- Member Since 8th Apr, 2013
- offline last seen January 15th
Sharp Spark
Nothing says I miss you quite like war poetry carved in your door with a stanley knife.
Sharp Spark
Joined 8th Apr, 2013 ·
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DAMMIT BLOOM YOU HAD ONE JOB!
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw10672_small.jpg
One of my top contenders in the writeoffs, and good here. Smoothly scaled up to 1000 words.
Only one and it wasn't a hard job but you failed and now one of your friend could die
As somebody old enough to remember Duck And Cover drills, this is really good.
Teachers job to do the head count. . 3...2...1...->) BooM (<-
Scootaloo looked down at the direct hit the shelter took
Tough luck . Better them than me ! 
What with the various magical supervillain attacks and being right next to a forest inhabited by things like dragons and Ursa Majors, this actually seems to be a sensible precaution.
(Cheer up folks - Scootaloo gets her Eldritch Abomination cutie mark! Pity she can't show it off without driving Ponies mad.)
5635614 But what about Pinkie.... nevermind I just remember who I brought up.
I love how you left it open to chance. Was it just another drill? Maybe a fluke of scheduling? Or maybe, just maybe...
Great job.
This is still great.
I wrote a review of this story.
And I really need to start making badges.
wow, earned its dark tag. Well done writing.
I kinda figured it might be who it ended up being, but still well done and nicely ambiguous as to the ultimate outcome.
This is one of those stories that really benefits from being how short it is. It felt like just the right amount to give me a sense of dread. This was really, really good for a little over 1k words. Well done.
....
....
EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL FIC! (Twilight zone worthy. Good Twilight Zone)
*Faves and thumbs up*
5639864
William Shatner Pony: There's... something... out there... on... the... trap...... door!
5640295
That reference is more evil then the story. (No it's not)
I read this story, knew what you were gonna do halfway through the story, you didn't do that, and then you did.
You motherfucker.
Totally flipped me with that ending nice job.
I have no idea what happened, and that scares me. Could someone please explain it to me?
5642478 i meant to scootaloo
5641905 I can tell you what I think happened, if that's any help;
There's some sort of war going on, involving air raids (due to the multiple implications that there hasn't been a real attack yet, but multiple drills, I'm guessing that it's a nuclear war rather than a WWII type blitzkrieg). To prepare for the air raids, there are bomb shelters underneath certain buildings, which is the room under the hatch (Probably some sort of converted basement); the shelters have built in shield generators, which lock out anyone outside the shelter for half an hour.
Apple Bloom is in charge of getting the entire class into the shelter when the sirens go off, but she's got used to the sirens being a drill; she doesn't consider that it might be real. When she's counting ponies in the shelter, she notices Diamond Tiara isn't there; she remembers that she went to the toilet, and reasoning that she's still in there, she decides to pull a revenge prank on her. She's going to leave her up there, so she panics when she can't get into the shelter, as revenge for all the 'blank flanks' comments. She lies to Cheerilee that everyone's in the shelter, and they seal the door, locking Diamond Tiara out. When she's down there, Sweetie Belle reminds her that there was a drill last week, when drills only come once a month; I.E, this is a real attack, and she's just condemned Diamond to death. Then she sees that Diamond is in the shelter, safe, and realises that Scootaloo isn't in the shelter; she's still outside. Scootaloo is now locked out and doomed, because of Bloom' s attempt at revenge.
TL;DR - Apple Bloom thinks she left Diamond Tiara outside the shelter during an air raid drill as a prank. It turns out that the raid is real, and Diamond Tiara is safe, but she's accidentally left Scootaloo out there instead, probably dooming her.
That's my interpretation, anyway. Hope it helps.
Peace.
5642487 well ok then!
5641010
Just Winging it.
This was certainly interesting...
I'd love to see it get some kind of sequel detailing Scootaloo's and Diamond Tiara's reactions to what's going on.
5644859 Why Diamond Tiara? She was safe in the bunker.
5644984
5644859
Exactly the punch line was that she actually left scoots up there.... And that it might not be a drill...
5644984 I actually missed the line where Apple Bloom noticed Diamond Tiara.
But either way, I'd still like to see a sequel where we find out what happens to Scootaloo
5645036 Agreed.
Good light story. Feels like a good start to a series.
Sequel?
You may want to clarify that the "sirens" are not three villains. I was switching from imagining the Sirens in their pony forms as fillies, and then imagining that it is the human world, to finally realizing that it's like an air-raid bomb drill with that kind of sirens blaring loudly.
oh snap. you wrote this one? NICE!
I don't recall if I ever commented on the story, but it really had that pre-Fallout look to what would happen if such a bad thing happened to Equestria like that.
Glad you got 2nd place, it was certainly my top two. I was a bit disappointed with the winning entry, this was better by comparison imho. Thanks for posting it on Fimfic, now I can properly fav this one! xD
This has everything I want in a dark fic. The kind where the last little bit justifies the dark tag and makes the reader shudder with uneasiness.
I cannot recommend this story enough. Easily one of the best Dark fics on the site, and a smashing, tense read all around.
Dearly hoping it gets featured.
This is a good story, but I wish it was a bit longer.
I love when people pull off dark without resorting to extreme gore or anything like that. Chilling. What makes it scarier is that this can totally happen.
5645036
I disagree. I feel like what actually happened isn't important to the story, and it would feel a little bit like Sharp Spark were just milking this story's success if he/she did write that.
5650537 I agree that finding out why they had to go into the bunker isn't important, but that's not what I was talking about
5650731
Well, finding out what happens to Scootaloo would naturally lead to us finding out what happened to make them enter the bunker, would it not? Besides, I even think that finding out what horrific thing happened to Scootaloo would defeat the purpose. The power of the ambiguity of the ending is that our minds fill in what happened to her, because it isn't said, and whatever we can think of will always be better—for us—than whatever the author could come up with.
The fact that we don't know is what makes it so scary of a thought. If we knew that, say, Scootaloo was stomped on by a dragon, that takes the fun out of it.
5650767 Well the events could be kept vague, and a sequel could be styled so that it takes place after the event is finally over.
5650893
I suppose we can agree to disagree. I will submit to one point- a story about what happened to Scootaloo would be interesting, even though I feel like it would detract from the original story too much for it to be worth it.
5650909 All right then.
5652511
From the mention of sirens, I'm assuming it's something like what they used during WWI or something to signify that there was to be a bombing and everyone should rush for the nearest shelter. And since Sweetie Belle says that they tested it once a month and this was the second one in the month, that means that this wasn't a drill and something was definitely happening. Apple Bloom counted twenty ponies but didn't remember seeing Diamond Tiara, so she just wanted to have some fun and leave DT locked out and freaking out about the sirens. Turns out she left Scootaloo locked outside, possibly facing death of some sort. Maybe.
5653084
No problem!
And then Scootaloo was a Bandit, and a rather pissed one at that.
So... Did this story win? Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5664713 What are you talking about?
5678867
Basically, Scootaloo becomes a typical Post-Apocalyptic Raider type who isn't terribly pleased with Applebloom forgetting about her.
I remember this.
I'll review it properly soon enough.
565306 Oh no, no, no... :starts shaking: well, it DID have a Dark tag... This is amazing. This was w was amazing. Chilling.
5634730 Why was she? So... they could make sure she got in? 'Cause she was scared or something? Or absentminded AND scared? yeah, I read too fast.
5774480
The comment you responded to was actually a little private joke. In my review of the first draft in the Writeoffs, I mentioned how weird it was that "A"lula went first, but "D"iamond Tiara wasn't in line before "S"weetie Belle and "S"cootaloo. So the line I quoted was Sharp Spark poking some good-natured fun at my alphabetic interpretation.
Oh, wow. That's brutal in how ambiguous it is. When it comes to horror, this is a proof of how less is so, so much more.