- Member Since 24th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Last Friday
The Grimm Reaper
The Grimm Reaper is the writer of the 'Darkness Duology', 'Immortal', 'They Come at Night... Mostly!' and 'Only Bone Deep'. Among others.
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While I'm tentative, dood. I'll just hope that this ship sails the right way, dood.... or better yet... MY right way/.
YES! YES YES YES YES YES!
the only thing i have to critique about this story so far is that even though we're supposed to have been reading from scootaloos point of view, it didn't feel like scootaloos thoughts. it read like we were seeing from twilights point of view, with all the technical and grown up way things were put together. like, this part here:
how would she. a filly, come to such an accurate conclusion? even with twilight time bolstering her knowledge, i can't see her being able to come to that conclusion without help. not that i'll stop reading if you decide that the story doesn't need to change. i just figured i'd put my thoughts out there for you to consider.
This is awesome.
5681489 I know what you mean, i couldn't really tell it was scootaloo, She sounded way to mature, and well... intelligent.
5682025 mature is expected, with her having to care for herself more than normal kids due to being an orphan. it was the intelligence that threw me. and like i said, i won't stop reading if they decide not to change it.
Since this is possessive, it should be its. No apostrophe. It's is a contraction of it is.
Nightfall shouldn't be capitalized.
5682375
5681489
5682025
Alright, I've done a bit of dumbing down for her. But you must realise that thoughts often tend to show more intelligence than spoken words. After all, words alone do not make the thought. I was describing the scene from my perspective. If it was from Scootaloo's, I would have italicised it.
5682491
Yeah i get that, but actions speak louder than both. And given any past instances showing scootaloo doing well... anything, Pretty much shows that she is just you're average foolhardy ignorant little foal. Perhaps not exactly Stupid, but nowhere near the level of eloquent thinker.
5682637 True, but again, this was described from a third-person POV. Had they been Scootaloo's direct thoughts, I would have italicised them.
5682700 I see, but allow me to respond in the following way.
mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-2764355-1-448580__safe_solo_animated_scootaloo_exploitable%20meme_meme_forced%20meme_gif_chickun_piano.gif
5682728 To which my response is:
5682805 cdn.makeagif.com/media/3-01-2015/lU2YBA.gif
5682839 Is that canon?
EDIT: Nevermind, I remember what that's from now.
5682846 No silly, that's Derpy. She doesn't even look like a cannon.
5682849 look at the word again. notice there are only two 'n's.
5682854 The World needs more Derpy.
5682862 new1.fjcdn.com/comments/Damn+tumblr+source+anyway+i+m+fairly+certain+this+is+the+_da8375a3279c1844adbaa8ea96cc1357.png
5682876
5682881 I love those vids.
5682888 Okie Dokie, im'a stop filling up story chat with random stuffs.
5682895 Thanks, I'm trying to get Chapter 2 going right now.lol
5682896 img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120625121056/mlp/images/a/a8/FANMADE_Pinkie_Pie_%22excellent%22.jpg
Last one i swear.
So far so good. I hadn't considered Scootalight before but then I've learned that ships that seem odd can work out beautifully if you give them a chance. As for Foalcon, eh, love is love. If both are willing and such who am I to judge. Plus Equestria doesn't necessarily have the same laws regarding sex and age as the human world (though given the intro's "If anyone found out I'd be ruined" thing I guess they will in this story).
Awesome sauce. I love the idea of Scootalight/Sparkloo.
I am appreciative that this appears to be more likely to be erotica than clop. (Erotica would be a well written fic that happens to have sex in it, while clop is for the sex.) I am definitely looking forward to seeing more of this story.
We need more. Scootalight!!! I already love it.
5684208 I'm doing the second chapter as I write this.
5684302 Yay!
Dun dun duuuuun!
5684534 AW MAN!!! Throw me a frickin' bone here! I'm writing well into the following morning. I keep terrible hours, I'm tired as hell and I get caught out on a missing letter?!
5684556 cdn.makeagif.com/media/3-01-2015/GYlyn8.gif
I wonder if Twilight actually found out.
I love the portrait of Twilight--heart rendingly accurate! I've never known what it's like to be in Scoots's position, but it's sweet to see her thoughts and emotions as well. Thank you for a wonderful chapter!
This seems to follow a theme similar to the fic, Fallen Angels, where it explores certain social moors.
Keep this going. You've got n excellent pace here, and it is written very well.
right that discreption alone gets a like and fave i will be watching
ok for people who found that diary entry moving i want you to go back and re-read it but visualise it a an audio diary that scoots is listening to, and she can hear the soft, sad, resined voice of twilight a strong and capable mare who has done so much for her country. But has accepted that she will never be truly happy.
because when i read that part it came more to me as the audio diary i could hear her saying this, and it hurt!!
i was expecting a (if only slightly) sad tragic tale of twilight (and scoots) trying to pull them selfs to gather as friends family and society pull them apart and throw them out...and then i listened to the theme song...were in for a good time arnt we?
rushed? i don't think it's being rushed. love and romance can literally be sparked in the blink of an eye. having it develop almost immediately after you discover someone else loves you is actually a documented thing, even though i can't remember what it's called.
This does not seem rushed at all. If anything, I'm surprised at how slowly it is going; clopfics are generally a lot quicker than this to get to the action.
5684584
too funny!
Almost every instance of "princess" in this story needs to be capitalized. Also, Scootaloo's speech is too wordy. She accuses Sweetie of being a dictionary, using words like geologist and philanthropist suddenly is just too much for someone that young and disinterested in learning the finer points of language.
There are some choices, word choices, scene choices, dialogue choices, punctuation and etc. that smack of newness, but that will settle with time and criticism.
I kinda want Scoots to ask twi to adopt her. It will not only let them indulge, twi could help Scoots learn to fly as well.
5689134 Seriously agree. I feel that if she adopts her, probably after the 3rd chapter (I have this feeling that Scootaloo will actually say she loves Twi the next chapter) they can be really close and no one will notice. (Especially if your kissing your "mom".)
I don't normally like these types of stories, but this one is really good. I can however see things going very wrong very quickly.
the feels
5681439 Your right way involves nothing but futa-twi all the way.
5684990
5689231 after rereading the story again (because I have nothing better to do) I read the diary, mentally mind you, in what I think twi's voice should be and true it did make me feel bad for her. To have saved the world not only one but three times over, and live your life alone? That is just cruel, now I know many of us love to be cruel to twi, but this is just... Its not right. Once again I find that scoots ask twi to adopt her after spending more time getting to know her, that way scoots could use wanting to get to know better as a friend cover for what she really wanted to ask.
5690349 Well, I'm just assuming. I think Twilight legit does know that Scootaloo read it. Besides, I don't think Twi would adopt her before knowing Scootaloo's desire. (She called that torture)
5690623 if twi knows that scoot has read some of her diary then we will know in the next chapter, and i was saying scoots initial curiosity could be re interpreted as getting to know a potential mother and eventually reveal her feelings for twi when the adoption is final and she has settled in with twi, if she has not already.
5690703 I thought that it was like a motherly relationship until she started imaging Twilight watching her. Though, I can't wait to see everything unfold!