences of are well thought out.
As for the writing itself, you are doing pretty good.
Nice. Still needs some work on the proofreading, but overall, not bad. Though, surprised the Changelings found it so fast. Then again, Changelings are theorized to have a psionic link, and it stands to reason that some would be stationed around Ponyville to keep an eye on Twilight and her friends. With how fast Ponyville's population has increased since she became a princess, it'd be easy to hide some among the citizens. Still surprised though that he didn't question the lack of guards though. I mean, he's a trained explorer. He should have realized that something was up.
5687759
Yeah, since I got hammered with some virus for a week, I kind of wanted to get it done as soon as possible so I might have some errors in it.
5687792 It's fine. I did notice you did better proofreading on this one. I did notice, however, you doing a common internet mistake of accidentally swapping 'then' and 'than', grammar wise. But, that's an easy one to miss, eh? After all, spell check counts that as a word and doesn't check for grammar misuse. XD That, and as you said, you rushed it a bit due to being ill. Can't blame ya there. Weather's been hellish lately.
5687800
Minnesota here needs a Winter Wrap Up of its own. Though I can take the cold, the dry air is my weakness. Also in terms of the guard situation, I was trying to make it so that he thinks that any possible guards were called back for some other possible reason. I also realized I made Twilight say that there were supposed to be guards there, which I will fix to have it be where she believes there might be. It isn't supposed to be something certain.
5687813 Ah. Understandable then.^_^ I know how it is when you forget little details like that when trying to write something. Case in point with the latest Zelda concept I'm posting on my Deviantart account. Forgot to include the detail for it that he starts out with Epona for that adventure concept. Had to edit that in. It's easy to miss things when you're on a roll, eh?
M so far my only issue with this story is a minor one. Its your use of commodore. Out of all the possible military designations you could have given him you pick the only one that actually manages to make me mentally break and re read the sentence as commander so I stop picturing a really old man in a tricentennial hat as your protagonist. Beyond that I'm enjoying it.
5688202
Haha, yeah, sorry bout that.
Only issue is that the Air Force of the United States handles all air and space technologies. Sometimes working with NASA, but it is the Air Force, not the Navy that would have the jurisdiction over that kind of a mission.
5690446 Naw it would be the Navy. They Navy has the systemology to build ships that can operate without support for extended periods of time. The Air Force is built around hard hits in a fast period of time then a lot of maintenance. The way you would fight would be more navy style too. I would give you that if it were plausible for small craft to sortie and be effective that that would be Air Force but the carrier would be Navy.
This story is a little too fantastical for my liking. It come across as more wishful thinking than researched and reasoned. Instead of helping him out a bit, Radel is basically given super powers. A more tame and believable bio implants would be scrubbing fatigue toxins and better oxygen flow to muscles so that he could be active for longer without sleep and have far better endurance. And thinking that bringing what is basically a futuristic battle tank to meet the head of state is a good idea? That makes me cringe. He was well treated and given medical care. To bring deadly weapons into the presence of the rulers is a WTF were you thinking moment. Armor takes up space and volume. It would be designed to protect against current technology threats and as a result it would not be paper thin. Realistically there would be no way that he could hide that. A balistic fabric uniform to stop projectiles, yes. Powered armor, no.
I still am interested in the story, it will just be based on plot and character interactions. No tech porn here for me. I recommend some military sci-fi from the publisher Baen, there are a bunch of authors there that do a lot of research and fit the tech to known science with mabee one field of technology that the consequences of are well thought out.
As for the writing itself, you are doing pretty good.